Taming a lion cub.....

If I have said it once..I have said it 1000 times.

Malachi is a WILD ONE.
He could be described sometimes as UNTAMED.
A little untamed, wild...LOVING cub.

He tends to bounce ...not walk.
He loves to yell....not talk.

It is all I can do to keep him contained.
Sometimes just keeping him ALIVE is a full time job.
Just keeping him from RUINING his little body before he turns 8 has been a STRUGGLE.

And THAT is just his body....
his mind and soul are a WHOLE SEPARATE battle.

It is something that you fight for with all kids.
But...
Some are more easily trained than others.

Some easily go along with the flow, quietyly doing what you have asked....
Some OTHERS....have a harder time settling down. They have a hard time FOLLOWING directions and LISTENING....


Malachi tends to be excited and he has TONS of energy....ALL THE TIME.
Like enough energy to run me RAGGED, quickly.

He tends to have a problem with his TONE, and his ACTIONS..

At the begenning of the summer I declared that we wouldn't be doing our traditional bible study this summer....we would be doing something a little MORE INTERNAL.

We were going to spend the summer doing the messy work that sometimes gets neglected. We were all going to work on the things inside each one of us that seem "yucky".

I want them to see that life IS and will ALWAYS be a continual battle for righteousness. We make CHOICES everyday that determine WHO WE ARE.

Even at the young ages of 10,8,7,and 5....they can rule their destinies.
They determine their life....by their choices.
EVERYDAY.
It never ends,
you cannot rest.

It is a battle, after all.

I have tried to get them to undersatand that they are children of GOD...but the devil likes to SNEAK IN.
And, because he is WICKED....he is deceptive and cunning.
He preys on the minds of the youth...because they are easiest.
They are the MOST vulnerable.
They are the most CAREFREE.
They are the most "UNTAMED".

So lately, we have all been working on our "issues"....and trust me THAT is a FULL TIME JOB that requires 1.)tons of patience and 2.)a QUICK mind.

Malachi has a tendency to use his hands as a first reaction...instead of his words.
So... THAT is what we are working on.

I want him to be in control of his REACTION to things.
I want his FIRST reaction to be a righteous one.

This summer we have had lots of "talks" about his soul, his mind, and about God and how he SAYS we should act.

It has really been a blessing to reason with his little mind and watch him grow.

The other day he came into my room and said, "Mom, I have been acting good lately right?" as he hugged me.

I looked at his sweet little face and said, "Yes Malachi you have. Doesn't it feel GOOD to do the right thing? Doesn't it feel better than doing the WRONG thing?Can you feel it in your heart?"

He shook his head YES enthusiasticly.

"Everyday we have a choice...We can choose WHO we let in our hearts. We can choose God and feel GOOD...OR- we can choose to let the devil in and feel GROSS. But Malachi....WE HAVE THE CHOICE."

He lookad at me straight in the eyes and said, "I Know, Mom".
And he hugged and kissed me....
then he RAN off.

What a sweet moment in time...A moment that let me see that my WILD CHILD, just might be a little less WILD and a little more TAMED.

That SMELL..........

I will never understand pop culture.
As a child of "middle america" I have been trained to PAY ATTENTION.
I had become accustomed to the "smoke and mirrors" of what society expects from a young girl.
I had always felt a tinge of disgust fester...but didn't know where that really came from.
But-It was there.
I wasn't sure WHY, but-
I knew that I didn't "fit" the mold .
What I didnt REALIZE was that....NOONE DOES!!! EVER!

So as a parent I have TRIED to sheild my children(especially girls) from the FALSE IDEAS that seem to unknowingly get PLANTED in a young girls mind.
I said I have tried.
I have tried to get them to REALIZE that they are beautiful.
No matter how curly their hair is.
No matter how hairy their legs are.
No matter what size their waist is.

They
are
beautiful.
This is not a lie.


But, other peoples opinions and society have a funny way of "creeping in".
Like smoke from a wildfire...sometimes you can't SEE it..but it is there.
You can SMELL IT.
And sometimes you can just get so USED to the smell that you DON'T smell it anymore.

THAT is what I am fighting.

I dont want to become so IMMUNE to the "smoke" that it seems NORMAL.
I don't want to start thinking that UNACCEPTABLE things are ACCEPTABLE...just because it is EASY.
I don't want things to SLIP IN because I am not ON POINT.

11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age. Titus 2:11



So..I stay on gaurd.
Waiting for those "teachable moments".
Always HOPEING to have some WISE WORDS to help mold their minds.

An sometimes....I have NOTHING.

That is what happened the other night when SHASHA and I saw a PREVIEW for THIS(while watching a COOKING SHOW!!!!



Thank GOODNESS that on the preview it didn't actually SHOW him "dancing"..it just showed him TALKING-which WAS ENOUGH.

