The season of ME……

Last night at work I sat and listened to two of my friends talk about the yoga classes they liked the best,  what times the classes were and how GREAT they felt afterwards.

As I listened to them I envisioned a time in my life when I could GET TO my favorite classes with my favorite people.

I would love to do sun salutations each and every morning with them….instead I pop in every couple of months for a few days to say hello to my mat and sweaty friends. 

Mainly to remind myself that I still CAN do a zillion downward dogs and planks.

I would LOVE to make it to ballet every Monday and Thursday like I had intended….some of my favorite people are there.  Instead I run in every once in a while and try to act like I have a CLUE what I am doing. 

Which mainly means making fun of myself the entire time….while trying to grand plié 1000 times without my knees cracking.  LOL.

I used to fight it and make plans every week to …DO BETTER.

Then every time my LIFE got in the way ….I would beat myself up.

And as I listened to my friends last night I realized….

I am resigned to the fact that ONE DAY…I will come first.

Today is not that day.

Today I will come last on my list.

I am ok with that.

I

made

that

choice.

I made the decision to have a big family that requires ALL of my time at this point.

I wouldn’t change it. Ever.

I am knee deep in hormones and eye-rolls, tiny bras and stomping feet, painted nails and sibling rivalry.  I am struggling with mourning friendships and trying to keep my heart from hardening.

My life at THIS POINT requires my time and devotion.

I want to be present for every moment.

I think it is wonderful when a Mom can devote some time to herself everyday. I don’t know 1, by the way. But, I think it is a wonderful idea.

As for me…

I cant. I try. I fail.

Just being REAL.

I am hopelessly devoted to my family and know in my heart that THIS

IS

WHERE

I

AM

NEEDED

RIGHT

NOW.

All that said….I have confidence that the hat I wear today will change tomorrow.  As my children grow into themselves…my life will change. 

Until then….

As I referee arguments I will dream of the painting classes …I will take at the Art association in 20 years.

As I wash another load of dirty clothes… I will daydream of the yoga I will do every morning at sunrise.

As I teach the kids their spelling words and put band-aids on their cuts I will allow my mind to drift to a season in  my life in the future when my children are grown and I can take as many classes and read as many books as I please.

As I run the kids to THEIR ballet classes and football games…I will try and remember that in life there are seasons.

As for right now….I know where I am and I love it.

I figure my season will come….eventually.

It makes me  wonder who I will be…in the season of ME.

A Little Big Life.

Sometimes in life there are times when I don’t want to…

ANYTHING.

There are times when I just need to escape the four walls that are closing in on me and surrender to the bigger picture.

Those  days when thankfulness escapes me and joy is hard to find.

Those days.

The undeniably hard ones.

Those are the days that I am learning that feelings can drown me and life is BIG.

B.I.G.

Big.

Too big to wrap my mind around. 

Too many feelings and too much struggle….for me.

I am learning that there is ONE SURE CURE….

Nature.

Fresh Air.

Wind.

Salt.

Heat.

It is because “out there” I am forced to take my eyes off things that are merely 3 feet in front of me.

I am forced to take in LIFE thru nature that I can’t thru my 4 walls…

And sometimes…………

A bigger world picture is all we need.

Realizing that our problems are small, no matter how big….is HUGE.

It is only when I remember that I am a mere piece of the puzzle that life is put into perspective.

It is only when my WORLD VIEW is distorted that I find faults.

BUT…

When I remember that I am small in this BIG picture,

when I remember that I am blessed beyond words,

when I remember that I CAN choose to seep LOVE,

THAT is when my sense of perspective changes .

That is when I WANT to do…………..

EVERYTHING.

Because..

My life is a small speck of a blessing in a long line of lifetimes.

Small

and

Big

at

the

same

time.

A little, big life.

So…This weekend, that is what we did.

When we started feeling frustrated and overwhelmed…

We got out.

We explored.

We celebrated our “little, big life”.

Knee Deep……….

 

I am in the trenches of parenting these days.

I mean KNEE-DEEP in tons of issues.

Half-way up SEVERAL mountains.

Facing down my fears and trying my hardest to keep my head above water.

My kids are growing up which means DAYS of sorting out feelings and LOVING them thru it.

Gone are the days of just “keeping them alive”….

Those were the days…nurse,sleep,change. Repeat.

No…..

Now we are going DEEP into the heart of the issues….in the muddy trenches.  Sifting thru a mess of changes.

Sticky places that shape them for LIFE.

It is EXAUSTING.

And most of time I feel like I am failing…..

Flailing on all fronts.  And not succeeding in ANY of them.

Some days go by with little or no drama.

Well…little or very little drama.

There are rarely days with NO DRAMA…who are we kidding???

And some days ROCK ME.

Some days I feel like if I have to referee ONE>MORE>FIGHT, answer 1 more question, cook 1 more meal, teach 1 more lesson, or solve 1 more problem….

I will FREAK .

And some days I do…..freak.

More often than you would believe …trust me.

But more than anything I am learning thru these days that I am growing up too.

I am learning new things about myself and my journey everyday.

I am learning that sometimes the lessons are more for me to learn than they are for me to teach.

They are reflections of me.

