The Rasta Family......x6

Who would have thought????

2012-01-31T07:00:00.001-05:00

Who would have thought…..that watching your children grow would be so UTTERLY heart-wrenching????

Who would us have thought…..that a little girl who used to GROWL at everyone would blossom into a 9 year old that would ROCK an AUDITION for a BALLET PRODUCTION????

Who would have thought that waiting and watching thru a glass window would make a Mom’s heart swell to the point that she just might BURST right there????

Who would have thought that watching your daughter walk into a room and try to find "a place for herself" among a bunch a tiny dancers would be soooo heart-stopping????

Who would have thought that the "do your best, we are proud of you for trying, no matter what we love you" speech was so TRUE???

Who would have thought that just watching her warm up would be so TEARFULLY GUT-WRENCHING???

and then

Who would have thought that when we saw her name on the callbacks list for the audition....We wouldn't be surprised AT ALL.

“Wife Swap” woes………

2012-01-26T19:25:00.001-05:00

It is funny to me that

EVERY

TIME

our episode “Wife Swap” comes on I am flooded with Facebook friend requests, emails, and fb messages.

Funny because I have NEVER ONCE gotten a NASTY ONE…..

NEVER

ONCE.

I have ONLY gotten beautiful letters and messages filled with sweetly woven words of praise.

Don’t get me wrong…..

I read the AWFUL things that were said about us on the blogs and message boards.

For about a WEEK.

After that I let it go…….

I never went back.

I knew that SOME people had some nasty things to say about us…

but, I got to the point where I kind of felt like…

“The proof was in the puddin.”

I knew that

WHAT

STOOD

FOR

and

WHO

WERE

made a bigger, more saturating sound than the CHATTER of a few “HATERS”.

I Believe THAT.

And then…

2 days ago- they aired it again.

And I knew it from the fb requests and the emails.

And once again it reminded me that no matter how much “flack” our family and our LIFESTYLE took from the “editing” of our life…..

GREAT

THINGS

CAME

FROM

IT.

Period.

We made new friends, helped plenty of people, and spread a message of ONE LOVE.

Nuff’ said.

A Student/Teacher “conference”…

2012-01-25T22:05:00.001-05:00

Perspective.

That has been the theme for us lately.

It has been SEEPING into every crevice and corner of my life.

School.

Parenting.

Teaching.

Mentoring.

Wife-ing(you know…like BEING a wife..LOL)

God has really been putting obstacles in front of me that continually point me to PERSPECTIVE.

As you can imagine …Life as a homschooling, working mother of 4 crazy cool kids is exhausting and it is EASY to get discouraged and EDGY.

Lets be REAL…

We ALL have crazy busy lives.

We all have appointments and paperwork and bills and responsibilities….

and THAT is what should give us perspective.

The fact that we have bills and all the things that we stress about should be an indication that we are BLESSED.

We are BLESSED enough to have jobs and money to pay the bills…

Blessed enough to have things to STRESS about.

Blessed enough to have schedules and lists.

But …

in the midst of ALL THAT…it is easy to get lost in the “crazy” sometimes…easy to “forget” how fortunate we are as mothers.

As we all know….

In SOME PLACES…

In TONS of places….

ALL OVER THE WORLD………..

Mothers are not so fortunate…

We are SOAKED in opportunities and posessions…

Yet we still EASILY forget it and complain…

I see it manifest in my children…

from having “sooo much”…they take cues from me.

And MOST of the time..

The lessons I need to teach them are the lessons I need to LEARN.

I have said it before…

God is CLEVER like that.

Shasha has a hard time when I go to work on Saturday nights because I leave before Dad gets home and their uncle stays here with them for a couple of hours…

She does not like it.

AT ALL. Mostly because she is SOOOOOO tired by 730 that she just wants to snuggle.

I mean…

lets

real…

On Friday nights I AM TIRED after teaching kids all week and dealing with …well……LIFE, all week that the LAST THING I want to do is go to work till 330 am….in a BAR. While I am SOBER.

Not ALWAYS a cake walk/

But..

IT.

I do it because I am blessed enough to HAVE a GREAT JOB that helps provide for my family.

I do it because it makes life just a BIT easier on my family and husband.

I don’t ALWAYS do it because it is FUN.

I do it because it is NECESSARY.

And

that is the approach I take with her when she calls me…ON MY WAY TO WORK ---SOBBING on Saturday night because “the boys are watching something in the living room that I don’t want to watch”.

REALLY??

Oh….no, Maam!

In my most MOTHERLY voice I said “Shashamane ...Do you think I WANTED to leave you in that comfy bed watching cake boss??? Do you think that was easy for me??? Do you think after a week of homeschooling 4 kids, I wanted to leave and get dressed and go TO WORK?”

“No”, she said…still CRYING.

Still SOBBING, actually.

“I know it is hard, but…I want you to remember what we have been talking about lately. Remember ..PERSPECTIVE? Remember that we have to be thankful that Mommy and Daddy HAVE jobs to be able to MAKE money to pay bills. Right? Remember that YOU have a HOME and don’t live in a tent. Starving. Ok?”

She squeaked out a UNINTHUSIASTIC “yes”.

But she wasn’t crying.

At all.

She had seen it…Perspective.

She felt a tug of what I feel.

She had “reflected” inward and gained perspective.

Not an easy thing for a 9 year old to do…

Oh..

LET’S

REAL…

That is not an easy thing for a 35 year old to do!!!

We are all on this journey together….

THANK GOODNESS the lessons I need to LEARN are also the lessons I need to TEACH.

AMEN.

He is clever I tell ya…clever.

A day in the life…..

2012-01-23T17:01:00.003-05:00

This is ACTUALLY a few days combined...but- you get the jist.
Give Thanks for THIS LIFE>>>>

LIFE Lesson # 7,623

2012-01-17T07:51:00.001-05:00

“Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Malachi said in a voice somewhere between crying and HOWLING.

It was a “drop whatever you are doing…even if you ARE talking about something UBBER-important on the phone” type of screams.

And I get to him just in time to see him THROW the Wii remote down and melt onto the floor into a puddle.

“What happened????????” I asked.

“I have been building this character on my Wii game for DAYS and then all the sudden – It said something on the screen with YES or NO…and Ijah said push YES…So I DID and now everything is erased!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Malachi said in a HORRIFIED voice.

Ijah?????

Seriously????

I couldn’t believe he was blaming IJAH…who is 5 and CAN NOT READ…for “making him” erase his guy and all the LEVELS he had previously won.

No, really…seriously?

So as he sat there and tried to compose himself, all I could think of was a saying I saw on facebook the other day…

“If ye FOLLOW ye sheep, Ye

shall step in SHIT.”

THAT is what I thought………

So we had a talk about how in life you CANNOT go around BLINDLY listening to people and then blaming them for your mistakes. YOU are responsible for the path YOU walk…You are not a follower. YOU are a LEADER. No matter what ANYONE tells you to do…THINK FOR YOURSELF IN EVERY SITUATION.

It was a perfect example of how life can be tricky to navigate and sometimes it IS easier to listen to someone else's BAD ADVICE…but when you do that,,,,most of the time YOU suffer the consequences.

So after we had calmed down and I asked him, “ Malachi…what will you never do again???? “

His answer in a humbled voice…

”Push buttons without reading.”

Exactly son……

We don’t follow BLINDLY.

We LEAD confidently….

or we step in SHIT. LOL

We make plans…..God LAUGHS.

2012-01-11T14:43:00.001-05:00

THIS WEEK.

This week I had BIG PLANS.

Lots of MLK crafts and lessons, catching up on our science experiments, Read-aloud…

THE WORKS.

We we’re going to JUMP IN….hit the ground running.

Monday we had a DADDY DAY.

The kids helped Jay paint the roof and do some house chores.

LIFE SCHOOL….I can handle that.

Mondays kinda take on that vibe for us…Daddy has off from work so it usually is a day filled with “HOME classes”.

Then TUESDAY we started school all sparkles and shine.

I made a PLAN…remember?

THEN it happened…..

at about 12 noon, I started getting a SHARP pain in my pelvic area.

Long story short………

After a trip to the ER, and an ALREADY KNOWN diagnosis-

BURST Ovarian Cyst.

UUUGGGHHHHHH.

Sometimes my body seems at war with ITSELF.

So…needless to say…My school week has been LESS than what I had planned.

I haven’t done 1 MLK craft.

Haven’t read 1 book.

I haven’t challenged them at all….

So far it’s all Magic School Bus and Time4Learning…

Like I said……

We make plans…and GOD laughs.

Day One…..or so.

2012-01-07T14:27:00.001-05:00

As a veteran homeschooling mom, I hear it ALL.

After 6 years of TRYING to navigate a world that is FOREVER new to me, only SOMEDAYS do I feel like I am slightly NOT FAILING.

I think THAT part of homeschooling NEVER changes. Because everyday is a new battlefield.

Being a homeschool teacher is job that stretches ME.

Because….I only get ONE SHOT at 4th grade.

Well…actually I get 4 shots at 4th grade- or EVERY GRADE for that matter(LOL), but I don’t have the option to fail.

EVER.

It is

ALL

ME.

It is TOTALLY my fault if my kids can’t write a paper, multiply 8x9, READ, or know how to navigate the internet.

Can you say PRESSURE????

It is something that only a homeschooling Mom knows.

THAT is the deep dark “secret” of homeschooling Moms….

We answer questions with ease,

we smile with enthusiasm while teaching at co-op,

we mentor other homeschooling Moms,

we attend meetings and we TRY.

But we are all facing our “first day” …that day.

No matter if you have been a homeschooler for 15 years or 5 days…we have that in common.

WHAT WE ARE FACING THAT DAY….IS BRAND NEW FOR US.

The other day I got a Facebook message from a mom who has a young son and she was wondering WHEN to start homeschooling her son….It made ME feel good to see THIS answer posted by another homeschooling friend of mine Melissa:

Let me start be telling you that I am personally a huge believer in the "better late than early" philosophy. If that style does not resonate with you, you can take my advice with a grain of salt. :) If I were in your shoes and starting at the beginning like that, I would spend my time developing a family rhythm/routine that works while also learning everything I could about various educational philosophies. Right now, I believe the most important things to Zion are rhythm, helping you with real work, being read aloud to, TONS OF TIME to play, time outside, stories, art (free art ... let him have at it, not directed "teaching" type art), baking, nature walks, crafts, play, play and more play. Establish a rhythm of waking and eating and sleeping at the same times and fill in the in-between time with those things above.
While you're establishing rhythm and habits with him, do some Momma-education ~ read during naptime or whenever you can. Read up on Waldorf Education, Charlotte Mason Education (my personal favorites), Unschooling, Thomas Jefferson/Leadership Education, The Well Trained Mind, Montessori, etc. Learn everything you can about the various methods and philosophies to see what speaks to YOU most. Always remember that there are no homeschool police coming to see what / how you do things. Take the bits and pieces that you like from the various philosophies and leave what you don't like. You don't have to follow any one philosophy to the letter!
Christopherus Homeschool has a good resource called Kindergarten with your 3 to 6 year old. Siimplycharlottemason.com has a good Early Years guide. Also, the book by Karen Andreola, The Charlotte Mason Companion is great. But, again, none of those philosophies start "formal academics" before the age of 6.
If you think you need structure and guidance even with the tasks I've mentioned above, Little Acorn Learning has "childcare guides" that are awesome (even has a daily rhythm in there for you to follow complete with recipes, stories, crafts, painting, etc.) When you're ready for the letters, I know that Oak Meadow Kindergarten is very popular as far as laying out 36 weeks of "lessons" for you, but only doing simple stories and activities for the letters and numbers and arts and crafts. Oh, another one you might like is Five in A Row. For your age, you'd check Before Five in a Row. It has all kinds of activity ideas based around wonderful children's literature. You might also like Sonlight (depending on where you stand with your faith ... it is a Christian based company). They have LOVELY book choices for the little ones! My Father's World (also VERY Christian) is popular for Kindergarten as well.
Spend some time perusing sites like Simplycharlottemason.com, christopherushomeschool.org, simplehomeschool.net (simple homeschool will break down ALL of the philosophies for you and there are tons of moms that have contributed their schedules, curriculum choices, philosophies, etc). Just google various homeschool styles and learn everything you can BEFORE you try to begin. Read blogs that interest you (but don't get caught up in comparisons). Read a lot now to prepare you for later. But as far as "school" at this age, just have fun with him! Just be there for him right now and prepare yourself for what's to come.
If it were ME (and again, that's just me .. you have to find out what YOU believe), I would set up a rhythm with "in breaths" and "out breaths" ... alternate physical activity with quiet focused activity ... something that includes:
Morning Routine (Dress, Make Bed, Breakfast, Teeth, etc.)
Together Time (Circle Time, stories, songs, dance)
"Focused Time" (daily activity ~ Baking/Cooking one day, Painting day, Coloring Day, Craft Day, Game Day, Household work day)
Snack ~ Let him help to prepare it and clean up
Nature Walk or just time outside
Real work ~ Let him help you with your chores
Lunch ~ Again, let him help
Nap
Outside work and play
Lots of free and creative play time
****
I wouldn't worry about letters and numbers and learning to read or any of that just yet. He will pick those things up during LIFE as long his world is rich.
I'm always happy to answer questions! You are also welcome to peruse my blog. I've talked about a lot of this there.
www.irienarrowpath.blogspot.com
Many blessings on your journey. TAKE IT SLOW. If you are really going to do this, you have MANY MANY YEARS to teach him all the things you want to teach him. :)
In HIS Light,
Melissa

PERFECT advice for a young homeschooling Mom.

Start slow. Enjoy the ride. Take comfort in the “secret” that we are all ONE…

we all are walking common ground.

No matter if it is day 1 or day 2001.

It is the same. We are all connected.

Birthday Boy……

2012-01-02T22:38:00.001-05:00

Dear Malachi,

Today you turn 8.

How can that be????

It seems like just yesterday you were born.

We love you more than you will ever know…more than anyone in the world will ever love you.

Happy 8th Earthstrong Malachi!!!

Love, Your family

On the LAST day of 2011........

2011-12-31T03:23:00.000-05:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; We've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; We've done larger things, but not better things; We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; We have higher incomes, but lower morals; We have more food, but less appeasement; We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or just turn the page...

~Author Unknown~

Perspective…………

2011-12-28T09:29:00.001-05:00

Already????

2011-12-26T22:46:00.001-05:00

Girls.

If I have said it once….I have said it over and over….

NOT

READY

FOR

THIS.

But then again…Will I EVER be? Probably not.

Shashamane is 9…right at THAT age.

You know…the age when she hangs on my every word and is my BFF.

BUT…

I am starting to get the occasional, “Mooooooommmmmmmmmmm!” when I do something that she might deem EMBARASSING.

Sooo…we are on the VERGE.

I am walking thru unknown territory here….so apprehensive about all this GROWING UP BULL.

So it DID NOT SURPRISE ME when she said, “Mom…I need a new sports bra. Mine is too small. Honour got one with adjustable straps.”

“Oh no…here we go.” was my EXACT THOUGHT I think. lol

I told her we would go soon and moved on…because that is how I roll, kinda like an ostrich. All head in the sand, this is not happening. THAT is my style…

Then she went to the store with her DAD and I got a call from her:

“Um…Hi Mom. There is one here and it clips in the front Mom. It ISN’T a BRA Mom. It just clips in the front. “

Uh-huh.

“SHasha…is it a BRA????”

“It clips in the front Mom. Not like yours that clip in the back.”

Uh-huh.

“Shasha..some BRAS clip in the front. Just because it doesn't clip in the back doesn’t mean it isn’t a BRA.”"

“Oh……….” she said.

“Give the phone to your Dad.”

She hands him the phone……..

“Jay…Is that a BRA????”

And of course….He has NO IDEA.

So I calmly say, “Jason…That is a BRA. YOU are not buying her her first bra. Put them BOTH back and come home. Ill take her soon.”

He said ok and we hung up.

I couldn’t help but laugh……….

THIS IS MY LIFE NOW.

And what a CRAZY, FAST-PACED, BEAUTIFUL life it is.

And then today- she got her adjustable strap “SPORTS BRA”…which is really a PRE-training BRA.

LOL.

Remember…If you are looking for me – I’ll be the one with her head in the sand.

Love and layers….

2011-12-25T14:48:00.001-05:00

This time of year is HARD on us.

We have come a long way in 10 years….

We have gone from telling our middle-class suburban parents, “We don’t agree…so COUNT US OUT.”

the last 2 years sitting around a table for a Christmas dinner at families house.

It has been a JOURNEY into ourselves.

It has been a journey to TRUTH and what is right for US.

We are trying to walk a THIN line.

On one side we GREW up with these customs and traditions….

Santa Clause

Stockings

Elves

The Christmas story

On the other side….

We are on our own journey

we celebrate Christ in our own way

we are creating our own culture and traditions as a family

But in NO WAY does that mean we don’t appreciate the way we grew up…..or our families and their ways.

I love the memories I have of my childhood and the holidays.

I have no ill will because my beliefs as an adult are DIFFERENT.

I look at it as a JOURNEY I was MEANT for…

I have confidence that EVERY SINGLE step I took before today brought me to where I am RIGHT NOW.

I am am APPRECIATIVE of that.

I am thankful to my parents for loving me thru the “bad times”…when loving me wasn’t easy.

AT ALL.

I am proud of my childhood and life….I believe that GOD set me on THIS path in order to have THIS life.

As I look around today and see the life and laughter in my home, and the LOVE that surrounds me in my life………..

I can’t help but think that it doesn’t matter if we say MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANNAKAH, or as Jay says it- “Happy Whole-lotta-days”,

It doesn’t matter if we have a Christmas tree, presents or stockings,

a menorah or dreidel,

or none of the above…

ALL that matters is that we share LOVE.

10 lbs

2011-12-23T09:31:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Jay was soooo excited when he got on the scale and had GAINED 10 pounds…………..since HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!!

He is 37.

He grabbed his tummy,which is now a 4 pack instead of a 6 pack, and said, “I worked hard for THIS.”

Seriously……….

I could not help but LAUGH….

and THINK.

It made me think of how we ALL live inside our own heads.

Our expectations of ourselves are soooo completely different than what OTHERS expect from us.

We are so consumed with ourselves that we forget -----

We are all BLESSED to have full bellies….and even MORE blessed if we can accumulate FAT on top of them.

Soul Sister Sunday….on Wednesday!!!

