Brave.

Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." --from Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

We walked up to the counter and Shasha was  handed a slip to fill out for The Dance Company auditions.

She was told to fill it out herself which she was completely unprepared for.  The sweet girl looked up at me like she forgot  HOW to spell her name when she put her pen down.  She was so nervous.

She said she wasn’t.

She was.

I always try to burn those moments into my memory..

the important ones. 

The moments that I can see WHO THEY ARE.

It is like a little magical glance into the future.

Today it was the moment that she walked away from me in the studio.  She didn’t even remember to hug and kiss me…

which

says

a lot.

As she nervously walked away she looked back at me she had a fear in her eyes.  I could see it.

But..she didn’t stop and let the fear overcome her.

SHE

KEPT

WALKING.

She walked in that room and went nose to nose with all the fear that manifested in front of her.

She stood her ground and did her best.

Which makes me beyond proud….

As far as I am concerned….no matter the outcome, she won the gold medal in my heart.

It gave me a glimpse of the courage and strength she has inside of her.

No matter what happens with this audition…the future is bright for this little star.

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. -- e.e. Cummings.

Quotes taken from THIS BLOG written by amazing real life friend Heather…. LOVE LOVE LOVED this post about courage.

Today we celebrate..........

"Rastafari is a cultural, religious, and revolutionary movement that began in Jamaica in the 1930s. Inspired by Biblical prophecy and the teachings of Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia, followers of Rastafari identify themselves as Africans seeking to return to the continent. Early Rastafari drew upon ideas of African pride and unity, coupling them with local Jamaican traditions to forge a unique way of life. Today the movement has spread around the world, empowering people of African descent and embracing people of all races"




Today we celebrate the birthday of Rastafari.

July 23, 1892. 120 years ago a baby was born. He was the 225th in an unbroken line of Ethiopian monarchs of the Solomonic Dynasty. This lineage was founded by King Solomon and Makeda(The Queen of Sheba).

In the bible it says in 1 King 10:13, "And King Solomon gave unto the Queen of Sheba all her desire, whatsoever she asked, beside that which Solomon gave her of his royal bounty. So she turned and went to her own country, she and her servants."

The story goes that King Solomon invited the Queen of Sheba to a banquet, serving spicy food to induce her thirst, and inviting her to stay in his palace overnight. The Queen asked him to swear that he would not take her by force. He said ok as long as she would not take anything from his house by force. The Queen assured that she would not,she was rich and powerful after all. However, as she woke up in the middle of the night, she was very thirsty. She reache over an sipped the water.Just then King Solomon appeared, warning her that she was breaking her oath, water being the most valuable of all material possessions. So..because she rank the water, she set the king free from his promise and they spent the night together.

An he gave her his ROYAL BOUNTY...

We know that his "royal bounty" was his seed....She carried it back to Ethiopia with her. The story says that she gave birth by a stream to a royal child named Menelik.

That lineage continues thru Jesus Christ and then thru Haile Selassie I also known as Rastafari.

We(not all Rastas) believe that When Rastafari was coronated on Nov.2, 1930..a biblical prophecy was fufilled.
Psalm 87:4–6 is also interpreted as predicting the coronation of Haile Selassie I. During his coronation, Selassie was given many of the same titles used in the Bible: "King of Kings," "Elect of God," and "Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah the Author of Mankind," "the Power of Authority," etc., are just some of more than 38 titles and anointments placed on Selassie.

Our faith is a biblical faith that does not lend itself to reading books.
That is why people always think that Rastafari is a "black thing"...
It is not.

It is so FAR from a color thing. It has NOTHING to do with you skin color or your hairstyle.
It has to do with your HEART....an what is INSIDE.
It has to do with letting go of your PRE-CONCEIVED notions and being able to UN-WASH your mind of all things NOT of TRUE.

For me...there was a moment. THIS MOMENT.
A moment in time when my life changed.
All that was dark in my life was BRIGHTENED by the MOVEMENT of GOD in my heart.
My life was NEVER the same.
It was like I was touched by his hand and my life was no longer what it appeared to be.
I was different.
I was FRESH.
I was forgiven.
I was SAVED....by JAH(Which is short for Jahovia or GOD).
I was NEW.
I was at the beginning of my life...RIGHT THEN.
And my life
HAS
NEVER
BEEN
THE
SAME.



So on this day....we celebrate his birth. His life. An the life he has given US.
Rastafari!

Tools….

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. ~George Jean Nathan

As I have slightly ranted about mentioned here,  I feel like I have been wrestiling  some pretty hard issues lately.

Maybe it is  because we are out of school for the summer,  or maybe they are just bored….but it seems to me that all the issues that get pushed past during school seem to COME TO THE SURFACE  during the summer.

Our days seem to be filled with long, soul searching talks.

Exausting.

This summer has been all about training….

or Re-training.

Malachi has always been “high-strung”…to say the least.

He has a problem with anger and handleing his emotions.

Lets just say that up until a couple of years ago I was afraid he would have to live with me forever because there was no way I was sending him out into the world throwing himself on the ground EVERY TIME he had an emotion.

But…In the last couple of years he has gotten better… we have come up with a couple of ways to help.him.deal.

I thought I would share 1 we have been using lately.

The calm jar.

 

It has been an amazing tool for us.

Basically it is an old peanut butter jar filled with water, glitter glue, and glitter.

When he gets upset he has to shake the jar and SIT.

It takes about 5 minutes.

Just enough time for him to THINK.

And just enough time for me to RE-think.

Calgon???

Where are you????

Knee Deep……….

 

I am in the trenches of parenting these days.

I mean KNEE-DEEP in tons of issues.

Half-way up SEVERAL mountains.

Facing down my fears and trying my hardest to keep my head above water.