I guess that is life right?

We ALL grow.

We ALL change.

And we ALL get a new chance tomorrow.

Thank goodness that we get re-dos and make-ups.

And thank goodness that if we truly pay attention in this life we realize that…..

We

are

forever

HIS

children.

We are given these struggles and “trenches” …

because we NEED them.

We need to constantly examine and look inside.

We need to continually check ourselves.

If we don’t…..

We soon realize that….

The mud in the trenches is heavy and suffocating.

And if we don’t KEEP MOVING…

We are bound to get STUCK.

Reminded..........

Many mornings I wake and wonder.....

I wonder WHY?
I wonder HOW?

Why is it that we sit HERE...
with food to eat.
a BED to sleep on.
access to medicine.
clothes to wear.
CLEAN water to drink.

Why is it US?

Why do THEY sit THERE???
with NO FOOD to eat.
with nothing but a mud floor to sleep on.
no access to ANY kind of health care.
no shoes on their feet.
and
nothing but DIRTY, disease-filled water to drink.

Why  .....

Why are we the "lucky" ones?
Why are the ones that "have it good" and have the LUXURY to NOT CARE or CARE on a  moment to moment basis?

Why are THEY the ones who have to PRAY they make it BACK from the well without being kidnapped and raped?

It feels UNFAIR.
It feels SAD.
I feel UNWORTHY...and DEFINITELY not MORE WORTHY than her....

That woman loves those babies...just like I love mine.
Thant woman wants her babies to be safe and healthy...just like me.
BUT...
She is there and I am here...In front of my computer listening to music in my MANSION, with a FULL fridge, while my children sleep in their safe beds.

Seems so UNREAL...Like a blessing granted but not understood.

As I think about this, all that keeps coming to mind is that - NO MATTER WHAT- I should GIVE THANKS....always.

Maybe the reason I see these things is because I need the constant reminder...I NEED to be aware.
I NEED to remember..
I need MY LIFE to be put into perspective.
I need the constant reminder that ...
my life is BLESSED.
No matter how much I want MORE...I NEED LESS.

Maybe the reason I sit here an SEE  is to remind YOU.............

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or living in want. I can do everything thru HIM that gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Tribal Mentality....

 

To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We live outside the touch of time. - Clara Ortega

................................................................................................................

I'll never forget that hot summer day......in about 2008.

We had "snuck into" the Holiday Inn swimming pool in the middle of the day.

It was hot and we were determined to get a good hour in before someone caught on......which USUALLy took WAY less than an hour.

I mean.....We are a family of 6 with dreadlocks.

For some reason, BACK THEN...

we seems smaller

or 

less

or

calmer

or

SOMETHING.

The kids were 6,4,3, and 1.

THESE days...now that the kids are bigger, we dont even ATTEMPT to sneak in.

We would NEVER make it THRU THE GATE now.....they can sense us comming with our SWARM of kids and all their:

towels 

and 

goggles 

and 

sunscreen 

and 

dive sticks

and

LOUDNESS.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS NOW when we show up at a pool:

Me: How long do you think it will take babe?

Jay: 10 minutes.

Me: No way....they will be gone in 5!!!!

That is the converasation we have.

We call it "Rasta-vacate-itis".

That is when there are lots of people swimming and enjoying the pool...

THEN- We show up.

They see Jay and I and our 4 kids ...and before you know it- 

We

have

the

pool

to

ourselves!

Awesome.

It happens EVERYTIME.

Sometimes it takes aFEW minutes longer than others...but-

it

always

happens.

No matter what.

We have enjoyed MANY a day in our own PERSONAL hotel pool...because people were scared.

But this day....was BEFORE.

The kids were little and we were...smaller, I guess.

We were all swimming in the pool and Sheba(1) was sitting on the outside of the pool on the concrete.

A little boy started to "mess with her".

He was taking her toys and making her whine. Nothing serious...just kid stuff.

But what happened next will FOREVER be etched into my mind.

Malachi was about 3 and was in the pool swimming...but watching.

He saw what the boy was doing and swam to the edge.

Without a word he climbed out of the pool and stood between his little sister and "the outsider".

He took a karate stance with his hands in front of him.

Ready to defend.

He didn't SAY a word.

He didn't HAVE to.

The little boy retreated to the safety of his side of the pool and never returned.

Then...without a sound- Malachi got back in the pool.

I sat back and watched in amazement.

I was stunned at how, at SUCH A YOUNG AGE, the children KNOW.

They KNOW who is  "of their tribe".

They protect each other and consume each other to the point that they are willing to stand and defend EACH OTHER...without ever asking US for a thing.

AMAZING.

I will NEVER forget that.

EVER.

Then...sometimes as children get older they forget how VALUABLE and PRECIOUS they are to one another.

They forget to be GRATEFUL that God GAVE THEM built in friends and protectors.  

UNTIL.....

They are left ALONE.

Which is EXACTLY what happened to us this last weekend.

I was sick on Saturday and everyone left.

Shasha and Sheba went with their friends and Zeek and malachi had a football game.

So they all went they seperate ways.

Then Shasha got dropped off here at the house with ME.

ALL ALONE.

No other kids to play with.

Just SHASHAMANE...by herself.