2011-12-21T09:27:00.001-05:00

SMOKE AND MIRRORS by Shainee Ellison

It was upon us. The husband's annual work Christmas party. I've grown to look forward to this event each year, especially since my bestie Jana works with Matt now. Jana and I relish in the fact that it is one of our only "real" opportunities a year to glam it up for a night out with our babies daddies, and glam it up we do. I do believe the husbands think our gusto is a bit over the top. Imagine that?
   THREE days before the party ( got to love procrastination or the mindset that we Mama's work best under pressure) Jana and I , with three little budding fashionista's headed to the mall with our game faces on..... Literally! The stores screamed out bright colors and glittery displays begging our eyes to look and our bodies to follow suite. Carefully, painstakingly, we tried dress on after dress, outfit after outfit. For me, my biggest issue is at 5'7, which isn't THAT tall, all the dresses resembled long shirts. One sales girl overhearing us talk about how SMALL everything was, was glad to inform us this was a juniors store. Hey we had juniors with us! ( ; After MANY hours with our three little helpers we were all tired and hungry. We all seemed relieved to be at the fun part of the trip...food court time!
     The day of the party arrived and I wasn't feeling great. The dress I had got suddenly seemed like a torture device. Wearing that all night would be super uncomfortable. Uh-oh my mindset of fashion over comfort was quickly leaving my mind. Houston, we have a problem. See, once I lose that mentality, it is all downhill from there. So off to Ross I went, 3 hours before the party thinking I can find something and I did...for $6.99!!!! Malls shmalls! I raced home with the "I think I can" mindset, trying to prep my brain for the transformation from tired, ill feeling mama, to glamour queen.
     The problem with me is I am a massive homebody. I love the comforts of my space, the warm colors, smells, and sounds of my home. That said I was in a "home" mood bad so I needed to pep talk myself and get her done!
1 .Sprayed myself to a lovely orangey -tan shade-Check
2, Hair sprayed, curled, and molded to a big hair level-Check
3. Make-up applied with a spray gun to last all night-Check
4. Fake nails on and painted-----never happened!
5. 20 inch heals duct tapped around my ankles so I didn't die-Check-just kidding!
6. And last but not least, my screaming into the mirror, "You feel hot" ....not!-Check
     As I walked out my oldest said,"Hey there super model", and my youngest said ,"Wow Mommy!" Then the most important opinion, my mans. He couldn't stop singing my praises. So even though inside I felt like the mama that teaches in her pj's most days, my family made me feel really beautiful. Mindset changed. So as I sit here and write this in the comforts of my home, sipping coffee, STILL in my Pj's I know that deep down inside that girl is in there. The one I call out ever so rarely. The one that LOVES playing dress up. And you know what , she looks fabulous<3

Just FINE……………

2011-12-19T06:50:00.001-05:00

Sometimes people ask, “WHY do you homeschool???”

I always stand there…STUNNED for a minute.

There are SOOOOOO MANY reasons WHY I homeschool, it always FEELS heavy when someone asks….Like there is JUDGEMENT in there somewhere.

I mean REALLY???? Is THAT a question that NEEDS to be asked today??? I would never say to someone, “WHY do you put your kids in PUBLIC school????”

NEVER.

Because …

THERE

JUDGEMENT

THAT

QUESTION.

And in the words of Ziggy Marley…

“I don’t condemn. I don’t convert.”

I love homeschooling….AND I realize that not everyone CAN homeschool, for 1 reason or another.

But…for ME:

I love the HUGE, MASSIVE Responsibility of teaching all my 4 children EVERYTHING they know.

It is DAUNTING…and HEAVY, but I would have it

OTHER

WAY.

Trust me…It is HUGE.

I know.

I FEEL IT.

And the anxiety and worry that comes with homeschooling is UNBELIEVABLE.

Are my kids doing what THEY are?

Are my kids reading THAT?

Are my kids as smart as THEM?

All these thoughts have run through my head 1000’s of times like a replaying record….skipping.

There is not 1 DAY that goes by that I am not aware that I am the AMBASSADOR for the FUTURE of these kids.

HUGE.

HEAVY.

MASSIVE.

I feel it.

I have doubts everyday….

CAN I do this?

SHOULD I do this?

WHY am I doing this?

We are on our 6th year of homeschooling and I am only SLIGHTLY more confident than I was the 1st year!!! LOL'

But everyday I tell myself a few things:

I am BRAVE

I am STRONG

and

NOONE is more INVESTED in these children than ME.

And when I need it…

GOD reassures me that I am on MY journey.

I am following HIS lead.

I am teaching MORE than MATH.

By homeschooling them and having them TOGETHER all the time, I am fostering something beautiful between them.

I am giving them a gift…an opportunity to GROW something sweet inside themselves.

And sometimes…right when I feel TOO run down, or TOO tired I am given a SIGN.

A sign that says, ”You are doing something RIGHT.”

THAT is what happened last night….

We had gone to Jacksonville for the annual Holiday dinner and were all totally stuffed and tired when we left…so on the way home – the girls fell asleep.

We pulled in the driveway and I prepared myself to get Sheba and carry her inside.

But…

By the time I got to the back door of the van, Zeek was there and he said , “No, Mom…I got her” , and he picks up his sleeping, heavy 6 year old sister and carries toward the door.

As I walk behind them, I see her wake up and look to see WHO is carrying her. When she sees it is Zeek, she smiles and lays her head back down on his shoulder…confident that her brother has her.

AMAZING.

It really made me feel BLESSED and touched.

It reminded me that we don’t have to be ANYONE else but US.

We don’t have to COMPETE.

We are doing JUST FINE…………………..

Crafty.

2011-12-16T00:39:00.001-05:00

Clever

2011-12-12T10:20:00.001-05:00

Life has a way of always giving me exactly what I need.

It may not always be what I WANT….but it is

ALWAYS

WHAT

NEED.

Every time.

God has a funny way of “insuring” that.

HE is CLEVER.

He has a special way of keeping me on my toes….as long as I keep my EYES open.

We had it planned for WEEKS.

Sunday.

Shopping for party dresses with my BFF Shainee and the girls.

I was looking forward to it….

till it got closer and closer.

I started to dread it because I was worried that I wouldn’t find ANYTHING on such short notice(party = 3 days away) and that the girls we’re coming with us.

I thought it would be TOO MUCH to take two 9 year olds and a 6 year old to the mall shopping….for US.

NOT THEM.

US.

Sunday morning came and I started to get nervous….

Would they be good? Was this a mistake?

I gave them the “You better be good. This is a TRIAL run on shopping trips. If you cause me problems….you will PAY” speech and we were off.

I was afraid it would be a LONG day shopping with the 3 girls and my “SMOKIN HOTT, CAN PUT ON ANYTHING AND LOOK GREAT” BFF…..

“This should be fun” I thought when I was getting ready…..

NOT.

My last facebook status before we left said, “About to head out with 3 little girls and my BFF Shainee Zimmerman Ellison to shop for a dress to wear to the TW party. ♥ LORD, Help me remember I am perfectly made....no matter what the CRAZY dressing room mirrors try to tell me....I am perfectly me.”

I was putting 1 foot in front of the other. Trying to convince myself that this would be “fun”. …..I mean, I was going shopping at a MALL with my BFF and 3 little girls.

“THIS will be great” I thought as we pulled out of the driveway….pushing all the negative self –talk down in my head.

THINK POSITIVE.

Then it hit me….

there was a reason that I was BLESSED with these girls.

There was a reason that I have daughters…

I could have had 4 sons, but I NEEDED the experience of daughters.

It is as much about ME as it is about them.

GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN.

He is soo clever.

He always knew that I secretly hated myself and my body.

He always knew that even when I was “hott” …I was NOT.

He always knew that in my mind….I don’t see what others see.

He always knew that would blanket me in vanity.

HE ALWAYS KNEW.

No matter how much I ignored HIM….He KNEW.

He saw.

No matter how much I tried to hide…

He found me…... and brought me on a journey to

MY LIFE TODAY.

Today, in my life, with 2 daughters(9 and 6) …

There can be NO NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.

There can be no grumbles and pouting when I need a Large instead of a Medium.

There can be no sulking when the only thing that fits me in a store are the handbags and earrings.

There can be no SELF-PITY when I look in the dressing room mirror and see stretch marks and curves that come with 35 years of LIFE and 4 children.

Because when I walk out of that dressing room with an outfit CLEARLY doesn’t do ANYTHING for me …..

They see ME.

They LOVE me for me.

THEY think I am FABULOUS.

They think I am FLY.

AND…..I am AWARE that they are

WATCHING.

They are SOAKING it all in…..little sponges watching me look at MYSELF.

Learning from ME how to LOOK at themselves.

WOW.

He is CLEVER….

Oh so, CLEVER.

Soul Sister Sunday...2

2011-12-11T23:08:00.000-05:00

It is our 2nd "Soul Sister Sunday".
My BFF Shainee is writing on Sundays for me...
Can you say AWESOME?????
Here is her 2nd post..
ENJOY!!!!

To Have and to Hold By Shainee Ellison

It's funny how the years blaze past our eye's at a speed so fast, I feel I sometimes

need to stop and catch my breath. My very wise Mama always instilled in my brain

that marriage had many periods of growth and change. The years of the children being little would be almost totally about their needs. Then after the children begin to grow, then you will rediscover the joy of why you and the father of your babies fell in love in the first place. She told me that the longer you are together, the more you appreciate each other, act like each other and grow together..

I believed all of that whole heartedly, I really did.I saw that with my own beautiful parents. Still..... in the early years of our boys, that seemed like a far off fantasy world and to be honest it sounded downright awful! Time together for just us without our boys clinging to us? I didn't even really want it to be honest. All I could focus on was raising those precious babies and the thought of them gaining independence from me seemed like a million years away.

Well those "million years" rolled by sooner than I could have imagined, and I do mean in the blink of an eye, our little boys were older boys. A lot of the time, they now don't want to run errands with us. I mean being drug around with the folks, how lame? They have lives, friends, and much more interesting plans than to go thrift shopping and lunch with the "rents". So here it was, what my Mama had prepped me for. The time when it was back to us. For years the idea of the boys being more independent of us TERRIFIED me. I was a mama and that was all I had really known for so many years. Even though I was still VERY needed, it was a different type of needed. Still I had two choices, lay down and cry about life's changes and try not to stalk other people's little children, ( LOL!) or try to enjoy this new found freedom. I chose door #2.

I can say in all honesty, the time spent alone rediscovering my husband has been down right wonderful and I am enjoying the heck our "dates". I am relearning how funny, handsome, and down right adorable this man is. I am realizing, that the boy I met 21 years ago and that I feel head over heels in love with is still here and that he never left, he just put on the Daddy, provider hat and rolled with it. I guess in retrospect, the girl he feel in love with never left either. She just put on the Mommy hat and buckled down and raised his babies. As minutes turn into hours, hours to days, and days to years, I look forward to the adventures we will have, memories that will be made, milestones that we will watch our sons cross into manhood and hopefully, prayfully grow up to be a lot like the man I have had the pleasure to share this crazy adventure called marriage with.

School…in pictures.

2011-12-08T18:44:00.001-05:00

Grace and Growing…..

2011-12-08T09:55:00.001-05:00

Life is a journey.

Sometimes it becomes totally evident that WE RE STILL LEARNING.

As parents and as adults…we are still students of LIFE.

Even when our intentions are nothing but GOOD….sometimes we make mistakes.

THAT is exactly what happened the other day when my BFF Shainee wrote a guest post on my blog. I had been trying to get her to write for me for a while, she is amazingly funny and insightful.

So she did…read it HERE so that you will understand.

I was right, it was funny and insightful.

A story about a homeschool Moms journey as her son grows up.

We were both so excited and felt pretty good about the whole thing.

Then….I posted it on Facebook….and so did she.

Which meant that her 15 year old son and all HIS FRIENDS saw the blog.

Apparently…..we are idiots and didn’t even THINK about that fact that we were posting his PIN number and a story that HE MAY THINK would be embarrassing.

DUMB.

I got a text that went something like this:

“Change the PIN NUMBER!!!!” LOL

I stood there in shock for the first few minutes…

OMG….we really just did that with no thought to what HE MAY THINK. WOW.

Major FAIL in the parenting department….LOL.

It made me think about how as parents, sometimes we feel “adjusted” to our kids. Sometimes we feel like we are STEADY with them…we KNOW our relationship.

We feel secure in where we stand and how we feel and how they feel. We feel SATURATED enough in each others lives that we are “IN TUNE”….

And then something happens that puts things in perspective.

Sometimes things happens that make you realize ….

YOU

HAVE

IDEA.

And we get comfortable.

We get used to our kids the way they are.

We forget that they are ever-changing.

We forget that as they grow…we must adjust and bend.

So….It was a definite life lesson.

It made me grateful that we get-

a “learning-curve”

we get mistakes

and second chances….in life.

We get FORGIVENESS…..

from our kids and from GOD.

It made me thankful for GRACE…

and for those who give it.

“Soul Sister Sunday”…..on Monday.

2011-12-05T12:21:00.004-05:00

Soul Sister: A girl who enters your life and you instantly connect to. Someone who knows you and appreciates you for who you are. She is someone that you don’t actually have to SEE to FEEL. Someone you are connected to…no matter what.

I am BLESSED to have some of those in my life.
One of my VERY BEST FRIENDS is named Shainee. She is an amazing God-fearing woman who is ALWAYS down for me.
We talk DAILY and she is always telling me funny stories about life, homeschooling, and her family.
I have been trying to get her to GUEST POST on my blog for a while…
and she FINALLY DID.
And as you will read …..she did GREAT!!!!
So great that I am making her write for me every week!!!!
I’m calling it “Soul Sister Sunday”……
ENJOY!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was the day. I felt like super homeschool mom to be honest. Patting myself on the back, I drove my 15 (yes that's right, 15) year old son to open up his very first bank account with a significant first deposit, that he had saved himself playing in his band. In my mind I thought that people must think I am such a smart mom, teaching her son to save.
     As we walked into the bank, I had this immense pride in the fact that while other 15 year olds could barely wake up to get to school, I had a straight A, musically gifted, little financial dynamo that was very maturely wanting to save in something other then his piggy bank. The teller greeted us with a smile asking how she could help us. I , trying to hide my stupid"proud mama" smile that I wore ear to ear responded with our intentions. She said, "How wonderful at his age!", and told us to take a seat and the president would be with us shortly.
    Now mind you, I have very little love for banking institutions but understand they are a necessary evil. That said, "THE President was helping MY son!!!!!!" As he called us into his office and asked how he could help us, I explained that my son was making a lot of cash playing in his locally popular band and name dropped all the places they play. To my defense, for this I am now, so ashamed. Wink, wink. He responded in admiration and said how they have very few 15 year olds opening accounts, and what a responsible young man he was. Score one for the homeschool mama! This was going as wonderfully as I thought.
    Once all the formalities were in place, he told us he would set up an online account right then and there with him so he understood how it worked. Mission accomplished, my homeschooled son was a mature, well educated, functioning human being in this world,and this bank president knew it! Then it happened, the perfect image I had painted quickly began to fade and fade quickly it did.
     The banker smiled at me and said that he needed to set up some privacy questions for sons account safety. "Of course", I replied and looked to my boy with approval. Then came the first question, "What is the 4 digit pin you would like to use?' My son smiled and instantly said, 1956, the year the Grateful Dead started playing. It was at this moment I noticed the Dead t-shirt he was sporting. No biggie, I love The Dead. Next question, "What is you fathers middle name?" No brainer right? Wrong! My husband goes by his middle name and it became quite apparent that my son had his father's middle and first name confused. I started to feel a little clammy. This was not what an intelligent homeschooled genius looks like. The banker looked amused and at this point I am wondering if this banker might think my little hippie son is stoned,which he was not!
    Hoping to leave swiftly at this point and make deposits from the safety of the outside of a bank, on came the deal breaker, the icing on the cake, or in my case, the pie in the face, The banker said that the final step was for my son to sign his name in the atm pad to make his first deposit. Ok, thank the Lord above, we were almost done! And then it happened. I watched in horror as he PRINTED his name! Yes, that's right, I said printed his name.
     I felt my armpits begin to sweat as I sweetly leaned over and whispered and tried not to sound mortified, "Bud, that's is your printed name, he wants your signature"..yano , like cursive!!!! Trying to act like it was a simple mistake, my son looked at me perplexed and said, "Mom, we haven't done cursive since like 3rd grade!" I tried to save face by talking the importance of online schooling and computer text versus the ancient 1990 art of cursive. The banker looked embarrassed for me as he sympathetically agreed. My son then began the task of writing his signature with giant letters and the skill of his third grade self. Phew, at least it was done. The banker shook our hand and I high stepped it out of there with my new little bank account holder in tow.
    In retrospect the day was a huge mama success. Like the banker said, few 15 year olds have a bank accounts and even though my son acted like a kid, I can't help but smile and be thankful for just that. In a few short years , this sweet boy will no longer need me for such things. And so what if his signature wasn't perfectly formed? I have taught him so many more valuable things that he will carry with him his whole life. The ability to see people for who God made them to be, the kindness that flows from his being, and the strength to stand out in this world and be an original. But most importantly, I realized that I have no need to sing my sons praises to strangers because after time spent with other people, they are the one that do the singing.

New IDEAS…and adapting.

2011-12-03T16:13:00.001-05:00

December..

Yes…we’re here AGAIN.

I am sure some of you are saying, “Oh, no!!! Here comes the Christmas rant …AGAIN.”

But…I am NOT. GOING. TO. DO. IT.

If you want to know my views on Christmas….You can find them on this blog…check back in the month of December in the past few years.

This year…I am going about this a little differently.

I thought this year that maybe instead of pointing out the “don’ts”, I would point out some “do’s”.

You see THIS year I find myself STRETCHING.

My mind is growing.

JUST In the past couple of years we haven’t TOTALLY shunned Christmas and anything that has to do with it. Our lives have opened up to new ideas. The kids have grown and up and we feel like we can expose them to things that we COULDN’T before.

Learning to walk a new walk…we are trying to focus on what we appreciate about this time of year.

Family.

Love.

Life.

It is actually the SAME things that we appreciate EVERY OTHER time of year….but, we are JUST figuring out how to navigate OUTSIDE of our comfort zone.

We are TRYING to adapt….trying to ADJUST.

It is an INTERNAL STRUGGLE.

Something I wrestle with DAILY.

So THIS year….I thought that maybe I would SHARE some things that HELP make this SEASON “feel right” to me.

THIS month…I am going to try and post about some different things that might do the same for YOU.

The FIRST thing I want to post are some IDEAS.

Some things that you can do that are EASY and CHEAP.

I am working out within myself that “gifts” during this time of year are ok.

STRESSING out and going into debt to BUY gifts…NOT OK.

And if this SEASON is TRULY about JESUS and HONORING him….I think that he would be MAJORLY PISSED at the way this society has been TOTALLY overtaken by consumerism and materialism.

Sooooo…….

This is my 1st idea:

MAKE everything you can.

Like THESE:

White Chocolate Peppermint covered Popcorn????

Yes, Please!!!!!

Let’s fight the MACHINE…as much as possible.

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Editing…….thru life.

2011-12-01T10:28:00.001-05:00

“The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise”Alden Nowlan

It happened.

I officially turned into my Mother.

I love my Mother, don’t get me wrong. She is amazing,but- there is something weird and “out –of- body” when you realize ..

YOU

ARE

YOUR

MOTHER.

Maybe not in every way…maybe not every DAY.

But…at the core we are all OUR MOTHERS.

