Sick.

I guess sometimes in lofe you have to just SHUT UP and listen when he talks.

This last couple of weeks has been one of those times.

2 Mondays ago, I went into the hospital...
with kidney stones.

Horrible.
hateful.
sickening.
kidney stones.

I am not sure if I have ever been in as much pain....

Well...I can think of 4 other times.

Zeek.
Shashamane
Malachi
Sheba

But at least at the end of labor...you get a prize.

with
Kidney stones...nothing.

Just pain and INTERUPTION in your life.

I was in bed for 2 weeks.

14 days.
Countless TV shows.
Magazines(thanks Shainee)
all meals in bed...
and hardly any school-except what they got from Daddy.

It has been UNEXPECTED INTERUPTION.

It has been a FORCED relaxation period.

A lesson in listening and patience.

As I have laid in bed the last 14 days...I have had to relenquish all control....
Give up all expectations....
I have had to really SIT BACK and relax.

I am prayerful that when this is all over I will be BACK.

I am prayerful that this is the LAST BIT of my illness over the last year.

It has been a hard year ...health wise.

I am repeating:

"God wouldn't bring me TO IT, If I couldn't get THRU IT!"

Food for thought...........

29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. Gen 1:29

Could it be MORE clear?????????

Could he have given MORE SPECIFIC directions????????

Is he ever WRONG?????????

These are the questions that I use when explaining to my children that "BIG BROTHER" is TRYING to take away the rights of some farmers.

And we all KNOW that "some farmers" quickly trickles down to YOU AND I.

It was a sad day yesterday as we watched the polititians VOTE on S510 or as they like to call it: The "Food Safety Modernization Act"

One after another voted "aye" ...while few stood their ground and voted "no".

It was sad to watch this in real time while trying to explain to the children WHAT was going on.

"Why is it illegal to GROW food?"

"Why are they voting for that Mama?"

All questions that little minds should NEVER be faced with.

EVER.

Growing, raising, trading, and selling food is a GOD-GIVEN right.

It is something that is a TIME TESTED tradition passed on from generation to generation.

Something that can really help humans to appreciate and WONDER at something that has been done from the begenning of time.

There is something wonderful that happens when you plant a seed in the dirt and with little effort ...it GROWS.

There is an appreciation that is gained... an APPRECIATION for LIFE.

Something that you cant BUY when you get your cucumbers in the vegetable isle at Publix.

These are lessons that GOD intended for us to learn, pass down , and cultivate.

Lessons that can't be REPLACED in the name of "food safety".

I mean really....an organic farm is illegal because they wont CONFORM to the FARMLAND security.

AND

A government run farm is legal...even though they use pesticides, hormones, and mistreat their "livestock".

Never.

THANKFULLY...
The answers to those questions they asked were easily answered.
My ANSWER:
We live by Gods laws....not man's.
No matter what BIG BROTHER says.
EVER.
We use GODS example...we use HIS rules.
ALWAYS.

Life lessons......at WALMART.

Change.

Growth.

Those things are HARD for adults to handle.

And lets be HONEST...sometimes we SUCK at it.

Learning to "go with the flow" is not necessarily an EASY thing to do.

It takes TIME.
and
PRACTICE.

And sometimes even when we are "adults" we still struggle with it.

And then you throw in little souls that we were "LOANED" to us by GOD, and it becomes a LIFE LONG JOURNEY.

A journey that we walk together because we are LEARNING together.

This time of year is what the kids call our "birthday season".

They call it that because ALL 4 of the kids birthdays are so close together.

Sheba: Sept. 8
then
Zeek: Oct. 12
then
Shashamane: Nov. 6
then
Malachi: Jan 2

Yes ...I know...
WE WERE BUSY.
LOL

Anyway...
during their bdays they inevitably get birthday money.

And they are always sooooo thankful for the money they get.

BUT....
as they get older things change.

The lessons that they learn change....because they GROW.

The lesson you teach the 5 year old is not the SAME lesson you teach the 10 year old.

or the 8 year old.

This year....
they have all gotten SOME money for their birthdays.

And they all handle it differently.

