The Test….again.

 

It NEVER fails.

Never.

You see, Shasha is a strong-willed child.

Strong-willed meaning…she can STAND STRONG with the best of them.  She has an amazing ability to NOT GIVE IN.  Ever.  She is like a wild horse that at times…

needs

to

be

broken.

She is hard headed and amazingly loving at the same time.  She just has a hard time changing her attitude mid-emotion.  She does not do well with things NOT GOING HER WAY.  It isn’t necessarily that she ALWAYS wants her way…its just that when she comes up against a hardship ….she can’t hang.

She will complain and grovel.  a lot.

She has a tendency to have a hard time learning her lessons.  So hard that sometimes I just want to shake her and say, “LOOK…learn your lessons the 1st time!!!  It will make life soooo much easier.”

As you can imagine…she USUALLY DOES NOT listen.

So it happens again and again….she gets the “short stick”.

Again and again….and again.

For instance…This summer we started a new chore system.  mainly because Shasha wanted to do it differently.(till then we used rotating chore charts).  She thought it would work better for her a “different way”.

So I started a NEW SYSTEM where I wrote all the chores on poker chips and put them in a tin can, and gave all the kids their own can.

I mean seriously….it couldn’t be MORE fair right?  They pick their OWN chores.  If they pick one they don’t like, they can’t complain to ME. Ha…brilliant, right? I figured at this point…it was out of my hands. I was really getting the hang of this parenting thing…LOL. NOT.

So…the 1st morning came and the kids picked their chores 1 at a time.  Everyone smiled…except Shasha.

She picked EVERY CHORE she was bent on avoiding:

feed chickens

feed guinea pigs

water for chickens

water for guinea pigs

feed dogs

Every chore she HATES.

Every chore she was avoiding.

Every single one.

Needless to say, she was not pleased with this new arrangement.

She was PISSED.  This had not worked the way she had intended.. at.all.

She looked at me waiting.  Waiting for me to jump in and save her.  Waiting for me to come to her rescue.

I looked at her and KNEW in that moment.

It was out of MY HANDS.  God was in control of this one.

I explained to her that the chores were not the issue. 

Her attitude was the issue.  The fact that she didn’t willing accept what was given to her without complaining was the problem.

It was THE TEST.

I told her that in life God will put you to many tests.   When he sees a problem inside us he is determined to fix it.  He is a master at his craft and he will saturate our lives with the direct problems we need to face.

Every time.

I was proven right when..for the next 3 days she pulled the SAME STINKIN’ CHORES.

Crazy cool.

He will put us to a test…UNTIL we pass.

AMAZING.

Brave.

Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." --from Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

We walked up to the counter and Shasha was  handed a slip to fill out for The Dance Company auditions.

She was told to fill it out herself which she was completely unprepared for.  The sweet girl looked up at me like she forgot  HOW to spell her name when she put her pen down.  She was so nervous.

She said she wasn’t.

She was.

I always try to burn those moments into my memory..

the important ones. 

The moments that I can see WHO THEY ARE.

It is like a little magical glance into the future.

Today it was the moment that she walked away from me in the studio.  She didn’t even remember to hug and kiss me…

which

says

a lot.

As she nervously walked away she looked back at me she had a fear in her eyes.  I could see it.

But..she didn’t stop and let the fear overcome her.

SHE

KEPT

WALKING.

She walked in that room and went nose to nose with all the fear that manifested in front of her.

She stood her ground and did her best.

Which makes me beyond proud….

As far as I am concerned….no matter the outcome, she won the gold medal in my heart.

It gave me a glimpse of the courage and strength she has inside of her.

No matter what happens with this audition…the future is bright for this little star.

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. -- e.e. Cummings.

Quotes taken from THIS BLOG written by amazing real life friend Heather…. LOVE LOVE LOVED this post about courage.

9 years old....

