Wednesday, July 28, 2010
We THINK that our worth is MORE if our thighs dont rub together.
We THINK that SOMEONE will love us MORE if we were 2 sizes smaller.
We THINK that others are looking at us WAY MORE than they are.
We THINK that if only our arms were "smaller" our DREAMS would come true.
We are so DUMB, and WARPED.
So preoccupied with OURSELVES.
So concered that what we HAVE isn't what we WANT.
Trust me....its an issue I have.
I know that MONSTER well.
I have fought him for years.
There was a time in my life(I was preggs with Zeek) that I was sooo busy FREAKING OUT about the weight that i was gaining that I was missing out on my LIFE.
I was so OBSESSED that one day when I came home from work Jay had taken white paper and COVERED EVERY MIRROR in the house. On the paper there were nothing but POSITIVE saying and affirmations.
It was AMAZING and it helped.
Just taking away the ROUTINE of looking in the MIRROR was a blessing.
After THAT...everytime I looked in the mirror all that was in front of me were POSOTIVE THOUGHTS.
It was a PERFECT SOLUTION to a STUPID problem.
Lately I have been fighting THAT monster again.
I think it has to do with the fact that I have been sick for about the last 6 months and havent really ben at my normal yoga/excercise level.
I FEEL like I have gained about 5 lbs.
I can tell.
And for some reason I let THAT affect how I feel from the OUTSIDE in.
Even though I KNOW that who I am comes from the INSIDE out.
And luckinly I have an amazing husband who siad something to me the other day that SHIFTED my thinking.
I was upset because I was "fighting" again. I just felt YUCK.
He noticed and came to me and said, "I Love yuo NO MATTER WHAT!"
And being the "smart" woman I am I said, "But you don't gain weight!"
(He has been the SAME since high school....SURFING maybe? LOL)
To this my WISE husband says " Give THANKS...we have food and aren't STARVING!" ....which of course SHIFTED my thoughts and made me feel like and UNGRATEFUL CHILD in the eyes of GOD.
after letting THAT sink in for about 2 days I watched a movie about the holocaust.
It was a graphic, sad movie.
A movie that makes you THINK.
It made me really THINK about how BLESSED I am.
I HAVE FOOD, FREEDOM, WATER, VACATIONS, ANIMALS, CARS, FRIENDS, a HOUSE, and lots of THINGS.
I mean really????
As women shouldn't we just be GRATEFUl that we live in a LIFE where we CAN be "FLUFFY" instead of STARVING!
Shouldn't we GIVE THANKS for days when our clothes are TIGHT instead of HANGING ON.
Seriously.....We are BLESSED beyond belief and should be GRATEFUL for any "fluff" we are carrying!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Me: "Shasha...she is your sister and she WANTS to be like you!"
Shasha: (In her best SHRILL VOICE)"But, Mom!!! SHe stretches them out!! SHe gets them out of the closet, she gets them off the hangers, tries them on and then WEARS THEM!!"
Me: "Yes, she DOES. You know thats what LITTLE SISTERS DO!!!"
The drama has started...
They are 7 and 4.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; We've done larger things, but not better things; We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; We have higher incomes, but lower morals; We have more food, but less appeasement; We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or just turn the page...
Maybe its because Zeek is the oldest.
Maybe its because he doesn't get to very often
He LOVES to go spend the night with family or friends.
ANY chance he gets.
Last weekend he spent the night with his cousin and we met them at the beach the next day for a few hours,
he had a play date planned with a friend, so we took him over there after the beach.
I knew he was EXCITED…he had BEEN talking about it the entire week.
And I love for him to go other places and hang with friends.
I really do.
And he is an AMAZING KID…so people are ALWAYS telling me how nice and polite he is when he is there.
But we ALWAYS miss him.
Its like a piece of the puzzle is missing when he is gone.
Its like a big HUGE puzzle piece is missing.
As the rest of us sat on the couch and watched “Wipeout” I decided it was time to call…he had been gone for 36.5 hours that he had been “away” and we NEEDED him.
But-I called Mellisa and she invited him to stay the night…..Oh no!!!
After that… THIS was my conversation with Zeek:
M:”Hey Bud, are you having fun"?”
Z: “Yes Maam!!!!!! “(It was 9pm and they had JUST gotten out of the ocean! <3)
M: “Well…are you ready to come home???? Dad will come get you.”
Z: “Um…No-I think Ill stay.”
M: “Are you sure? Dad will come get you!!”
Z: “No Mom…Ill stay!”
So- I hung up the phone still 1 piece short of the puzzle.