Zeek likes to HANG on to his....AND he likes to buy things for his brothers and sisters. He LOVES to have money in his wallet "just in case". AND... he is ALWAYS willing to GIVE. He has such a sweet, endearing heart. This lesson has been EASY to teach him....because GOD made him that way. He dosent STRUGGLE with it.

But.........
Then there is Shashamane.
Sweet girl has had a HARD time this year.
She got money but COULD NOT figure out WHAT she wanted to do with it.
She is a little reserved and INDECISIVE about the whole thing.
I took her shopping with her money and she just WANDERED the entire St. Augustine walmart while I walked behind her and said,
"What about nail polish? You love to paint your nails. No? ok."
"What about new CRAFT SUPPLIES? You LOVE to do crafts! No? ok."
" What about CLOTHES??? You LOVE clothes! No? ok."

She COULD NOT decide.
Then........
She started POUTING!
I mean like sad eyes, arms crossed, feet dragging, POUTING!!!!!!!!!

Uugggggghhhhhhhhhh....

If there is ONE THING I can't STAND...it is an UNGRATEFUL child!

I mean seriously....
I am the QUEEN of , "You say your STRAVING??? Come here...Let me show you STARVING!"(Then I get on the computer and pull up some totally scary picture of a REALLY STARVING child . I know...Im weird. crazy. harsh. I wont apologize.)

I think that it is SOOOO IMPORTANT for children to have a REAL WORLD VIEW of life.
They need to know that the life they lived is BLESSED. The life they live is something that is UNIMAGINABLE to MOST children in the world.

They live in a house...not a tent.
They have running water....not a well- 3 hours away.
They have electricity....ALL THE TIME.
They eat 3 meals a day...........not 3 times a week.
They have access to medicine when they are sick.....they dont do without because they are POOR.

They are SOOO EMENSELY BLESSED.
And they should remember it.
EVERYDAY.

I want then to remember that GOD granted them these gifts....they are not to be TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
They are not to be EXPECTED.

Because......
Today is today.
but-
tommorow.....things could change.

Tommorow....WE could be the ones truly STARVING or living in a TENT.

So right there in the middle of WALMART we stopped SHOPPING and had a little "reality check".

We stopped and talked about how It was not RIGHT to be upset because you cant figure out HOW to spend your money...
We talked about how we were going to GIVE THANKS for the fact that we have money to spend at WALMART...when so many are FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES!
We talked about how GOD wanted us to be GOOD STEWARDS of our money...so we didnt want to WASTE IT on something....just because we wanted to BUY SOMETHING!
We talked about how it was NOT ACCEPTABLE for her to frown and act that way .....EVER.

simply because......
we are TOO BLESSED.

It was such a TEACHABLE MOMENT and a LIFE LESSON.

We ended up walking out with BOTH some money in our hand, a panda doll, AND....
a lesson that I am sure is not OVER.

Because....
It is a lesson that is a life long journey.
A lesson that takes a while to be IMPRINTED on your heart.
For some of my children, it comes easier that others.
But ..I am determined that NO MATTER WHAT...
It is a lesson that they WILL LEARN.
It is a lesson that will SAVE them from so much heartache and disappointment.


We need to appreciate our BLESSINGS...
and OUR JOURNEYS for what they are...
Even when they come to us in the TOY isle at WALMART.

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2:8-10

“Filthy Rich”

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or living in want. I can do everything thru HIM that gives me strength. Phillipians  4:11-13

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

With the economy the way it is ….times are tough.

And believe me…TOUGH is TOUGH.

And it was TOUGH when the economy wasn’t in trouble.

But…We have always tried to have a REALWORLD view of these kinds of situations…..

In comparison…..We are “RICH”.

We sit in an air conditioned home, with a car, running water, a washer and dryer, the kids have clothes, food,access to medicine, and are involved in lots of EXTRAS.

I mean we practically live on a farm…and FEED all the animals here too.

Others- don’t have THOSE opportunities……

THEY-

live in  grass huts, with only thier feet to walk them to a well for water to drink, bathe, and wash clothes.  Thier kids have NO FOOD, NO CLOTHES,NO ACCESS TO MEDS and are not involved in extra-cirricular activities like football and ballet.

