The Test….again.

 

It NEVER fails.

Never.

You see, Shasha is a strong-willed child.

Strong-willed meaning…she can STAND STRONG with the best of them.  She has an amazing ability to NOT GIVE IN.  Ever.  She is like a wild horse that at times…

needs

to

be

broken.

She is hard headed and amazingly loving at the same time.  She just has a hard time changing her attitude mid-emotion.  She does not do well with things NOT GOING HER WAY.  It isn’t necessarily that she ALWAYS wants her way…its just that when she comes up against a hardship ….she can’t hang.

She will complain and grovel.  a lot.

She has a tendency to have a hard time learning her lessons.  So hard that sometimes I just want to shake her and say, “LOOK…learn your lessons the 1st time!!!  It will make life soooo much easier.”

As you can imagine…she USUALLY DOES NOT listen.

So it happens again and again….she gets the “short stick”.

Again and again….and again.

For instance…This summer we started a new chore system.  mainly because Shasha wanted to do it differently.(till then we used rotating chore charts).  She thought it would work better for her a “different way”.

So I started a NEW SYSTEM where I wrote all the chores on poker chips and put them in a tin can, and gave all the kids their own can.

I mean seriously….it couldn’t be MORE fair right?  They pick their OWN chores.  If they pick one they don’t like, they can’t complain to ME. Ha…brilliant, right? I figured at this point…it was out of my hands. I was really getting the hang of this parenting thing…LOL. NOT.

So…the 1st morning came and the kids picked their chores 1 at a time.  Everyone smiled…except Shasha.

She picked EVERY CHORE she was bent on avoiding:

feed chickens

feed guinea pigs

water for chickens

water for guinea pigs

feed dogs

Every chore she HATES.

Every chore she was avoiding.

Every single one.

Needless to say, she was not pleased with this new arrangement.

She was PISSED.  This had not worked the way she had intended.. at.all.

She looked at me waiting.  Waiting for me to jump in and save her.  Waiting for me to come to her rescue.

I looked at her and KNEW in that moment.

It was out of MY HANDS.  God was in control of this one.

I explained to her that the chores were not the issue. 

Her attitude was the issue.  The fact that she didn’t willing accept what was given to her without complaining was the problem.

It was THE TEST.

I told her that in life God will put you to many tests.   When he sees a problem inside us he is determined to fix it.  He is a master at his craft and he will saturate our lives with the direct problems we need to face.

Every time.

I was proven right when..for the next 3 days she pulled the SAME STINKIN’ CHORES.

Crazy cool.

He will put us to a test…UNTIL we pass.

AMAZING.

The season of ME……

Last night at work I sat and listened to two of my friends talk about the yoga classes they liked the best,  what times the classes were and how GREAT they felt afterwards.

As I listened to them I envisioned a time in my life when I could GET TO my favorite classes with my favorite people.

I would love to do sun salutations each and every morning with them….instead I pop in every couple of months for a few days to say hello to my mat and sweaty friends. 

Mainly to remind myself that I still CAN do a zillion downward dogs and planks.

I would LOVE to make it to ballet every Monday and Thursday like I had intended….some of my favorite people are there.  Instead I run in every once in a while and try to act like I have a CLUE what I am doing. 

Which mainly means making fun of myself the entire time….while trying to grand plié 1000 times without my knees cracking.  LOL.

I used to fight it and make plans every week to …DO BETTER.

Then every time my LIFE got in the way ….I would beat myself up.

And as I listened to my friends last night I realized….

I am resigned to the fact that ONE DAY…I will come first.

Today is not that day.

Today I will come last on my list.

I am ok with that.

I

made

that

choice.

I made the decision to have a big family that requires ALL of my time at this point.

I wouldn’t change it. Ever.

I am knee deep in hormones and eye-rolls, tiny bras and stomping feet, painted nails and sibling rivalry.  I am struggling with mourning friendships and trying to keep my heart from hardening.

My life at THIS POINT requires my time and devotion.

I want to be present for every moment.