Mothers are all the same…at the core.

We love our babies and will fight to the death for our families.

All the same….kind of.

LOL

When I was young….I liked thrift stores.

I LOVED a $.25 shirt.

My Mother did not….which of course, fueled MY fire.

She would throw them away when I wasn’t watching.

EVERY

CHANCE

SHE

GOT.

THEN…..

Every chance I got I would go to the Purple Heart in Pasadena, Texas and buy every $.25 shirt I thought would slightly set me apart from EVERYONE else….and slightly tick off my Mom.

Of course, at the time…I didn’t realize what I was doing….

On SOME levels.

I thought I just liked THOSE shirts.

I was not yet wise enough to realize that at my core …I was just being a rebel….to be a rebel.

I was not yet wise enough that I was fighting the wrong oppose.

She wasn’t the enemy…even if she DID steal my shirts.

She wasn’t TRYING to keep me from the vintage jacket that I got for $3…..but she couldn’t help it.

She was trying…..just to keep some control.

She NEEDED to still grasp onto me in some small way.

I was growing up, and she just wanted to do some editing.

And then you GROWN UP…..and have kids of your own.

At some point we realize that our parents want what is BEST for us…even if it means fighting us.

Even if it means EDITING…just to have a touch of control on something you have NO CONTROL over …

Time.

Growth.

Kids.

And then it happened to me…..

Sheba got a shirt in a bag of clothes…

It was CRAZY BAD….

I know that the animal print and stripes are “in”…but-

CAN’T

IT!!!!!

I took the shirt before Sheba could see it and

THREW

AWAY.

Immediately realizing that ..

I AM MY MOTHER.

I AM EVERY MOTHER.

Just editing my way thru their lives…

TRYING to hold onto a small bit of control.

Just like MY Mother did.

In December.....REVISITED.

2011-11-30T20:36:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the devil hides among us....in plain sight.

Sometimes he sits.....right in front of our eyes, at the tip of our noses.

Usually disguised as something COMFORTABLE.

Something that TEMPTS us.

Most of the time he WANTS us to walk right past.....denying the TRUTH....COMFORTABLY.

He WANTS us to look past him..because we are so USED to him.

He wants us to be BLINDED by tradition,

He want us to be INDIFFERENT in the name of "making memories".

But thankfully......sometimes he is SOOOOO OBNOXIOUS that he sticks out like a "sore thumb".

That's how I felt when I saw the SANTA sitting in the PLAZA of downtown Saint Augustine....on the EXACT spot that SLAVES were sold in the OLD SLAVE MARKET .

Sick to my stomach.

Grossed out...the smell of SATAN was permeating.

The sight of all the children waiting in line to SEE him was so sad.

Not ONLY because Santa is such a BOLD LIE, but because the TRUTH was being IGNORED.

No thought was being given to the SERIOUSNESS of what TRULY happened ON THAT SPOT.

Babies being TORN from mothers arms.

True loves being RIPPED apart.

Families being SEPARATED forever.

And now....it is all forgotten.

In the name of some stupid Christmas tradition that has PAGAN roots.

All for a snapshot of an FAKE old man who just wants little children to give him a LIST of material things they WANT.

I thought Jesus was SUPPOSED TO BE "the reason for the season".....

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

So sad....Jesus would be DISGUSTED.

Looking back…..

2011-11-20T23:39:00.002-05:00

I am not good at this…

I was good at changing diapers and nursing babies.

I am not good at letting them GROW UP.

I am not good at letting them venture off by themselves.

I am not good at the whole “independence” thing…it HURTS.

Not in the sappy “It hurts” way…more like a PHYSICAL PAIN.

Like my heart is “ACTUALLY BREAKING” kind of hurt.

It is like I am watching my life HAPPEN…without any say so at all.

I can’t stop it or change it.

ALL I can do is TRY and navigate THRU it.

All I can do is WATCH and try and learn.

THAT is what happened this weekend while we were with my Dad on vacation in Texas.

We went to the Yogi-Bear themed “Jellystone” campground in Waller, Texas.

It was awesome….there were PLENTY of things to do with the kids.

Putt Putt

Water Slides

Petting Zoo

Swimming Pool

Arcade

Fishing

Outdoor Movies

Golf Carts

But…Best of all we were all alone …pretty much.

I kept thinking to myself, “This is AWESOME. It would be NUTS in Mid-July when EVERY campsite and cabin were filled. I LIKE IT THIS WAY.”

Then it happened.

A TRUCKLOAD of eight 10 year old boys showed up….and stayed at the cabin 3 doors down.

REALLY????

As you can imagine…our boys were ESTATIC.

Zeek immediately ran off to meet them, and Malachi was RIGHT BEHIND.

The funny thing is that Zeek is SOOOOOO SWEET and good natured that he has NO IDEA what he might be walking into.

I mean really…8 boys? what are the chances all these boys are going to be NICE.

Seriously…there is ALWAYS at least 1 BRAT in the bunch.

But …he doesn’t get that. He runs up with NOTHING but good vibes and intentions.

So ….I watch and listen.

“Hey!” Zeek said. “I have a GREAT idea.”

Then …JUST like I suspected, the BRAT of the bunch said, “No one CARES.”

But…Zeek isn’t phased a BIT…he keeps talking, putting himself RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of the party.

He doesn’t hang back …..he jumps in.

Head first he DIVES in.

As I listen it takes EVERY bit of effort I have NOT to run over there and tell those kids that MY KID is amazing and sweet and CONFIDENT and COOL.

I want too…I really do.

But…lucky for me- Zeek doesn’t even hear him. He just keeps talking. ALL CONFIDENCE…NO FEAR.

THAT …he gets from his DAD , I am SURE of. lol.

So…I do my best to hang back…I sit with my Dad and WATCH…from afar….which is SOOOO HARD for a “helicopter mom” like me.

I have a tendency to HOVER….just HANG around. there. in the background.

But…they kept telling me to let him go.

“He is growing up.”

“You HAVE to learn to let him go.”

blah blah blah

LOL

So this went on for a couple of hours….playing. listening.watching.

Then he wanted to go to the petting zoo …with the boys.

By himself……

I looked around for help…they said, "Let him go, it right there.”

So…

let

him

go.

And as I watched him walk off with a group of boys I said to my Dad, “This is SOOOO hard. I can hardly STAND to let him go. What if they are mean to him? What if they are BAD KIDS? “

Then my Dad said something to me that made me LOOK BACK and reevaluate my whole childhood.

He said, “Do what I did…Let him get around the corner and then follow him.”

WHAT????

OMG….I had NO IDEA.

GENIOUS.

I felt like I had been given the “golden key”…..

SMART.

Then he said something even better, “Or let me go and then he won’t THINK you are checking on him.”

So I did.

And he was fine…..in fact later that day, when all the OTHER BOYS went fishing, Zeek went with them.

And about 5 min later I see my Dad get a fishing pole and get on the golf cart.

About 30 min later ha came back WITH ZEEK and told us how all the boys were fishing and NOONE was catching ANYTHING.

Then Pawpaw showed up and took Zeek to the OPPOSITE side of the lake….he cast 1 cast and caught a fish.

Sweet. All the boys were watching NOW.

Then…he cast his 2nd cast…and caught ANOTHER fish!!!

Pawpaw said the other boys came running to THEIR side of the lake.

This made me think 2 things…

1.My kids have the best Paw Paw EVER!!!

then

2. Who is COOL NOW boys, WHO IS COOL NOW????

I love how GOD and PawPaw together serve the BEST REVENGE.

AWESOME.

Texas Our Texas....

2011-11-18T23:16:00.000-05:00

Life is funny....
I moved to Florida when I was 19 without 1 THOUGHT as to what that REALLY meant.
I didn't know what my life would be....but I knew I wanted to go.
And now....well now- I KNOW, and I wouldn't change a THING about the twists and turns mylife has made.
But ...As I have grown up...I have become AWARE.
AWARE of how important family is.
AWARE of the toll distance can take.
AWARE of the TIME that passes...
while you aren't AWARE.

So now...as I sit here .........
IN TEXAS on vacation, after moving to Florida 14 years ago-
I am flooded with LOVE for my home, appreciation for my family, and the knowledge that
LIFE is a BLESSING, and every MOMENT we have with each other is PRECIOUS.

"Life is a thing, when you learn- you grow."- Damian Marley

All Smiles...for Terra Smiles!!!

2011-11-16T06:45:00.006-05:00

Last week in the mail I got a package.....and by the SMELL of it- I knew what it was.

It was a beautiful NATURAL aroma of flowers and oils....seeping out of the box like clue. It was a gift.

I knew was coming...but

COULD

NOT

WAIT

GET

INTO

IT.

You see.....I met this sweet sister, Tasha on facebook.

She has an AMAZING company called Terra Smiles.

From body butter to dread spray to natural soaps...she makes it ALL.

She EVEN GROWS her own Elderberries for her Elderberry syrup..

AMAZING!!!!!!

She hand makes oils, natural deodorant, moisturizers, salt scrubs, and lip balms.....to name a FEW.

And the BEST part...

ALL

NATURAL

AND

ORGANIC.

EVERY BEAUTIFUL BIT OF IT!!!!!

I was so excited to get it that we STOPPED SCHOOL and dove in.

I tore open that box like there was GOLD inside...

and what do you know....

THERE WAS!

With ALL these goodies!!!!(plus MORE I didn't get pics of immediately!!!)

I felt BEYOND blessed. I was amazed at how GREAT these products are.

All Natural, handmade(with LOVE), Organic products.

And check out the names on these products:

Respect our Ancestors

I am Aware

Island Memories

Blessed Empress

Pumpkin Sugar Spice(My FAVORITE ...so far.)

Amazing....Conscious Products made by Conscious people at an AMAZING price!

I mean...check out the Lion If Judah emblem on the products....

SWEET!!!!

To say I feel OVERWHELMINGLY blessed is an understatement...

I mean really...It is AMAZING to get a gift..

BUT, to get a gift you really LOVE....

THAT is on a whole different level.

So, what are you waiting for????

GO over to Terra Smiles and check out EVERY BIT of EVERYTHING she has...

YOU

WILL

NOT

DISAPPOINTED!!!

There is something for everyone and EVERYTHING is safe for the ENTIRE FAMILY!!!

I guarantee you will be ALL SMILES for Terra Smiles!

One Love

Reminded..........

2011-11-14T06:29:00.000-05:00

Many mornings I wake and wonder.....

I wonder WHY?
I wonder HOW?

Why is it that we sit HERE...
with food to eat.
a BED to sleep on.
access to medicine.
clothes to wear.
CLEAN water to drink.

Why is it US?

Why do THEY sit THERE???
with NO FOOD to eat.
with nothing but a mud floor to sleep on.
no access to ANY kind of health care.
no shoes on their feet.
and
nothing but DIRTY, disease-filled water to drink.

Why .....

Why are we the "lucky" ones?
Why are the ones that "have it good" and have the LUXURY to NOT CARE or CARE on a moment to moment basis?

Why are THEY the ones who have to PRAY they make it BACK from the well without being kidnapped and raped?

It feels UNFAIR.
It feels SAD.
I feel UNWORTHY...and DEFINITELY not MORE WORTHY than her....

That woman loves those babies...just like I love mine.
Thant woman wants her babies to be safe and healthy...just like me.
BUT...
She is there and I am here...In front of my computer listening to music in my MANSION, with a FULL fridge, while my children sleep in their safe beds.

Seems so UNREAL...Like a blessing granted but not understood.

As I think about this, all that keeps coming to mind is that - NO MATTER WHAT- I should GIVE THANKS....always.

Maybe the reason I see these things is because I need the constant reminder...I NEED to be aware.
I NEED to remember..
I need MY LIFE to be put into perspective.
I need the constant reminder that ...
my life is BLESSED.
No matter how much I want MORE...I NEED LESS.

Maybe the reason I sit here an SEE is to remind YOU.............

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or living in want. I can do everything thru HIM that gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Scary Stuff......

2011-11-10T07:06:00.000-05:00

Pre-teen- the beginning of puberty or the beginning of the teenage stage, the time frames in which adolescence is considered to begin.^[2]^[3]^[4] In terms of age in years, preadolescence is generally defined as the period from 9-14 years.

My life is changing....every minute.
I find myself traveling a ROCKY ROAD.
A road that moved me from "Mommy" to "Mom"...so quickly.
Sooo fast that I feel like my head is SPINNING.

You see....it has been COMING.
I have seen glimpses of it on the horizon...
and NOW...
IT
IS
HERE.

The PRE-TEEN years!!!!!

It has SLAPPED me in the face....REALITY, that is!!!

Shasha is 9 and Zeek is 11...which puts BOTH of them SMACK IN THE MIDDLE of it.
The crazy part is they have NO IDEA why they are freaking out.
They just FREAK OUT.
I try and tell them that their bodies are changing ..blah, blah, blah.
Who am I kidding....I try and tell MYSELF that.
But sometimes....I just stand and stare.
It is as if I am having an "out-of-body-experience"...I am there, but my mind has gone into THINK mode.

Take a breath.
Calm down.
RELAX.

I SAY all those things...while I wait.

I am waiting on the words...the words that seem to manifest themselves in times when I REALLY need guidance.

And then they come...
"You are CRAZY. WHO ARE YOU? Stop acting like a maniac!!!!"

Oh wait!!!....THOSE are the words that I say n my mind.
Those are the words that would be EASY.
Those are the words that would hurt and offer NOTHING.

So instead I try another road...
I try and explain that just because we FEEL a certain way DOES NOT MEAN we can act a certain way. We are all children of God and no one deserves to be talked nasty to. I try and explain that their bodies are changing- they are starting the walk from kid to adult. I try and rtell them that they will have to face things that they cant imagine in their lives...and HOW they handle them is PROOF POSITIVE of the person they are. I try and tell them that no matter if I never see them misbehave...GOD does.

I also tell them that THOSE choices will have to be made for the
REST
OF
THEIR
LIVES.

The journey is never over.
We are forever students who SHOULD continually GROW and LEARN.

I pray they hear me...
Because if they DON'T...
We may be in trouble.
LOL

Magic Muffins

2011-11-07T23:53:00.001-05:00

If I have said it once, I have said it 1000 times…

LOVE

MS.

FRIZZLE.

She is AMAZING and can teach about chemistry and science like NO OTHER!!!

And by no other….I mean ME!

I am THANKFUL everyday for technology. I love being able to hop on the internet and within seconds have a science cartoon and an experiment. SWEET!…especially on a rainy Monday morning!

THAT is exactly what happened THIS morning.

It was Monday….I was not ready YET, so I put on Magic School Bus episode called “Ready, Set, Dough”.

It is all about how baking IS chemistry.

What kids doesn't like a CHEMICAL reaction?

So while they were watching the episode I got all the stuff for muffins out…

We did a small experiment with baking soda and milk and the difference it makes when barely mixing(lots of foaming bubbles) an mixing a lot(hardly any bubbles).

Then we made chocolate chip muffin,taking the time to mix MOST of the batter barely…and the last bit A LOT.

Then we waited…..

The top muffin was the one mixed A LOT…it was more dense.

The bottom was less mixed …less dense.

Ahhhhh….

We love science.

And we certainly don’t mind chocolate chip muffins!!!!!

9 years old....

2011-11-07T07:06:00.000-05:00

Shashamane.
A royal name for a royal girl.
You are my little tag-along,
always by my side.
I loved you from the minute I saw you and live you more every minute that passes.
I love watching you grow and mature.
Although I have to admit, when I see you run iff with your friends at the dance studio laughing and giggling...It makes me a little sad.
SAD because you are not so little anymore.
You are GROWING UP.
9 years old seems like FOREVER when watching a soul bloom.
It seems like an eternity and a moment at the same time.
I cherish these days.
Because...RIGHT NOW- In your eyes, I am still cool...you still want to cuddle with me at night and you have NO INTEREST in boys.
It is PERFECT....
I pray that we will forever be Besties....no matter your age.
I pray that you stay true to YOU and never lose your fire.
I pray you KNOW God loves you...so that you love yourself.
I pray that when you are a teenager you can learn from SOME of my mistakes....so that you don't HAVE to make ALL your own.
Happy 9th Birthday Baby!!!!

Stolen..no pun intended!

2011-11-04T21:27:00.000-04:00

I came across this blog today with this article ....AMAZING.
TRUTH .......
......................................................................................................................................

George Orwell, author of “1984”, once wrote: “Who controls the past controls the future; who controls the present controls the past.”

Such holds true about the history of “Thanksgiving.” Those who are indigenous to the land we now call the “United States of America” have been long misrepresented, demonized, and effectively marginalized in American history textbooks in favor of glorifying European colonialism. Why does “democracy” refuse to teach that 10 to 30 million Natives were unjustifiably slaughtered in the name of conquest and imperialism? Where is the “free market of ideas” when selective and biased history is being taught in our educational institutions?
Erasing the memory of an entire race of people is systematic racism. Not only is biased history presented to us through a distorted lens, but we are also subjected to the realities of capitalism, in which commercialization of an ambiguous holiday pulls us away from facts and meaning. Turkeys are associated with “Thanksgiving” in the same way Santa Clause and the Easter bunny have become synonymous with Christmas and Easter, respectively. Through the guise of innocence and “good holiday spirit”, capitalism is constantly telling us to consume because consumption equals “happiness.” It is no coincidence that we all rush to our favorite malls and shopping centers on “Black Friday” for “big savings.”
And as children dress up as Pilgrims and Natives to reenact the romanticized version of history, they are not only perpetuating stereotypes, but more importantly, they’re embodying racist and ethnocentric lies. What do they really know about the Pilgrims and the Natives? Consider a high school history textbook called “The American Tradition” which describes the scene quite succinctly:

After some exploring, the Pilgrims chose the land around Plymouth Harbor for their settlement. Unfortunately, they had arrived in December and were not prepared for the New England winter. However, they were aided by friendly Indians, who gave them food and showed them how to grow corn. When warm weather came, the colonists planted, fished, hunted, and prepared themselves for the next winter. After harvesting their first crop, they and their Indian friends celebrated the first Thanksgiving.

