Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Friday, July 29, 2011

Keeping our options open....

(WARNING: this post contains opinions that may be different from yours. AN..every situation is different. I KNOW that not ALL moms have a choice. I HONOR YOUR CHOICES.)



I was talking to a homeschool mom in my co-op last year, and when I asked her what her 15 year old daughter wanted to "be when she grew up"???

Her answer was something that was such a blessing to me.

"She doesn't want to "BE" anything except a good wife an Mother."

I stood there...
BAFFLED.

My eyes started to tear up.

In a world where women at taught that in order to be "of value" they have to "be equal" to men. They have to earn the same(or more). They have to be able to do the same things(or more). They have to be "as good as men are" at "men things".

THAT was unheard of for a MOTHER to say about her daughter
THAT was refreshing.
It made me HAPPY.

Not because I was glad she was making the choice NOT TO go to college.
But...
Because I was delighted in the fact that was a YOUNG woman, she looked at being a mother and a wife AS A CAREER CHOICE.
She saw it as something OF VALUE.
She wasn't brought up to believe that she HAD TO GO TO SCHOOL to be fufilled.
That doesen't mean she WON'T.
It means she has a CHOICE.
She can ALSO make a choice to go to school and then NOT USE HER DEGREE ..if she finds a husband and becomes a mother.
And that would ALSO be HONORABLE.
She was brought up to KNOW that in life being a GREAT MOTHER and WIFE...CAN BE A CAREER.
It can be JUST As FULFILLING to raise a family...
as it is to raise your bank balance- if she has a choice...
or KNOWS she has the OPTION.
If it IS an OPTION...FOR HER.
Sometimes it is an sometimes it isn't.

I made me really think about the daughters I have.
I want them to know that college is an OPTION.
But...
so is being a mother an a wife.

I want them to know that sometimes fulfilling your GOD-GIVEN role has JUST as many PERKS, carries insurance, and PAYS well...as long as you accept LOVE as a payment rather than MONEY.

Being a SAHM is the best decision I ever made...because I had the OPTION.


...................................................................................
Proverbs 31:10-31
[1] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself [2] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [3]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Secret.........



Jay an I met in 1998....an have been together pretty much since then.

That is 13 years...which by todays standards IS forever.

Sometimes it feels like yesterday...sometimes- it feels like an ETERNITY.

People ask me ALL THE TIME, "What is the secret to staying married SOOO long?".

My answer is ALWAYS ..."Letting things GO. Forgiveness."

And that is the HONEST TRUTH.

In a marriage you have to learn to DANCE TOGETHER.
In each relationship there is a certain way that 2 people "move" or compromise with each other. You either learn to dance TOGETHER...
or..
you step on each others toes CONSTANTLY.

Jason and I learned a long time ago that we were MEANT to do THIS dance.
To us...there is no other reason that God would have blessed us with 4 beautiful children and THIS life, if we were supposed to step on each others toes all the time.

And let's face it...
1. NEITHER of us is going ANYWHERE.
2. We are too CRAZY for anyone else. COLLECTIVELY.
3. I don't even have a BAG big enough to leave. LOL

Sometimes...it is ME who is needs to LET THINGS go.
AND THEN....
There are times when it is HIM who is put to the test.

Either way.....We have an uncanny ability to scream, yell, or fight...then we
LET
IT
GO....
And most of the time - we laugh about it later.

Which is EXACTLY what happened the other day when I was headed to a dental appointment for a tooth EXTRACTION!!! YIKES!

I had been to this office once before....1 week before.
But I have a terrible memory....which was not HELPED by what seemed like THOUSANDS of backroads.

My appointment was at 11.
It was 10:54...I called Jay at home and am sad to say our conversation went something like THIS:

"Jay...WHERE Am I?? I can't figure it out. I have no idea where I am. WHERE AM I????" I said in a paniced voice.

"I don't KNOW Jana. YOU are the one in the CAR."