“RICH”.

Seriously….we are “FILTHY RICH”.

When I remember those things it makes THIS life—FULL..

It makes the FEAR of not having “money in the bank” fade.

It makes “not getting everything I WANT” dissapate.

It makes telling my kids “no” much easier.

It makes having to PICK AND CHOOSE the “needs” for the week…worth it.

It makes EVERYTHING a lesson.

A “refining fire” that can only make you STRONGER….

And THAT in turn, makes you TRULY RICH!!!

Proverbs 24:3-4
Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms shall be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

TRUE Courage……

 

 

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

This week I have been “digging thru” some issues with a friend.

Lets just say…she  is having trouble with “being ACCEPTED” by family members.

Sometimes people find it hard to accept something they don’t understand.

It’s actually something I have come to be FAMILIAR WITH over the last 12 years.

ESPECIALLY when people want to hold you to THEIR standards.

The coversations we have been having take me back to the begenning of my “journey”.

When I was 21 -I was what we now call a “hot mess”.

In serious DENIAL of what was of TRUE VALUE in life.

Trust me….it was SERIOUS DENIAL.

Then……………………………………………………………………….

My true self was awakened in me.

I was granted a gift……..knowledge of self.

Something happens in your heart and SOUL when GOD awakens you.

Something miraculous and peaceful.

A “seed of courage” is planted.

A “spiritual seed”  ..so to say.

It is something that at first starts small and needs to be NURTURED.

It has to have time to establish its “roots”.

It is like a tree that starts small and is quite easy to dig up-

AT FIRST.

BUT*****

if you leave it alone and let it LIVE,

if you let it establish its “roots”….

SOON-

the tree stands SO STRONG that-

Neither SHOVEL or STORM can harm it.

Courage is like this.

It was for me.

At first…it was HARD for me to explain what had “happened” to me to family and friends.

It was hard for me to explain WHY is I was BECOMING who I was.

Some thought it was a phase.

MOST were skeptical.

But Jah is amazing and when he plants a “seed” …

he intends for it to GROW into a TREE.

Soon..

my “roots” were firmly planted in my FAITH.

NOONE could deny it.

Lots didn’t understand it.

My life had changed..

I was DIFFERENT.

Not different in the “I am doing this TO BE different” way.

Different in the “I have changed from the INSIDE out” way.

It started on the inside and manifest itself PHYSICALLY on the outside.

Which is REALLY HARD for some to accept.

Hard for some to accept that I have CHOSEN this life.

I have CHOSEN this struggle.

I have CHOSEN to be on the “outside” of the norm.

I have CHOSEN to MAKE people confront THEMSELVES when looking at me.

I have CHOSEN COURAGE.

But it is a PROCESS.

Like I said…It starts small.

But…

over time-

it produces BEAUTIFUL fruit.

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life IS a lesson…….

 

When I was younger I didn’t REALLY understand how hard it MUST have been to let me GO.

I left Texas when I was 19.

I just wanted to go…experience something different.

It had NOTHING to do with my family…

BUT

I KNOW it was HARD for them.

To just let me go….

because they HAD to.

I was an “adult”…

(when I read that I LAUGH!)

ADULT????

Not quite.

Not even CLOSE.

I just wanted to GO…

to live on the beach.

to travel.

to experience.

NOW……………..

after having 4 children of my own.

4 children that  LIVE in my soul.

I can’t even IMAGINE how hard that was for THEM.

I ….being ME….just WENT.

I remember telling my Dad that It wasn’t SOOO bad.

“Dad-Think of the people in the PIONEER days? They just went…no phones, no communication.  It’s not THAT bad!”

I KNOW.

HORRIBLE.

I had NO IDEA.

I blame ….YOUTH.

NOW….

After spending a week with my Dad and Suzette…

It HIT me. It must have been SOOOOOO EXCRUCIATING for my family.

I was soooo 19.

CRAZY, YOUNG, STUPID, and SELF-CENTERED.

Dont get me wrong….

I LOVE My life.