Shashamane.
A royal name for a royal girl.
You are my little tag-along,
always by my side.
I loved you from the minute I saw you and live you more every minute that passes.
I love watching you grow and mature.
Although I have to admit, when I see you run iff with your friends at the dance studio laughing and giggling...It makes me a little sad.
SAD because you are not so little anymore.
You are GROWING UP.
9 years old seems like FOREVER when watching a soul bloom.
It seems like an eternity and a moment at the same time.
I cherish these days.
Because...RIGHT NOW- In your eyes, I am still cool...you still want to cuddle with me at night and you have NO INTEREST in boys.
It is PERFECT....
I pray that we will forever be Besties....no matter your age.
I pray that you stay true to YOU and never lose your fire.
I pray you KNOW God loves you...so that you love yourself.
I pray that when you are a teenager you can learn from SOME of my mistakes....so that you don't HAVE to make ALL your own.
Happy 9th Birthday Baby!!!!

Tribal Mentality....

 

To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We live outside the touch of time. - Clara Ortega

................................................................................................................

I'll never forget that hot summer day......in about 2008.

We had "snuck into" the Holiday Inn swimming pool in the middle of the day.

It was hot and we were determined to get a good hour in before someone caught on......which USUALLy took WAY less than an hour.

I mean.....We are a family of 6 with dreadlocks.

For some reason, BACK THEN...

we seems smaller

or 

less

or

calmer

or

SOMETHING.

The kids were 6,4,3, and 1.

THESE days...now that the kids are bigger, we dont even ATTEMPT to sneak in.

We would NEVER make it THRU THE GATE now.....they can sense us comming with our SWARM of kids and all their:

towels 

and 

goggles 

and 

sunscreen 

and 

dive sticks

and

LOUDNESS.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS NOW when we show up at a pool:

Me: How long do you think it will take babe?

Jay: 10 minutes.

Me: No way....they will be gone in 5!!!!

That is the converasation we have.

We call it "Rasta-vacate-itis".

That is when there are lots of people swimming and enjoying the pool...

THEN- We show up.

They see Jay and I and our 4 kids ...and before you know it- 

We

have

the

pool

to

ourselves!

Awesome.

It happens EVERYTIME.

Sometimes it takes aFEW minutes longer than others...but-

it

always

happens.

No matter what.

We have enjoyed MANY a day in our own PERSONAL hotel pool...because people were scared.

But this day....was BEFORE.

The kids were little and we were...smaller, I guess.

We were all swimming in the pool and Sheba(1) was sitting on the outside of the pool on the concrete.

A little boy started to "mess with her".

He was taking her toys and making her whine. Nothing serious...just kid stuff.

But what happened next will FOREVER be etched into my mind.

Malachi was about 3 and was in the pool swimming...but watching.

He saw what the boy was doing and swam to the edge.

Without a word he climbed out of the pool and stood between his little sister and "the outsider".

He took a karate stance with his hands in front of him.

Ready to defend.

He didn't SAY a word.

He didn't HAVE to.

The little boy retreated to the safety of his side of the pool and never returned.

Then...without a sound- Malachi got back in the pool.

I sat back and watched in amazement.

I was stunned at how, at SUCH A YOUNG AGE, the children KNOW.

They KNOW who is  "of their tribe".

They protect each other and consume each other to the point that they are willing to stand and defend EACH OTHER...without ever asking US for a thing.

AMAZING.

I will NEVER forget that.

EVER.

Then...sometimes as children get older they forget how VALUABLE and PRECIOUS they are to one another.

They forget to be GRATEFUL that God GAVE THEM built in friends and protectors.  

UNTIL.....

They are left ALONE.

Which is EXACTLY what happened to us this last weekend.

I was sick on Saturday and everyone left.

Shasha and Sheba went with their friends and Zeek and malachi had a football game.

So they all went they seperate ways.

Then Shasha got dropped off here at the house with ME.

ALL ALONE.

No other kids to play with.

Just SHASHAMANE...by herself.

It was TORTURE for her.

She had NO IDEA what to do with herself.

At one point she was LAYING ON THE FLOOR of the kitchen....moaning.

I could not help but remind her...every 5 minutes...they she should be GRATEFUL.

"What do you think your friends who are ONLY CHILDREN do???"

"Do you think they act like this????"

It was a day of reasoning...with Shasha.

I spent most of the  day talking to her about why she should be grateful for what she has.....because it is ENOUGH.

It is a blessing to HAVE brothers and sisters TO PLAY WITH.

By the end of the day...

ALL SHE WANTED WAS HER BROTHERS and SISTER.

A perfect lesson for a fussy "NOT-ONLY-CHILD".