This patronizing version of history excludes many embarrassing facts of European history. As stated by James W. Loewen, author of “Lies My Teacher Told Me,” many college students are unaware of the horrific plague that devastated and significantly reduced the population of Natives after Columbus’ arrival in the “new world.” Most diseases, for instance, came from animals that were domesticated by Europeans. Cowpox from cows led to smallpox, which was later “spread through gifts of blankets by infected Europeans.” Of the twelve high school textbooks Professor Loewen studied and analyzed, only three offer some explanation that the plague was a factor of European colonization. The nine remaining textbooks mention almost nothing, and two of them omit the subject altogether. He writes: “Each of the other seven furnishes only a fragment of a paragraph that does not even make it into the index, let alone into students’ minds.”
Why is it important to mention the plague? Quite simply, it reinforced European ethnocentrism and hardly produced a “friendly” relationship between the Natives and Europeans. To most of the Pilgrims and Europeans, the Natives were heathens, savages, and demonic. Upon seeing thousands of dead Natives, the Governor of Massachusetts Bay Colony, John Winthrop, called the plague “miraculous.” In 1634, he wrote to a friend in England:

But for the natives in these parts, God hath so pursued them, as for 300 miles space the greatest part of them are swept away by the small pox which still continues among them. So as God hath thereby cleared our title to this place, those who remain in these parts, being in all not fifty, have put themselves under our protect…

The ugly truth is that many Pilgrims were thankful and grateful that the Native population was decreasing. Even worse, there was the Pequot Massacre in 1637, which started after the colonists found a murdered white man in his boat. Ninety armed settlers burned a Native village, along with their crops, and then demanded the Natives to turn in the murderers. When the Natives refused, a massacre followed.
Captain John Mason and his colonial army surrounded a fortified Pequot village and reportedly shouted: “We must burn them! Such a dreadful terror let the Almighty fall upon their spirits that they would flee from us and run into the very flames. Thus did the Lord Judge the heathen, filling the place with dead bodies.” The surviving Pequot were hunted and slain.
The Governor of Plymouth, William Bradford, further elaborates:

Those that escaped the fire were slain with the sword; some hewed to pieces, others run through with their rapiers, so that they were quickly dispatched and very few escaped. It was conceived they thus destroyed about 400 at this time. It was a fearful sight to see them thus frying in the fire…horrible was the stink and scent thereof, but the victory seemed a sweet sacrifice, and they gave the prayers thereof to God, who had wrought so wonderfully for them.

Perhaps most disturbing: it is strongly argued by many historians that the Pequot Massacre led to the “Thanksgiving” festivities. The day after the massacre, the aforementioned Governor Massachusetts Bay Colony declared: “A day of Thanksgiving, thanking God that they had eliminated over 700 men, women and children.” It was signed into law that, “This day forth shall be a day of celebration and thanksgiving for subduing the Pequots.”
Now, one may ask: What about Squanto, the Wampanoag man who learned to speak English and helped the hungry, ill, and poor Pilgrims? As cited by Professor Loewen, an American high school textbook called “Land of Promise” reads:

Squanto had learned their language, the author explained, from English fishermen who ventured into the New England waters each summer. Squanto taught the Pilgrims how to plant corn, squash, and pumpkins. Would the small band of settlers have survived without Squanto’s help? We cannot say. But by the fall of 1621, colonists and Indians could sit down to several days of feast and thanksgiving to God (later celebrated as the first Thanksgiving).

Note that this text states the first Thanksgiving was on 1621. Indeed, there was a feast on that year, but it was not called a “Thanksgiving feast” nor was it repeated until years later after the Pequot Massacre in 1637. In regards to Squanto, the correct question to ask is: How did Squanto learn English? History textbooks neglect to mention that the Europeans did not perceive Squanto as an equal, but rather as “an instrument of their God” to help the “chosen people.” It is also omitted that, as a boy, Squanto was stolen by a British captain in 1605 and taken to England. He worked for a Plymouth Merchant who eventually helped him arrange passage back to Massachusetts, but less than a year later, he was seized by a British slave raider. Along with two dozen fellow Natives, Squanto was sold into slavery in Spain. He would manage to escape slavery, journey back to England, and then talk a ship captain into taking him along on his next trip to Cape Cod in 1619.
As Squanto walked back into his home village, he was horrified to find that he was the only surviving member of his village. The rest were either killed in battle or died of illness and disease. Excluding Squanto’s enslavement is to paint an incredibly distorted version of history that suggests Natives, like Squanto, learned English for no other reason but to help the colonists. It is to glorify the Europeans and erase the struggles and experiences of the Native people.
When history is transformed into myths, tales, and bedtime stories, we ignore historical research that enables us to learn valuable and meaningful lessons about our present, as well as about our future. History is meant to be an accurate and honest account of civilizations, cultures, and events; not a one-sided narrative of ethnocentric and selective alterations.
As Professor Loewen states:

Thanksgiving is full of embarrassing facts. The Pilgrims did not introduce the Native Americans to the tradition; Eastern Indians had observed autumnal harvest celebrations for centuries. Our modern celebrations date back only to 1863; not until the 1890s did the Pilgrims get included in the tradition; no one even called them ‘Pilgrims’ until the 1870s.

I did not write this post to pass judgment on everyone who is celebrating “Thanksgiving.” None of us are responsible for the atrocities committed hundreds of years ago. None of us caused the plague or the massacres. But as human beings, I do feel that it’s important to educate ourselves about history, to acknowledge that the United States was founded on dispossession of Native people, to be aware of our complicities (when we, including people of color, seek to become social equals with those who use their power to oppress others). Yes, we should spend time with our families and Loved ones, and yes, we should be grateful and thankful for all that we have, but not at the expense of ignoring an entire race of people, their culture, and their history.
The fact that history textbooks and schools try to glorify the Pilgrims while omitting significant facts about the Natives represents that there is a lot to improve in the United States. Let us not become clouded by super-patriotism or the blowout sales of “Black Friday.” Let us be conscious of our brothers and sisters in humanity, learn about their contributions, and embolden ourselves to stand up against racism and genocide in all forms.
Peace.
~ Jehanzeb

New times….

2011-11-01T23:09:00.001-04:00

“Life is a thing, when you learn…you grow.”….Damian Marley

………………………………………………………………………………………………

As I grew up- I lived my life a “certain” way.

I was rebellious …without a reason.

I was so blessed …I was BLIND.

I was had everything I ever needed or wanted….

Yet…I found it necessary to SELF-DESTRUCT.

No matter what anyone said to me ….no matter how much they tried.

Then….

In ONE MOMENT….

I was forgiven. God entered my life and SAVED me. My eyes were opened and I could see clearly.

From THAT MOMENT on….

My life COMPLETELY CHANGED.

It was NOTHING LESS than life changing, crazy stuff.

I went from WILD and REBELLIOUS to STUNNED.

I was so new to my new life that when we started having kids we decided that we were not going to participate in the typical “American-culture” based holidays.

I felt like I needed to breathe.

I needed to RE-think everything that I had known or thought.

I needed to push the “RESET” button.

God was new to me….not that he hadn’t BEEN THERE the whole time.

Not that he didn’t SEE everything.

I had just

NEVER

NOTICED

HIM.

I had never taken HIM into account when making my decisions….

And when I finally DID notice- I decided I wasn’t sure what was right or wrong…so we made a decision that we would take a HARD look at the holidays and THEN decide.

So there we sat for about 10 years.

I spent my time cacooned into MY LIFE.

I was busy growing babies, nursing, changing diapers, raising and teaching kids, studying myself and being a stay at home mom.

The kids were little and and we were kinda just ..

OUR

LIFE….

SETTLED.

But in the last couple of years, we have had some BIG CHANGES in our lives.

I started working …which brought me OUT into the world again.

and

the kids GREW UP…they are now-

THE

WORLD

themselves.

They are in dance classes, flag football, library game days, and sleepovers with friends.

We are ALL more exposed to the world.

So life has changed.

I have loosened up….I have found myself realizing that I CAN walk the line between

THEN

and

NOW.

I can teach my kids to navigate in the world…

And I can LEARN to navigate the world…despite MY FEAR.

I can loosen up and let a little of the old me out…I can learn to LET GO.

So this past weekend ….I made an effort.

And it is SAFE TO SAY….I succeeded!!!

Tribal Mentality....

2011-10-27T03:52:00.000-04:00

To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We live outside the touch of time. - Clara Ortega

................................................................................................................

I'll never forget that hot summer day......in about 2008.

We had "snuck into" the Holiday Inn swimming pool in the middle of the day.

It was hot and we were determined to get a good hour in before someone caught on......which USUALLy took WAY less than an hour.

I mean.....We are a family of 6 with dreadlocks.

For some reason, BACK THEN...

we seems smaller

less

calmer

SOMETHING.

The kids were 6,4,3, and 1.

THESE days...now that the kids are bigger, we dont even ATTEMPT to sneak in.

We would NEVER make it THRU THE GATE now.....they can sense us comming with our SWARM of kids and all their:

towels

and

goggles

and

sunscreen

and

dive sticks

and

LOUDNESS.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS NOW when we show up at a pool:

Me: How long do you think it will take babe?

Jay: 10 minutes.

Me: No way....they will be gone in 5!!!!

That is the converasation we have.

We call it "Rasta-vacate-itis".

That is when there are lots of people swimming and enjoying the pool...

THEN- We show up.

They see Jay and I and our 4 kids ...and before you know it-

have

the

pool

ourselves!

Awesome.

It happens EVERYTIME.

Sometimes it takes aFEW minutes longer than others...but-

always

happens.

No matter what.

We have enjoyed MANY a day in our own PERSONAL hotel pool...because people were scared.

But this day....was BEFORE.

The kids were little and we were...smaller, I guess.

We were all swimming in the pool and Sheba(1) was sitting on the outside of the pool on the concrete.

A little boy started to "mess with her".

He was taking her toys and making her whine. Nothing serious...just kid stuff.

But what happened next will FOREVER be etched into my mind.

Malachi was about 3 and was in the pool swimming...but watching.

He saw what the boy was doing and swam to the edge.

Without a word he climbed out of the pool and stood between his little sister and "the outsider".

He took a karate stance with his hands in front of him.

Ready to defend.

He didn't SAY a word.

He didn't HAVE to.

The little boy retreated to the safety of his side of the pool and never returned.

Then...without a sound- Malachi got back in the pool.

I sat back and watched in amazement.

I was stunned at how, at SUCH A YOUNG AGE, the children KNOW.

They KNOW who is "of their tribe".

They protect each other and consume each other to the point that they are willing to stand and defend EACH OTHER...without ever asking US for a thing.

AMAZING.

I will NEVER forget that.

EVER.

Then...sometimes as children get older they forget how VALUABLE and PRECIOUS they are to one another.

They forget to be GRATEFUL that God GAVE THEM built in friends and protectors.

UNTIL.....

They are left ALONE.

Which is EXACTLY what happened to us this last weekend.

I was sick on Saturday and everyone left.

Shasha and Sheba went with their friends and Zeek and malachi had a football game.

So they all went they seperate ways.

Then Shasha got dropped off here at the house with ME.

ALL ALONE.

No other kids to play with.

Just SHASHAMANE...by herself.

It was TORTURE for her.

She had NO IDEA what to do with herself.

At one point she was LAYING ON THE FLOOR of the kitchen....moaning.

I could not help but remind her...every 5 minutes...they she should be GRATEFUL.

"What do you think your friends who are ONLY CHILDREN do???"

"Do you think they act like this????"

It was a day of reasoning...with Shasha.

I spent most of the day talking to her about why she should be grateful for what she has.....because it is ENOUGH.

It is a blessing to HAVE brothers and sisters TO PLAY WITH.

By the end of the day...

ALL SHE WANTED WAS HER BROTHERS and SISTER.

A perfect lesson for a fussy "NOT-ONLY-CHILD".

Be grateful for what you have, because you never know what you have till it is gone.

Lesson Learned.

Mission Accomplished.

Life Happens........

2011-10-25T16:29:00.000-04:00

Can we just REWIND last week???/
Maybe?

It started on Wednesday with Malachi.
He threw up first......and in a house of 6, when 1 goes, we prepare for the ONSLAUGHT.

Soooooooo on it went.

I'll spare you the details, BUT....
Everyone but Shasha and Jay got sick.
REALLY SICK.

We missed a week of school and are JUST now getting back to it.

TODAY...
We spent the day on a blanket while I read their science, history, and bible study today.
And they watched a few educational cartoons.

It is funny how no matter what you WANT your days to LOOK LIKE,
no matter what you WISH you were doing...
sometimes LIFE HAPPENS.

Last week I WANTED to:
stay on top of school,
go to work,
watch the boys football game,
do the laundry,
do some FALL CRAFTS,
"pin" so me stuff,
take a "nap" (or 2) with my husband,
facebook,
and BLOG......

I did NONE of it.

LIFE HAPPENED.

About mid-week, I realized that when the guilt of all the "chores" doesn't even make a difference.....
It means:
YOU
ARE
SICK.

So .....I slept, took care of kids, made very little food, watched lots of JUNK TV, and took tons of baths.

I checked out and lost a week....
Sometimes....

LIFE
JUST
HAPPENS.

1 feather earring...

2011-10-17T19:01:00.000-04:00

I would love to wear 1 feather earring...
just for some rebellious fun.

I would love to have a MISMATCHED set of chairs,
my goodness...THAT could never be done.

I would like to see my wooden boxes scattered randomly,
or
maybe a mismatched THIS or THAT arranged not so uniformly.

But THAT will NEVER happen...
No, not in THIS lovely home...

You see there is a MAN who lives here...
and he likes things JUST SYMMETRICALLY SO.

He has a touch of OCD...
THIS I have grown to KNOW!

So next time I get angry or annoyed at this little trait...
Maybe I'll wear just 1 feather earring...
THAT is SURE to IRRITATE!!!

Cards and "Causes"

2011-10-17T07:17:00.001-04:00

Kids are funny.....
An ...I am learning, that the OLDER the kids get- the FUNNIER they are.
Their PERSONALITIES are forming and they are HYSTERICAL people.
This week...Zeek got a card in the mail from some close family friends.
It had a card and inside was a $10 McDonald's gift card.
As you can imagine he was so excited....he ran right inside and put that bad-boy in his wallet.

That was it.
I never heard anything else about it.
THEN.....
Yesterday he saw Fran and Willy(the family friends who gave him the card).
I reminded him that he had gotten the card and that he should go THANK THEM.
He walked away to talk to them, and I figured I didn't need to follow.

Lesson learned.
I should have followed.....
JUST
FOR
A
GOOD
LAUGH!!!

Later on that day I was told that THIS is how the conversation went:

Zeek: Thank you for the McDonald's card I got for my Birthday.

Frannie: Your Welcome!!! Do you think you can use THAT?

Zeek: YES!!!! The KIDS are ALWAYS running around hungry.
So THANK YOU for helping with "the cause".

OMG!!!!
Could he be ANY more sweet OR more caring????

GOD LOVE HIM!!!!
He gets a card for his Birthday and he WANTS to share it. AMAZING!!!

THEN.....
He got a YOBE (frozen yogurt place) from my friends Nancy and Matt.
I JOKINGLY said, "Oh good, you can take me for YOGURT.!!!!"

Then as to call my bluff, he said...
"Ill take everyone for yogurt!"

And once again...
he made my heart swell.

It made me think....

"THIS KID IS GOING TO DO AMAZING THINGS ONE DAY...."

then

I

thought...

"Silly woman...He is doing AMAZING things TODAY!"

Sweet, Brilliant boy.

Proof Positive..........

2011-10-12T06:09:00.001-04:00

How in the world has it been 11 years????

It seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.

11 years ago today we went from JUST THE 2 of us...to family.
I had no idea what an IMPACT you would have in my life.
We were all babies then....
We were all fresh to our new lives.
It was the begenning of OUR new life as a family.
We had been thru a FIRE to be together and YOU were the prize.
YOU were my PROOF....a manifestation of GOD'S LOVE for me.
I remember thinking that I COULD NOT BELIEVE they were going to just
let
us
leave with you.

I knew NOTHING about being a Mother.
I was broken, flawed, and rebelious.
How could I deserve YOU???

How could I be WORTHY of you???
I had no idea that it was all inside me.
You have been one of the most influencial people in my life.
I have learned sooo much from you in the last 11 years.
You have taught me to be honest, caring, and sympathetic.

You amaze me more and more everyday.
I am sooo proud of the person you ahve become.
Thru you, I learn more and more about myself everyday.
I love to see you care for and love your brother and sisters.
You are a GOLDEN example of a good brother and thoughtful leader.

Thru you I SEE God.

Thank you for being you.
And
THANK GOD for trusting us enough to give us something
SO
WONDERFULLY MADE.

You are a TRUE blessing, son.

We love you FOREVER and ALWAYS.

Happy 11th Birthday, Ezekiel!!!

Bday LOVE....

2011-10-11T19:35:00.000-04:00

Being far from family is soooo hard....

Especially on special days like birthdays.

This year Pawpaw and Mimi Suzy sent Sheba money on a gift card so that she could spend it herself.

She had a BLAST spending her money and LOVED every minute of it.

THANK YOU !!!! THANK YOU !!!!! THANK YOU!!!!THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!

Walking an OLD, THIN line....

2011-10-07T14:13:00.001-04:00

Here we are again...
the "holiday" season.

It is the HARDEST time of year for us.

Not because of money or gifts....
but because we sit on the outside of tradition...
MOST
OF
THE
TIME.

THIS part of our life has been JOURNEY.

In 1998:
Our faith was NEW to us. I was just getting my footing and in my spiritual life and had just been SAVED.
Everything was new to us....we were a NEW family.
We were unsure of the way WE WANTED to handle holidays.
So we DIDN'T. We shunned them...completely.
We didn't go to dinners. We didn't exchange presents. We didn't "believe" in Santa Clause.

As you can imagine.....
THAT
WAS
FUN
and the parents LOVED that! (Right, Mom and Dad? LOL)

NOT!!!!
But, in my mind...It was necessary.
Until I could decipher the TRUTH from the NON-TRUTH in the holidays and the traditions....we would refrain.

And we did JUST THAT....for years.

Then...as we became more comfortable in OUR FAITH-
we
loosened
up
a
bit.

It was a journey from VERY STRICT and JUDGEMENTAL(although I would not like to ADMIT that to myself sometimes)..
to NOW.

Now...we participate in SOME traditions.
We choose the ones that are full of TRUTH and haven't been watered-down by "American culture".

We have Thanksgiving dinner with family...but we talk about the TRUTH behind the holiday.

We still don't do SANTA...but we are considering dinners.

Like I said...it has been a JOURNEY.

So...as you can imagine-
When I got my curriculum for the school year...I was so STOKED to get a book called "Celebrating biblical Feasts".

It is a great book that helps you celebrate all the Feasts and Holidays that CHRIST would have celebrated.....
He was JEWISH.

So all of the Feasts are Jewish feasts this year.

Last week we celebrated Rosh Hashanah.

I have learned that I LOVE these amazing feasts.

They are filled with tradition and an ancient feel.
I love the way these Jewish holidays have not been "diluted" and contaminated by money, gifts, and fictional characters that SURELY take away from the TRUTH.

It has been wonderful to start to think of how we can "meet in the middle" with our family and friends....
a blessing to ponder what OUR HOLIDAYS will look like after years of creating OUR OWN CULTURE.

HEAVY...

2011-10-06T08:24:00.000-04:00

Sometimes in life....we are affected by things we are soooo unaware of.
The "way of the world" can come in and hold us down...
in ways dont even see.
While we are OBLIVIOUS.
The WEIGHT of the world is heavy and we all UNKNOWINGLY agree to carry it when we decide we are going to subscribe to "THEIR" thoughts or ideals.