I feel like GOD put me HERE for a REASON.

I would not be who I am today…If I WOULD’T have moved.

It forced me to make REAL LIFE decisions…on my OWN.

BUT…That dosen’t make it easier to say GOODBYE.

Maybe even HARDER.

Because I NOW REALIZE how precious these times are.

How precious  FAMILY  is.

How precious TIME is.

How precious LIFE is.

Love you ALL…Jana

"Life is a thing, when you learn-you GROW!!!"

Ezekiel 16:4-6
And as for your birth,on the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. No eye pitied you, to do any of these things to you out of compassion for you, but you were cast out on the open field, for you were abhorred, on the day that you were born."

And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' I made you flourish like a plant of the field. And you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment.

This Verse SPOKE to me today!!!!

A friend wrote on her blog about how we are all so "gross" when "found" by GOD!!!

That is sooooo TRUE!!!

Arent we all "gross" when SAVED.

Thank goodness God isnt a CLEAN-FREAK.

We would ALL be in trouble.
LOL

"Somewhere" in between.......

I am not an AVID Oprah watcher...BUT-I do like SOME of the topics she has on and today I hit the JACKPOT!
I caught about the last 1/2 of it.
It was all about Women's Beauty from around the world.
I turned it on when they were talking about Mauritania.
I know...NEVER heard of it right?
LOL
Me neither.
FIGURES.....
Anyway...Mauritania.
It is a place in Africa, on the west coast where:
(according to Oprah and Wikipedia! LOL)
The cultural idea of beauty encourages consumption of high fat foods such as camel's milk, to ensure that young women attain sufficient size. Overweight individuals would be considered attractive in this culture. Stretch marks are also considered attractive, as are large ankles and bottoms. Obesity is so revered among Mauritania's population that the young girls are sometimes force-fed to obtain a weight the government has described as "life-threatening". Force-feeding has now been officially outlawed but still takes place in some areas of the country.

REALLY?
Oprah was Hilarious talking to this woman...
But for me it REALLY made me think.
I TRY not to be consumed about my weight.
If all day long I am THINKING about my weight or how I look...there is a problem.
That is the EXACT definition of a "false idol"..Right?
But...and it is a HUGE BUTT(no pun intended!)
Its hard NOT to be SOMEWHAT consumed.
In our society we are BOMBARDED with images, magazines, models, more images THEN- to top it off SKINNY JEANS.
LOL...
From the time we are little girls we are ENSLAVED by a "THOUGHT".
A "THOUGHT".
I know...I had to sit and think about it for a moment also.
A "THOUGHT".
We ate TAUGHT to "think" that SKINNY is beautiful and "curvy" is fat.
CRAZY......
Sometimes "skinny" IS beautiful.
But "curvy" is NEVER fat!
TRUTHFULLY....I want to be thin.
I want to be able to put on ANYTHING in my closet and GO.
But REALLY-I want to be fit and healthy...but I am NO LONGER willing to "sell my soul" to get it.
ALL I am willing to do is eat healthy and exercise.
YET- on the other side of the globe there is a place where an entire society is "enslaved" by a "thought" also.
They are the EXACT opposite of THIS society.
Being FORCE-FED and ONLY thinking about putting ON weight also falls into the "worshiping a false idol" category.
It really made me realize that "beauty" is a false idol.
Vanity comes in MANY ways.
It sneaks in where you least expect it.
We chase "thinness" while they chase "fatness".
It makes me think of Proverbs 31.



Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Tonight I am MORE aware of MY INWARD "struggle".
Tonight I will DREAM of "SOMEWHERE" in my mind.
"Somewhere" half way between Mauritania and America.
"Somewhere" in my mind...

Pulling at the "THREAD"....