I hung up the phone and said to Jay, “He wants to stay.”
Jay said, “Its ok. He's getting BIG!”
But as I sat there I couldn’t help but REFLECT on what was happening.
He is slipping away…….
I’m desperately trying to HOLD HIM.
But he’s slowly growing up.
I realize that there is nothing I can do…..
He is doing what he is supposed to do.
And I guess by trying to slow it…… so am I.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Some times it just hits me.
Maybe its the wind blowing in ALL our hair as we drive over the 312 bridge.
Maybe it is seeing Zeek CARRY all the kids to their beds…on his own.
Maybe it is the way Sheba loves to say close your eyes…then kiss my cheek.
Maybe it is Malachi saying “Mom..” then using his hands to spell out “I LOVE YOU” ….and wanting me to do the same back to him.
Maybe it is watching the ENTIRE SEASON of Project Runway with Shashamane.
Maybe it is the way Jason ALWAYS walks me to my car before work and opens the gate for me…even after at 3AM after work.
Lately I want to cry feeling like, “THIS is IT!”
I told Jay the other day that “This is the SWEET SPOT. All the kids are young. No one has left the house.”
I love it and NOW think that I TRULY appreciate this life.
I truly LOVE every minute.
Every car ride.
I REALLY, REALLY LOVE this life!!!!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
You ALWAYS think you know EXACTLY which way it will go.
When we are children we hear our parents tell us things like, “I love you more than you will ever know.”
“I love you more everyday.”
and we THINK we understand.
But …We DON’T.
I know I was always like, “Yeah, I know.”
We don’t TRYLY understand REAL LIFE things until WE experience them.
We just don’t …GET IT until we GET IT.
At every stage in life, there are NEW things…rites of passage, that see or experience.
BUT…Perspective changes when you realize the REALNESS of THIS SITUATION called LIFE.
And the ONLY thing that can make you realize this is TIME.
Only with TIME and AGE do you understand that this journey is filled with happy times that are so happy you thin k you will BURST and sad times so sad that you think you will NEVER again see JOY.
And as we get older we are FORCED to face things that we NEVER thought we would encounter.
And I am a TRUE BELIEVER that it is in THOSE times that you TRULY can SEE who someone is.
It is in those times of hardships…You can see INSIDE of someone's heart.
My Mom is facing one of those times right now i her life.
In the last year we have figured out that my Grandmother(her mother) has dementia bordering on Alzheimer's.,and my Mother has been the caretaker for her from the beginning of this journey.
I have continued to be AMAZED by my Mom throughout this ordeal.
She has been there EVERYDAY for my Grandma, even when it wasn’t “easy”.
She has seen her mother go thru things that she never could have imagined.
And at the same time…..so have I.
I feel that thru this trying time in her life I have seen who she TRULY is.
I have learned from her WHAT IT MEANS to be SELFLESS.
I have learned what it means to be caring and endure things that you don’t think you have the strength to endure.
I feel blessed to be able to SEE these things in my life.
To be able to LEARN from her actions has been a blessing.
I have learned to LOVE…
Thru all the ages and stages.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Its starting to CREEP up into my mind.
Slowly….I’m TRYING to force it back.
Although I KNOW from experience that If you think about it a LITTLE at a time ….It is easier than thinking about it ALL in AUGUST.
Been there ….
No thank you!!!!!
I have narrowed it down to My Fathers World….
This is what the MFW website says about the Curriculum:
- Recognizes the Bible, God's truth, to be the foundation of wisdom and education.
- Utilizes hands-on, unit studies with daily lesson plans that are easy-to-teach.
- Enables families and multi-age groups to learn together. Many of our programs may be taught to a range of ages simultaneously.
- Combines the best of Charlotte Mason's ideas and classical education with a Biblical worldview, an international focus and our own observations of how children learn.
- Uses a comprehensive, sequenced learning program beginning with preschool learning toys to develop readiness skills. Our complete unit-based curriculum includes a phonics-based learning-to-read program and focuses on God's amazing creation (kindergarten), the world of the Bible (first grade), and U.S. history (second or third grade). Then a year of geography sets the foundation for four years of chronological world and U.S. history (through eighth grade). Our high school curriculum provides a Biblical framework for English, history, and other subjects.
- Provides easy-to-teach, integrated curriculum that is enjoyable, academically strong, and focused on character development.
- Is committed to the Lord of All, who tenderly searches for people from every tribe and language. A portion of our profits helps support mission work overseas, especially Bible translation projects. Our heart's desire is that someday soon all people would be able to read of God's love in their own language.
I think I am going to LOVE IT.