American women are so silly.
We are so spoiled.
We actually have TIME to let "their" ideas affect us.
Maybe it is because we don't have to worry about things like:

walking to a well
whether the water we DO HAVE ACCESS to will give us a disease or illness.
how we will feed our kids...today
fending off an ARMY of men who want to rape and kill our families
having our babies on dirt floors in tent cities

Maybe it is becuase we have TIME to worry about things like:
cable bills
dentist appointments
ballet/football practice
dance costume payments
if we have a MINUTE to GO GET our fresh water from the STORE
And
if we are "thin" enough to fit into that CUTE outfit we really want to wear.

Maybe it is because we haven't OPENED our eyes....
We havent REALLY SEEN how blessed we are...

The devil has a way of sneaking in and stealing JOY.
And he does it in a way to make you think that there WAS NO JOY....to begin with.

He has a special way for American women.
because he KNOWS we are SPOILED.

He knows that sometimes we forget that GOD made us.
We forget that we are all "ONE-OF-A -KIND".
Irreplaceable.
Undeniably WONDERFUL.

He KNOWS that the world has a STRONG PULL.
He knows that WE are WEAK....
when we FORGET.

So he has snuck in.
Like a thief in the night....he has come to ROB US.

He wants us to believe that we are not
thin enough, strong enough, pretty, enough, wise enough...
to notice him.

We are.
....................................................................................................................................

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Science Schmience..........

2011-10-02T12:34:00.001-04:00

In this world we have to constantly be on guard.
Always on the lookout for what "the world" tries to FUSE into our minds.
We have to be aware and conscious of it..or it WILL SEEP in.
Like a thief in the night...free thought CAN be stolen.
You can be a victim.

For me, it has became a way of life.
Listening.

Today on the discovery channel, I came across a show on Atlantis.
Of course...it was from a science point of view.

Whatever...I can get thru that. I can get thru the whole, "millions and millions of years ago" thing.
We all have different opinions on THAT.
But...I have a problem when they start to SPECULATE as if it were true.
Today....in the Atlantis show I heard them say, "People were forced to make LIFE AND DEATH decisions."
And they showed a scene of a family where the husband was putting his wife in a boat to set sail because of the disaster.With ALOT of DRAMA!!!
Yes...they probably did have to make decisions....which would have been fine if that is all they SAID.
But to SHOW a family and show CONVERSATIONS between a husband and wife???
CREATE or MAKE UP a scene JUST to create more DRAMA???
Really???
Do we need THAT?
Do we need to veer SO FAR from the TRUTH that we have to MAKE UP scenarios???
Like the TRUTH isn't DRAMA enough?
UUUGGGGHHHH.
Give thanks for MY 7 SEALS being broken.
Give thanks that I CAN SEE the truth and don't have to PRETEND some SAD, HORRIFYING situation to FEEL something.
Guard your THOUGHTS.
FREE your MIND.

Release them…..

2011-09-28T16:41:00.001-04:00

Tuesdays are a double edged sword for me this year.

I LOVE Tuesday because we have NO AFTER SCHOOL activities.

But….

Daddy doesn’t have to be on the pirate ship till 2 sometimes 6!!!!

And as you can imagine…..

homeschooling with Dad home is NOT EASY.

Well…I take that back.

If dad is home with the intention of HELPING homeschool…we do GREAT. It is always a BLESSING to have a substitute teacher for a minute. Sometimes I just need a minute to submerge myself in something other than 4 kids doing language arts…AT THE SAME TIME.

On the other hand…..

if dad is doing ANYTHING other than actively helping us with school- they are like caged animals. CLAWING, SCREAMING, BEGGING to get out of that schoolroom and be with HIM.

And yesterday…he was in the yard, doing yard work.

It was too much.

Between my PMS and their total UNCOOPERATION..

I was over it at about 10:30.

I was DONE arguing with MYSELF about how the kids NEEDED to do their schoolwork.

They NEEDED to finish their worksheets.

They NEEDED to READ in our SCIENCE book.LOL

Whatever….I was DONE. I let them go.

I opened the door and they FLEW from the schoolroom all fighting for the lead.

I decided that I would go run errands ..

MYSELF.

But before I did that I was cleaning up outside on the front porch and I noticed something moving in our “lizard habitat”(which is really just an old pickle jar where we put the lizard eggs we find ).

It was a baby lizard.

Like just hatched baby.

Maybe an inch long….It reminded me of the kids a moment earlier BEGGING to get out.

So I called the kids over and showed them the baby.

We open the jar and let the baby go. That is when we noticed the other egg. Sheba asked me if she could see the other egg for just a moment.

So I gently placed the tiny egg in her tiny hand.

We were all standing there talking about the egg and something amazing happened….

It hatched.

Like, popped his head out and HATCHED right there in Sheba's hand …WHILE WE WERE WATCHING!!!!

It was the most amazing thing.

What a perfect reminder that sometimes…

More can be learned OUTSIDE the classroom then INSIDE the classroom.

If you are willing to LET GO. RELAX. and RELEASE THEM.

LIFE lessons….and 50/50 chances.

2011-09-26T11:41:00.001-04:00

As a homeschool parent you always wonder about your kids.

There is always a level of anxiety that goes along with not knowing if they will be able to “navigate” the real world.

And then you have a moment….

A moment that makes everything crystal clear.

A moment that lets you know:

They

will

FINE.

I had one of those moments the other day at homeschool co-op.

Our classes start at 1:15 but we all get there at 12:45 to have announcements, show and tell, and a question and answer session which includes CANDY most of the time.

Soooooooooooooo……….

We walked in to the gym of the church and the kids sat down . The kids were ready. They are always excited to get there and see their friends. We had show and tell. Malachi got up and showed off our art project. Sweet.

So, THEN they sat down and Mrs. Shelley started talking about how last week was constitution day.

Oh No….The questions are USUALLY questions pertaining to something that is bible related…so the kids do fine.

Remember the BEAVERWOOD story????

But ….

the constitution????

They would probably want candy AFTERWARDS now…crap!

But…to quote Sublime: “ Once in a while you get shown in the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right!”

She started the questions and asked a few then moved onto the True/False questions.

I sat back and watched.

At first…only the older kids raised their hands, only they knew the answers.

Then….as if to answer all my questions and put my “are my kids SMART enough for the REAL WORLD” questions at ease…

I saw something happen that made me so proud…in a weird way.

A lightbulb went off in Zeeks head.

He realized that with a True/False question…he had a 50/50 chance.

He raised his hand.

I didn’t even hear the question…but then again – neither did he.

LOL

“True.”

He was right!

I saw the surprise on his face as he jumped up and chose his candy.

He sat back down and JOYFULLY looked at his friends.

He was so happy and even from the other side of the room I knew he was telling them that he had NO IDEA what the question OR answer was but he GOT SOME CANDY because he GUESSED.

They all looked like he had given them a MAP directly to the candy.

It was HILLARIOUS!

I walked over to him and whispered in his ear, “You have no idea which question you just answered or WHY you got it right do you??? “

He looked at me with the biggest smile on his face and said, “No!!! I just GUESSED!”

I couldn’t help but be proud.

And when I got back to the other side of the room….

Malachi had his hand up BEFORE she even asked a question.

That is when it was clear to me….

“They will be JUST FINE. “

They might not know much about the constitution and dates…

but-

They have MAJOR survival skills.

Boom!!!!!!!

2011-09-22T20:27:00.001-04:00

⁶ We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your^[a] faith; ⁷ if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; ⁸ if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,^[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. Romans 12:6

Servitude.

Every year during the summer I search for some sort of service project for our family to da during the year.

One year we raised money for “Nothing but Nets”. It is a charity that raises money to buy mosquito nets for kids in Africa.

One year we collected cereal boxes for women in Haiti.

This year…I decided to bring it closer to HOME.

Home like IN YOUR HEART, home.

Character is more important than MATH to me.

This year we are paticipating in something called BOOM BOOM Cards.

Boom Boom Cards promote “underground acts of guerilla goodness”.

It goes like THIS:

There are 26 cards.

You pick them 1 at a time. We are picking 1 per week.

This is the one we picked for this week:

(I started with an EASY one…so we could get the hang of it)

When you perform your “guerilla goodness”, you mark it on the BOOM BOOM sheet and then…

you BOOM someone else by leaving the card with a boom boom note.

Kinda like PAYING IT FORWARD.

I am not sure ANYTHING is more important to me while raising my children than infusing them with an ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE and a SERVANTS HEART.

Be prepared to be BOOM BOOMED!!!!!

Easy Art….

2011-09-21T08:38:00.001-04:00

Morphing…..

2011-09-18T11:38:00.001-04:00

“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?” Isaiah 43:18-19

My dad used to say, ”I want to put BRICK on your head so you will stop growing.”

THAT is a statement ONLY understood by someone WAIST DEEP in a life FILLED with children.

A life SUBMERGED in flag football, ballet, band-aids, mac-n-cheese, chapter books, trampolines, clubhouses, and GROWTH.

It can ONLY be understood by a parent as they see their kids MORPH before their eyes.

It is sometimes PHYSICALLY painful for me to think of the future.

I want it to STOP. NOW.

I want to put the “brick” on my childrens head.

I want them to STOP.

Stop growing.

Stop changing.

Stop morphing.

But….

just like my parents were forced to do….

I am FORCED to watch as my babies change.

I am FORCED to come to terms….

with

the

TRUTH.

I cannot stop this force.

It is predetermined and ancient.

As long as there have been children…I am sure that their parents have been thru this.

does

not

make

easier.

But…it is REAL and it is HAPPENING.

NOW.

So…I am TRYING to come to terms with it.

I know that GOD has a plan….no matter how much I want to THINK I am in control. I am not.

Before shot of my baby. She went to the dentist to get her SPACER removed, that she had put in bcs she fell and knocked out her front tooth. She has had it in for 2 years…to keep the teeth in place till the big teeth started coming in.

After shot: Her OLD “teeth” gone…and the NEW TEETH revealed underneath.

CRAZY.

Cool.

Morphing in front of my eyes.

The TRUTH cannot be denied.

It is happening.

Rich……..

2011-09-14T16:59:00.001-04:00

I LOVE it when a situation comes along and presents itself that is a COMPLETELY usable, teachable life lesson.

I got an invite the other day to a “clothing swap”.

The first thing I thought was …I want to bring the girls.

It was an amazing idea that I thought would be something that just might help mold my daughters minds into the virtuous women I am TRYING to train them to be.

It goes like this:

Step 1:clean out your closet of anything that you don’t wear, don’t want or can’t use.

Step 2: Load ALL that GLORIOUS “trash” into your car and drive it to a friends house…along with a dish, if you PARTY like we do- WITH FOOD!!!

Step 3: LUG all that stuff from your car to the door of your friends house.YES…ALL 10 BAGS .(Preferably without dropping EVERYTHING you have on the ground when the bag rips…but, ya know…THAT is how we roll.)

ON THE WAY TO Step 3 : STOP in the middle of the street to have your DAUGHTER take a picture of you. “bag lady” by Eryka Badu is one of your FAVORITE songs. LOL

Step 4: Pick a spot in the living room of your friend's house and let the FUN begin.

There were TONS of clothes and we all took turns going around and holding up or “selling” an item of clothing or two. If anyone wanted it they just say so and they get it. EASY RIGHT????

You would think…..

The REAL fun begins when 2 or more people want it. It then goes in the “fight pile” in the middle of the floor.

If no one wants it ..it goes in the DONATE pile.

So NOONE goes BACK HOME with any of their OLD STUFF.

The girls sat there with their mouths WIDE OPEN most of the time. They were amazed. It was the perfect opportunity to show them that there are still ways to be fashionable and have cute clothes…even without ANY money.

It was a perfect way to show them that someone else's TRASH …can be YOUR treasure. THERE IS NO SHAME in being FRUGAL.

The world will try and convince you that without MONEY…you cant have cool things or fun times.

The world wants you to THINK that without MONEY ….you cant be “as cool” as the girl who DOES have money.

What a blessing it was to be able to SHOW them that what the WORLD tells you is TRUE….can be FAR from the truth..

We may not have money…but we are RICH.

Taming Our “Inner rebels”…

2011-09-13T11:08:00.001-04:00

The build up to starting school starts for me about August.

I start throwing in the occasional “School starts in a month” comments.

Partly for THEM…

MOSTLY for ME.

Life is so whimsical during summer.

We wake when we want, sleep when we want, read for LEISURE, play in the pool, spends DAYS at the beach….it is AMAZING.

Maybe it is because I AM the teacher…

Maybe it is because I am the MOM also….

But Summer is a NICE break from ROUTINE.

I have said it once and I will say it again-

REBEL

heart.

I rebel against things are good for me even…not a good trait always. It does not always work well with my schedule-needing life.

Nevertheless…

All year long I TRY and follow a schedule.

kinda.

I mean…I MAKE a schedule.

Then I make an ATTEMPT to fit in as much as HUMANLY possible.

So when summer is over….I ALWAYS feel like it

was

not

long

enough

EVER.

But…I have gotten used to the feeling and have learned to “put on my big girl panties” and JUST DO IT.

I just put one foot in front of the other….and take it step-by-step.

I rub my eyes the whole time thinking, “Really??? Is this happening??? ALREADY????”

So yesterday morning was day 1.

It was amazing…we went over the rules of the “classroom”.

We practiced writing and made our tin cans for our desks.

We had a snack and made an obstacle course outside.

The kids really had a great time.

They were stoked to be “back at it”.

And to be honest…so was I.

My inner rebel was sufficed by a summer of salt air and heat.

My inner rebel was satisfied by mountains and chlorine.

I found myself smiling at the end of the day yesterday.

The kids were in bed by 9 pm last night…SLEEPING, not complaining.

I think their inner rebels were also satisfied.

Happy to be back to some sort of routine and schedule…

COLLECTIVELY having to TAME our “inner rebels” ONLY a little bit.

T- minus 2 days….

2011-09-10T12:51:00.001-04:00

“You haven’t STARTED school yet???'”

“WOW!!! You REALLY haven’t started school yet?”

Once September hits….these questions are all we hear.

I understand it is USUALLY out of concern…

BUT, sometimes-

it’s judgmental.

People think that my kids aren’t getting a “good education” because their school year doesn't start until mid-September.

They think that my kids won’t be as SOCIALIZED…because this year we went on a last minute vacation…instead of staying home to start school.

I personally LOVE to see the look on a persons face as we walk into a store at 2pm on a Wednesday.

I love to see the “concern” on their faces…it is like my own personal joke.

Because I GUARANTEE…they will be thinking about US and our REBEL WAYS long after we have left the store and moved onto our next “educational experience”.

Maybe it is because I am rebellious at heart…

Maybe it is because I have learned to not care about what other people think….

Maybe it is because I KNOW they are LEARNING….even when they are not….at a desk.

But…just in case anyone was wondering…

we start school on MONDAY.

hahahahahaha

NC/Tenn I-Vibes Tour

2011-09-08T18:35:00.001-04:00

Hundreds and hundreds of miles we traveled.

5 kids+ 10 adults + 1 veggie bus + music equipment =

1 CRAZY TRIP…..

Life lessons, camping, bugs, dirt, love, and music, family, Pb&J’s and LOVE ….

It was a vacation we won’t ever forget.

Se for yourself:

Birthday Baby!

2011-09-08T09:36:00.001-04:00

Thru the water you appeared to me.

6 years ago today.

6 years of love and joy you have given us.

You are a child of God with the fiery spirit.

You stand up for yourself ..ALWAYS.

But …you are also ALWAYS willing to HELP.

Courageous, loving, and giving…you are my HEART.

I will love you always baby girl.

May you have a life FULL of laughter and trials.

May you make mistakes..and learn from them all, sometimes learning from SOMEONE ELSE.

I promise you:

I will stand beside you…no matter what.

I will love and protect you…for eternity.

I will guide you the best I can..and I will try and make you proud.

We love you forever and always, baby girl.

HAPPY Birthday!!!!

A moment…..

2011-09-02T03:32:00.001-04:00

There are moment in life that literally take my breathe away.

Moments when I feel like I couldn’t LOVE more.

Today I had one of those precious moments.

I stopped in the dance studio to check on Shasha and Sheba.

On Thursdays I drop BOTH of them off at 4pm..because Sheba has Tap/Jazz at that time. Shasha has started just going to the studio with her sister because she LIKES to.

Last year I gve her the job of watching over her sister and making sure she got into her classes.

but….

It has been a weird transition for ME over the last year.

The kids are starting to “venture off” into their lives.

Zeek gets dropped off at the library sometimes for GAME DAY or Shasha gets dropped off at the studio.

Its new to me….I struggle with it, because I’m so used to being around them.

I am used to being ATTACHED to them. I spend every waking hour they have WITH THEM….so- as we have entered into this new part of life…

I struggle.

Sometimes I drive away and wonder, “Are they going to be good? Have I taught them enough to be LEFT in a space where they can BE???Will they SHINE or STUMBLE?”

Well, today….

Shasha SHINED.

When I popped in to see her Modern class…I was amazed at how GREAT she was at this style of dance.

I’m not gonna lie….I was SWOLLEN with pride. She might as well have won the NOBEL PRIZE. I was stoked.

Then when class was over she RAN over to me BEAMING.

She was so happy because one of her teachers had asked her to be an assistant to one of the younger classes.

She will actuallybe helping with SHEBAS tap/jazz class.

AMAZING!!!

It was such a moment for us.

I leaned down to whisper in her ear…"I am sooo proud of you. You must have been acting pretty good here at the studio for them to ask you that.”

I was fighting tears….OMG.

I will never forget the look on her face after I whispered in her ear.

She was PROUD of herself….she felt PRIDE.

will

never

forget

THAT

moment.

EVER.

I am a CREEP.

2011-08-31T10:01:00.001-04:00

Most of the time in my life …I feel like it is SLIPPING away.

I feel like we are always RUNNING thru time. Like it is speeding by in a BLUR. Always in motion…

Yesterday is gone.

Today is here.

Tomorrow is SOON.

It is a constant reminder that life is FLEETING. Life is quickly moving …while I seem to CHASE it.

Yesterday I had a BABY…now my youngest is 5.

Life is tooo short. I am not sure I will ever feel like it is ENOUGH.

It has turned me into a CREEPY person.

Yesterday, Zeek came to me and said, “I m about to lose another tooth.”

REALLY??? He had just lost 1 3 days ago…EWWWWWWWW.

And these aren’t the little cute teeth. Theses are the BIG, gross, creepy teeth.

Which of course ….I always keep.

Because being a parent has made ME CREEPY.

I was putting Zeeks’s BIG tooth into HIS BAG of teeth I have in my drawer..and the weight of the bag hit me.

Ewwwwwwwwwwww. How weird is it that I KEEP all these teeth???

Do I keep them forever? YUCK.

Do I give them BACK to the kids one day???? GROSS

I thought to myself…being parent has made me a CREEPY person.

I love them all so much that I will even cherish their teeth.

And lets not even get started on keeping the LOCKS that fall out of their heads!!!!!

UUUuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

Family pics….

2011-08-29T23:33:00.001-04:00

Recently we had our family photos done by a new friend, and AWESOME lady by the name of Renee Unsworth at Greatlife Photography.