It was TORTURE for her.

She had NO IDEA what to do with herself.

At one point she was LAYING ON THE FLOOR of the kitchen....moaning.

I could not help but remind her...every 5 minutes...they she should be GRATEFUL.

"What do you think your friends who are ONLY CHILDREN do???"

"Do you think they act like this????"

It was a day of reasoning...with Shasha.

I spent most of the  day talking to her about why she should be grateful for what she has.....because it is ENOUGH.

It is a blessing to HAVE brothers and sisters TO PLAY WITH.

By the end of the day...

ALL SHE WANTED WAS HER BROTHERS and SISTER.

A perfect lesson for a fussy "NOT-ONLY-CHILD".

Be grateful for what you have, because you never know what you have till it is gone.

Lesson Learned.

Mission Accomplished.

Life Happens........

Can we just REWIND last week???/
  Maybe?


It started on Wednesday with Malachi.
He threw up first......and in a house of 6, when 1 goes, we prepare for the ONSLAUGHT.

Soooooooo on it went.

I'll spare you the details, BUT....
Everyone but Shasha and Jay got sick.
REALLY SICK.


We missed a week of school and are JUST now getting back to it.

TODAY...
We spent the day on a blanket while I read their science, history, and bible study today.
And they watched a few educational cartoons.

It is funny how no matter what you WANT your days to LOOK LIKE,
no matter what you WISH you were doing...
sometimes LIFE HAPPENS.


Last week I WANTED to:
stay on top of school,
go to work,
watch the boys football game,
do the laundry,
do some FALL CRAFTS,
"pin" so me stuff,
take a "nap" (or 2) with my husband,
facebook,
and BLOG......

I did NONE of it.

LIFE HAPPENED.

About mid-week, I realized that when the guilt of all the "chores" doesn't even make a difference.....
It means:
YOU
ARE
SICK.

So .....I slept, took care of kids, made very little food, watched lots of JUNK TV, and took tons of baths.

I checked out and lost a week....
Sometimes....

LIFE
JUST
HAPPENS.

Truth....on a daily

Sometimes in the blogging world there is a misconception that a blog tells you EVERYTHING about a person...so to speak.

When we follow a blog....
We think we "know" people.
We think we know what they do on a daily basis.
We imagine all kinds of things about them.
We imagine their lives all tidy and neat, with perfect children who do not argue, homemade meals on the table for dinner, and a homeschool day that is SURE to MOLD a GENIUS.

But let me tell you...THAT creature is a MYTH.

The Mom who has it all under control, everything together, that "does it better than me" Mom...she NEVER existed.

I am here to tell you, from the INSIDE of the blogging world,
THAT
DOES
NOT
EXIST.

I will let you in on a secret....for ME and MINE anyway,
What we write about on our blogs...is a SNAP SECOND of our lives.
It is our "best-foot forward" most of the time.
I try and be honest an keep it real...but inevitably...we write about more of our TRIUMPHS than our DEFEATS.

I couldnt keep up with a DAY BY DAY, BLOW BY BLOW, blog if I tried.
Too much happens in my life.
Too many thought go thru my head...
too much "stuff" happens on my journey.
Good and bad.
Triumphs and defeats.
Arguements and make-ups.
Laughs and cries.
Smiles and frowns.

And....We all have flaws.
I have good days and bad days.
I argue with my husband....and we make-up.
I cook good meals....and I go thru drive thrus.
I pray for our kids...and then I yell at them.
I teach them...and they teach me.
Sometimes I am proud of the work I i that day...and sometimes I have to ask God for forgiveness.

Because....
I live a REAL life.
A life full of ups and downs.
A life that I have committed to God.
Because I NEED his help in this life.
I make mistakes ...DAILY.
And sometimes...I blog about them.
Sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I expose myself a little and sometimes I REALY let you in.
Because on this blog...just like in this LIFE...
I
am
trying
to
stay
true.


Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long
Psalm 25:5




.

Everyday is a GIFT...even in the "first-world".

Living a life full of EXTRAS is beautiful.

"Extras" are sometimes the things that make life easy...
like a car..when you know what it is like to WALK.
OR
the washing machine...when you know what it is like to wash clothes IN A BUCKET.
OR
Sometimes it is the freezer...because THAT means we don't have to CARRY our ice miles from the store.

I love those kinds of "extras" ...those are the "third-world" problems that are solved by living in the "first-world".

The other day my friend Heather posted a HILARIOUS video that describes EXACTLY what I am talking about when I say, "first-world" extras....Here it is:

(Before you watch this video...turn off the music player on the right column.)



I mean REALLy...this is
HOW
WE
LIVE...
Angry at the computer for taking too long...when it has been 7 seconds ALREADY.
Mad when the pantry is TOO FULL to fit the stuff we JUST BOUGHT....UUUGGHHH.
Bothered when the water they bring us at the RESTRAUNT...tastes "funny" because it isn't bottled....WAAAAA!!!
Irritated because we have to GO TO WORK....BLAH!