Be grateful for what you have, because you never know what you have till it is gone.

Lesson Learned.

Mission Accomplished.

"On With The Show..."

We woke up bright and early this morning to get dressed an ready for Shashas dance recital dress rehersal.

And when I mean DRESSED...I mean totally "gussied" up complete with brown eyeshadow, blush, mascara, an RED lipstick.

At 8am.

We went from THIS:

To this:


That is right ...I said 8 am!!!!

Then we headed off to the Flagler autotorium in full gear reay for the first of 3 dances.

We got there and "checked in". I had previously(months ago) asked ALL of the girls teachers if I could help backstage. I knew that they would need it and I knew that
being backstage with all the little girls buzzing with excitement was where I wanted to be. Trust me...I am NOTHING if not a "helicopter Mom"...always hovering.

ANd I was right...being backstage in the midst of the madness fun, was exactly the right place for me. I got to experience all of it....with her.

It was something I will never forget...
I am so THANKFUL for the wonderful studio and teachers that teach my children things that I couldn't.
Dance was such a wonderful part of my childhood...and it makes me feel so BLESSED when I see my girls involved in something so divine.

Spinning Shashamane........

It can start with a HARSH word.

It can start with a teary eye.

It can start with a SAD face.

It can start any number of ways.....I never know.

But..Inevitably...it is bound to start....when SOMETHING does not go her way.

I can see the first signs when she starts to turn INWARD.

She starts to really go into her own head with the negative self talk.

She starts to LET HERSELF get down.

I can see it...bright as day....
like a HUGE fat elephant in the room.

I have learned and AM LEARNING to WATCH and STUDY my children.

I have tried to KNOW them each in a way where I can DIRECT them in the ways that the LORD wants them to go.

Proverbs 4:1-17 says:

1. Listen , my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
2. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching.
3. When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender, and an only child of my mother,
4. he taught me and said, Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.
5. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.
6. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.
7. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
8. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.
9. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor.
10. Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.
11. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.
12. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.
13. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.
14. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men.
15. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way.
16. For they cannot sleep till they do evil; they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall.
17. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
18. The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.




I think ALL kids need specific guidance....

some MORE than OTHERS.

Shashamane is one of those that you have to stay on top of.

You have to really be attentive and be there to guide her.

I have to SPIN her...explaining that she CANNOT ACT THAT WAY.

UNACCEPTABLE.

She can usually turn it around.

But it takes care and explanation.

Explaining to her that I was put on this earth as her Mother...I was CALLED to do that.

And she was LOANED to me...by GOD.

He is expecting to get this child back one day ...all shaped and molded by my EARTHLY works.

I usually try and tell her about how sometimes we have to just gain PERSPECTIVE and realize that our "woes" are nothing...in comparison.

Becuse most of the time...it is something that she needs to SNAP OUT OF.

I have learned that what my Dad used to tell me about basketball...ALSO pertains to SHEPHERDING a childs heart.

"The best DEFENSE ...is a QUICK OFFENSE!"

Eventually the idea(in my mind) is that she will learn to recognize these feelings inside herself and REMEDY the situation and her FEELINGS without me.

Alone...with the help of God.

Then I will feel like I have done my EARTHLY GOD-GIVEN job.

1 out of 4 anyway.

LOL

THAT bridge..........

Life has a way of sneaking up on me.

Days turn into months.

Months turn into years.

And before I know it....they are little people with minds and ideas of their own.

When I used to hear a Mom talking about her TWEEN daughter- and their TWEEN-NESS.

Tween-ness being: independence

I would think to myself, "Ahhhhhhhh. I am glad I'm not THERE yet. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."

Well people...I am standing on the edge of THAT very bridge I thought was SOOOOOOOOOOOO far away.

I am looking at THAT BRIDGE and thinking that ....

I
AM
NOT
READY!!!!

Simple. Easy. Not yet.

ALAS........
I am afraid it is INEVITABLE.

THAT time has come.

The Lord thinks I am ready.

But...as usual....I have my doubts.

Shashamane has been saving her money and had some money from Grandma and Grandpa for christmas...so today- she bought and MP3 player.

Which made me excited thinking of all the ways we will bond over GIRL MUSIC.