I think it is wonderful when a Mom can devote some time to herself everyday. I don’t know 1, by the way. But, I think it is a wonderful idea.

As for me…

I cant. I try. I fail.

Just being REAL.

I am hopelessly devoted to my family and know in my heart that THIS

IS

WHERE

I

AM

NEEDED

RIGHT

NOW.

All that said….I have confidence that the hat I wear today will change tomorrow.  As my children grow into themselves…my life will change. 

Until then….

As I referee arguments I will dream of the painting classes …I will take at the Art association in 20 years.

As I wash another load of dirty clothes… I will daydream of the yoga I will do every morning at sunrise.

As I teach the kids their spelling words and put band-aids on their cuts I will allow my mind to drift to a season in  my life in the future when my children are grown and I can take as many classes and read as many books as I please.

As I run the kids to THEIR ballet classes and football games…I will try and remember that in life there are seasons.

As for right now….I know where I am and I love it.

I figure my season will come….eventually.

It makes me  wonder who I will be…in the season of ME.

Knee Deep……….

 

I am in the trenches of parenting these days.

I mean KNEE-DEEP in tons of issues.

Half-way up SEVERAL mountains.

Facing down my fears and trying my hardest to keep my head above water.

My kids are growing up which means DAYS of sorting out feelings and LOVING them thru it.

Gone are the days of just “keeping them alive”….

Those were the days…nurse,sleep,change. Repeat.

No…..

Now we are going DEEP into the heart of the issues….in the muddy trenches.  Sifting thru a mess of changes.

Sticky places that shape them for LIFE.

It is EXAUSTING.

And most of time I feel like I am failing…..

Flailing on all fronts.  And not succeeding in ANY of them.

Some days go by with little or no drama.

Well…little or very little drama.

There are rarely days with NO DRAMA…who are we kidding???

And some days ROCK ME.

Some days I feel like if I have to referee ONE>MORE>FIGHT, answer 1 more question, cook 1 more meal, teach 1 more lesson, or solve 1 more problem….

I will FREAK .

And some days I do…..freak.

More often than you would believe …trust me.

But more than anything I am learning thru these days that I am growing up too.

I am learning new things about myself and my journey everyday.

I am learning that sometimes the lessons are more for me to learn than they are for me to teach.

They are reflections of me.

I guess that is life right?

We ALL grow.

We ALL change.

And we ALL get a new chance tomorrow.

Thank goodness that we get re-dos and make-ups.

And thank goodness that if we truly pay attention in this life we realize that…..

We

are

forever

HIS

children.

We are given these struggles and “trenches” …

because we NEED them.

We need to constantly examine and look inside.

We need to continually check ourselves.

If we don’t…..

We soon realize that….

The mud in the trenches is heavy and suffocating.

And if we don’t KEEP MOVING…

We are bound to get STUCK.

Imagine if……..

EVERY YEAR as we come to the close of the school year…we all get “summer fever”.

Summer fever in our house = bickering, arguing, whining, resistant children.

Oh..who am I kidding???  It equals those SAME kind of mommy/teacher.

And sometimes….

I

CAN’T

TAKE

IT.

“You guys should appreciate each other…NOT ARGUE!  You have each other …THAT is a gift.”

I say that phrase 1000’s of times.

Not an exaggeration…1000’s. Seriously.

And most of the time they DON’T HEAR ME.

Sooooooooo………….

the other day when they went at it again….

I had ANOTHER PLAN.

They bickered. They fought. They argued.

So I said, “You guys should appreciate each other…NOT ARGUE!!! You have each other…THAT is a gift!  BUT- YOU don’t VALUE each other!!! So from this moment on….YOU, Sheba-DON’T HAVE A BROTHER named Malachi. And YOU,Malachi- DON’T HAVE A SISTER named Sheba! You are not allowed to speak, look, or play together.  Imagine your life WITHOUT EACH OTHER.  From THIS moment…YOU DON"’T HAVE EACH OTHER!!!”

They looked at each other in SHOCK!!!

And then something changed….It was like they could feel the LOSS of each other.

