Clever

Life has a way of always giving me exactly what I need.

It may not always be what I WANT….but it is

ALWAYS

WHAT

I

NEED.

Every time.

God has a funny way of “insuring” that.

HE is CLEVER.

He has a special way of keeping me on my toes….as long as I keep my EYES open.

We had it planned for WEEKS.

Sunday.

Shopping for party dresses with my BFF Shainee and the girls.

I was looking forward to it….

till it got closer and closer.

I started to dread it because I was worried that I wouldn’t find ANYTHING on such short notice(party = 3 days away) and that the girls we’re coming with us.

I thought it would be TOO MUCH to take two 9 year olds and a 6 year old to the mall shopping….for US.

NOT THEM.

US.

Sunday morning came and I started to get nervous….

Would they be good? Was this a mistake?

I gave them the “You better be good. This is a TRIAL run on shopping trips. If you cause me problems….you will PAY” speech and we were off.

I was afraid it would be  a LONG day shopping with the 3 girls and my “SMOKIN HOTT, CAN PUT ON ANYTHING AND LOOK GREAT” BFF…..

“This should be fun” I thought when I was getting ready…..

NOT.

My last facebook status before we left said, “About to head out with 3 little girls and my BFF Shainee Zimmerman Ellison to shop for a dress to wear to the TW party. ♥ LORD, Help me remember I am perfectly made....no matter what the CRAZY dressing room mirrors try to tell me....I am perfectly me.”

I was putting 1 foot in front of the other. Trying to convince myself that this would be “fun”. …..I mean, I was going shopping at a MALL with my BFF and 3 little girls.

“THIS will be great” I thought as we pulled out of the driveway….pushing all the negative self –talk down in my head.

THINK POSITIVE.

Then it hit me….

there was a reason that I was BLESSED with these girls.

There was a reason that I have daughters…

I could have had 4 sons, but I NEEDED the experience of daughters.

It is as much about ME as it is about them.

GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN.

He is soo clever.

He always knew that I secretly hated myself and my body.

He always knew that even when I was “hott” …I was NOT.

He always knew that in my mind….I don’t see what others see.

He always knew that would blanket me in vanity.

HE ALWAYS KNEW.

No matter how much I ignored HIM….He KNEW.

He saw.

No matter how much I tried to hide…

He found me…... and brought me on a journey to

MY LIFE TODAY.

Today, in my life,  with 2 daughters(9 and 6) …

There can be NO NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.

There can be no grumbles and pouting when I need a Large instead of a Medium.

There can be no sulking when the only thing that fits me in a store are the handbags and earrings.

There can be no SELF-PITY when I look in the dressing room mirror and see stretch marks and curves that come with 35 years of LIFE and 4 children.

Because when I walk out of that dressing room with an outfit CLEARLY doesn’t do ANYTHING for me …..

They see ME.

They LOVE me for me.

THEY think I am FABULOUS.

They think I am FLY.

AND…..I am AWARE that they are

WATCHING.

They are SOAKING it all in…..little sponges watching me look at MYSELF.

Learning from ME how to LOOK at themselves.

WOW.

He is CLEVER….

Oh so, CLEVER.