I was STUNNED...and before I could change the channel Shasha was saying:
"Mom, why would someone dance on a POLE? So weird. Why wouldn't you just dance on the floor? That is weird. Why would a GUY do that? That IS A GUY right Mom? Why would he dance on a POLE?"

Trust me..it didn't take the first SENTENCE to let me know my GUARD ha been let down, and the weirdness of our POP CULTURE has seeped in.

She was so SHOCKED.
Sweet girl.
So innocent. It made me really think about how strange it is that in our "culture"...THAT is acceptable TV for "family night".
It is seen as NORMAL.
I mean really???
How BLIND do you have to be to see that a silver guy POLE DANCING on a TALENT SHOW at 8pm on NBC is CRAZY???????????

Seriously?

I was so BLINDED by what I ha just been asked that I had NO ANSWER.

No wise words for her to "live by"...
No TRUTHS revealed.

On the Inside:
Just SHOCK.
The irony of what Shasha had just asked me was beyond words....for me.
All I could think was....
"Life is a BEAUTIFUL journey.
THANK GOD I made it to THIS SPOT.
THANK GOD for ALL lessons learned."

On the outside:
I laughed.
I laughed and laughed.
I couldn't help it.

And then Shasha looked at me with a PUZZLED look an said, "Why are you laughing Mom? What is so funny?"

I looked at her still laughing and said, "Because THAT is weird Shasha. Why would you dance on a pole? THAT is dumb."

As I sat there an we finished watching the show we were watching I thought...

"Thank you GOD for giving me CLEAR VISION and the ability to SMELL the smoke even when OTHERS can't SEE it."

Give thanks to God for giving me THIS life.
I am ETERNALLY grateful.

Forced...to relax.

The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it. ~Author Unknown



It is the first week of summer. Officially.

It is always the first week that is kinda a SHOCK to the system.

I always fin myself in a confused state somewhere between planning and relaxing.

One half of myself wants to dive head first into next year....but I also know that
I
NEED
A
BREAK.

I need to NOT THINK for a minute.
I need to get lost in just BEING for a moment.
I need to DE-SCHOOL myself.

I can be easily consumed with lessons, art plans, cirriculum for next year...when I am not careful.

It has a tendency to sneak up on me an creep into my mind....
when I am trying to NOT THINK.

So this week....I have made an effort.

No blog reading, no planning, no lists...
an
NO Guilt.

Which ends up to being the HARDEST one for me....LOL

I will relax, I will relax, I will relax....
or
I will TRY.

Time Traveling

As I walked into the auditorium this weekend I was flooded with vivid memories.

I found myself sitting somewhere between the past and the future.
Somewhere fimiliar yet distant.
From the smell of the colorful roses to the sounds of a theatre FILLED with excited family members from near and far...
this was my childhood.

I had been here before....I have had these experiences. They are etched in my mind so clearly....like yesterday and 20 years ago- at the same time.

Like de-ja-vu....I felt I had
been
here
before.

I felt so instantly connected to the feeling.
So overwhelmed by emotion ...I couldn't help but cry.

It was such an amazing feeling to APPRECIATE what my girls were feeling.
I knew how excited they were.
I knew how much fun they would have the first time they stepped on that stage.
I knew how much THESE teachers would help shape their lives.
I knew how some of these girls would be IN their FIRST memories of chilhood.
I knew how this process would EMBED themselves in their memories.

I sifted thru memories all weekend.

Like a "time-traveler" I jumped from the past, where I remembered recitals, costumes, and dances I DID 25 years ago....
to the future, where I saw my girls as seniors crossing the stage on their last recital...for 1 last bow.

It was NOTHING less than SURREAL and AMAZING.



The Dance Company proved itself to be an OUTSTANDING company with MANY talented poeple on stage and behind the scene.

I cannot say enough how BLESSED I feel to be able to be a part of something so beautiful an enchanting..



























I

Sheba's Day....

Thursday started the same as Wednesday for me.

Except this time it was Sheba....an it was dress rehersal.
So Again we went from THIS:


To THIS:


She was so adorable....
5 is such a precious age.

She was so excite and READY TO GO!!!


It was HER DAY after all!

















Can you tell that I am ONE PROUD MAMA?????

"On With The Show..."

We woke up bright and early this morning to get dressed an ready for Shashas dance recital dress rehersal.

And when I mean DRESSED...I mean totally "gussied" up complete with brown eyeshadow, blush, mascara, an RED lipstick.

At 8am.

We went from THIS:

To this:


That is right ...I said 8 am!!!!

Then we headed off to the Flagler autotorium in full gear reay for the first of 3 dances.

We got there and "checked in". I had previously(months ago) asked ALL of the girls teachers if I could help backstage. I knew that they would need it and I knew that
being backstage with all the little girls buzzing with excitement was where I wanted to be. Trust me...I am NOTHING if not a "helicopter Mom"...always hovering.