My kids are growing up which means DAYS of sorting out feelings and LOVING them thru it.

Gone are the days of just “keeping them alive”….

Those were the days…nurse,sleep,change. Repeat.

No…..

Now we are going DEEP into the heart of the issues….in the muddy trenches.  Sifting thru a mess of changes.

Sticky places that shape them for LIFE.

It is EXAUSTING.

And most of time I feel like I am failing…..

Flailing on all fronts.  And not succeeding in ANY of them.

Some days go by with little or no drama.

Well…little or very little drama.

There are rarely days with NO DRAMA…who are we kidding???

And some days ROCK ME.

Some days I feel like if I have to referee ONE>MORE>FIGHT, answer 1 more question, cook 1 more meal, teach 1 more lesson, or solve 1 more problem….

I will FREAK .

And some days I do…..freak.

More often than you would believe …trust me.

But more than anything I am learning thru these days that I am growing up too.

I am learning new things about myself and my journey everyday.

I am learning that sometimes the lessons are more for me to learn than they are for me to teach.

They are reflections of me.

I guess that is life right?

We ALL grow.

We ALL change.

And we ALL get a new chance tomorrow.

Thank goodness that we get re-dos and make-ups.

And thank goodness that if we truly pay attention in this life we realize that…..

We

are

forever

HIS

children.

We are given these struggles and “trenches” …

because we NEED them.

We need to constantly examine and look inside.

We need to continually check ourselves.

If we don’t…..

We soon realize that….

The mud in the trenches is heavy and suffocating.

And if we don’t KEEP MOVING…

We are bound to get STUCK.

Forgiven….

“Who we were "then" doesn't define who we are "now".
We are ALL grateful for this.
Love you, girlie.”

That was the private message I got the other day…after a Facebook thread  of over 700 comments kept quite a few of my high school friends laughing ALL NIGHT LONG a few days ago.

There were so many comments and memories being sifted thru on that one thread.

I was amazed by how much everyone remembered!!!

There were tales of long gone teachers(whose sexuality is now questioned), and locker room envies(of which I knew nothing about).

Stories of old Christmas plays and round the block bullies.

Crazy Cafeteria clowns and 5th grade election promises.

Strange.

It made me start to think of some of the crazy, stupid things I have done in my past.

And when I mean CRAZY and STUPID….

I mean MORE CRAZY AND STUPID than you can imagine.

It made me feel the sting of THAT life.

I remembered some things that I didn’t really WANT to remember.

Ever.

The heaviness of those memories has been with me for days.

They flooded me actually.

They crept in and settled.

I figure that is the penance I pay right?

Because the way I figure it…..

Forgiveness is earned.

Step by step.

Decision by decision.

Thought by thought.

That life, those memories for me are like  a scarlet letter….

Always worn on my heart.

Well Earned Daily.

Forgiveness is a MIRACULOUS thing.

Shut the DOORS.

Kids say the funniest things.

The other day Malachi and Zeek we’re playing Wii, when I heard Malachi say, “Shut the front door!!!”

and

the door wasn’t open.

I walked around the corner and said, “Malachi…we don’t say THAT.  Where did you hear it???”

“A commercial.” he said.

“We’ll we don’t say THAT.” I said as I tried NOT.to.laugh.

He looked at me with a look only an INNOCENT boy can look.

He said, “You say it all the time.”

Um…yes, but when I say it….

I really want the door closed.   LOL

“Well…we don’t say THAT.” I said and walked back into the kitchen.

As I turned the corner I heard Malachi say to Zeek, “Why can’t we say that???”

Zeek said , “Because it doesn't MEAN THAT.  It means something opposite.”

I could almost HEAR Malachi thinking from the kitchen.

“You mean like…..Shut the BACK DOOR?”

LMAO

This. is. the. life.

If your Dad is a pirate…

When you Dad is a pirate you MAY get to do special things in the summer like ……going to work with him.

And when you go to work with him you may get to go to the marina early and explore the water,boats, and fish.

y

And when you explore, you may see a ship…. A PIRATE SHIP.

 

And after you spot the ship, you MAY see your Dad…working.

After you see  your Dad “working”….you just may board the ship.

Next, after you find a seat, you might watch your Dad play…I mean “work”.

(And by “work”….I mean swordfight! LOL)

Then, after watching your Dad work for a while, you might relax on the ship with one of your besties.

Or….

your MOM might want to take a picture with you.

After taking a picture with you, you MIGHT be asked to come up to the top of the ship with the Captain to drive the boat…

Maybe.

Soon after driving the pirate ship through the rough waters you may just want to get your face painted…

by your PIRATE DAD.

Twice.

LOL.

After getting your face painted by your face-painting, pirate Dad, you might go under the Bridge of Lions…and say Hi! to Jack.

“Hi..Jack”…Hijack? LOL

 

Then you may get some pirate beads and watch your Dad do a jig..

 

I mean…..

If your Dad is a PIRATE.

Here.

As we walked along the road on our nature walk,I noticed all kinds of things….

The moist heat

the  kids shadows

the ditches..FULL of water

the smell of rain

It was such a great break from the TONS of rain we had been getting.

AS we walked along we talked about the clouds, leaves, seasons, rain, storms, and whatever came across our minds.

But what was important THAT day wasn’t what was said…..

it was what WASN’T said.

As we walked along and talked Zeek came up beside me.

We were walking in silence….we didn’t need words.

My sweet,  loving, 11 year old boy slipped his hand into mine.

I smiled inside had out.

What dawned on me in that moment was this:

I may worry about him not having ENOUGH friends.

I may worry about him not being “out there” enough.

But….I am sure that the more “out there” he is….

the farther away he would be.

I think he is fine….RIGHT HERE.