A tiny seed….

 

Sometimes as my kids grow….

I grow willingly.

And then sometimes….I fight it with everything I have.

I struggle with growth as if I am allergic to it.

Lately…That is what has been happening.

THAT is why I haven’t wriiten NEARLY as much as I wish I would have.

I just couldn’t.

My family is changing and growing…..

and I am struggling with it.

Maybe it is just that I got comfortable with the. way. things. were.

I mean really…Jay and I met in 1998.

Zeek was born in 2000.

It’s almost 2013.

We have been in this whole “having babies” stage for a LONG time.

Now that Sheba is 7….I have come to terms with the fact that I will have no more babies.

Gasp…..My uterus just winced.   That thought actually hurts.

I used to think that I REALLY wanted more kids.

Like a few more….

But as my kids have grown and life has gotten more, lets say….complicated-, I have come to realize that I don’t really want more babies…I just don’t want this phase to be over.

I don’t want them to grow.

I mean…I do.

But….I don’t.

I am excited to see who they will be.  I am excited to see them develop and be all well rounded.

I just want them to stay right here and all mine.

I am struggling with them evolving.

Can they be well traveled and never leave?

No? Really?

CRAP.

I am starting to wrap my mind around the fact that

I

NEED

TO

FACE

THIS.

I need to face the TRUTH.

Wishing it wouldn't happen will not help.

The only thing I can do is TRY to grow with them.

This is happening…like it or not.

The way I figure it…..after this is all said and done-

Who knows WHO we will be?

Who knows WHERE all this growth and change will take us.

Who knows what kind of people we are growing.

And who knows what kind of people we are GROWING INTO.

Scary…but exciting at the same time.

I have to admit…..

Sometimes…when I let my mind RUN.

I  feel a tiny, miniscule, barely noticeable seed of excitement.

Maybe.