ANd I was right...being backstage in the midst of the madness fun, was exactly the right place for me. I got to experience all of it....with her.

It was something I will never forget...
I am so THANKFUL for the wonderful studio and teachers that teach my children things that I couldn't.
Dance was such a wonderful part of my childhood...and it makes me feel so BLESSED when I see my girls involved in something so divine.

A journey,a lesson, and a puzzle piece.

I wanted for this last 2 1/2 weeks to make me a stronger person.

I yearned for the time apart to TEACH me that I DONT MIND DOING IT ALONE.

I aspired to come out on the other side SHINING brighter, because I was BETTER.

I thought that MAYBE THIS TIME would be different. I figured that when Jay went on tour THIS TIME....the kids were older so it would be easier.

Last time he went on tour was one of the most difficult times in my adult life.
He would leave for weeks at a time and then come home for a few days only to leave again...for weeks.
It was BEYOND HARD to take care of 4 VERY SMALL children....ALONE.


It was a LONG, HARD experience for me,
But....
I considered it a gift.
It was a GIFT I was giving to my best friend.
It was a gesture of LOVE that I could give to him.....
I could take care of his children and home while he fulfilled one of HIS dreams.
I could DO THAT....
I could give him the "gift" of that musical experience.
Traveling the US...touring with a sucessfull band was something that I KNEW he wanted.
And it was something I COULD give.
I did it. I gave that gift to him...willingly.

And then THIS TIME...when the opportunity came around again...

I made a decision...
THIS TIME...I would conquer my SELF.
I would rise above my fears and self-doubt and I would PREVAIL.
The chores would easily get done.
The house would stay clean...because my children(who were also learning to not yell, or argue)keep it that way....I mean- they are OLDER now....THIS SEEMED do-able.
It seemed like something that was MANAGABLE .
I WANTED it to be something that I walked away from feeling EMPOWERED as a mother.

THAT
IS
NOT
WHAT
HAPPENED.

I do not feel stronger.
I do not feel like it taught me anything...except that I miss him DEARLY when he gone.
Nor do I feel like I am "shining" any "brighter" from the experience.

What I did learn is that in times of frustration...I should be more forgiving, because life SUCKS without him.

I learned that time does not make me feel closer...it makes me feel farther away.Like on two ends of a bridge. FAR AWAY.

I learned that doing the work of SUPERAD is HEAVY. The "man jobs" are strenuous, tiring jobs. I never want to DRAG the trash cans and recycling down the LONG path to the street...ever again.THAT is a dirty job.

And I also learned that life is more dull and mundane without him.
He is the light of sooo many lives and brings positivity and FUN to all situations.
He is the perfect piece to OUR puzzle.
An life is too short to take that for granted.
EVER.

I learned to LOVE an APPRECIATE him more....ALWAYS.

Funny how sometimes in life you THINK you know the lessons you are up against.
You THINK you know your destiny.
Only to be reminded that life is an unknown journey with roads yet to be travelled...sometimes mentally and sometimes physically.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.....

My husband will be home on Sunday...I intend to come back to the blogging world then.

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Calgon..take me AWAY!!!!

As for now...between the kids, the dogs, the garden, the animals, and the RAGING PMS....I have NOTHING nice to say.

Maybe next week....Ill be back to myself.

Maybe I will be able to form a normal COMPLETE thought.

Maybe I will be able to get back to actually THINKING, rather than 24 hour a day/ 7 day a week parenting.

It has taken a toll on me....I have talked till I cant talk ANY MORE.

I just need a break...

Soon Come.

Till then I am repeating: Too blessed to be Stressed, Too Blessed to be stressed.

Day 11

Today we spent the day making duct tape hairbows.

It was a nice way to spend some time...working together.

Sometimes I am not sure WHO it is harder for....
Me or Them.

I learn more and more about myself as I walk this road with my kids.

I learned today that even on day 11 of Daddy being gone...
when I am running VERY LOW on patience....
I CAN make a DUCT TAPE BOW.

Soon Enough........

"Mom, Mom, There is a SKANK in the pool!"

"Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dad was cleaning the pool and there was a SKANK in the pool!"

I smile a smile that only a mother of a PURE 10 year old boy can smile.

He is so excited!!! There was a SKANK in the pool after all!!!

I looked at him and laughed.

I said, "Tell your Dad that we discussed this a LONG TIME ago. NO SKANKS IN THE POOL!!!."

Zeek looked at me with a confused look on his face, but being the SOMEWHAT obedient boy he is he ran off saying , "DAD!!! Mom said to tell you that there are NO SKANKS allowed in the pool!!! She said she told you that A LONG TIME AGO!"

I peeked around the corner just in time to catch Jays face as Zeek finished talking.