We are spoiled in ALL kinds of ways.
We live in a world FULL of FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.
We live in a place where we are "blissfully unaware"..which basically makes us UNAPPRECIATIVE and UNGRATEFUL.
We forget how lucky we are ...on a daily.
We manage to CONVINCE ourselves that LIFE for us is HARD.
BUT...It is NOT.
We are BLESSED...one reason being because we live in the FIRST-WORLD.
And we have to OPPORTUNITY to be IGNORANT to "third-world" problems.
We have to ABILITY to LOOK AWAY when we feel uncomfortable...
We change the channel when we want to be distracted.
It is THAT easy.
And we forget how UNIMAGINABLY BLESSED we really are.

Sometimes the secret to being TRULY HAPPY is realizing that..
Things could be so much worse.
Sometimes being happy is just that....BEING happy.
LIVING happily.
Being JOYFUL.
Living INTENTIONALY.
With the knowledge that our life is a GIFT.

A journey,a lesson, and a puzzle piece.

I wanted for this last 2 1/2 weeks to make me a stronger person.

I yearned for the time apart to TEACH me that I DONT MIND DOING IT ALONE.

I aspired to come out on the other side SHINING brighter, because I was BETTER.

I thought that MAYBE THIS TIME would be different. I figured that when Jay went on tour THIS TIME....the kids were older so it would be easier.

Last time he went on tour was one of the most difficult times in my adult life.
He would leave for weeks at a time and then come home for a few days only to leave again...for weeks.
It was BEYOND HARD to take care of 4 VERY SMALL children....ALONE.


It was a LONG, HARD experience for me,
But....
I considered it a gift.
It was a GIFT I was giving to my best friend.
It was a gesture of LOVE that I could give to him.....
I could take care of his children and home while he fulfilled one of HIS dreams.
I could DO THAT....
I could give him the "gift" of that musical experience.
Traveling the US...touring with a sucessfull band was something that I KNEW he wanted.
And it was something I COULD give.
I did it. I gave that gift to him...willingly.

And then THIS TIME...when the opportunity came around again...

I made a decision...
THIS TIME...I would conquer my SELF.
I would rise above my fears and self-doubt and I would PREVAIL.
The chores would easily get done.
The house would stay clean...because my children(who were also learning to not yell, or argue)keep it that way....I mean- they are OLDER now....THIS SEEMED do-able.
It seemed like something that was MANAGABLE .
I WANTED it to be something that I walked away from feeling EMPOWERED as a mother.

THAT
IS
NOT
WHAT
HAPPENED.

I do not feel stronger.
I do not feel like it taught me anything...except that I miss him DEARLY when he gone.
Nor do I feel like I am "shining" any "brighter" from the experience.

What I did learn is that in times of frustration...I should be more forgiving, because life SUCKS without him.

I learned that time does not make me feel closer...it makes me feel farther away.Like on two ends of a bridge. FAR AWAY.

I learned that doing the work of SUPERAD is HEAVY. The "man jobs" are strenuous, tiring jobs. I never want to DRAG the trash cans and recycling down the LONG path to the street...ever again.THAT is a dirty job.

And I also learned that life is more dull and mundane without him.
He is the light of sooo many lives and brings positivity and FUN to all situations.
He is the perfect piece to OUR puzzle.
An life is too short to take that for granted.
EVER.

I learned to LOVE an APPRECIATE him more....ALWAYS.

Funny how sometimes in life you THINK you know the lessons you are up against.
You THINK you know your destiny.
Only to be reminded that life is an unknown journey with roads yet to be travelled...sometimes mentally and sometimes physically.

Truth be told......

Homeschooling....

THAT WORD can mean sooo many different things.

Some are SUPER structured and go by a STRICT SCHEDULE.

Some UN-School, with NO SCHEDULE- AT ALL.

Some go by different TEACHING "methods" like Charlotte Mason or Motesorri.

I read homeschool blogs, and articles all the time that describe their homeschool METHODS or INTENTIONS.

Some put ALL their faith in a CERTAIN KIND of homeschooling.

Don't get me wrong...INTENTIONS are GREAT.

But, a new homeschool Mom can really do a NUMBER on herself setting up "INTENTIONS", or PLANNING to go with a CERTAIN METHOD....and EXPECTING things to "go as planned".

Because...THE DO NOT.

SOMETIMES...they go SORT-OF like you planned.

Kind of.

But NEVER exactly....

The art of MOLDING these little souls HARDLY lends itself to CONCRETE planning.

Trust me...a day in THIS life RARELY goes as planned...EVER.

Some have such a CANDY-COATED idea of what a homeschooling day looks like.

I know in some of your minds you THINK you KNOW what a "typical" homeschool day LOOKS LIKE.

I'm sure in that COMFORTABLE place in some peoples minds...they see my children all QUIETLY sitting, waiting their turn, being patient, and WANTING to have school and learn.

And SOMETIMES...it is like that.

Sometimes.

Then there is the OTHER DAYS.

The ones where they DON't raise their hands, they talk back, they complain, and they are LESS THEN EAGER to learn.

Those are the REAL DAYS....

those are the days when you have to "bend...as not to break".

Those are the days when you just GET BY doing what HAS to be done and allowing LIFE to teach them the rest.

I mean really....I have GREAT INTENTIONS.