She DONATED her time and the pictures for us.

SO SWEET.

We LOVE LOVE LOVE them.

I mean seriously…could they be better?

think

not.

“Food” for thought….

2011-08-28T17:45:00.001-04:00

THIS is what my 2 chickens will eat today….

when I saw this today it hit me…THIS is more than MILLIONS will have tonight for dinner.

PERSPECTICE is GOLDEN.

Ballet Blunders…..

2011-08-26T14:19:00.001-04:00

This week was the first week of dance for the Fall.

The first day of a CRAZY dance year.

Last year Shasha(8) took:

ballet

Jazz/Tap combo

and Sheba took:

Ballet/Jazz Combo

well…after last years TRIAL RUN, they have decided that they LOVE dance and wanted to do MUCH more.

Sooooo…our schedule this year looks like :

Ballet, Tap, Jazz, Modern, Musical Theatre and Hip Hop.

Which means this week we are trying the classes we like to see if THAT CLASS is where we need to be-level wise.

Well, Monday Shasha tried her first modern class.

She came out and I expected her to be ALL SMILES, because she LOVES that type of music and dance.

She was not.

“How was class Shasha?”

“It was a baby class, Mom. We drew pictures with our NOSES!” she said with a disgruntled nose crinkle.

“Oh NO!!! You thought it was too easy????”

“Way. Too.Easy.” she bluntly said.

So we turned around and went right back in the studio to see if there was another class she could take that would be a better “fit”.

As soon as we walked in her friend was telling HER MOM that the class was “way too easy”, so we laughed and started lookingat the schedule.

About 5 min later their modern teacher walked into the office.

She immediately looked at the girls and said to us, “These two girls need to move to the next level class!” she said in the exact “dance teacher” tone I had become LONG ACCUSTOMED TO in my YEARS of dance classes.

I smiled…beaming.

For a moment….before she said, “But…”, I KNEW this wouldn’t be GOOD, “They were very RUDE and stood there talking and crossing their arms.I KNEW what you girls were trying to say, You were BORED. Iget it. I KNEW.”

I was mortified. Shasha seemed to be indifferent.

I think she was shocked…she didn’t know what to do.

I felt like I was having a terrible flashback of Ms. Peggy, my ballet teacher. I was always getting into trouble. Always walking the like between ballerina and rebel.

Sometimes…the REBEL won.

And as I stood there and looked at my 8 year old daughter…I could see myself.

“Mom, we weren’t even doing anything THAT BAD. We weren’t even talking THAT MUCH.”..YEP, I am pretty sure those EXACT WORDS had come out of MY 8 year old mouth. NO DOUBT.

So, as we walked out I gave her the old, “You cannot act like that. you have to be respectful. You have to be good.” speech… I said it and I heard my mothers voice.

I knew that I was turning into my Mother and Shasha was turning into ME!

What a circle of events. What a blessing.

At least I know WHO to call when she acts like ME.

WHOA.

PS. She wrote Ms. Ellie a note to appoligize. Whether she MEANT IT or NOT, is debatable.

LOL.

The END is near….

2011-08-24T12:03:00.001-04:00

This time of year always creates a STIR inside of me.

Kind of a mix of fear, excitement, sadness and joy. All at the same time. I know..I'm CRAZY like that.

Summer is almost over….and the school year QUICKLY approaches. It is like s shift in our life.

We go from sleeping late …to waking up “early”.

We go from cartoons to animal planet.

We go from WII “hours”…to WII “minutes”.

It is a heavy load and I have a hard time transitioning sometimes.

I am a creature of habit…and it has become MY HABIT to sleep late, stay up late at night, and spend days at the beach or pool.

THEN..

Yesterday I saw yellow leaves actually FALL to the ground.

and I realized that

THE

END

NEAR!!!!

As I watched out the window for the UPS truck HOPEFULLY delivering my school curriculum, it hit me again….

The time is NEAR.

The time for structure and rules.

The time for books, libraries, dance classes, piano lessons, and football practices.

The time for staying up late reading homeschooling blogs and PLANNING.

The time to BE THE TEACHER.

The time to buckle down and put my big girl panties on….

I think it is as HARD for me as it is for THEM.

I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I wouldn’t….but that doesn't make it any easier.

7 am comes EARLY….no matter HOW THANKFUL YOU ARE.

LOL.

A LESSON in shoes…among other things.

2011-08-17T01:46:00.001-04:00

Titus 2:3-5
Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers.Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Sometimes life CRASHES into me like a speeding car.

Sometimes I find myself SMACK-DAB in the middle of a situation that has not been planned for…a situation that you CAN’T plan for.

Lately I have found myself in a mentoring situation with a teenage girl that lives next door.

She is a sweet 16 year old girl that is at a definite crossroads in her life. 6 months ago she lost her Mother. THAT is a crossroads. A shitty, life altering crossroads.

I mean 16 is ALWAYS a crossroads. Right? Who needs THAT thrown on top?

It is at that age we start to EMERGE.

It is at THAT point that we start to BECOME who we will be.

It is ALSO at that point that a teenage girl can really start to do some LASTING DAMAGE.Trust Me. I lived it. I’ve got the tattoos to prove it. LOL.

So here I sit…In a place where I have an opportunity to help.

I sit in a position where I can be a GOOD influence.

SO, I try…or am TRYING.

Because I think mentoring is important. It is important for young girls to SEE a woman in action. She NEEDS to see WHAT. THIS. LOOKS. LIKE.

I know that as an “older” woman…I can be persuasive.

And to be honest….as we all know I am a FOREVER student.

I am learning LOADS from this sweetie.

I am getting a crash course in 16 year old girls.

SCORE…practice for the future.

Well…the other day I picked her up from work and took her school shoe shopping.

I was excited…I thought I had style.

I was wrong. LOL

We walked along the shoes and talked about life and boots and boys….

“How about these?” I said about what I thought was a CUTE pair of silvery ballet flats.

She looked at me with a confident smile and said, “Ewwwwwwwww, Nooooo!!!”.

“No????? These aren’t cute? Are you sure? I think these are cute. No? Really?” I stood there stunned and shocked.

I stood there on the outside of myself….like a fly on the wall, I could see my past and my future at the same time.

I looked to my left and there was another woman there with a teenage girl. There was no doubt that she was standing in her own “uncharted territory”. …HER TEEN doubting her fashion sense also.

We met eyes and I said, “I just got my first, “Ewwww. Noooo”. She looked less than surprised.

“You’ll get used to it. I’ve had MANY!” she said and followed her daughter off to buy some shoes that I am sure SHE would not have CHOSEN.

It was a surreal moment.

And

Even though I guess my style is not what it used to be.LOL.

It made me feel sooooo grateful for this opportunity.

I believe that I have been put in this situation to SHOW LOVE and BE LOVED.

God has granted me this opportunity to again be the TEACHER and the STUDENT…..at the SAME TIME.

He has led US BOTH to each other…

He has made us neighbors …LITERALLY.

He has GIVEN us the chance to LEARN from each other.

He has BLESSED us with the CHANCE to TEACH each other.

And

Maybe…just maybe….

As a BONUS: With her help- I can get my STYLE back on point.

LMAO.

Greener Grass....

2011-08-13T15:25:00.001-04:00

My kids are some of my best teachers.

Thru them I learn sooo much about myself. It always seems to me that God has given me these children to help me GROW..just as much as I am here to help THEM grow.

It is always amazing to be GIVEN the words that I need when I am teaching THEM somrething.
Amazing because ...most of the time the words just FALL out of my mouth.
Most of the time I HEAR myself say things to them..just as I hear them MYSELF.

Today the girls were arguing all morning. They were arguing over the typical things.
Shasha dosen't want to play with Sheba.
Sheba wants Shasha to LISTEN to her.
Shash wants Sheba to stop following her.
"Leave me alone!!! I need SPACE!"
Typical of sisters.

Then today...when Sheba went to the store with Jay for a few hours- Shasha learned a lesson.

She came to me and said, "Mom...there is nothing to DO when Sheba is not here."

I looked at her and smiled.
It was music to my ears. It made me smile INSIDE.
.
I looked at her and said, "Well Shasha, this should be a lesson for you. Try and remember THAT when she is here and you are annoyed with her. Remember that in life sometimes things look or seem like they would be better another way. But in reality..Life is LIFE. What you are given is what you should be THANKFUL for."

She looked at me and smiled.
But in that moment I was also the student.
Those words were not mine. Those words were given to me.
They came from the Father.
He was talking TO ME..and THRU me- at the same time.
Because-
We are all children ....
Children of God.

Some of us are "older" than others.
Some of us are "smarter" than others.

But all of us... are Children of God in constant need of instruction and molding.

No matter how "old" or "smart" we are.

GOD knows....

2011-08-12T15:16:00.002-04:00

Sometimes during the summer I wonder....
Are my kids are forgetting everything they learned in school last year?

Are they still "smart" ??? LOL

Anfd then right in the middle of a week filled with tooth extractions and illnesses..

Zeek says something that BLOWS your mind.

THAT was my reality this week.

While telling the CHICKEN STORY
and he said, "Mom was looking for the 1 chicken left and found her nestled deeply into a pine bush...COMPLETELY UNSCATHED."

I looked around the room to make sure I wasnt in HOMESCHOOL HEAVEN..and everyone was looking at ME.
SMILING.

I guess sometimes....God knows when I need a question answered. LOL.

My thoughts EXACTLY….

2011-08-09T07:51:00.001-04:00

I came across this post the other day over at Rage Against the MiniVan. It is a GUEST post done by Wendy at Mountain Meanderings.

I read this and thought: WOW…I could have written this!!!!

So ..I thought I would share.

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

What I want you to know about homeschooling:
I home-school my children for many reasons, and not one of them is because I think I’m better than you. It simply means that I think this schooling option is better for my children. Just because I home-school does not mean that I think the school you send your child to is inferior. It means that for my children, I’m exercising my responsibility to educate them where I feel is the best place for them to learn.
My children are not “social morons” because they are home-schooled, nor do we hole up in our home with blinds drawn so that we don’t have to face the world. We have play dates with friends, we participate in community sports, we go to church and Sunday school, we do summer art and science programs, we go the library, we spend time interacting with family and with those around us as we live our day-to-day lives.
In our home-school, we do all the same subjects that your child does in public or private school. And if my child struggles with a certain subject, the home-schooling is not to blame. How many children are there in the public school that receive special education or tutoring services? A lot-and that’s because every child is different. If my child were in public school, would you blame the school for my child’s struggles? That’s not exactly logical. Likewise, it doesn’t make any sense for you to blame the home-school if my child is a struggling learner.

Just because I stay at home and teach my children does not mean “I’m lucky to have all the time in the world to keep my house clean and to run errands.” Honestly, being a home-school mom has much of the same challenges as being a mom who works outside the home. Teaching takes time, and lots of it. That’s why teachers get paid. It takes time to plan lessons, to grade papers, to arrange field trips. I used to teach in a public school…my days are not that different, just the number and ages of my students! I’m just as tired and stressed and short on time and sleep as any other mom.
The next time you meet a home-school mom, please don’t go on the defense because you think I’m critical of you for your schooling choices. We’re all different. We all have different experiences that shape who we are and why we do what we do. Please don’t glare at me when you see me in the store with my kids in the middle of the day. Don’t worry…we are getting our work done on our own schedule, just not necessarily the typical school day schedule. And please don’t judge my children more harshly than you judge any other public or private-schooled child. Because when it comes down to it, all children, whether home-schooled or not, will (horror of horrors) do childlike things. It comes in the definition of “child.”
And just because I’m a home-school mom, it does not mean that I’m the perfect speller or that I use perfect grammar every time or that I know everything…I’m a perfectly flawed human being that is learning along with her kids. So please just accept me as willingly as you would accept someone who makes the same schooling choices as you do. And I’ll do the same. And that’s what I want you to know.

A no good, very bad day…and a silver lining.

2011-08-05T18:59:00.001-04:00

Some days are harder than others.

SOME days SUCK. Seriously.

Yesterday was one of THOSE days.

I woke from a WHOLE 3 hours of sleep, after work on Wed. night, and did the same thing I do every morning.

I rubbed my eyes and pulled back the curtain to let the morning sun in.

Then I saw it.

The slaughter.

The chicken coop door was wide open and the inside of the coop was DESTROYED. The nesting boxes were on the floor, the water dumped over, the chicken food everywhere…

and then I saw the chickens.

I stood there shocked with my mouth WIDE OPEN.

They were all over the yard. The feathers told the story of a struggle.

A struggle that went on during the night under cover of moonlight.

A struggle that ended in the loss of 6 chickens.

The dog had gotten into the coop….or the kids left it open.

does

not

matter

HOW

happened.

What matters is THAT it happened.

I screamed for Jay and walked around the yard searching for a sign of life.

any sign.

1,2,3,4.

4 dead.

1,2…..hurt badly.

That is 6 accounted for.

I ran around the yard crying and apologizing to my sweet hens.

All the while the kids were starting to flow out of the house and realize what was happening…It was a nightmare.

We all loved the chickens.

We raised them from chicks and had become attatched to them.

But- There was 1 missing….the pajama chicken.

PJ Puff was nowhere to be found….

I roamed the yard CALLING for her, as if she would come to me BECAUSE I was calling her.

She didn’t. But… I JOYFULLY found her DEEPLY nestled INTO a palm bush. So deep that the dog(s) didn’t get to her. She is probably TRAUMATIZED in chicken terms ..for sure.

But ALIVE…and we feel BLESSED for that.

Jason quickly buried the 4 chickens that didn’t make it and we scooped up the 2 who were obviously hurt and made them a bed of hay in the coop. We laid them there and prayed for the best.

It was a terrible start to what would be an even WEIRDER day.

Jay went to work and I got the girls ready for dance camp…because life oddly moves on without a hitch.

I was so mad at the dog(s) that I seriously wanted to just give the puppy away.

SHE was the one who chased the chickens.

SHE was the one who sat at the guinea pigs cage and DROOLED.

SHE was the one who was a PUPPY. UGH.

SHE was the one.

I couldn’t help but think that MAYBE, just maybe …she wasn’t a good fit.

Maybe she wasn’t the right puppy for us. I was PISSED. We were down to 1 hen and 1 guinea pig.

PISSED. MAD. FURIOUS. You can’t even imagine.

I mentioned it to Zeek.

THAT DID NOT GO WELL.

He was devastated. He didn’t understand. I tried to explain the whole”not fitting in” thing. No. Didn’t work. He was depressed.

I tried to talk him thru it. I WANT him to feel the way I feel. I WANT him to understand and just be OK.

Apparently….That is not how it works.

He was SAD.

This part of parenting SUCKS.

But the day moved on…

again…without a hitch.

The girls were picked up by a friend we carpool with and I got ready for a day PREVIOUSLY planned.

A fun filled day of beach and splashpark shenanigans.

We HAD BEEN excited.

So I decided that we needed to KEEP OUR PLANS and pick up the girls from camp and head to the beach.

The kids needed a minute to NOT THINK about the chickens.

The kids needed a minute to NOT THINK about losing their dog.

The kids NEEDED a MINUTE to soak up the sun, feel the sand in their toes and the water splash against their skin.

Who was I kidding? I needed a minute.

So we did just that.

We gave thanks in the midst of CHAOS.

We appreciated the LIFE we have. The 1 hen that was spared and the LOVE, FRIENDS, and FAMILY that surrounds us.

We talked and talked …all day.

We talked about the circle of life and how JAH is in control…even when it feels like he is not.

AND yesterday…IT DID NOT.

We talked about how life is HARD and how sometimes we have to find the blessings….even when they seem to be hidden…in plain sight.

All day yesterday I BEGGED for the wisdom to help these kids understand.

It was a hard day.

Harder than most.

And then we headed home.

I loaded up the 6 kids and started to drive home.

And then our day got WEIRDER.

On the way home I got pulled over.

Seriously?

All the while Shasha is in the background crying saying, “Mom….youre getting PULLED OVER. MOM!!!!”

I KNOW she thought she was going to some kiddie jail.

Seriously.

He came up on me and said, “Maam…DO you have your DL?”

“Yes ..Here it is.”

He looked at it and said, “Do you have a white jeep?”

“Yes.”

He looked at me weird and said…"”I just pulled over your husband. RIGHT BEFORE YOU.”

Seriously?

How weird is that.

I looked at him and told him that he had NO IDEA how weird my day was….he didn’t ask.

The SILVER LINING was the fact that he let us both off with WARNINGS.

Seriously???

What a crazy, no good, weird day…..

I went to sleep last night PRAYING that tomorrow would be better than today. ..and feeling more like a STUDENT of life than ever.

Keeping our options open....

2011-07-29T10:46:00.001-04:00

(WARNING: this post contains opinions that may be different from yours. AN..every situation is different. I KNOW that not ALL moms have a choice. I HONOR YOUR CHOICES.)

I was talking to a homeschool mom in my co-op last year, and when I asked her what her 15 year old daughter wanted to "be when she grew up"???

Her answer was something that was such a blessing to me.

"She doesn't want to "BE" anything except a good wife an Mother."

I stood there...
BAFFLED.

My eyes started to tear up.

In a world where women at taught that in order to be "of value" they have to "be equal" to men. They have to earn the same(or more). They have to be able to do the same things(or more). They have to be "as good as men are" at "men things".

THAT was unheard of for a MOTHER to say about her daughter
THAT was refreshing.
It made me HAPPY.

Not because I was glad she was making the choice NOT TO go to college.
But...
Because I was delighted in the fact that was a YOUNG woman, she looked at being a mother and a wife AS A CAREER CHOICE.
She saw it as something OF VALUE.
She wasn't brought up to believe that she HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL to be fufilled.
That doesen't mean she WON'T.
It means she has a CHOICE.
She can ALSO make a choice to go to school and then NOT USE HER DEGREE ..if she finds a husband and becomes a mother.
And that would ALSO be HONORABLE.
She was brought up to KNOW that in life being a GREAT MOTHER and WIFE...CAN BE A CAREER.
It can be JUST As FULFILLING to raise a family...
as it is to raise your bank balance- if she has a choice...
or KNOWS she has the OPTION.
If it IS an OPTION...FOR HER.
Sometimes it is an sometimes it isn't.

I made me really think about the daughters I have.
I want them to know that college is an OPTION.
But...
so is being a mother an a wife.

I want them to know that sometimes fulfilling your GOD-GIVEN role has JUST as many PERKS, carries insurance, and PAYS well...as long as you accept LOVE as a payment rather than MONEY.

Being a SAHM is the best decision I ever made...because I had the OPTION.

...................................................................................
Proverbs 31:10-31
[1] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself [2] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [3]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Happy Haile Day!!!