It was priceless. We both started CRACKING UP LAUGHING!!!

He looked at both of us with a confused look on his face.

"Mom, I can TELL that it means SOMETHING. I can TELL."

" Zeek it is called a SKINK....not a SKANK. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE." I said trying to hide my laughter.

"What is the difference then?" he said innocently.

"Soon enough you will find out Boy." Jay said.

Sunshyne an I looked at each other and then Jay...we all LAUGHED OUT LOUD this time.

Soon enough Boy, soon enough.

Lately Im Learning.....

Raising kids is like a battle sometimes.

It is a battle for their SOULS. A battle that can be fought FULLY or it can be fought half-heartedly.

I chose: FULLY, which is nothing less than "LIFE-consuming".
Nothing less that gut-wrenching DIRTY WORK.

It is the kind of job that makes you want to DISAPPEAR sometimes because you cant possible be doing this right.

Believe me I have gone to sleep MANY nights praying that my children don't turn out to be CRAZY, SELF-ABSORBED, LUNATICS....all because of MY sinful ways.
When they are little it is about teaching SURVIVAL SKILLS.

"No, dont do that." is ALWAYS for a good reason. It is always to keep them from hurting themselves or to keep them ALIVE! LOL.

In the beginning...We tell them no to keep them safe. To keep them from scraped knees and broken bones.

We tell them "No" for their own good...and they usually HEED our warnings.

But...as they get older it becomes about something that is MUCH bigger an MUCH deeper.

For the most part...It isn't about keeping their BODIES safe anymore, It is now about their SOULS.

As they get older, it is about THEM making their OWN judgements.

It is about them realizing that they are responsible for THEIR OWN actions...good or bad.

It is about teaching them to be able to DO what is right BECAUSE it was right.
Which is something that is EASIER said than DONE.
BUT...I believe that IF that lesson CAN be learned early...it will save them PRECIOUS TIME in the end.

I have been spending ALOT of time lately eye-to-eye with my children...talking it out.

Trying to LEAD them to recognize that their lives will only GLORIFY GOD if they make the RIGHT decisions..because it is the GODLY thing to do.

which...of course-
is not always the EASY thing to do.

But ...

We either STAND TALL to GODS standard...or FALL SHORT and live a less than FULL life.

I want my children to know that life CAN be full of Great experiences an LOVE.

But ...only if you hold tight to RIGHTEOUSNESS an live a life pleasing to HIM.

Explaining THAT to a 5,7,8 and 10 year old....yep-THAT is my life lately.

My PRIMARY calling.

My most important task.

Eye-to-eye ....we WILL talk it thru.

"You must raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. You cannot do so without investing yourself in a LIFE of sensitive communication in which you help them understan life an Gods world. There is nothing more important. You have only a brief season of life to invest yourself in this task."- Tedd Tripp

Summer Bucket List

A Bucket List.........a list of "To-Do's".

A "Wish List" of sorts....

I came across the idea of a "Summer Bucket List" on a blog called "Little Wonders Days".

I thought it was a great idea...It would give us an actual LIST of GREAT ACTIVITIES to fill up our summer.

A way to plan AND be spontanious...JUST MY STYLE.

Here is the list I have come up with so far:

-fly a kite
- hike to a new place
-paint using our feet
-have a Wii party
-go to the IMAX
-see fireworks
-make soap
-miniature golf
-make rock candy
-go downtown for ice cream
-make silly puddy
-Root Beer Float Party
-Bowling
-go to farmers market
-water balloons
-family game night
-go fishing
-play kick-ball
-finger paint
-Make popcicles
-have a reading picnic
-feed ducks at park
-chuck-e-cheese

It looks like we are going to have a BLAST this summer....any ideas for YOUR Summer Bucket List????

I think I can....

This part of the school year is torturous...it truly is.

It is the time of year that I really have to reach DEEP within myself in order to finish.

I have to search FAR within to summon the WILLPOWER to keep going.

I mean really...who is watching??

Would anyone REALLY care if I just said "Forget it!! It is summer!!"?

Is there ANYONE keeping track?

The answer is Nope,Nada,Never.

There is no one watching, no one would care, and no one is keeping track of our homeschool attendance.

So why do I do it???

Why do I torture myself with whining kids who just want to play??
Why do I make them finish their lessons and keep up on their reading?
Why do I keep them inside while it is blisteringbeautiful outside???

I do it because noone cares about their little brains as much as I do.

I do it because I am the ONLY one responsible for the information that these children take in.

I do it because I pressure myself MORE THAN ANY principle ever would pressure me.

I do it because I think they should learn that you have to FINISH things.

And

I do it because I am CALLED TO.

I know that the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to homeschool these 4 youth. He has GIVEN me the patience...EVERY TIME I HAVE ASKED.