Still learning…..daily.

“I do not have to walk to a well, I do  not have to walk to a well, I do not have to walk to a well…..”

THAT is my mantra today.

THAT is what I am concentrating on.

THAT is what I am giving thanks for.

Because I know there are many places in the world today where there is a mother who LOVES her babies and her family JUST AS MUCH as I do…..

and TODAY :

she DOES have to walk to a well for water we would NEVER consider giving to our families.

she DOES have to worry about keeping her babies out of the disgusting MUD …in her home.

she DOES have to worry about infectious diseases killing her babies…tonight.

she DOES have to WONDER when and WHAT she will feed her sweet kids whose tummies GRUMBLE just like my kids tummies grumble.

Sooo…for this I am BLESSED.

For this I am thankful…..

BUT …this morning…..

UUUGGGHHHHHH….

for a HOT MINUTE I was ungrateful and FORGOT.

I was mad….PISSED.

At LIFE.

I was mad because my van broke….we fixed it but- it is just a matter of time. :(

I was mad because our hot water heater went out….3 days ago.

I was mad because the carpet and floor in the kids room was SOAKED …from the hot water heater.

I was mad because we sooooo badly want to buy this land and home…and there is sooo much red tape.

I was mad because it is THURSDAY…which means tomorrow is FRIDAY(I work all weekend) …and I'm already TIRED….from working all week.

I was mad because I just want a VACATION.

And then it hit me…..

after an UGLY 15 minutes in which my husband saw the  depth of my FLAWS….

I am still sooo broken…so YUCKY ….STILL.

I am in a position in life to ACTUALLY SEE HOW blessed I am.

I mean really…..

You have to be pretty blessed in order to recognize how BLESSED YOU ARE.

Things have to be pretty awesome in my life  for me to be able to worry about things like :

the water heater?????

the van?????????

the CARPET????

I mean I CAN actually worry about thing like THAT.

Things that are NOT life threatening.

All those things we can fix….

we can get a new van.

we can fix the water heater.

we can clean the carpet.

But in those WEAK , NASTY moments …..

I find the real me.

The me that still needs sooooo much work.

The me that is RAW and earthly.

The me that is still so COMFORTABLE.

It is in those moments that I am sooo AWARE…

of the lessons that still  need to be learned.

It is in those moments that I feel ALIVE….

because of the CHANCE to learn those lessons.

Thank you God….thank you.

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Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the
world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the
world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of
life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”- 1 John 2:15-16