Sunday, March 27, 2011
There was a time in my life when I never thought I would work again.
I thought I would just have babies forever....an ever.
I never thought too much about WHAT IT MEANT to be AWAY from your kids for work.
THAT was a "Daddy" job....an he did it well.
So well that....I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
I was so consumed by motherhood that it never even dawned on me.
I just figured that would never change.
I never really APPRECIATED what it felt like to be "away"...even if it is for the sake of the family.
But--I am feeling it now!
For about the lasts year an a half I have been working on Friday/Sat nights from 7m-3am...as a cocktail waitress at Tradewinds Lounge.
Its a CRAZY job in a CRAZY FUN place.
But keeps me away on the weekends from the family.
I have ha my first experience with "Work guilt"....
It is silly I know.
But- because I am WITH THEM sooo much...I can't help but feel like a BIT of ME is missing when we are apart.
I REALLY hit me last night....we had a SITUATION.
I was already feeling "weird" when I went to work because EVERYONE(Jay, kids, my SIL, friends, etc) were at the PARK.
I wanted to be at the PARK.
But..I was at work.
For the sake of the family.
THEN ...to TOP it all off..
I got a CALL.
It was from my SIL Amy.
Shashamane(8) was spending the night with her cousin(also 8).
They were taking a bath after the beach...but AMy said that they were taking a LONG time.
So she went to investigate..
She opened the door an there they were....
SHAVING THEIR LEGS!!!!!!!
She said that Shasha THREW the razor when she saw Amy...
I am sure she was scared.
She KNEW she had done SOMETHING WRONG...even if she wasn't sure WHAT.
"Are you going to tell my MOM???" said Shasha CRYING.
Amy said, "Yes, Shasha...because I would want her to tell me. An she WOULD."
She was RIGHT...I would HAVE to tell her.
An NOT JUST BECAUSE of the missing HAIR on her 8 year old CHILDS legs. LOL
Shasha was SOOOOOOOOOO upset.
But Amy called an told me anyway...
An AT THAT MOMENT I felt like I missed a MOMENT.
You know...one of those moments that are BENCHMARKS.
After laughing REALLY HARD...I said, "Let me talk to Shasha."
Needless to say...she was still crying.
I said, "Shasha, I want you to quit crying. I have never TOLD you not to do that. You are not in trouble. But you KNEW that you int FEEL RIGHT about doing it, or you wouldn't be crying. So stop crying. I am not mad at you, but I woul have like to have BEEN THERE for that. I would have liked to TEACH you the right way....when it was the right time. "
"Yes maam.....(insert BAWLING)"
She was truly sorry...it was sad for BOTH of us.
It was the first of MANY of those moments ...I am sure.
Safe to say...it taught me a couple of things.
1. Be proactive in these lessons. They are comming fast andd furious now. LORD, help me raise 4 GREAT KIDS!!!
2. It taught me to appreciate what people who have to be away from their kids must feel like...kinda.
Time is SPEEDING BY...QUICKLY.
An we MUST appreciate every moment together.
I am FOREVER a student....of GOD.
ALWAYS LEARNING....ever changing.
WOW!! What a journey this is....
Monday, March 21, 2011
I took his sweet chin in my hand and said, "What comes out of your MOUTH is a reflection of what is in your HEART. Do you understand that?"
He looked at me and I could tell that he WANTED to understand.
But just like every other human on the planet, including his MOTHER, he is a sinner.
The Bible says that the heart is "deceitful and desperately wicked"-Jeremiah 17:9.
I think that even a child has things in his heart that if not TENDED to...WILL cause problems in behavior. THAT is because we are SINNERS by nature.
This is not a surprise to GOD....he knows this.
It is US who have problems thinking we are FLAWLESS and without sin.
He KNOWS us...from the inside out.
He KNOWS that as I sit here and write this...I am DESPERATELY TRYING to not YELL at my kids....an I am FAILING.
He knows that I am a sinner an without HIS shepherding ...I will continue to sin.
Because it is IN MY HEART.
In the bible ...a person who has NO FEAR of the Lord is a described as foolish.
I want to teach my chilren to FEAR God....God gave them life, with a PURPOSE in mind.
He KNOWS them an he KNOWS what they are capable of.
MY JOB, as a MOM, is to teach them that only thru HIM...will they find themseves.
And I want them to know that THIS is all in HIS plan.
THIS was not my choice...it was HIS.
I was CALLED to be GODS AGENT for these children.
I was MEANT to be HERE...NOW.
He knew it from the beginning of time....and planned it JUST for me.
For BOTH our benefits.
I have been given the task of TRAINING and SHEPHERDING these children.
Which I sometimes feel like I am FAILING TERRIBLY AT...but he knows THAT to.
And he also knows that I am TRYING.
I want to do a GREAT job at this....
I want to look back in 15 years and think, "WOW...I raised AMAZING HUMAN BEINGS!!"
In order to DO THAT...I have to get IN THERE and get to KNOW my children.
If I am going to TEACH THEM...I have to UNDERSTAND them.
Which takes and UNBELIEVABLE amount of time an effort.
An is SOMETIMES terribly hard.
But this time is fleeting and I only have 1 chance at this....
But in the end...
I want them to understand that "all of life rushes toward the day when we will stand before God and give account." (Shepherding a childs heart by Tedd Tripp)
Proverbs 20:5 says: The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I left my house on Monday...so excited to pick up my Dad and Suzette.
Shashamane, Sheba, and I headed to the airport sooooooooo excited.
We got there and circled around to pick them up.
There they were waiting witht here bags...
I parked and got out.
We hugged and said hello, Then Dad said, "Oh, There is one more bag inside!"
and he ran in to get it.
About 2 minutes later he walked out and a little girl ran behind him.
"Oh no!!! That girl has the wrong Pawpaw!!!" I said OUT LOUD.
Then she turned to look at me...IT WAS HAILEY, my neice!!!
I immediately started to CRY.
There she was...my sweet niece-standing right there....in front of me.
I couldn't believe it!!!!
What a fun sweet surprise!!
I was so excited and happy that my Dad and Suzy had thought of it...and so excited that my sister let her come.
We are going to have a BLAST!!!!
Monday, March 14, 2011
If you have never eaten sprouts….you are MISSING something.
Over at sproutpeople.org have THIS to say:
“Sprouts are a powerhouse of nutrition.
Sprouts have been grown by many civilizations over the past 5,000 years.
The Marvel of Sprouts!
Research shows that sprouts are a veritable fountain of youth. Sprouts abound with antioxidants, they are full of protein, chlorophyll, vitamins, minerals and amino acids. Broccoli sprouts have been found to contain 50 times as much of the antioxidant sulfurophane as mature broccoli. Wheat Grass juice is the closest substance to hemoglobin, and is therefore a phenomenal blood purifier and liver de-toxifier. Sprouts contain enzymes, giving your body a much needed rest as they digest themselves - invigorating you while requiring no help from your body to process them. New research indicates that peanut sprouts reduce harmful cholesterol and that sunflower, buckwheat and grain sprouts dramatically improve the quality of life for diabetics. The list goes on and on.”
We have been growing our own sprouts for a while.
Jay made this nifty sprout shelf and we went to town.
They grow so EASILY and require only water and about 4-5 days.
First: you SOAK them overnight . EASY.
Then…the only thing you do is rinse them 1X per day…And then…in 4-5 days.
Soon enough…they are ready to eat.
you can use them in anything.
POWER FOOD…and the kids will eat them. sometimes.
either way…they are an easy way to get your vitimins.