Malachi didn’t say much….he just sat stunned.

But Sheba……..he little face turned BRIGHT RED and the tears started welling up in her eyes. Before I knew it she was CRYING.

Her sweet little soul LOVED her Bubba….maybe even more than she KNEW.

I sat down next to them and explained that sometimes when we are around each other sooooo much…we push each others buttons, get on each others nerves, and aggravate the CRAP out of each other.

But …

NO

MATTER

WHAT…

We ARE each other.  We are soooo inter-twinned in each others everyday lives that we HARDLY EVER get a chance to feel what it would be like if we WEREN’T around each other……

then we we do imagine it…….

We are HOLLOW…because it takes every single piece to make a whole puzzle.

Reminded..........

Many mornings I wake and wonder.....

I wonder WHY?
I wonder HOW?

Why is it that we sit HERE...
with food to eat.
a BED to sleep on.
access to medicine.
clothes to wear.
CLEAN water to drink.

Why is it US?

Why do THEY sit THERE???
with NO FOOD to eat.
with nothing but a mud floor to sleep on.
no access to ANY kind of health care.
no shoes on their feet.
and
nothing but DIRTY, disease-filled water to drink.

Why  .....

Why are we the "lucky" ones?
Why are the ones that "have it good" and have the LUXURY to NOT CARE or CARE on a  moment to moment basis?

Why are THEY the ones who have to PRAY they make it BACK from the well without being kidnapped and raped?

It feels UNFAIR.
It feels SAD.
I feel UNWORTHY...and DEFINITELY not MORE WORTHY than her....

That woman loves those babies...just like I love mine.
Thant woman wants her babies to be safe and healthy...just like me.
BUT...
She is there and I am here...In front of my computer listening to music in my MANSION, with a FULL fridge, while my children sleep in their safe beds.

Seems so UNREAL...Like a blessing granted but not understood.

As I think about this, all that keeps coming to mind is that - NO MATTER WHAT- I should GIVE THANKS....always.

Maybe the reason I see these things is because I need the constant reminder...I NEED to be aware.
I NEED to remember..
I need MY LIFE to be put into perspective.
I need the constant reminder that ...
my life is BLESSED.
No matter how much I want MORE...I NEED LESS.

Maybe the reason I sit here an SEE  is to remind YOU.............

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or living in want. I can do everything thru HIM that gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Everyday is a GIFT...even in the "first-world".

Living a life full of EXTRAS is beautiful.

"Extras" are sometimes the things that make life easy...
like a car..when you know what it is like to WALK.
OR
the washing machine...when you know what it is like to wash clothes IN A BUCKET.
OR
Sometimes it is the freezer...because THAT means we don't have to CARRY our ice miles from the store.

I love those kinds of "extras" ...those are the "third-world" problems that are solved by living in the "first-world".

The other day my friend Heather posted a HILARIOUS video that describes EXACTLY what I am talking about when I say, "first-world" extras....Here it is:

(Before you watch this video...turn off the music player on the right column.)



I mean REALLy...this is
HOW
WE
LIVE...
Angry at the computer for taking too long...when it has been 7 seconds ALREADY.
Mad when the pantry is TOO FULL to fit the stuff we JUST BOUGHT....UUUGGHHH.
Bothered when the water they bring us at the RESTRAUNT...tastes "funny" because it isn't bottled....WAAAAA!!!
Irritated because we have to GO TO WORK....BLAH!

We are spoiled in ALL kinds of ways.
We live in a world FULL of FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.
We live in a place where we are "blissfully unaware"..which basically makes us UNAPPRECIATIVE and UNGRATEFUL.
We forget how lucky we are ...on a daily.
We manage to CONVINCE ourselves that LIFE for us is HARD.
BUT...It is NOT.
We are BLESSED...one reason being because we live in the FIRST-WORLD.
And we have to OPPORTUNITY to be IGNORANT to "third-world" problems.
We have to ABILITY to LOOK AWAY when we feel uncomfortable...
We change the channel when we want to be distracted.
It is THAT easy.
And we forget how UNIMAGINABLY BLESSED we really are.

