Those are the words I would use to describe my attitude the last few months.I have felt like I have been standing in quicksand. Struggling.
Clawing my way thru life.
Seriously…in the TRENCHES of life.
I just haven't been able to shake it.
I have thought about it and thought about it.
What I have come up with is THIS:
This has been BY FAR my hardest year of homeschooling. I think that up until now…I have never had ALL 4 kids “IN SCHOOL” at one time. Up until now it has been 1, then 2, then 3…now 4!!.!! And- they were all in elementary school. Easy Peasy!! Now….we are ALL ACTIVELY PARTICIPATING in our school day. And we aren't “watered down” with the ABC’s or crafts really. We are all REALLY doing all our work DAILY.
So…there's THAT pressure.
Add THAT to:
kids who have gotten OUT of a routine
have started to talk back and not listen
and the there is the ARGUING….
HOLY SHIT the arguing.
That is some HEAVY shit. Like carrying weighty heavy bricks …walking uphill. In concrete boots.
Don’t get me wrong…we have good days.
sometimes when I let the devil seep in…. I doubt myself and I fail.
at least I feel like I do.
And isn’t that the same thing really????
Pair that with the last couple of months of having more BAD days than GOOD days finally made me BREAK.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I MIGHT have had a mini-meltdown.
I MIGHT have had a moment.
A moment when I just decided to FIGHT.
I decided to take my life back from the CHAOS and STRESS that had been building.
So I sat them down and explained EXACLTY how this was going to go down…..
From now on we would:
1. get back on a schedule. Like a real schedule. A timed schedule. SHOCKING…I know!.
2. they would start to LISTEN. Like not “half-ass” listen….like REALLY listen. The 1st time. Not the 50th.
3. They would STOP arguing and bickering. They WOULD be thankful for each other and GRATEFUL for their brothers and sisters. Because they are a freakin’ gift!!!
4. They would make school easier on me by COOPERATING and DOING their schoolwork. Whatever schoolwork I tell them to do!! They would be PATIENT with ME. Because I have 4 students doing 4 different things ….at all times. JEEZ!!!!!.
I EMPHASIZED that this WOULD be in their “best interest”.
I STRESSED that they SHOULD cooperate.
It had to be done. The way it WAS…was going to KILL me.
It was time.
I just realized that some things needed to change in my life in order for me to get thru these years.
I needed to take back control and do what I KNEW needed to be done.
Make the changes that needed to be made.
Do the hard things that are so simple.
Just do what I know in my heart is right for my SOUL.
Put one foot in front of the other…
even when your boots are made of CONCRETE.
Because even concrete boots will crumble….
when walked in enough.