But the TRUTH is...
Sometimes- there is NOT ENOUGH time in the day.
Sometimes- there is NOT ENOUGH PATIENCE in my body.
Sometimes- there is TOO MUCH to do.
And Sometimes- there are MORE IMPORTANT things than ABC's and 123's.

THAT is the reality of it.
THAT is the TRUTH.

I have learned (after 5 years of homeschooling) that a INTENTIONS are GREAT.

But..I won't beat myself up over the "hard days" because----
at the end of the day...as long as I close my eyes feeling like my kids are a LITTLE more SPIRITUALLY and EMOTIONALLy ready for the world-

I have done my job.

In REALITY- the workbook pages can wait.

We are WRITING our own HISTORY.

LIFE happens.......

Sometimes I cannot keep up...

Sometimes I have to pick and choose....

Sometimes I have to prioritize...........

We started out the week on track.

As of right now...we are scheduled to finish school by about mid-June.

And

Right now...things are getting CRAZY BUSY.

Things that happened this week:

Doctors appts.

School...and make- up from last week.

Library..oragami workshop

Dance

Football

Jay had his first gig on the PIRATE SHIP

Wed night Jays Summer Tour 2011 started with a PUNKY REGGAE PARTY!!!

And

his little brothers punk band stayed at our house for a night

and we took a "field trip" to the beach!!!

Sooooo.........

as you can see...

we are CRAZY BUSY.

and

We are staying true to US and fitting it all in....YEAH RIGHT.

Pretty much HALF of that was SPONTANIOUS!!!

Whoa.

Assumptions..... LOL

What a joke.

"Is RASTA right for you?"

Like those answers can be found in a book...

THOSE ANSWERS CANNOT be found in a BOOK.

Those answers can only come from searching your heart.

I am not saying that SOME answers can't be found in books.

FACTS come from books, and sometimes THOSE facts can lead you to THOSE ANSWERS.

But...as far as RASTAFARIANS-we are all different.

There are different types of Rastas..just like there are different types of Christians or Jews.

People find MANY different PATHS to faith.

I am not the JUDGE...
But-I find it funny that sometimes even people of FAITH judge their PEERS.

I used to. I used to do JUST that.

I am me. Rasta. Me.
The meaning of THAT has changed and shifted as my Faith has grown.
There was a time when I was the one who JUDGED.

I remember a time, early in my journey(10 years ago), that I was judgemental....I was the one.

There was one time when we were "hosting" a reggae artist form NYC and I had a SPECIFIC PRECONCEIVED notion about what a Rasta SHOULD BE.

To ME...A "REAL RASTA" would be certain things.
Ital was one of them.
"Ital" meaning: totally natural, vegatarian, NON-PROCESSED, NON-chemical.

lol

I spent days gathering incense, fruit,nuts, and natural soap, shampoo and ALL KINDS of NATURAL, ORGANIC fruits and snacks.

I made a basket for him.
I "knew" him...I mean - I had heard about him, heard his music, LOVED his music, and developed a whole OPINION...in my head.
I "knew" him.
I ASSUMED I knew WHO HE WAS.

Then he actually got here.
He was amazing..everything I thought he would be.
Smart.Wise.Funny.Rasta.
And he was appreciative of EVERYTHNG we did for him.
But-
One night when we went to the store he bought OREOS.

Processed, chemical-laden, food-colored..OREAS.

Off the shelf.
Not the Organic, health store immitation Oreos...but- OREAS.
I was SHOCKED ...to say the least.

I had built him UP in my head to be someone SUPER-HUMAN.
Someone who was DIFFERENT form us.
Somehow...DIFFERENT.

As I sit here..that makes me laugh.

So Niave.
So, so, so, naive.

It was such an eye opener.
Such a lesson for me.

A lesson in LIFE.

We are who we are....WHATEVER that is.
My theory is...All you can do today is TRY and do better than you did yesterday. And LOVE one another.
No matter who YOU think someone else is.

I have also learned this thru THIS blog.

I have been contacted by 100's of people thru THIS BLOG or because of our "WIFE SWAP" adventure...and I am sure that each and everyone one of you has a PRECONCIEVED NOTION of who I am.

Well...I am here to say that I am ME.

I am a Rastafarian.
I love Christ also.
(surprised? See?)

I am not a vegetarian.
I eat fish and chicken.
SO what?

I have a drink ever now and again.
Like maybe today.

I have 4 kids.
They are sweet, cute, and I love them.
But ...sometime I yell.
And sometimes ...they get spanked.

I homeschool them...
and they have a schedule, a chore chart, and responsibilities.

So...as you can see there is ALWAYS more to the picture than what you see.
Always more to the story.

Trust Me.

And next time you THINK you know...ASK.

Im open ...and everchanging.

It's better than assuming something False.

I don't havee ALL the answers...but I may have SOME.

Rastafari!

Walkabout??? Already????

Wikipedia says that THIS is the definition of a walkabout:

"Walkabout refers to a rite of passage during which male Australian Aborigines would undergo a journey during adolescence and live in the wilderness for a period."

Well...as a parent of a man-child I knew that SOMEDAY one of the boys would want to go on some sort of "walkabout".

And ...as a Mother I always knew that I would NOT BE READY-whenever that day came!