Sometimes the secret to being TRULY HAPPY is realizing that..
Things could be so much worse.
Sometimes being happy is just that....BEING happy.
LIVING happily.
Being JOYFUL.
Living INTENTIONALY.
With the knowledge that our life is a GIFT.

Walkabout??? Already????

Wikipedia says that THIS is the definition of a walkabout:

"Walkabout refers to a rite of passage during which male Australian Aborigines would undergo a journey during adolescence and live in the wilderness for a period."

Well...as a parent of a man-child I knew that SOMEDAY one of the boys would want to go on some sort of "walkabout".

And ...as a Mother I always knew that I would NOT BE READY-whenever that day came!

And just as I'd imagined ...it happened last night.

Jay had a gig and Zeek stayed there with him to help the band load up the equipment, roll cords, break down drums, etc.

THIS is a hard transition for ME...but- he is getting older and NEEDS to gain some sort of independence. Sniff sniff. LOL.

He JUST started staying and helping in the last year.

The other kids used to complain with the TYPICAL responses of , "But, Mom!!!! I want to stay TOO!!!!!"

or, the ever lasting , "MOM!!!! Thats not FAIR!!!!!"

But, after a few discussions about how Zeek is the oldest so he will ALWAYS be the FIRST to do things...FOREVER. They usually quiet down.

When they keep arguing, I easiely shut their mouths with a quick, "I did not make THAT decision. If you have a problem with THAT ONE, you need to talk to GOD!"

Which of course...stops them in their tracks! LOL

So JUST THIS has been a slow transition for us all...the kids are growing.
we have kinda exited the baby stage...its time for some independance.

BUT...I was NOT PREPARED when they came home last night and PROPOSITIONED ME.

I promise you this was not a RANDOM WORK.

THIS was PLANNED.

They came to me in the kitchen.

Zeek under Jays arm.
UNITED.
They were there for a PURPOSE.

I'm not really sure how it started but ALL I REMEMBER are the words "Tennessee" and "reggae festival".

It was all a blur....
And the next thing I know was that they were trying to convince me that Zeek should be able to take his first "WALKABOUT".

In this situation the "walkabout" being: a reggae festival in Tennessee where they are camping by a river. Jay will be playing and Zeek will be "a roadie"....He will wave the flag on stage when Jay is playing..just like always. They will leave on Friday and return on Sunday.

As you can imagine..JUST the thought made my heart immediately start to beat faster and my mind race!

My answer: Ill have to PRAY on that one!!!

In my heart I know it is ok.
It is probably the BEST "Walkabout" a Rasta family could ask for.

So ...I guess it is time.

And everyone is doing EXACTLY what they are supposed to do.

The Father and Son are SUPPOSED to try and convince the Mother that IT IS "THE RIGHT" TIME.
And the Mother is SUPPOSED to feel that it could NEVER be "THE RIGHT TIME".

Good news folks....WERE RIGHT ON SCHEDULE!!!!!!!!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Batidos and Blessings….

Kids Spanish 101 + Fruit = Batidos(Smoothies)

YUMMY!!!

Awesome Senorita Shawna came over again today for Kids Spanish 101.

She arrived with a HUGE bag of FRUIT….

and Spanish flash cards….

and a blender….

and her 2 kids….

AWESOME.

She started by laying out the fruit on the floor and asking the kids to cut the Spanish words for the fruit and “label” them.

  

THEN the kids took turns acting like they ran a restaurant ( a CRAZY restaurant) but a restaurant none the less…LOL.

They ordered their BATIDOS(smoothies) and waited NOT SO PATIENTLY for the COOK(Me and Shawna) to make their TREATS.

SWEET!!!!!!!!  (Literally)

The kids LOVED it.

They are like sponges….they SOAK IT UP.

They LOVE learning Spanish and as I have said before –I hope that THESE LESSONS help them to BE BETTER.

Better  people.

More WORLDY people.

More WELL ROUNDED.