I was going to SHARE my favorites with her:

Gwen Stefani

Lauren Hill

Alanis Morsette

Stevie Nicks

I was excited....She is growing up and I thought it was a better decision than a TOY(which she wouldn't play with in 2 weeks).

AND

like I said....I had BIG PLANS for us.

We were going to be taking this journey together....thru MY music.

Then we got home.

I said..."Maybe we will put some Gwen Stefani on there."

She said, "I dont want to."

Huh????

NO????

I blocked that out....nevermind.

We were going to BOND.

Then she brought me a list...of people she wanted on her MP3 player.

THIS was the list:
Victorious
Big Time Rush
Jonus Brothers
Miley Cyrus
Pink(later found out this was JAYS pick.LOL)
Bridget Minler
Miranda Cosgrove
Mitchel Musso
Demi Lavato

CRICKETS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What?
Who?

Oh nooooooooooo.

Then I proceeded to say..."come on...lets go find some music we BOTH like."

And we headed to the computer to click on good ol' you tube.

I tried EVERYTHING.

Alanis Morrisett

Lauren Hill

Stevie Nicks.

And one after another....she turned up her nose.

She shook her head.

She said NO...1 by 1.

She denied me.

Then I said, "Wait a second, It seems like everything I like...you DON'T"

And then she took that FIRST STEP.

She walked ONTO THAT BRIDGE.

She looked me in the eye and said, "Pretty much...Yes."

Oh Lord..........Here we go!!!!

The Circle of LIFE….

The kids are ALWAYS finding grasshoppers in the yard.

Sooooo…I wasn’t surprised the other day when Shasha came to the front door with a REALLY COOL green grasshopper in her hand.

She held it up and said, “Mom…Look at this grasshopper.  It has BIG EYES and looks REALLY COOL!”

So I looked at it and we talked about how amazing it was for a few minutes…

We admired how God made it PERFECTLY.

Then I said, “Well, Its really cool, go outside and let it go before it gets hurt.”

She looked at me and without skipping a beat said, “No!!!  I'm feeding it to the CHICKENS!”

LOL

I guess it is the circle of life………

Sewing Sunday

My goal this summer for Shasha is to be able to have her SEW BY HERSELF.

So…I am having “Sewing Sundays”.

I am having her do SIMPLE PROJECTS so that she gets used to the PARTS of the machine and the BASICS of sewing.

Today she made Sheba a blue-jean purse.

Simple.

Easy.

Fast.

We reviewed how to load the bobbin and thread the needle.

Sweet girl loved every minute.

And Sheba LOVED the PRIZE!!!!

 

Vegetarian Déjà Vu….

As I said before…..Our kids ALWAYS want to be like Zeek.

He’s older.

He’s cooler.

He’s MORE fly!!!!

Last night we went and got the kids some food on our way home.

It was 8pm.

We were TIRED.

And I didn’t want to cook.

(Lazy, Bad, un-smart…I know.  But we were TIRED from swimming in the pool all day.)

So we got home I sat all the kids up with their food.

They had all(except Zeek-he already ate.) ordered chicken fingers and french fries.

(again-I feel BAD even WRITING it. UUUggghhhh.)

Malachi then took 1 BITE and said, “ Mom- I’m a Vegetarian!”

I said , “You are????”

He said, “Yes, every time I eat it now I think I can taste CHICKEN GUTS!”

I am SURE Zeek had SOMETHING to do with this.  LOL

He probably heard Zeek say that at some point.

So funny…they LOVE their Zeek.

Remember THIS STORY about Zeek?????

And I ‘ll bet you KNOW what Shahshas remark was when she hear Malachi say that…..

AGAIN…”I’ll take HIS!”

Such a sweet love these kids share…down to the CHICKEN. 

Football FUN!!!!!

It’s THAT time again…

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL????????

LOL

We are.

Spring Flag Football is BACK!!!!

And if you know us…..you know that we LOVE some football with Coach Matty and Coach Daddy.

We LOVE our “little Jags”.

This is Zeeks 4th season to play.

Malachi’s 2nd season.

AND

(drumroll)

SHASHAMANE is playing this season also!!!!!

Sweet GIRLY-GIRL.

I NEVER thought  I would see the day….