And just as I'd imagined ...it happened last night.

Jay had a gig and Zeek stayed there with him to help the band load up the equipment, roll cords, break down drums, etc.

THIS is a hard transition for ME...but- he is getting older and NEEDS to gain some sort of independence. Sniff sniff. LOL.

He JUST started staying and helping in the last year.

The other kids used to complain with the TYPICAL responses of , "But, Mom!!!! I want to stay TOO!!!!!"

or, the ever lasting , "MOM!!!! Thats not FAIR!!!!!"

But, after a few discussions about how Zeek is the oldest so he will ALWAYS be the FIRST to do things...FOREVER. They usually quiet down.

When they keep arguing, I easiely shut their mouths with a quick, "I did not make THAT decision. If you have a problem with THAT ONE, you need to talk to GOD!"

Which of course...stops them in their tracks! LOL

So JUST THIS has been a slow transition for us all...the kids are growing.
we have kinda exited the baby stage...its time for some independance.

BUT...I was NOT PREPARED when they came home last night and PROPOSITIONED ME.

I promise you this was not a RANDOM WORK.

THIS was PLANNED.

They came to me in the kitchen.

Zeek under Jays arm.
UNITED.
They were there for a PURPOSE.

I'm not really sure how it started but ALL I REMEMBER are the words "Tennessee" and "reggae festival".

It was all a blur....
And the next thing I know was that they were trying to convince me that Zeek should be able to take his first "WALKABOUT".

In this situation the "walkabout" being: a reggae festival in Tennessee where they are camping by a river. Jay will be playing and Zeek will be "a roadie"....He will wave the flag on stage when Jay is playing..just like always. They will leave on Friday and return on Sunday.

As you can imagine..JUST the thought made my heart immediately start to beat faster and my mind race!

My answer: Ill have to PRAY on that one!!!

In my heart I know it is ok.
It is probably the BEST "Walkabout" a Rasta family could ask for.

So ...I guess it is time.

And everyone is doing EXACTLY what they are supposed to do.

The Father and Son are SUPPOSED to try and convince the Mother that IT IS "THE RIGHT" TIME.
And the Mother is SUPPOSED to feel that it could NEVER be "THE RIGHT TIME".

Good news folks....WERE RIGHT ON SCHEDULE!!!!!!!!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Batidos and Blessings….

Kids Spanish 101 + Fruit = Batidos(Smoothies)

YUMMY!!!

Awesome Senorita Shawna came over again today for Kids Spanish 101.

She arrived with a HUGE bag of FRUIT….

and Spanish flash cards….

and a blender….

and her 2 kids….

AWESOME.

She started by laying out the fruit on the floor and asking the kids to cut the Spanish words for the fruit and “label” them.

  

THEN the kids took turns acting like they ran a restaurant ( a CRAZY restaurant) but a restaurant none the less…LOL.

They ordered their BATIDOS(smoothies) and waited NOT SO PATIENTLY for the COOK(Me and Shawna) to make their TREATS.

SWEET!!!!!!!!  (Literally)

The kids LOVED it.

They are like sponges….they SOAK IT UP.

They LOVE learning Spanish and as I have said before –I hope that THESE LESSONS help them to BE BETTER.

Better  people.

More WORLDY people.

More WELL ROUNDED.

More AWARE that AMERICA and ENGLISH are NOT the end all be all.

There are LOTS of places in the world where SPANISH is a VALUABLE COMMODOTY.

A treasure.

A SKILL.

   

Then

I appreciate these lessons and the FRIENDS that can teach them.

What a blessing these classes are.

What a TREASURE these children will hold if they actually end up BI-LINGUAL.

THEN I got to THINKING…

Is is too much to ask that AFTER they are  BI-LINGUAL they NEVER LEAVE  or TRAVEL to use their skills????

PROBABLY….

But- A mother can hope right??????

LOL.

Arriba!!!!!!!

 

‘

PSL -Patois as a Second Language?????

“Patois is any language that is considered nonstandard, although the term is not formally defined in linguistics. It can refer to pidgins, creoles, dialects, and other forms of native or local speech, but not commonly to jargon or slang, which are vocabulary-based forms of cant. Class distinctions are embedded in the term, drawn between those who speak patois and those who speak the standard or dominant language.”

IN ORDER TO READ THIS POST…GO DOWN TO THE MUSIC PLAYER ON THE RIGHT AND HIT PAUSE. THEN YOU CAN LISTEN TO THE VIDEOS…SORRY!

Did you understand THAT???

OR

Did it SEEM like another language??????

Well……….

Its ENGLISH.

Patois.

A Jamaican dialect.

I hear people say ALL THE TIME that they CAN’T understand reggae music.

They can FEEL it …they just cant understand the words.

Like this:

SEE!!!!!

Sometimes you CAN understand it.

SOMETIMES you CAN’T.

BUT…YOU CAN DEFINANTLY FEEL IT!!!

The more you listen to reggae music …

the easier it is.

I could tell you EVERY WORD of this song.

(If your interested..leave a comment LOL)

BUT…that is because we listen to REGGAE music.

ALL THE TIME.

EVERYDAY.

EVERYNIGHT.