2011-07-26T17:31:00.001-04:00

119th Earthstrong of Rastafari

2011-07-23T11:58:00.001-04:00

"Rastafari is a cultural, religious, and revolutionary movement that began in Jamaica in the 1930s. Inspired by Biblical prophecy and the teachings of Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia, followers of Rastafari identify themselves as Africans seeking to return to the continent. Early Rastafari drew upon ideas of African pride and unity, coupling them with local Jamaican traditions to forge a unique way of life. Today the movement has spread around the world, empowering people of African descent and embracing people of all races"

Today we celebrate the birthday of Rastafari.

July 23, 1892. 119 years ago a baby was born. He was the 225th in an unbroken line of Ethiopian monarchs of the Solomonic Dynasty. This lineage was founded by King Solomon and Makeda(The Queen of Sheba).

In the bible it says in 1 King 10:13, "And King Solomon gave unto the Queen of Sheba all her desire, whatsoever she asked, beside that which Solomon gave her of his royal bounty. So she turned and went to her own country, she and her servants."

The story goes that King Solomon invited the Queen of Sheba to a banquet, serving spicy food to induce her thirst, and inviting her to stay in his palace overnight. The Queen asked him to swear that he would not take her by force. He said ok as long as she would not take anything from his house by force. The Queen assured that she would not,she was rich and powerful after all. However, as she woke up in the middle of the night, she was very thirsty. She reache over an sipped the water.Just then King Solomon appeared, warning her that she was breaking her oath, water being the most valuable of all material possessions. So..because she rank the water, she set the king free from his promise and they spent the night together.

An he gave her his ROYAL BOUNTY...

We know that his "royal bounty" was his seed....She carried it back to Ethiopia with her. The story says that she gave birth by a stream to a royal child named Menelik.

That lineage continues thru Jesus Christ and then thru Haile Selassie I also known as Rastafari.

We(not all Rastas) believe that When Rastafari was coronated on Nov.2, 1930..a biblical prophecy was fufilled.
Psalm 87:4–6 is also interpreted as predicting the coronation of Haile Selassie I. During his coronation, Selassie was given many of the same titles used in the Bible: "King of Kings," "Elect of God," and "Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah the Author of Mankind," "the Power of Authority," etc., are just some of more than 38 titles and anointments placed on Selassie.

Our faith is a biblical faith that does not lend itself to reading books.
That is why people always think that Rastafari is a "black thing"...
It is not.

It is so FAR from a color thing. It has NOTHING to do with you skin color or your hairstyle.
It has to do with your HEART....an what is INSIDE.
It has to do with letting go of your PRE-CONCEIVED notions and being able to UN-WASH your mind of all things NOT of TRUE.

For me...there was a moment. THIS MOMENT.
A moment in time when my life changed.
All that was dark in my life was BRIGHTENED by the MOVEMENT of GOD in my heart.
My life was NEVER the same.
It was like I was touched by his hand and my life was no longer what it appeared to be.
I was different.
I was FRESH.
I was forgiven.
I was SAVED....by JAH(Which is short for Jahovia or GOD).
I was NEW.
I was at the beginning of my life...RIGHT THEN.
And my life
HAS
NEVER
BEEN
THE
SAME.

So on this day....we celebrate his birth. His life. An the life he has given US.
Rastafari!

Truth....on a daily

2011-07-22T16:02:00.003-04:00

Sometimes in the blogging world there is a misconception that a blog tells you EVERYTHING about a person...so to speak.

When we follow a blog....
We think we "know" people.
We think we know what they do on a daily basis.
We imagine all kinds of things about them.
We imagine their lives all tidy and neat, with perfect children who do not argue, homemade meals on the table for dinner, and a homeschool day that is SURE to MOLD a GENIUS.

But let me tell you...THAT creature is a MYTH.

The Mom who has it all under control, everything together, that "does it better than me" Mom...she NEVER existed.

I am here to tell you, from the INSIDE of the blogging world,
THAT
DOES
NOT
EXIST.

I will let you in on a secret....for ME and MINE anyway,
What we write about on our blogs...is a SNAP SECOND of our lives.
It is our "best-foot forward" most of the time.
I try and be honest an keep it real...but inevitably...we write about more of our TRIUMPHS than our DEFEATS.

I couldnt keep up with a DAY BY DAY, BLOW BY BLOW, blog if I tried.
Too much happens in my life.
Too many thought go thru my head...
too much "stuff" happens on my journey.
Good and bad.
Triumphs and defeats.
Arguements and make-ups.
Laughs and cries.
Smiles and frowns.

And....We all have flaws.
I have good days and bad days.
I argue with my husband....and we make-up.
I cook good meals....and I go thru drive thrus.
I pray for our kids...and then I yell at them.
I teach them...and they teach me.
Sometimes I am proud of the work I i that day...and sometimes I have to ask God for forgiveness.

Because....
I live a REAL life.
A life full of ups and downs.
A life that I have committed to God.
Because I NEED his help in this life.
I make mistakes ...DAILY.
And sometimes...I blog about them.
Sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I expose myself a little and sometimes I REALY let you in.
Because on this blog...just like in this LIFE...
I
am
trying
to
stay
true.

Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long
Psalm 25:5

.

A day in a PIRATE's life....

2011-07-20T10:04:00.001-04:00

If you woul have told me 15 years ago that THIS would be my life...
I would have laughed.

(Turn off the music player on your right before watching this...)

Between Now an the Future....

2011-07-19T22:37:00.003-04:00

"Do you wanna walk outside with me???", that is how it starts.

He wants to walk and talk.
He wants me to hear his ideas....his plans, his visions for the future.
The wall that will be "here".
or
The greenhouse that will be "there".

So...Walking thru the backyard, I listen to his plans.

I feel the heat and the dirt between my toes...I saturate myself HERE.NOW.

Because THIS is no small feat....We DID this.

We He had a dream.
He said we could do it...I just followed.
If it were up to me- we would have rented forever.
Not because I wanted to...
but because I am a "NOW girl".It is hard for me to think too far ahead.I live in the NOW. HERE. Maybe it is because it is confusing to me. Maybe it is because my brain just doesn't work that way. But it is hard for me to think about mortgages and MATH (gag) when I have clothes to fold, mouths to feed, dance classes an football to get to AND SCHOOL to TEACH.
So all in all...THAT was the reason that I just couldn't SEE it.
I couldn't focus on it.

But HE did.
He KNEW all along .
He COULD see it.

From driveways to kids forts...his dreams are NEVER small.

I walk along beside him and relish in this life.
I listen to the sound of his voice as he carefully lays his plans.
I want to be saturated in THIS moment.
I want to remember THIS heat.THESE conversations.THAT song that he is singing as he walks and sings and talks.
And you never know what The future holds.
Because ..He. Dreams. Big.
Thank goodness....
because-
I am pretty sure I someone little needs something from me.
RIGHT NOW.
Here. Now. In THIS moment.

So...I walk and I give thanks that God put together 2 people who think DIFFERENTLY...But have learned to work so well together.

I love this life.
What a blessing each moment is.

Things I want to teach my kids....

2011-07-17T22:18:00.000-04:00

* To be Grateful in life.
* Treat others as you want to be treated.
* Be true to themselves.
* Happiness is a choice.
* Living up to Gods expectations is ALL that is expected.
* I love them...no matter what.
* Wisdom is inside them.
* Doing the RIGHT thing is always easier.

The Tradewinds

2011-07-16T15:54:00.002-04:00

For the first 10 years of my marriage...I didn't work.
Not for any money anyway.
I mean I had baby after baby.
I changed hundreds of diapers...
I nursed for 1000's of hours.
I cleaned many a toilet and spent "hard time" cleaning the floors.
I hardly left the house an watched MANY times as my husband and friends went to concert after concert while I stayed in.
I wiped nose after nose. An cleaned up puke more than I want to remember.
I wiped heiney's and potty trained 4 youth.
I cooked MANY meals( I say that loosely...I am not a very imaginative cook. Daddy does most of the cooking. Shhhhhhh. Don't judge. I do enough of that for myself.)
I wrote TONS of blogs an had all sorts of time to "sort-out-my-shit".
I educated my kids, and spent HOURS doing research on parenting and faith.
I read lots of books and formed many opinions in those years.
I truly believe that God used THOSE YEARS to shape an mold me.
I BECAME ME...in those years.
I learned WHO I was in that time.

An then, about a year and a half ago, I was offered a JOB.
You know, the kind that PAYS money.
It would mean being away from the family on Friday and Saturday nights...
but it would also mean less stress, and more time for Daddy to be home.
It would mean more money comming in an more money going out.
It was a blessing...and totally unexpected.
I knew it would help me get out of my comfort zone and jump right back into "the world".
I was so used to being with my kids and family.
I was safe and secure in my own world I had created for myself....
surrounded by babies, diapers, toys, books and LOVE.
THIS would be an adventure!!!

Because....this was no regular job.
THIS was a job as a cocktail waitress at Tradewinds Tropical Lounge in downtown St. Augustine.
It is known as the "Oldest Bar in the Oldest City".
To me...it is a mix of a honky tonk and "Roadhouse".
They ha ha the SAME BAND play Sunday thru Thursday nights for about 30 years!!!!
It has been there so long that Jimmy Buffett was FIRED from there and then went to the KEYS...and we all know the story from there.
Not EXACTLY where I would have THOUGHT my first job back in the REAL WORLD would be.
And NOT just because I never thought I would HAVE a paying job. LOL.
I have learned that .
I don't think ANYONE ever WANTS to go to work.
But...having a job at Tradewinds might be the BEST JOB ever,
AND
I have found that I say the same things at home to my KIDS as I do to my CUSTOMERS at WORK....

"Don't do THAT!! Are you SUPPOSED to put that THERE? Get down off the table, you might FALL! Pick THAT up. That dosen't go there! Are you serious???Go! You are not allowed in there!!!!"

So ..all in all...it has become as familiar as HOME to me.
A different family...but family all the same.

.

I heart Pinning!

2011-07-11T12:25:00.001-04:00

Sometimes something comes along an CHANGES YOUR LIFE.

That is Pinterest for me.

This is what my To-Do list used to look like:

An that WHOLE spiral is FULL of them.
I make them for everything from school to kids appointments to blogging ideas.
I was a List making FOOL.

But now...
There is Pinterest an it has made my life SOOOOOOOOOOO much easier.

It is a virtual cork board..of sorts.
On their website it says:

"Pinterest lets you organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organize their favorite recipes.

Best of all, you can browse pinboards created by other people. Browsing pinboards is a fun way to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests."

My boards include...
Homeschool(homeschool ideas)
We're Crafty(things to make)
Eye Candy(eye candy)
Sugar and Spice(Girls stuff)
Where the heart is(home ideas)
Rastafari

Food
Wordsmith(inspiring Words)
Just to name a FEW.

So you can see...it is a PLANNING GIRLS DREAM!!!

Go...
Run....
If you need an invite...leave me your email.

I promise you that you
WILL
NOT
BE
SORRY.

Happy Pinning!!!!!

Everyday is a GIFT...even in the "first-world".

2011-07-10T23:02:00.000-04:00

Living a life full of EXTRAS is beautiful.

"Extras" are sometimes the things that make life easy...
like a car..when you know what it is like to WALK.
OR
the washing machine...when you know what it is like to wash clothes IN A BUCKET.
OR
Sometimes it is the freezer...because THAT means we don't have to CARRY our ice miles from the store.

I love those kinds of "extras" ...those are the "third-world" problems that are solved by living in the "first-world".

The other day my friend Heather posted a HILARIOUS video that describes EXACTLY what I am talking about when I say, "first-world" extras....Here it is:

(Before you watch this video...turn off the music player on the right column.)

I mean REALLy...this is
HOW
WE
LIVE...
Angry at the computer for taking too long...when it has been 7 seconds ALREADY.
Mad when the pantry is TOO FULL to fit the stuff we JUST BOUGHT....UUUGGHHH.
Bothered when the water they bring us at the RESTRAUNT...tastes "funny" because it isn't bottled....WAAAAA!!!
Irritated because we have to GO TO WORK....BLAH!

We are spoiled in ALL kinds of ways.
We live in a world FULL of FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.
We live in a place where we are "blissfully unaware"..which basically makes us UNAPPRECIATIVE and UNGRATEFUL.
We forget how lucky we are ...on a daily.
We manage to CONVINCE ourselves that LIFE for us is HARD.
BUT...It is NOT.
We are BLESSED...one reason being because we live in the FIRST-WORLD.
And we have to OPPORTUNITY to be IGNORANT to "third-world" problems.
We have to ABILITY to LOOK AWAY when we feel uncomfortable...
We change the channel when we want to be distracted.
It is THAT easy.
And we forget how UNIMAGINABLY BLESSED we really are.

Sometimes the secret to being TRULY HAPPY is realizing that..
Things could be so much worse.
Sometimes being happy is just that....BEING happy.
LIVING happily.
Being JOYFUL.
Living INTENTIONALY.
With the knowledge that our life is a GIFT.

The Secret.........

2011-07-08T13:06:00.001-04:00

Jay an I met in 1998....an have been together pretty much since then.

That is 13 years...which by todays standards IS forever.

Sometimes it feels like yesterday...sometimes- it feels like an ETERNITY.

People ask me ALL THE TIME, "What is the secret to staying married SOOO long?".

My answer is ALWAYS ..."Letting things GO. Forgiveness."

And that is the HONEST TRUTH.

In a marriage you have to learn to DANCE TOGETHER.
In each relationship there is a certain way that 2 people "move" or compromise with each other. You either learn to dance TOGETHER...
or..
you step on each others toes CONSTANTLY.

Jason and I learned a long time ago that we were MEANT to do THIS dance.
To us...there is no other reason that God would have blessed us with 4 beautiful children and THIS life, if we were supposed to step on each others toes all the time.

And let's face it...
1. NEITHER of us is going ANYWHERE.
2. We are too CRAZY for anyone else. COLLECTIVELY.
3. I don't even have a BAG big enough to leave. LOL

Sometimes...it is ME who is needs to LET THINGS go.
AND THEN....
There are times when it is HIM who is put to the test.

Either way.....We have an uncanny ability to scream, yell, or fight...then we
LET
IT
GO....
And most of the time - we laugh about it later.

Which is EXACTLY what happened the other day when I was headed to a dental appointment for a tooth EXTRACTION!!! YIKES!

I had been to this office once before....1 week before.
But I have a terrible memory....which was not HELPED by what seemed like THOUSANDS of backroads.

My appointment was at 11.
It was 10:54...I called Jay at home and am sad to say our conversation went something like THIS:

"Jay...WHERE Am I?? I can't figure it out. I have no idea where I am. WHERE AM I????" I said in a paniced voice.

"I don't KNOW Jana. YOU are the one in the CAR."

Which of course was NOT RATIONAL to me. He KNOWS me. He knows how anxious I am about this freakin' tooth appointment.

"JASON!!!!! Just tell me where the dentist office is. JUST TELL ME."

Again, He said in a calm voice, as if THAT would calm me down, "Jana...YOU are the only one who has BEEN THERE. I have NOT. I have NO IDEA."

But...In my mind, He KNEW because I had told him where I had GONE- 1 week before, alone.

"Jason...You KNOW where I am TRYING to get. YOU KNOW. Was it THIS street???? (pause) JASON...WAS IT THIS STREET I AM ON RIGHT NOW?????" I said in a voice that sounded to me like Cruella D. Ville. LOL

An again, annoyingly calmly, he said, "Jana, I have NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!!!!"

Then I turned the corner and there it was.
I had found it.
I have no idea how....but I was there.

So...I said, "Nevermind." and hung up the phone on him.

I know...I should get an award for "Wife of the Year".
I can hear my sister right now saying, "That is TERRIBLE Jana. Terrible." LOL.
At the time...I felt no guilt.
The ONLY feeling I had was FEAR. FEAR of the dentist.
And in the end all they did was x-ray the tooth and have me make another appointment.
"Sweet...all that for nothing.", I thought to myself as I walked out the door.

Then I remembered...
BEFORE the appointment.
I couldn't help but LAUGH on the way home....ALL the way home to be exact.
And the BEST PART was that I KNEW that when I walked in the door....I wouldn't HAVE
to say I am sorry.
I didn't NEED to because HE KNEW I was sorry.
He KNEW that I was stressed...It wasn't ABOUT HIM.
It was ABOUT me.
I KNEW that he DIDN'T NEED it.
And that was an AMAZING feeling.
KNOWING that we have learned OUR DANCE that well.
Knowing that I was ALREADY forgiven...
Before I even HUNG UP ON HIM.

I smiled as I pulled in the driveway and I laughed as I walked thru the door.
I walked up to him an said, "I'm sorry. I was just stressed."
He looked at me an smiled and said, "I know. I know YOU."
An we both laughed.
We hugged and moved onto the next CRAZY thing happening at THAT moment.
We didn't dwell.
We don't HOLD ONTO IT.
We let it go........
We forgive each other.
DAILY.
THAT is the secret...

"The Help"

2011-07-05T01:07:00.001-04:00

As soon as we come near the end of the school year my mind starts to imagine the places I will go during the next couple of months.

I imagine places in the past, present, and future....all places that I will go with the help of a book.

I am delighted by the thought of reading something, ANYTHING besides NON-FICTION parenting or homeschooling books.
I am ready to get lost in something DIFFERENT.

I find myself roaming the fiction isles of the library for anything that looks interesting. Searching for something to take my mind off of school and all the heavy responsibilities that are attached to being ENTIRELY responsibile for my kids education.

Trust me...after 9 months of being SATURATED by lesson plans, cirriculum, late night blog reading, field trips, and flashcards...I need a mental vacation!!!

I need to think of SOMETHING besides school.

Just for a minute.

Last week I was given a book by my friend to get me started on my "mental vacation".

I started reading it THAT day and was immediately ENGROSSED...
I mean like I almost FORGOT I had kids.
Seriously...I think one day when they asked me for lunch, my answer was, "It's fend-for-yourself day."
Don't judge.
4th grade math was hard on me this year...I deserved a day(or 3).LOL.

It is an amazing tale of a group of 2 sets of women divided by nothing more than a color and an invisible line dictated by geography and history alone.

On "The Help" website it says:
"Twenty-two-year-old Skeeter has just returned home after graduating from Ole Miss. She may have a degree, but it is 1962, Mississippi, and her mother will not be happy till Skeeter has a ring on her finger. Skeeter would normally find solace with her beloved maid Constantine, the woman who raised her, but Constantine has disappeared and no one will tell Skeeter where she has gone.

Aibileen is a black maid, a wise, regal woman raising her seventeenth white child. Something has shifted inside her after the loss of her own son, who died while his bosses looked the other way. She is devoted to the little girl she looks after, though she knows both their hearts may be broken.

Minny, Aibileen's best friend, is short, fat, and perhaps the sassiest woman in Mississippi. She can cook like nobody's business, but she can't mind her tongue, so she's lost yet another job. Minny finally finds a position working for someone too new to town to know her reputation. But her new boss has secrets of her own.

Seemingly as different from one another as can be, these women will nonetheless come together for a clandestine project that will put them all at risk. And why? Because they are suffocating within the lines that define their town and their times. And sometimes lines are made to be crossed.