Which of course was NOT RATIONAL to me. He KNOWS me. He knows how anxious I am about this freakin' tooth appointment.

"JASON!!!!! Just tell me where the dentist office is. JUST TELL ME."

Again, He said in a calm voice, as if THAT would calm me down, "Jana...YOU are the only one who has BEEN THERE. I have NOT. I have NO IDEA."

But...In my mind, He KNEW because I had told him where I had GONE- 1 week before, alone.

"Jason...You KNOW where I am TRYING to get. YOU KNOW. Was it THIS street???? (pause) JASON...WAS IT THIS STREET I AM ON RIGHT NOW?????" I said in a voice that sounded to me like Cruella D. Ville. LOL

An again, annoyingly calmly, he said, "Jana, I have NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!!!!"

Then I turned the corner and there it was.
I had found it.
I have no idea how....but I was there.

So...I said, "Nevermind." and hung up the phone on him.

I know...I should get an award for "Wife of the Year".
I can hear my sister right now saying, "That is TERRIBLE Jana. Terrible." LOL.
At the time...I felt no guilt.
The ONLY feeling I had was FEAR. FEAR of the dentist.
And in the end all they did was x-ray the tooth and have me make another appointment.
"Sweet...all that for nothing.", I thought to myself as I walked out the door.

Then I remembered...
BEFORE the appointment.
I couldn't help but LAUGH on the way home....ALL the way home to be exact.
And the BEST PART was that I KNEW that when I walked in the door....I wouldn't HAVE
to say I am sorry.
I didn't NEED to because HE KNEW I was sorry.
He KNEW that I was stressed...It wasn't ABOUT HIM.
It was ABOUT me.
I KNEW that he DIDN'T NEED it.
And that was an AMAZING feeling.
KNOWING that we have learned OUR DANCE that well.
Knowing that I was ALREADY forgiven...
Before I even HUNG UP ON HIM.

I smiled as I pulled in the driveway and I laughed as I walked thru the door.
I walked up to him an said, "I'm sorry. I was just stressed."
He looked at me an smiled and said, "I know. I know YOU."
An we both laughed.
We hugged and moved onto the next CRAZY thing happening at THAT moment.
We didn't dwell.
We don't HOLD ONTO IT.
We let it go........
We forgive each other.
DAILY.
THAT is the secret...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Connected..........



Jay and I are connected.

And not just .."4 kids" connected.

I mean we have 4 kids...but we were "connected" way before that.

My VERY FIRST thought after I had a REAL conversation with Jay was, "Oh No!!! I am going to LOVE him!"...because I was "not available" at the time.

As you can imagine..it didn't take long for me to "become available" to him.

LOL.

Imediately things fell into place....I KNEW he was the one.

We had a connection ...a REAL connection.

We have been together sooo long now that we almost can finish each others sentences.

We almost THINK the same things.

We know it and we know we are BLESSED by the LORD with this LOVE.

Sometimes we are soooooo connected that it is FUNNY.

Laugh OUT LOUD funny.

The other day we were having a party at our house for our nephew Reef and we were standing, arm in arm, at the back door staring out into the chicken coop.

It was POURING down rain......

The poor things were TRYING NOT to get SOAKED.

They were all huddled together, like a pile of puppies, under the covered part of the coop....TRYING to stay dry.

Jay looked at me sweetly and said, "Well...I guess we can be thankful that they are smart enough to TRY and stay under the covered part of the coop, so they don't get wet."

We stood there for a minute admiring our "smart chickens"...

Then as if GOD was LAUGHING at us....
Zeek walked out from around the corner SOAKING WET!!!

Jay and I didnt have to say a word.

We just looked at each other and started BELLY LAUGHING!!!

It was hilarious!!!

We were both thinking the same thing....."And then there is ZEEK...walking IN the rain-getting SOAKED!!!"

WHat a blessing to be married to my BEST FRIEND!!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Not the fishnets............

I have to tell a story.

It started after THIS PARTY .

