Honoring the CHANGE…….monthly.

¹ There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

                                                            Ecc 3:1-8

…………………………………………………………………………….

Every month I fight a monster that swells inside me.

It is NOT PRETTY.

It is not FUN.

And believe me…it does not come and go without its’ fair amount of GUILT.

“Mommy guilt” I call it.

I feel guilty every month because I am not at 100%(for a few days).

During THOSE days…I am not the FUN teacher,

the COOL mom,

or the CARING wife I normally am.

I am TIRED, CRANKY, IRRATABLE, and SNAPPY.

I try.

But I suck.

I can’t seem to be PATIENT or KIND.

Trust me…the “fruits of the spirit” are BURIED DEEP inside me during this time.

I want to overcome it.

But…I can’t.

I want to BE NORMAL.

But …I can’t.

I want to WANT to be near all the SMALL PEOPLE running around..

But…I can’t.

ALL I hear is the arguing.

Somehow, the smacking is AMPLIFIED.

Even watching “America’s Funniest Home Videos” is a chore.

THAT is BAD.

THAT is not ADMARABLE.

But

It is TRUE.

It is not a side of me that I am proud of,

BUT

I am being honest.

I need to remember that I need to GIVE MYSELF those days.

I need to HONOR my body during those days.

I need to remember that in a few years there will be 3 FEMALES in this house in the same “boat” at he same time!!!!

And if we know what is good for us I will SCHEDULE in “those” days.

The days when I allow myself to “let things slide”.

Days when I let the laundry go, stay in my Pj’s, and CHILL.

For the time being….I want to remember that these days are precious.

These days are numbered.

Cranky or not.

These days are PRECIOUS.

 

 

So Far...This week!

What a week this has been a CRAZY week.

I should really just SCHEDULE in my "monthly" days as TEACHER Work/rest Days.

One day I will learn that it is better to schedule 2 days of "easy" art, computer and reading...

Than to

Subject this family to a Mommy who is so OVERWHELMED by the CRAZINESS in my own mind that I cant even remember where the SPELLING SPIRAL IS!!!!!!

I run around in the morning for a few days like a woman who has NO IDEA what is going on.

Everywhere I look there is dirt
a bill that needs to be paid
kids arguing
dishes
clothes to fold
school to be taught

Oh sooooooooooo Overwhelming.

I need to remember THIS: Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.



I need to remember that there are days when I NEED a "breather".

Not a day when I just get soooooooo frustrated that I CANT do anything.

Days that are PLANNED to do "nothing".

No school(formally) anyway.

No shopping trips w/ 4 kids to Wal mart.

No 9 year old boys ZOOMing around me in there new Heelys(Thanks Papaw and Mimi Suzy! LOL)

No refereeing children.

Only....

Quiet times filled with soft music
or
movies
or
chocolate
or
drawing
or
napping.

I want to be MORE in control
not LESS in control.

Iam praying today for CLARITY today.

I am praying that God gives me the CLARITY to look ahead and be more PURPOSEFUL in the way I schedule my days.

Oh...and for a little patience..
AND a little chocolate would be nice.

GRRRRRRR....................

Ok...some days Im not so nice.
Some days we skip school. (Thank goodness for LEAPSTERS)
I consider it a small price to pay.
We ALL pay our dues one way or another....
Tommorow is a NEW day!!!
I have to just let it go.
I consider it an excercise in patience, LOVE, and listening to GOD.
When he says take a break ...I have learned to LISTEN!!!

A RED ROOM.....

In the faith of rastafari -there are many different "kinds" of Rastas.
Some are more strict than others, some are more lenient, customs can be different in different places, or for different people....
Not very different from the "denominations" of Christianity.
In Jamaica, up in the hills, there is a group of Rastas called "BoBos" ..
They are VERY natural, VERY much on the outsides of society.
VERY SPIRITUAL....
Well one of their customs is that when a woman is on her "cycle", she must retire to a "red room"...
She is FORBIDDEN to cook for anyone, come out of the room, or even be around the men, for fear her negative "vibes" would taint anyone around her.

I WISH I HAD A RED ROOM!!!!!

I told Jason that I need one of these.
I need somewhere I can go and noone has to be around me.
I dont even want to be around myself at these times.
PMS can make me a Mommy that yells and dosent have patience.
PMS makes me a wife that dosent want to clean or cook ANYTHING!!!!
PMS makes me feel like I have electricity under my skin.
I NEED A RED ROOM!!!!

The trouble is ...I dont WANT to NEED a red room.
I want to be patient, kind and CLEAN, the WHOLE month long!!

So say a little prayer for me tonight...
Pray that tommorow when I wake up- I will not WANT a red room.
Pray that my kids get something besides Pop-tarts tommorow morning for breakfast.
Pray that tommorow at the Soccer Game ..I do not want to just run away screaming from the feild because I cant take one more minute and Jay has to leave for 2 MORE GIGS!!!!

Tonight this is my mantra...

I WILL BE PATIENT, I WILL BE KIND, I WILL NOT GROWL....

Pray for my speedy recovery, guys, PLEASE!!!! LOL