In pitch-perfect voices, Kathryn Stockett creates three extraordinary women whose determination to start a movement of their own forever changes a town, and the way women--mothers, daughters, caregivers, friends--view one another. A deeply moving novel filled with poignancy, humor, and hope, The Help is a timeless and universal story about the lines we abide by, and the ones we don't."

This book has a way of putting you DEEP in the lives of these women.
It made me feel grateful that times have SOMEWHAT changes and tolerance is the "new black".
In these times...it is NOW more acceptable to LOVE one another...no matter the shade of their skin.
It made me really think about the fact that there are and will ALWAYS be rebels. The "true-at-heart" who cannot just sit back and LET THINGS HAPPEN.
THAT makes me feel blessed...to know that there have always been those who ROSE to "higher heights"...no matter the struggle.

It was an amazing book that you should RUN and buy...
or- ask a friend ...I bet you know someone who has a copy!!!
Happy Summer Reading!

Taming a lion cub.....

2011-06-30T09:09:00.001-04:00

If I have said it once..I have said it 1000 times.

Malachi is a WILD ONE.
He could be described sometimes as UNTAMED.
A little untamed, wild...LOVING cub.

He tends to bounce ...not walk.
He loves to yell....not talk.

It is all I can do to keep him contained.
Sometimes just keeping him ALIVE is a full time job.
Just keeping him from RUINING his little body before he turns 8 has been a STRUGGLE.

And THAT is just his body....
his mind and soul are a WHOLE SEPARATE battle.

It is something that you fight for with all kids.
But...
Some are more easily trained than others.

Some easily go along with the flow, quietyly doing what you have asked....
Some OTHERS....have a harder time settling down. They have a hard time FOLLOWING directions and LISTENING....

Malachi tends to be excited and he has TONS of energy....ALL THE TIME.
Like enough energy to run me RAGGED, quickly.

He tends to have a problem with his TONE, and his ACTIONS..

At the begenning of the summer I declared that we wouldn't be doing our traditional bible study this summer....we would be doing something a little MORE INTERNAL.

We were going to spend the summer doing the messy work that sometimes gets neglected. We were all going to work on the things inside each one of us that seem "yucky".

I want them to see that life IS and will ALWAYS be a continual battle for righteousness. We make CHOICES everyday that determine WHO WE ARE.

Even at the young ages of 10,8,7,and 5....they can rule their destinies.
They determine their life....by their choices.
EVERYDAY.
It never ends,
you cannot rest.

It is a battle, after all.

I have tried to get them to undersatand that they are children of GOD...but the devil likes to SNEAK IN.
And, because he is WICKED....he is deceptive and cunning.
He preys on the minds of the youth...because they are easiest.
They are the MOST vulnerable.
They are the most CAREFREE.
They are the most "UNTAMED".

So lately, we have all been working on our "issues"....and trust me THAT is a FULL TIME JOB that requires 1.)tons of patience and 2.)a QUICK mind.

Malachi has a tendency to use his hands as a first reaction...instead of his words.
So... THAT is what we are working on.

I want him to be in control of his REACTION to things.
I want his FIRST reaction to be a righteous one.

This summer we have had lots of "talks" about his soul, his mind, and about God and how he SAYS we should act.

It has really been a blessing to reason with his little mind and watch him grow.

The other day he came into my room and said, "Mom, I have been acting good lately right?" as he hugged me.

I looked at his sweet little face and said, "Yes Malachi you have. Doesn't it feel GOOD to do the right thing? Doesn't it feel better than doing the WRONG thing?Can you feel it in your heart?"

He shook his head YES enthusiasticly.

"Everyday we have a choice...We can choose WHO we let in our hearts. We can choose God and feel GOOD...OR- we can choose to let the devil in and feel GROSS. But Malachi....WE HAVE THE CHOICE."

He lookad at me straight in the eyes and said, "I Know, Mom".
And he hugged and kissed me....
then he RAN off.

What a sweet moment in time...A moment that let me see that my WILD CHILD, just might be a little less WILD and a little more TAMED.

That SMELL..........

2011-06-27T12:38:00.002-04:00

I will never understand pop culture.
As a child of "middle america" I have been trained to PAY ATTENTION.
I had become accustomed to the "smoke and mirrors" of what society expects from a young girl.
I had always felt a tinge of disgust fester...but didn't know where that really came from.
But-It was there.
I wasn't sure WHY, but-
I knew that I didn't "fit" the mold .
What I didnt REALIZE was that....NOONE DOES!!! EVER!

So as a parent I have TRIED to sheild my children(especially girls) from the FALSE IDEAS that seem to unknowingly get PLANTED in a young girls mind.
I said I have tried.
I have tried to get them to REALIZE that they are beautiful.
No matter how curly their hair is.
No matter how hairy their legs are.
No matter what size their waist is.

They
are
beautiful.
This is not a lie.

But, other peoples opinions and society have a funny way of "creeping in".
Like smoke from a wildfire...sometimes you can't SEE it..but it is there.
You can SMELL IT.
And sometimes you can just get so USED to the smell that you DON'T smell it anymore.

THAT is what I am fighting.

I dont want to become so IMMUNE to the "smoke" that it seems NORMAL.
I don't want to start thinking that UNACCEPTABLE things are ACCEPTABLE...just because it is EASY.
I don't want things to SLIP IN because I am not ON POINT.

11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age. Titus 2:11

So..I stay on gaurd.
Waiting for those "teachable moments".
Always HOPEING to have some WISE WORDS to help mold their minds.

An sometimes....I have NOTHING.

That is what happened the other night when SHASHA and I saw a PREVIEW for THIS(while watching a COOKING SHOW!!!!

Thank GOODNESS that on the preview it didn't actually SHOW him "dancing"..it just showed him TALKING-which WAS ENOUGH.

I was STUNNED...and before I could change the channel Shasha was saying:
"Mom, why would someone dance on a POLE? So weird. Why wouldn't you just dance on the floor? That is weird. Why would a GUY do that? That IS A GUY right Mom? Why would he dance on a POLE?"

Trust me..it didn't take the first SENTENCE to let me know my GUARD ha been let down, and the weirdness of our POP CULTURE has seeped in.

She was so SHOCKED.
Sweet girl.
So innocent. It made me really think about how strange it is that in our "culture"...THAT is acceptable TV for "family night".
It is seen as NORMAL.
I mean really???
How BLIND do you have to be to see that a silver guy POLE DANCING on a TALENT SHOW at 8pm on NBC is CRAZY???????????

Seriously?

I was so BLINDED by what I ha just been asked that I had NO ANSWER.

No wise words for her to "live by"...
No TRUTHS revealed.

On the Inside:
Just SHOCK.
The irony of what Shasha had just asked me was beyond words....for me.
All I could think was....
"Life is a BEAUTIFUL journey.
THANK GOD I made it to THIS SPOT.
THANK GOD for ALL lessons learned."

On the outside:
I laughed.
I laughed and laughed.
I couldn't help it.

And then Shasha looked at me with a PUZZLED look an said, "Why are you laughing Mom? What is so funny?"

I looked at her still laughing and said, "Because THAT is weird Shasha. Why would you dance on a pole? THAT is dumb."

As I sat there an we finished watching the show we were watching I thought...

"Thank you GOD for giving me CLEAR VISION and the ability to SMELL the smoke even when OTHERS can't SEE it."

Give thanks to God for giving me THIS life.
I am ETERNALLY grateful.

Forced...to relax.

2011-06-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it. ~Author Unknown

It is the first week of summer. Officially.

It is always the first week that is kinda a SHOCK to the system.

I always fin myself in a confused state somewhere between planning and relaxing.

One half of myself wants to dive head first into next year....but I also know that
I
NEED
A
BREAK.

I need to NOT THINK for a minute.
I need to get lost in just BEING for a moment.
I need to DE-SCHOOL myself.

I can be easily consumed with lessons, art plans, cirriculum for next year...when I am not careful.

It has a tendency to sneak up on me an creep into my mind....
when I am trying to NOT THINK.

So this week....I have made an effort.

No blog reading, no planning, no lists...
an
NO Guilt.

Which ends up to being the HARDEST one for me....LOL

I will relax, I will relax, I will relax....
or
I will TRY.

Time Traveling

2011-06-21T11:36:00.001-04:00

As I walked into the auditorium this weekend I was flooded with vivid memories.

I found myself sitting somewhere between the past and the future.
Somewhere fimiliar yet distant.
From the smell of the colorful roses to the sounds of a theatre FILLED with excited family members from near and far...
this was my childhood.

I had been here before....I have had these experiences. They are etched in my mind so clearly....like yesterday and 20 years ago- at the same time.

Like de-ja-vu....I felt I had
been
here
before.

I felt so instantly connected to the feeling.
So overwhelmed by emotion ...I couldn't help but cry.

It was such an amazing feeling to APPRECIATE what my girls were feeling.
I knew how excited they were.
I knew how much fun they would have the first time they stepped on that stage.
I knew how much THESE teachers would help shape their lives.
I knew how some of these girls would be IN their FIRST memories of chilhood.
I knew how this process would EMBED themselves in their memories.

I sifted thru memories all weekend.

Like a "time-traveler" I jumped from the past, where I remembered recitals, costumes, and dances I DID 25 years ago....
to the future, where I saw my girls as seniors crossing the stage on their last recital...for 1 last bow.

It was NOTHING less than SURREAL and AMAZING.

The Dance Company proved itself to be an OUTSTANDING company with MANY talented poeple on stage and behind the scene.

I cannot say enough how BLESSED I feel to be able to be a part of something so beautiful an enchanting..

I

Sheba's Day....

2011-06-18T23:40:00.000-04:00

Thursday started the same as Wednesday for me.

Except this time it was Sheba....an it was dress rehersal.
So Again we went from THIS:

To THIS:

She was so adorable....
5 is such a precious age.

She was so excite and READY TO GO!!!

It was HER DAY after all!

Can you tell that I am ONE PROUD MAMA?????

"On With The Show..."

2011-06-15T18:30:00.003-04:00

We woke up bright and early this morning to get dressed an ready for Shashas dance recital dress rehersal.

And when I mean DRESSED...I mean totally "gussied" up complete with brown eyeshadow, blush, mascara, an RED lipstick.

At 8am.

We went from THIS:

To this:

That is right ...I said 8 am!!!!

Then we headed off to the Flagler autotorium in full gear reay for the first of 3 dances.

We got there and "checked in". I had previously(months ago) asked ALL of the girls teachers if I could help backstage. I knew that they would need it and I knew that
being backstage with all the little girls buzzing with excitement was where I wanted to be. Trust me...I am NOTHING if not a "helicopter Mom"...always hovering.

ANd I was right...being backstage in the midst of the ~~madness~~ fun, was exactly the right place for me. I got to experience all of it....with her.

It was something I will never forget...
I am so THANKFUL for the wonderful studio and teachers that teach my children things that I couldn't.
Dance was such a wonderful part of my childhood...and it makes me feel so BLESSED when I see my girls involved in something so divine.

A journey,a lesson, and a puzzle piece.

2011-06-13T17:10:00.000-04:00

I wanted for this last 2 1/2 weeks to make me a stronger person.

I yearned for the time apart to TEACH me that I DONT MIND DOING IT ALONE.

I aspired to come out on the other side SHINING brighter, because I was BETTER.

I thought that MAYBE THIS TIME would be different. I figured that when Jay went on tour THIS TIME....the kids were older so it would be easier.

Last time he went on tour was one of the most difficult times in my adult life.
He would leave for weeks at a time and then come home for a few days only to leave again...for weeks.
It was BEYOND HARD to take care of 4 VERY SMALL children....ALONE.

It was a LONG, HARD experience for me,
But....
I considered it a gift.
It was a GIFT I was giving to my best friend.
It was a gesture of LOVE that I could give to him.....
I could take care of his children and home while he fulfilled one of HIS dreams.
I could DO THAT....
I could give him the "gift" of that musical experience.
Traveling the US...touring with a sucessfull band was something that I KNEW he wanted.
And it was something I COULD give.
I did it. I gave that gift to him...willingly.

And then THIS TIME...when the opportunity came around again...

I made a decision...
THIS TIME...I would conquer my SELF.
I would rise above my fears and self-doubt and I would PREVAIL.
The chores would easily get done.
The house would stay clean...because my children(who were also learning to not yell, or argue)keep it that way....I mean- they are OLDER now....THIS SEEMED do-able.
It seemed like something that was MANAGABLE .
I WANTED it to be something that I walked away from feeling EMPOWERED as a mother.

THAT
IS
NOT
WHAT
HAPPENED.

I do not feel stronger.
I do not feel like it taught me anything...except that I miss him DEARLY when he gone.
Nor do I feel like I am "shining" any "brighter" from the experience.

What I did learn is that in times of frustration...I should be more forgiving, because life SUCKS without him.

I learned that time does not make me feel closer...it makes me feel farther away.Like on two ends of a bridge. FAR AWAY.

I learned that doing the work of SUPERAD is HEAVY. The "man jobs" are strenuous, tiring jobs. I never want to DRAG the trash cans and recycling down the LONG path to the street...ever again.THAT is a dirty job.

And I also learned that life is more dull and mundane without him.
He is the light of sooo many lives and brings positivity and FUN to all situations.
He is the perfect piece to OUR puzzle.
An life is too short to take that for granted.
EVER.

I learned to LOVE an APPRECIATE him more....ALWAYS.

Funny how sometimes in life you THINK you know the lessons you are up against.
You THINK you know your destiny.
Only to be reminded that life is an unknown journey with roads yet to be travelled...sometimes mentally and sometimes physically.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.....

2011-06-10T17:58:00.001-04:00

My husband will be home on Sunday...I intend to come back to the blogging world then.

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Calgon..take me AWAY!!!!

As for now...between the kids, the dogs, the garden, the animals, and the RAGING PMS....I have NOTHING nice to say.

Maybe next week....Ill be back to myself.

Maybe I will be able to form a normal COMPLETE thought.

Maybe I will be able to get back to actually THINKING, rather than 24 hour a day/ 7 day a week parenting.

It has taken a toll on me....I have talked till I cant talk ANY MORE.

I just need a break...

Soon Come.

Till then I am repeating: Too blessed to be Stressed, Too Blessed to be stressed.

Day 11

2011-06-07T21:51:00.002-04:00

Today we spent the day making duct tape hairbows.

It was a nice way to spend some time...working together.

Sometimes I am not sure WHO it is harder for....
Me or Them.

I learn more and more about myself as I walk this road with my kids.

I learned today that even on day 11 of Daddy being gone...
when I am running VERY LOW on patience....
I CAN make a DUCT TAPE BOW.

Soon Enough........

2011-06-06T16:08:00.000-04:00

"Mom, Mom, There is a SKANK in the pool!"

"Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dad was cleaning the pool and there was a SKANK in the pool!"

I smile a smile that only a mother of a PURE 10 year old boy can smile.

He is so excited!!! There was a SKANK in the pool after all!!!

I looked at him and laughed.

I said, "Tell your Dad that we discussed this a LONG TIME ago. NO SKANKS IN THE POOL!!!."

Zeek looked at me with a confused look on his face, but being the SOMEWHAT obedient boy he is he ran off saying , "DAD!!! Mom said to tell you that there are NO SKANKS allowed in the pool!!! She said she told you that A LONG TIME AGO!"

I peeked around the corner just in time to catch Jays face as Zeek finished talking.

It was priceless. We both started CRACKING UP LAUGHING!!!

He looked at both of us with a confused look on his face.

"Mom, I can TELL that it means SOMETHING. I can TELL."

" Zeek it is called a SKINK....not a SKANK. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE." I said trying to hide my laughter.

"What is the difference then?" he said innocently.

"Soon enough you will find out Boy." Jay said.

Sunshyne an I looked at each other and then Jay...we all LAUGHED OUT LOUD this time.

Soon enough Boy, soon enough.

Lately Im Learning.....

2011-06-03T17:15:00.000-04:00

Raising kids is like a battle sometimes.

It is a battle for their SOULS. A battle that can be fought FULLY or it can be fought half-heartedly.

I chose: FULLY, which is nothing less than "LIFE-consuming".
Nothing less that gut-wrenching DIRTY WORK.

It is the kind of job that makes you want to DISAPPEAR sometimes because you cant possible be doing this right.

Believe me I have gone to sleep MANY nights praying that my children don't turn out to be CRAZY, SELF-ABSORBED, LUNATICS....all because of MY sinful ways.
When they are little it is about teaching SURVIVAL SKILLS.

"No, dont do that." is ALWAYS for a good reason. It is always to keep them from hurting themselves or to keep them ALIVE! LOL.

In the beginning...We tell them no to keep them safe. To keep them from scraped knees and broken bones.

We tell them "No" for their own good...and they usually HEED our warnings.

But...as they get older it becomes about something that is MUCH bigger an MUCH deeper.

For the most part...It isn't about keeping their BODIES safe anymore, It is now about their SOULS.

As they get older, it is about THEM making their OWN judgements.

It is about them realizing that they are responsible for THEIR OWN actions...good or bad.

It is about teaching them to be able to DO what is right BECAUSE it was right.
Which is something that is EASIER said than DONE.
BUT...I believe that IF that lesson CAN be learned early...it will save them PRECIOUS TIME in the end.

I have been spending ALOT of time lately eye-to-eye with my children...talking it out.

Trying to LEAD them to recognize that their lives will only GLORIFY GOD if they make the RIGHT decisions..because it is the GODLY thing to do.

which...of course-
is not always the EASY thing to do.

But ...

We either STAND TALL to GODS standard...or FALL SHORT and live a less than FULL life.

I want my children to know that life CAN be full of Great experiences an LOVE.

But ...only if you hold tight to RIGHTEOUSNESS an live a life pleasing to HIM.

Explaining THAT to a 5,7,8 and 10 year old....yep-THAT is my life lately.

My PRIMARY calling.

My most important task.

Eye-to-eye ....we WILL talk it thru.

"You must raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. You cannot do so without investing yourself in a LIFE of sensitive communication in which you help them understan life an Gods world. There is nothing more important. You have only a brief season of life to invest yourself in this task."- Tedd Tripp

Summer Bucket List

2011-06-01T21:41:00.002-04:00

A Bucket List.........a list of "To-Do's".

A "Wish List" of sorts....

I came across the idea of a "Summer Bucket List" on a blog called "Little Wonders Days".

I thought it was a great idea...It would give us an actual LIST of GREAT ACTIVITIES to fill up our summer.

A way to plan AND be spontanious...JUST MY STYLE.

Here is the list I have come up with so far:

-fly a kite
- hike to a new place
-paint using our feet
-have a Wii party
-go to the IMAX
-see fireworks
-make soap
-miniature golf
-make rock candy
-go downtown for ice cream
-make silly puddy
-Root Beer Float Party
-Bowling
-go to farmers market
-water balloons
-family game night
-go fishing
-play kick-ball
-finger paint
-Make popcicles
-have a reading picnic
-feed ducks at park
-chuck-e-cheese

It looks like we are going to have a BLAST this summer....any ideas for YOUR Summer Bucket List????