Sunday, March 27, 2011
There was a time in my life when I never thought I would work again.
I thought I would just have babies forever....an ever.
I never thought too much about WHAT IT MEANT to be AWAY from your kids for work.
THAT was a "Daddy" job....an he did it well.
So well that....I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
I was so consumed by motherhood that it never even dawned on me.
I just figured that would never change.
I never really APPRECIATED what it felt like to be "away"...even if it is for the sake of the family.
But--I am feeling it now!
For about the lasts year an a half I have been working on Friday/Sat nights from 7m-3am...as a cocktail waitress at Tradewinds Lounge.
Its a CRAZY job in a CRAZY FUN place.
But keeps me away on the weekends from the family.
I have ha my first experience with "Work guilt"....
It is silly I know.
But- because I am WITH THEM sooo much...I can't help but feel like a BIT of ME is missing when we are apart.
I REALLY hit me last night....we had a SITUATION.
I was already feeling "weird" when I went to work because EVERYONE(Jay, kids, my SIL, friends, etc) were at the PARK.
I wanted to be at the PARK.
But..I was at work.
For the sake of the family.
THEN ...to TOP it all off..
I got a CALL.
It was from my SIL Amy.
Shashamane(8) was spending the night with her cousin(also 8).
They were taking a bath after the beach...but AMy said that they were taking a LONG time.
So she went to investigate..
She opened the door an there they were....
SHAVING THEIR LEGS!!!!!!!
She said that Shasha THREW the razor when she saw Amy...
I am sure she was scared.
She KNEW she had done SOMETHING WRONG...even if she wasn't sure WHAT.
"Are you going to tell my MOM???" said Shasha CRYING.
Amy said, "Yes, Shasha...because I would want her to tell me. An she WOULD."
She was RIGHT...I would HAVE to tell her.
An NOT JUST BECAUSE of the missing HAIR on her 8 year old CHILDS legs. LOL
Shasha was SOOOOOOOOOO upset.
But Amy called an told me anyway...
An AT THAT MOMENT I felt like I missed a MOMENT.
You know...one of those moments that are BENCHMARKS.
After laughing REALLY HARD...I said, "Let me talk to Shasha."
Needless to say...she was still crying.
I said, "Shasha, I want you to quit crying. I have never TOLD you not to do that. You are not in trouble. But you KNEW that you int FEEL RIGHT about doing it, or you wouldn't be crying. So stop crying. I am not mad at you, but I woul have like to have BEEN THERE for that. I would have liked to TEACH you the right way....when it was the right time. "
"Yes maam.....(insert BAWLING)"
She was truly sorry...it was sad for BOTH of us.
It was the first of MANY of those moments ...I am sure.
Safe to say...it taught me a couple of things.
1. Be proactive in these lessons. They are comming fast andd furious now. LORD, help me raise 4 GREAT KIDS!!!
2. It taught me to appreciate what people who have to be away from their kids must feel like...kinda.
Time is SPEEDING BY...QUICKLY.
An we MUST appreciate every moment together.
I am FOREVER a student....of GOD.
ALWAYS LEARNING....ever changing.
WOW!! What a journey this is....