Talia’s Teachings……….

I look at parenting like I am building a soul.

I take what God has entrusted to me and TRY to help them walk their journey.

Wherever that takes them.

As mine grow we are facing different obstacles now.

Life in the first world for a pre teen is a landmine of decisions and choices.

I am constantly saying, “I need YOU to make better choices.”

Which is funny, because when they are little you don’t think past the diaper changes and the breastfeeding dilemmas.

Hard to imagine a life without whipping out your boob every 20 minutes….

Its hard to imagine these tiny beings …..bigger.

But – it. happens.

They grow.

They change.

They become…right before your eyes.

Its actually painful…like when you get tickled till it hurts.

It’s a love THAT piercing.

And then all the sudden…its 10 years later, your boobs are tightly locked away  and your kids are as tall as you….and have bigger feet.

All.

of.

the.

Sudden.

And then …Here we are having to explain WHY you cant text someone 30 times in 30 minutes….it just rude.

Or

WHY you HAVE to wear deodorant EVERY DAY.  Seriously. Every day.

or

staying up late at night to see what all the girls are “talking about” on Instagram.  So weird being the “appropriate police”.  Teaching them to be nice even when others aren't.

or

why you should appreciate your friends and family EVERYDAY ….life is short and you never know what tomorrow holds.

That is what happened the other day on the way to dance.

I had Shasha, Sheba and their friend Honour in the car.

They were telling me that Talia Castellano.

I knew who she was because for the past few weeks they had been watching her youtube videos and make up tutorials.

She was a youtube sensation and all the girls LOVED her.

And….she had cancer.

The girls were enthralled with her story.

and then on the way to dance that morning they told me that she had passed.

They were really quiet.

For a good 2 or 3 minutes there was silence.

Then…I started telling them that she was put on this earth for a purpose.  God put her here to teach us.

Thru Talia we could learn that life is too short for dumb arguments with your brother or sister.

Thru Talia we could learn that no matter how long your life you can shine and make a difference.

Thru Talia we could learn what it looks like to be brave in the eye of a storm.

Thru Talia we could learn to really LIVE every day.

Thru Talia we learn that you are never to young to TEACH.

It was such a beautiful conversation…..they recognized the reality that she was no longer alive….but her light was still shining.

I think they recognized that thru bravery , kindness, and joy…..your light can never be dimmed, your memory never forgotten, and I think they recognized the importance of EACH DAY.

R.I.P.  Talia… you are still teaching.

Surrendering…to reality.

 

People ask me one question a lot…

They ask…. “How is it that yall have stayed together soooo long?”

And it always surprises  me that in this day and time….

15 years is an ETERNATY.

I mean…it isn’t.  REALLY…in the scope of things.

BUT….

In the days of broken promises, fairy tale expectations, and unrealistic standards….

We have been married “FOREVER”.

In todays world girls are taught to never accept less that 1000% of a mans attention.

We are taught that unless he remembers birthdays, anniversaries, and the day of your first kiss…..he is an ass.

We are fed the lie that he will be perfect.  We are told to accept NOTHING LESS. Wait long enough…and he will appear.

I hear women  all the time talking to their friends about how “if he wants you…he will PROVE it by…(Insert ANYTHING).

I mean we are taught to be UNFORGIVING and to expect no less than perfection.

We are taught to NEVER …ever ever ever…

Wave a white flag.

We are taught to never SURRENDUR what we WANT…for anyone.

WOMEN FIRST…Ugh.  Such a set-up.

It is engrained in our minds from a very young age that marriage and life will be EASY…if you find the “right man”.

The problem with all THAT is:

No one is perfect.

No one will live up to those standards.

No one will ever be “everything” to you.

No one will ever fulfill your every need and want.

No one.

Ever.

The “perfect man” does not exist.

He has never walked the earth.

I mean even Adam was tempted…and flawed.

And that…

That is the secret….

the realization that we are ALL FLAWED.

None of us are perfect.

Not.

One.

of.

us.

Don’t get me wrong…I am by NO MEANS saying to settle with just ANY MAN.

But if you expect perfection…they will ALL fail you.

ALL MEN are NOT created equal…in a woman's eyes.

What I do mean is…  find and pinpoint the things that REALLY MATTER.  The things worth “fighting for”.  Find the things that are “deal-breakers” and stick to them.  But give some leeway in other areas.  Learn to wave your proverbial white flag.

Marriage isn't easy and in my opinion:

 

In order to make a marriage last ….you have to be forgiving.

And be forgiven.

I look at it like this:

There are times in life when  you have to fight FOR your life and times when I had to surrender  TO  IT..

The key to a lasting LOVE and marriage is to know the DIFFRENCE…

and to always carry a white flag.