And because it was DESIGNED to be taught to MULTI-age classrooms , I think it will fit us well.
I will supplement Math and LA from Lifepacs.
I am DEFINANTLY going to use Prepare and Pray!
It is based on the Swiss Family Robinson book.
Here is what they say about their curriculum:
Prepare and Pray! is designed to be useful in a missionary hut, an urban homestead with container gardens on the patio, a travel trailer, or a cabin in the wilderness. It is flexible because we have done all these things and made it work and you can too. You will not find cutesy paper plate puppet projects; instead science will be studied by gardening, health by growing herbs and making tinctures or learning wilderness first aid; art is learned by basic knitting and sewing skills, basket making, journaling and identifying wild edibles. History consists of stories of great movements, martyrs, and true heroes.
Based on the Swiss Family Robinson , a classic novel for children written by Johann (David) Wyss, a radical believer who used every available opportunity in the story to emphasize character training and true godliness. The written original version has little or nothing in common with the Disney version. There are no pirate battles, squabbles over a flirtatious young lady, or allowances for laziness. The curriculum was originally developed in 1997, has been widely and successfully distributed, with endorsements from many homeschooling veterans, experts, and publications. It was never intended as a "y2k" curriculum, as we have clearly and repeatedly stated that judgment upon the ungodliness of our nation could clearly take many unpredictable forms. So we cover a variety of scenarios, including natural disasters, economic downturns, terrorism, plague, etc. It is a miracle, but we have managed to develop a curriculum preparing for these events that children and families consider fun! Your child's life may depend on skills he learns while having fun.
I LOVE it…A “Y2K” curriculum.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I’m OVER it.
In June Jay and I started watching LOST.
We started watching together and up until NOW we TRIED to stay together…on the same episode.
I would say “Ok, I watched episode 4 and 5…so tonight while I’m at work you have to watch THOSE episode so that tomorrow we can watch episode 6 TOGETHER.”
But …ITS BEEN 6 WEEKS!!!!!!
I’ve “LOST” half my summer in TV land.
I’m WAY to invested to stop now, BUT-
I haven’t read 1 BOOK!!!
I’ve HARDLY done any school planning.
I mean seriously…
WHO DOES THIS???
WHY did we start this CRAZY JOURNEY?
I have such a LOVE –HATE relationship with this show right now.
I HATE the fact that it REELED me in with its FAKE monsters, “OTHERS” and CRAZY plots that go from past to present to future with NO WARNING at all!!!
I LOVE it enough to watch the last 7 episodes.
I mean really ….At THIS point..
the ONLY thing MORE DUMB that STARTING to watch the show…
Would be to NOT FINISH IT!!!!!
So…I’ve decided to ABANDON the original plan of STICKING TOGETHER…..
I told Jay that I was NOT WAITING for him anymore.
I HAD to get back to LIFE.
I’m going to FINISH THIS.
I can’t wait ANY MORE.
THAT being said…..I gotta go.
I have 7 episodes left to watch!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Scary I know.
I have LIVED it for the past 4 years.
All of it.
For starters…..It is SOOO SCARY to be the SOLEY RESPONSIBLE for a childs education.
To be the one who has to teach a child to READ is MAJOR.
Like …..”Make it or Break it” MAJOR.
It is scary and exciting all at the same time.
I LOVE being able to TEACH them what WE deem important.
There are some things in a public school education that I DONT THINK ARE IMPORTANT.
Why are the kids learning CURSIVE but not GARDENING, .
PLANTS or CONSERVATION???
I guess I just lean more towards the PRACTICAL side of things.
I would rather them learn TYPING than CURSIVE.
Something they might actually NEED.
Silly EXPECTANCIES like THOSE remind me of when I was in college and there were all these sidewalks thru the campus.
and all over the GRASS in the middle of the walkways were signs.
“Don’t walk on the grass”
I always said to myself, “Why???”
Why don't they want us to FEEL the grass???
Isn’t that what GRASS is for????
To walk on????
I know, I know…..they wanted it to stay pretty or whatever.
It always struck me as some sort of TEST .
I felt like the SYSTEM was a test.
WHO would follow the rules???
Who would stay “in the lines”?
WHO would NOT QUESTION?????
I walked on the grass.
Surprised???? I didn’t think so. LOL.
Anyway….That is what mid summer is like for me.
Deciding between “typing” or “cursive”.
Navigating thru PLANS, WHAT to teach, and HOW to teach it.
Deciding what TRULY NEEDED for these kids to live a full life.
A life in which- if they are ever TESTED they will KNOW whether to “take the sidewalk” or “walk on the GRASS”.