Last night we were steam cleaning the carpet and there was a show on the TV in our bedroom.
It was about midnight.
I was trying to stay off the carpet and let it dry so I sat down.
It was called "Obsessed".
It was the story of 2 people who have SOME SORT of SEVERE OCD.
NOT the "normal person" OCD...but CRAZY OCD.
I mean there was a man who had to do SO MANY rituals before he left the house- I took him over an hour to get ready!!!!
AND he made his wife REPEAT things BACK to him!!!!
Kissing the dog EXACTLY 12 times before he left the house???
Only to have to go back and KISS HIM ANOTHER 12 TIMES?????
And all because he THOUGHT that if he DIDN'T do these "rituals" thaen something BAD would happen.
Then there was the girl who couldnt eat ANYTHING because of the fear of MOLD from it sitting out! CRAZY!!!
AND she PICKED AT HER FACE till it had scars all over it.
Because the bathroom mirror was the only place that "time slipped away".
The whole time watching this show I sat DUMBFOUNDED.
To me there seems to be a common THREAD here....
ABSENCE of FAITH!
Faith takes the place of fear.
Faith helps you understand that there is more to life than what you SEE in the bathroom mirror.
Faith lets you trust in God, not fearing the "unknown".
It make me soooo THANKFUL that I have FAITH in my life.
Faith that makes it easier to live without FEAR.
Thank God for saving me from a life VOID of FAITH!!
Give Thanks and Praises..........

A sign.....

(Sorry DAD...This one is about you!!!!!)

When I was little, my Dad an Suzy took us on vacation...SOMEWHERE.

I cant really remember WHERE we went...BUT, I remember what happened when we got home.

We walked up to the house and the front window was busted out.

I will never forget that.

My Dad had us all stay outside an he went in to look around.

Of course...There was noone there anymore.

I can STILL remember walking into my Dad and Suzettes room and everything was on the floor....the drawers were emptied and all the doors were open.

It was soooo scary.

There were lots of things missing, BUT- the MOST valuable was the collection of $2 bills an silver dollars that my Papaw had given us.

It was sooooo sad...LOST FOREVER!!!!

I hadn't thought about it really AT ALL ....UNTIL yesterday.

Then...as SOME of you know- My Dad went into the hospital yesterday....UNEXPECTEDLY!

He had been having some chest pains at work and called Suzette.

They were both scared and went to the doctor who told them they needed to go to the hospital.

He was admitted last night and was to have an ANGIOPLASTY today.

As you can imagine ....I was FREAKING OUT!!!!!

I was so upset and for some reason..I glanced over on my desk and saw a small change purse that I had bought at a thrift store about a MONTH AGO.

I had never opened it when I bought it and had come home an thrown it on my desk...

I reached over and grabbed it.

I slowly opened the pouch...an was BLOWN AWAY by what I found!!!!

Inside this small pouch was a STACK of $2 bills!!!

It was a sign....My DADDY would be ok.

Give Thanks for having eyes OPENED enough to see the signs that GOD puts IN front of us!!!


Psalm 33:5
The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

GOD is ALMIGHTY!!!!!

Life is such a JOURNEY...
If you haven seen EVAN ALMIGHTY....WATCH IT!!!
It is so funny.
And a teaching tool..WATCH IT WITH YOUR KIDS.
I NEVER thought that I would EVER let the kids watch a movie like this because of the fact that it takes GOD a little lightly...
But - I have learned to LIGHTEN UP in the past couple of years.
It is a great movie to watch WITH the kids because of the fact that there are alot of "stop-n-talk" moments..alot of explaining for my age kids age group.
Alot of talk about how this is just a movie....It is taken FROM a story in the bible.
NOT REAL...And there is the issue of GOD actually having a FACE.
Anyway..we laughed all the way thru it!!!!!
Makes you THINK about the ARK.....

Reflection...

Sometimes when Jay is out of town I am tested the most.
I get it.
I understand why.
I guess I should be used to it.
And usually I have to REALLY reach for patience and perspective.
It is just a 24 hour NON-STOP task with 4 all by myself.
But at the end of the day...every night, it seems to fall into place.
Thats when I usually have a chance to lay my burdens down.
Thats when I have a chance to lay and pray about the things that were hard for me that day.
Thats when I can reflect on the day and am usually full of regret about how I handled this or that.
But that is when God speaks to me.....Or thats when I listen.
Thats when He uses the reflection to teach me about tommorow.
Thats when He usually opens my heart to His voice.