More AWARE that AMERICA and ENGLISH are NOT the end all be all.

There are LOTS of places in the world where SPANISH is a VALUABLE COMMODOTY.

A treasure.

A SKILL.

   

Then

I appreciate these lessons and the FRIENDS that can teach them.

What a blessing these classes are.

What a TREASURE these children will hold if they actually end up BI-LINGUAL.

THEN I got to THINKING…

Is is too much to ask that AFTER they are  BI-LINGUAL they NEVER LEAVE  or TRAVEL to use their skills????

PROBABLY….

But- A mother can hope right??????

LOL.

Arriba!!!!!!!

 

‘

PSL -Patois as a Second Language?????

“Patois is any language that is considered nonstandard, although the term is not formally defined in linguistics. It can refer to pidgins, creoles, dialects, and other forms of native or local speech, but not commonly to jargon or slang, which are vocabulary-based forms of cant. Class distinctions are embedded in the term, drawn between those who speak patois and those who speak the standard or dominant language.”

IN ORDER TO READ THIS POST…GO DOWN TO THE MUSIC PLAYER ON THE RIGHT AND HIT PAUSE. THEN YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE VIDEOS…SORRY!

Did you understand THAT???

OR

Did it SEEM like another language??????

Well……….

Its ENGLISH.

Patois.

A Jamaican dialect.

I hear people say ALL THE TIME that they CAN’T understand reggae music.

They can FEEL it …they just cant understand the words.

Like this:

SEE!!!!!

Sometimes you CAN understand it.

SOMETIMES you CAN’T.

BUT…YOU CAN DEFINANTLY FEEL IT!!!

The more you listen to reggae music …

the easier it is.

I could tell you EVERY WORD of this song.

(If your interested..leave a comment LOL)

BUT…that is because we listen to REGGAE music.

ALL THE TIME.

EVERYDAY.

EVERYNIGHT.

The kids have GROWN up listening to REGGAE music.

We add in some blues and JAZZ.

But MAINLY…Its REGGAE.

Its pretty much the main STAPLE around here…musically.

PROOF:

When I was about 8 months pregnant with Zeek, Jay and I went to see our friend DJ….

He was spinning TECHO music (so I already had a pretty good idea that we weren't staying long.)

ANYWAY….

When we got there we said HELLO and stood off to the side.

About 5 minutes in…Zeek started FREAKING OUT.

In the WOMB.

He was kicking me and moving around soooooo much that I was in PAIN!!!!

SERIOUS PAIN!

“I DO NOT LIKE THIS MUSIC” pain!

Needless to say….we left.

I took it as a sign.

LOL

ANYWAY….

The other day I was cooking dinner and Shasha was sitting at the kitchen table coloring .

We were listening to music when she asked me SOMETHING about the song that was on.

She wanted to know WHY they were saying something.

What she was asking wasn’t as important to me at the moment as the fact that SHE could UNDERSTAND the words.

I asked her…”Shasha- can you UNDERSTAND what he is saying?”

She looked at me TOTALLY CONFUSED and said, “Yes, why?”

It was so EYE-OPENING.

I started laughing and thought , “I wonder if PATOIS can count as our 2nd language?”

LOL….

Probably not…sadly enough.

But to me ….THIS HOUSE IS BILINGUAL!!!!!!

Love and Light…….

I

Lesson Learned.....

Maybe I'm just WAY too emotional....
But
This morning I woke up to THIS story on CNN while having my coffee:


By the time it was over ...
TEARS were streaming down my face.

How Inspiring....

It makes me soooo proud to be a teacher...
someone who CAN affect the lives of MY youth.

It makes me want to be a little more STRICT

AND

a little more PLAYFUL.

It make me realize that life is too short for "Neutral Colors" in the classroom.

And "GLOBAL AWARENESS"???

What an amazing school.
What a amazing environment for those kids.
What a blessing...

Makes me want to write a MULTIPLICATION RAP....
Makes me want to take the kids to an AFRICAN DANCE CLASS....
Makes me want to start our day with a SLIDE!!!!!!