Let's just say I wasn't very ENTHUSED about the way my husband reacted to what I thought was me "putting myself out there" and got DRESSED UP for a party.

His reaction was ....."You look good."

WHAT???

GOOD????

IN FISHNETS????

Let's be REAL....there is only one reason a woman puts on FISHNETS.

Seriously.

And to look "GOOD" is NOT THE REASON!!!

But my husband is more of a "DOER" than a "SAYER".

He is ALL ACTION.

He has a way of SHOWING HIS LOVE than most men don't have.

Like:

Opening the gate for for me at 3:30 am in the RAIN.

or

letting me sleep all day...just because.

or

Drawing me a bath....with candles

or

being so OVERLY protective of me that he says the SAME THING everytime I go to work: "Lock all your doors, have someone walk you out, and call me when you are on your way to the car. Jana....DO IT. "

But he is not a man of ADORING WORDS.

And sometimes .....I am DUMB.

I let my wants get ahead of my NEEDS.

And a few days after "the party"...I told him it bothered me that he didn't SAY what I wanted him to say.

He laughed.

Then he said, "I show you all the time that I love you. I show you with my ACTIONS.
You should be CONFIDENT in yourself. I shouldn't be the one that has to BUILD YOU UP. I know the TRUTH. I love you...that is the TRUTH."

What a CRAZY woman I am.

The TRUTH is that he LOVES me ...and dosen't TRULY prefer me "dressed up"...he's more of a GRUNGY GUY.

The TRUTH is that he wants me to CULTIVATE that confidence in MYSELF.

He prefers when I am CONFIDENT...no matter what I am wearing.

A few days later....I was on my way out to a girls night out, and was NOT dressed up.

He said to me, "For the record, I think you look better tonight than you did the other night."

"Why??? Less make-up???"

Then he said to me, "No...because you are CONFIDENT tonight."

And then it was clear to me that TRUTHFULLY...
he loves me no matter what.
He loves me for me......
NOT the fishnets!

Friday, October 16, 2009

"Fabulous Book Friday"

Photobucket

Shainee let me borrow this book a YEAR ago...

AWESOME.

I love it.....

It "talks" you thru LOTS of things:

His Work
His Sexuality
His affection
His Mind
His Choices
His Trials
His Priorities
His Past
His Fatherhood
His Marriage

SOOOOO MUCH GOOD STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Each topic is divided into a few pages.

A few CHOICE words.

From "His Sexuality":

For a wife, sex comes out of affection. She doesn't want to be affectionate with a man who makes her feel angry,hurt,lonely,disappointed,overworked,under supportive, uncared for, or abandoned. But for a husband, sex is PURE need.His eyes, brain, and emotions get clouded if he doesn't have that release. He has trouble hearing anything his wife says or seeing what she needs when that area of HIS is neglected.
Wives sometimes have it BACKWARDS. They think, " We can have sex AFTER we get those other issues settled. But actually there is a far greater chance of settling the other issues if sex comes first.




If you have a a HUSBAND...you understand this!!

My husband TOTALLY FITS into THIS group of men.

(Sorry Jay)...Although I am SURE he wouldn't care if I said it! LOL

THIS is why we as WOMEN, have to make SEX a priority.

We cant wait for the ROMANTIC FEELINGS.

We cant wait for A NIGHT OUT.

or a NIGHT IN ALONE.

We have to realize that it is MUCH MORE of a PRIMAL INSTINCT for THEM.

We have to sometimes ....for lack of better words.....

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.

Yep...Take one for the team.

Im sure that I'm going to hear about THIS!!! LOL

That's right...even when your tired,mad,frustrated.

I am learning that the FREQUENCY of sex should be determined by the OTHER persons needs.
and SOMETIMES mine.

Something is built in the man and the marriage when THIS need is met by his wife.
AND
Something is diminished when it is not.


1 Cor 7:17
As God has distributed to each one, as the LORD has called each one, so let him walk.