The kids have GROWN up listening to REGGAE music.

We add in some blues and JAZZ.

But MAINLY…Its REGGAE.

Its pretty much the main STAPLE around here…musically.

PROOF:

When I was about 8 months pregnant with Zeek, Jay and I went to see our friend DJ….

He was spinning TECHO music (so I already had a pretty good idea that we weren't staying long.)

ANYWAY….

When we got there we said HELLO and stood off to the side.

About 5 minutes in…Zeek started FREAKING OUT.

In the WOMB.

He was kicking me and moving around soooooo much that I was in PAIN!!!!

SERIOUS PAIN!

“I DO NOT LIKE THIS MUSIC” pain!

Needless to say….we left.

I took it as a sign.

LOL

ANYWAY….

The other day I was cooking dinner and Shasha was sitting at the kitchen table coloring .

We were listening to music when she asked me SOMETHING about the song that was on.

She wanted to know WHY they were saying something.

What she was asking wasn’t as important to me at the moment as the fact that SHE could UNDERSTAND the words.

I asked her…”Shasha- can you UNDERSTAND what he is saying?”

She looked at me TOTALLY CONFUSED and said, “Yes, why?”

It was so EYE-OPENING.

I started laughing and thought , “I wonder if PATOIS can count as our 2nd language?”

LOL….

Probably not…sadly enough.

But to me ….THIS HOUSE IS BILINGUAL!!!!!!

Love and Light…….

I

A DECADE AGO……

Philippians 3:13-14
No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God  is calling us up to heaven.

As I wake this morning on the 1st day of the year 2010- I cant help but REFLECT.

Reflect on where we were 10 years ago

AND

where we are today.

WOW!!!!

10 years ago on New Years Eve Jay and I were in Costa Rica(alone..no kids YET).

We were so happy and READY to start our life.

We were on our way.

We were STARTING our journey.

We had FOUGHT so hard for “us”.

We had FOUGHT so hard for our LOVE

and our LIFE.

When we met I was “spoken for”…so to say.

I was already in a relationship….

(Lets just say I was already TIED DOWN)

My life was a MESS.

I was living in a world of UNCERTAINTY and SHAME.

THEN…

I met Jay and THIS HAPPENED!!!!!!!

My life changes and THAT WAS IT!!!!!!!!!

I never even TURNED AROUND to look back.

And as I sit here this morning at my sis-in-LIFE’s house with ALL the kids sleeping sweetly(ONLY bcs they stayed up PAST 12 LAST NIGHT!)

I cant HELP but reflect on the past 10 years and all the blessings that have entered my life.

Whata difference a DECADE can make.

10 years ago  I was laying under a palm tree with Jay in CR.

I remember laying there and DREAMING of what our life would be like….

THIS LIFE.

I wondered what the faces of my children would look like??????

I wondered what there voices would sound like??????

I wondered if our LOVE would still be so STRONG??????????

I wondered WHO my true friends were???????????

I wondered if my family would ever understand????????

I wondered WHO I would be?????????

 

NOW….10 years later.

I can see the answers to ALL those questions……

And what AWESOME answers they are!!!!!!!!!!

I pray for a NEW YEAR filled with HOPE, LOVE, LAUGHTER, and FAITH.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope

Not so UGLY Bread..........

5 He who mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker;
whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.

6 Children's children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:5-6






We drove up on a man and I caught his eye....but I had no money to give.

He was standing there with a sign.

Hungry.

Ugghhh...I hate that.

We usually have SOMETHING TO GIVE.

After we passed, Sheba said(from the backseat)...
"Mom, He was.....(she couldn't figure out what TO SAY)".

Shasha jumped in and said....
"Mom, He had a sign."
"It said he was HUNGRY".

Then Sheba said the FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!!

She said..."Mom, Why didn't you pay him?"

OMG!!!!

So Funny!!!!

We usually have some kind of change or a few dollars to give.

This time we had NOTHING!!!

So she was wondering WHY?

Why didn't we "pay" the man??

He was HUNGRY!!!

Sweet child was so confused.

I could see it on her face.


As GOD would have it we just so happen to have the HOMEMADE BREAD we had spent the last few HOURS making at Amy's....

Figures!!!

LOVE IT!!!!

So the girls decided that they wanted to give him some bread.

We circled around and pulled up next to him and handed him the bread.

The look on his face was PRICELESS!!!

He ws sooooo THANKFUL!

What a wonderful end to a wonderful evening!

As we drove away..
In my rear view mirror
I could see my 2 awesome daughters that care sooo much about a man they dont even know.

And in my side mirror..
I could see the man who had a little more energy from some UGLY homemade bread.

What a Blessing!!!

What a LIFE!!!!!!!!1





"

Baby Boy.....Kind of.

Can it POSSIBLY be 9 years later ???????

October 12, 2000.

6:19 pm.

After a LONG labor and birth....

He was born.

Ezekiel Jahson Vallone.


He was my SUGAR BEAR,

SWEETIE,

BOO BEAR.


I knew from the moment I saw him that he was SPECIAL.

He was GOLDEN(seriously).


He was so sweet.

So Precious.

Words could not express how IN LOVE I was.