They will KNOW whether to pick that “berry” or “NOT”.
It is a DAUNTING TASK.
One that feels HEAVY.
It is a task that takes LOTS of TIME and LOTS of THINKING.
Today as I stood in my schoolroom TOTALLY OVERWHELMED by this TASK….
I felt fear,excitement,love,promise,pride,BLESSED..
THEN-I thought…”Yep…It FEELS like JULY.”
Today our dear friend Lara was here with “Coco” her sweet Baby.
The kids LOVE her and LOVE the baby.
Well …Today they were all out on the trampoline and Lara said, “I need to take the baby in because it is SOOOOO hot.”
Malachi looked at her and said, “Why??? Will she DISENTIGRATE??? “
Later on I asked Malachi if he knew what DISINTIGRATE means…
He looked at me as if I WAS CRAZY.
“It means to turn to DUST.”
I love it when LITTLE PEOPLE use BIG WORDS…..
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Kids Spanish 101 + Fruit = Batidos(Smoothies)
Awesome Senorita Shawna came over again today for Kids Spanish 101.
She arrived with a HUGE bag of FRUIT….
and Spanish flash cards….
and a blender….
and her 2 kids….
She started by laying out the fruit on the floor and asking the kids to cut the Spanish words for the fruit and “label” them.
THEN the kids took turns acting like they ran a restaurant ( a CRAZY restaurant) but a restaurant none the less…LOL.
They ordered their BATIDOS(smoothies) and waited NOT SO PATIENTLY for the COOK(Me and Shawna) to make their TREATS.
The kids LOVED it.
They are like sponges….they SOAK IT UP.
They LOVE learning Spanish and as I have said before –I hope that THESE LESSONS help them to BE BETTER.
More WORLDY people.
More WELL ROUNDED.
More AWARE that AMERICA and ENGLISH are NOT the end all be all.
There are LOTS of places in the world where SPANISH is a VALUABLE COMMODOTY.
I appreciate these lessons and the FRIENDS that can teach them.
What a blessing these classes are.
What a TREASURE these children will hold if they actually end up BI-LINGUAL.
THEN I got to THINKING…
Is is too much to ask that AFTER they are BI-LINGUAL they NEVER LEAVE or TRAVEL to use their skills????
But- A mother can hope right??????
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Ballet. Tap. Jazz. Modern.
I have such wonderful memories of dance as a child.
I LOVED it.
Sooooo…as you can imagine, It tugged at my heart when Shashamane decided she wanted to go to dance camp this summer.
I instantly envisioned tutus, pointe shoes, and dippity doo.
I found a GREAT STUDIO in town and signed her up.
2 weeks. 9-12. M-F.
THIS would be interesting…
would she WANT to go everyday???
would she like it????
would she break out of her shell????
We were about to find out.
She was sooo funny the night before her first day.
She was ALL QUESTIONS.
Her little mind was RACING….
Surely ,she went to sleep dreaming of bright lights and music.
The next morning we ALL got up and took her to DANCE CAMP.
She TALKED the ENTIRE WAY there.
She literally WOULDNT stop talking.
“Mom…Am I going to like it-will there be lots of girls-will everyone wear what I am weaning-will we eat 2 times-will I have enough snacks-what KIND of dancing will we do-will you be there to pick me up-will I LIKE it??????”
I thought…”This girl is excited!!!!”
Her final words before getting out of the van…”I have butterflies!”
Sweet girl….throwing herself in.
I was beyond proud.
She is GROWING before my eyes.
It flew by…
2 weeks. 9-12. M-F.
Before we knew it she was having her 1st dance performance.
She was PERFECT.
She came out of her shell.
She LOVED it and is SOOO excited about next year.
Like I said…I see LOTS of bobby pins and dippity doo in the future..
You did GREAT sweet princess….We ALL LOVE YOU and are soooo PROUD of you!!!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Want a site for your kids to play on this summer???
Want to do SOMETHING for the world??
I have the PERFECT SOLUTION:
It is an AWESOME website.
Here are the details from their site:
FreeRice is a non-profit website run by the United Nations World Food Program. Our partner is the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard University.
FreeRice has two goals:
1.Provide education to everyone for free.
2.Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.
This is made possible by the generosity of the sponsors who advertise on this site.
Whether you are CEO of a large corporation or a street child in a poor country, improving your education can improve your life. It is a great investment in yourself.
Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings, enabling them to function and be productive. Somewhere in the world, a person is eating rice that you helped provide. Thank you.
If that isn't a good idea...WHAT IS????