BUT- she decided that she wanted to play at the last minute.

Like THE DAY BEFORE PRACTICE last minute.

We were riding in the van and she said….

“I want to play SOMETHING.”

I said …”Play football.”

She got the weirdest look on her face..and said,

(as if to MAKE SURE I UNDERSTOOD)

“OK…but If it was the right TIME to get into dance…I would DANCE”

(This time of year is NOT a good time to start dance….recitals, end of year, etc.)

I said, “I know.” and called the YMCA.

She even got NEW cleats on Tuesday……FUN.

By Wed she was all signed up and ready to go.

On our way to practice she said, “Are there going to ba any GIRLS there?”

Uh-Oh.

I QUICKLY replied, “It doesn’t matter if there are girls there.  You are going to have fun and play.”

She smiled.

 

 

Practice went GREAT!!!!

Zeek JUMPED right in….as CAPTAIN.

Malachi was stoked and Shasha…

well Shasha was nervous .

The first 30 min of practice she had her arms crossed.

I think she was unsure of what to do.

LOL

But soon enough …she was right there with the rest of them.

Sweet Football Princess….

Go LIL’ JAGS!!!!!!!

 

Qu…Qu…Queen.

This week we are back at it and I LOVE IT!!!!!

The “littles” letter of the week is Qq.

We made QUILTS today…cute.

We also talked about the Q sound.

We did Q Packets…

The day went smoothly and the kids seemed EAGER to learn.

I think the LOVE school actually.

They WANT to learn.

I love the fact that I get to be SO MUCH a part of this process.

SO MUCH a part of their day!!!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Then……

Shashamane  and I opened our new sewing machine.

AWESOME!!!!

We have been wanting to….

Actually, Shasha has been BEGGING me everyday for about a week now.

So today…we did it!

We got it out and opened it up.

I taught her how to thread the bobbin and thread the machine.

I taught her how to do a reverse stitch.

Then she just TOOK OFF.

She made a small pillow for Sheba’s baby then she made a pillow for Sheba.

Stinkin’ AWESOME.

You can’t imagine the PRIDE I feel when one of these youth “have a talent” …..

heart swelling, pulse QUICKINING PRIDE!!!!

Happy Homeschooling!!!!!!

So Cliché……….

We started back to our HomeSchool Co-op today.

The kids were soooo excited.

We had PE at a local park where they did a “physical fitness test ” type activity…..running laps and then  pull ups.

Then the kids just had a FREE FOR ALL and played for about 30 minutes.

Fun, Fun, Fun!!!!!

The kids were STOKED to see all their friends again.

Its such a great MIX of people….

All coming together because we have ONE CENTRAL THING in common.

Homeschooling.

Every time we get together(every Friday) I can’t help but think of what a BLESSING it is to have a group of people who can all COME TOGETHER for the purpose of fun and fellowship.

Even if we are all TOTALLY different in other ways.

We can all learn from each other.

And as HOMESCHOOLERS….we NEED that.

Anyway…..

After PE we headed over to the church to have our classes.

Zeek is taking a SURVIVAL CLASS.

AWESOME!!!

Here is a pic of the list that he brought to me after class:

FLIPPIN’ AWESOME!!!!!

Along with this list he also told me that he HAD TO HAVE a pocket knife that locks because he HAS TO whittle a spear before class next Friday.

LOVE IT!!!!!

And then there was Shashas class.

She is taking EMBROIDERY.

PERFECT!!!!!

Today she learned how to do a RUNNING STITCH.

HERE is her 1st attempt:

I LOVE the fact that Mrs.. Jill had them use the gingham fabric so that they could measure the stitches…GENIOUS!!!!!

And here is her attempt at a straight stitch with NO GINGHAM!!!!!

Pretty Good for a 7 year old!!!!

This goes along PERFECT with her 4H sewing we are doing.

Last weekend we were given a SEWING MACHINE by Jays Mom.

It was his Grandmothers…so sweet.

Shasha was BEGGING for 2 days to open it up and see if it worked.

And when we DID she was one HAPPY GIRL!

Soooo SURVIVAL CLASS and EMBROIDERY….

We are soooo CLICHE’!!!!!

BUT

Its GREAT to be a HOMESCHOOLER!!!!!