And now as if in some sort of TIME WARP,

here we sit...



9 YEARS LATER.

9 YEARS.

WHAT?????

And just as I KNEW he would....

He has turned out to be THE SWEETEST CHILD I have ever met.

He is CARING, LOVING,TENDERHEARTED, and PASSIONATE.

He is an AWESOME leader.

And he is SOOOOOOOOOOOO Exact when he speaks.

He has an AMAZING memory....He will say things like, "Mom, don't you remember that time 3 years ago when we went to the movies and you were wearing that BLUE shirt?"

REALLY?????

Seriously...an amazing memory.

He DOES NOT get that from me...

Maybe Jay.

He is a BLESSING to us all and LIGHTS UP my life!!!

What an AMAZING journey ...
from THERE
to
HERE.

9 FUN years behind us.

A LIFETIME ahead of us(God Willing).....

Today as I watch this boy in front of me,

I FEEL so blessed.

So blessed to have been given THIS child.

So Blessed to be his Mother.

So blessed to share THIS life.
Happy Birthday Zeek!!!!!!!!!!

Life is REAL........

A "Lifetime" away...........lol

Today was a crazy day...
Our "show" aired on Lifetime....AGAIN.
Its crazy how ....all the sudden this AM- I was TAKEN BACK to THERE.
That place 2 yeares ago when I was READY to do a reality TV show.
Show me the MONEY...That was my thought.
That was the ONLY reason FOR ME to do it.
I was pretty sure at the time that I was going to be "TRADED" with a CRAZY CLOWN mom, or a NAZI RACIST.
Someone who was going to PISS ME OFF...for sure.

I was NOT prepared for what actually happened.
I was not prepared to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
And ...I think I did.

Everytime I see the episode or hear that it has been on ...I REALLY CRINGE.
It makes my heart beat fast and my throat go dry...actually.

I ALWAYS KNOW when someone is aproaching me BECAUSE OF THE SHOW.
They have THAT look.
The look that says..."There is that RASTA LADY with that CRAZY man!"
LOL...no LMAO
I alwys KNOW what they are going to say.
Its always nice.
I HAVE learned that people dont GENERALLY go out of their way to say something AWFUL.

Its usually something like .....
"I loved you on that show!"
or
"Your kids are soooo cute!"
or
"Are you THAT lady that was on THAT show?"

Usually I answer them BEFORE they ask.

Well today I woke up and found out that "THE SHOW" was on at 1pm.

And there it was...the fast beating heart and the dry throat.

UUUgggghhhhhhhh...........

And then it came and went ....1:00 to 2:00.

And throughout the whole thing...I LAUGHED.

It is quite COMICAL now!

The shitty editing, my sentences cut in HALF, Jay saying WOMAN every 5 minutes.

It was RATHER FUNNY!

And then it happened again.
The SAME thing that has happened since October 31...2 years ago.
People were supportive.
I got emails from people I dont know.
AND people I know.
ALL NICE.
ALL ENCOURAGING.

THAT is what I didnt expect out of the WHOLE THING........
to EFFECT PEOPLE.

Here are just SOME of the AWESOME THINGS people had to say:

From Julie:
Just watching this show far for 30 minutes is eye opening to me. I have been struggling with issues lately and have needed some guidance and am finding it in unexpected places. Jana you have such a good heart and it comes through in your show no ma...tter what they edit out. Unfortunately I am seeing myself in the other parents with too much structure and not enough spontaneous fun and adventure. I am thrilled that I just came across this randomly. Thank you for your experiences. Just a small glimpes of your good hearted family is giving me ideas for change in my life.

I am glad I got to finally see it. I think you are a blessed family and it shows. Your kids are amazing. They were so sweet to James in the pool at Cindy's this summer and the love shows through in them. You totally healed that father/daughter relationship and that is a huge deal. No amount of editing can take that part of the show away :)


From Kim:
I think you made a huge impact on the other family.

From Ali:
Ali Almasy September 29 at 2:22pm Report
Hi Jana, my name is Ali.. I'm almost 18 years old and I just saw your family on an episode of wife swap. i could not believe that finally a terrific family who believes in things i believe in was on that show! i got teary eyed whenever that one dad said he would double what his daughters put in that donation jar. it was so sweet so see something had gotten through to him. i live in a suburb and my family is definitely not like yours and they don't understand things that i believe in. its too foreign to them i guess. i just wana tell you though that i totally look up to you and i hope one day that if im ever a mother i can bring up my children with the same amazing beliefs that you raise your children under. my peers at my public school just drive me insane because they are all so materialistic and haven't got one clue about actual problems in the world. i do conservational work and have gone on month long camping and trail repairing trips including my favorite which was all over the Alaskan Range. I want to work with unfortunate children one day as my job and maybe be a therapeutic camp counselor or something and teach them how beautiful nature is and to be thankful for simplicity or show them that being self sufficient and simplistic is the way to live happily.

well, i hope to get some sort of response from you! if not, i just wana say one more time it made me so happy to see your wonderful family and how great of a person & mother you are.


I am soooo grateful for an opportunity to effect ANYONE by just BEING US!

I feel soooo blessed tonight......I bet I fall asleep smiling.