FAT love.

4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:4

Life is beautiful.

Somehow By the Grace of GOD, I have been blessed.

Blessed with a life full of light, love an laughter.

An even so...I can get caught up in ME.

I can get all mixed up inside myself and my mind can get cloudy.

I am a woman born into an American "culture" that promotes a false image of reality for women.

For the first part of my life my actions were DEEPLY rooted in vanity and the I ignored the fact that my worth was something that was determined by ME.

Not determined by how skinny my arms were or how flat my tummy is.

I failed to appreciate the fact that GOD made me...and there was NOONE like me.

Ever before.
or
Ever again.

But I denied it.

I chose to follow the ways of the world....sheeple style.

An trust me ....I work on burning out those thoughts...DAILY.

And I wrestle with myself ....Still.

But those thoughts are private and self-serving...I TRY to keep them to myself.

So recently when I lost a couple of BOWLING BALLS of weight....it felt good.

Not because it made me "skinny"(it did not)...but because it made me FEEL BETTER.

From the inside....out.

And everyone noticed....but my husband.

Even Shasha said, "Mom, I have never seen you wear THAT before." when I pulled something OLD out of the closet.

Sooooo....

When my BFF Shainee saw Jay at the store the other day...she said, "What do you think about Jana losing weight?"

His response was the sweetest gift that I never knew I wanted.

"I don't know. I don't even notice. I don't see that. I just see HER. She is JANA to me ...no matter what."


It showed how much he TRULY LOVES ME....no matter what size my pant are.

He loves me from the inside OUT.

He REALLY LOVES me for me...and that is better than ANY chocolate cake OR skinny jeans.

Of course...A PIRATE!!!

Life is funny.

Sometimes things just FIT. They just seem to come together and WORK.

As I am SURE you all know...I have an AMAZING husband.

He cooks.He cleans. And by "cleans" I mean...He SCRUBS TOILETS.
Don't hate me.

He takes care of the kids.

He coaches flag-football.

He sings.

He writes.

He is an AMAZING hard worker.

TRUTHFULLY....

He is an ALL AROUND WONERFUL person.

Trust me....everyone LOVES him.

He is the LIFE of the party and a TOTAL character.

Which is why it made TOTAL sense to me for him to be a PIRATE.

No...not a "pirate that ROBS you" pirate, more like a "Pirates of the Carribean" fun pirate!

You see...we live in this fun, quirky little tourist town called Saint Augustine.

It is BUSTING with history and "culture".

We have the FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH...yes-the place that they say REALLY is the fountain of youth. And YES...I have drank the water.

We have the OLDEST SCHOOLHOUSE.

We have the FREEDOM TRAIL- The places where MLK visited during the civil rights movement.

And that is JUST A FEW!

THEN- we have the BLACK RAVEN.

From their website: "The Pirate Ship Black Raven is a one-of-a-kind live pirate show full of music, thrills and pure entertainment! Participate in our adventure, sing along with our crew, and find your inner pirate while you see the beautiful sights of the Matanzas River."

It is a really cool boat and has some really cool people that are "pirates".

So...to me it was a NO-BRAINER when I saw that they were having auditions.

Jay should be a PIRATE!!!

It took a little convincing...
But- he finally agreed to do it!

We watched Pirates of the Carribean LOTS of times.

We listened to pirate songs on youtube for DAYS.

We practiced TONS of pirate JOKES.

We came up with a CREATIVE pirate costume...straight out of our closet!(Scary)

AND

I got to put EYELINER on him!!!
SWEET!!!

Then...
He did it.

He STUMBLED onto the boat and NAILED the audition.

I knew he would.

He was so excited and stoked.

PERFECT.

They called him 30 min later to go out on the boat THAT weekend.

So cool.

The perfect job for the perfect man.

AAarrrrgggggggggg!!!!!!!!!

Not the fishnets............

I have to tell a story.

It started after THIS PARTY .

Let's just say I wasn't very ENTHUSED about the way my husband reacted to what I thought was me "putting myself out there" and got DRESSED UP for a party.

His reaction was ....."You look good."

WHAT???

GOOD????

IN FISHNETS????

Let's be REAL....there is only one reason a woman puts on FISHNETS.

Seriously.

And to look "GOOD" is NOT THE REASON!!!

But my husband is more of a "DOER" than a "SAYER".

He is ALL ACTION.

He has a way of SHOWING HIS LOVE than most men don't have.

Like:

Opening the gate for for me at 3:30 am in the RAIN.

or

letting me sleep all day...just because.

or

Drawing me a bath....with candles

or

being so OVERLY protective of me that he says the SAME THING everytime I go to work: "Lock all your doors, have someone walk you out, and call me when you are on your way to the car. Jana....DO IT. "

But he is not a man of ADORING WORDS.

And sometimes .....I am DUMB.

I let my wants get ahead of my NEEDS.

And a few days after "the party"...I told him it bothered me that he didn't SAY what I wanted him to say.

He laughed.

Then he said, "I show you all the time that I love you. I show you with my ACTIONS.
You should be CONFIDENT in yourself. I shouldn't be the one that has to BUILD YOU UP. I know the TRUTH. I love you...that is the TRUTH."

What a CRAZY woman I am.

The TRUTH is that he LOVES me ...and dosen't TRULY prefer me "dressed up"...he's more of a GRUNGY GUY.

The TRUTH is that he wants me to CULTIVATE that confidence in MYSELF.

He prefers when I am CONFIDENT...no matter what I am wearing.

A few days later....I was on my way out to a girls night out, and was NOT dressed up.

He said to me, "For the record, I think you look better tonight than you did the other night."

"Why??? Less make-up???"

Then he said to me, "No...because you are CONFIDENT tonight."

And then it was clear to me that TRUTHFULLY...
he loves me no matter what.
He loves me for me......
NOT the fishnets!

Lost...really?

If you have ever met my husband you will understand this.

He is AMAZING.

He's charismatic...in all the right ways.

He is a REBEL at heart....for all the right reasons.

He is energetic...at all the right times.

And he is giving.....to a fault sometimes.(If that is possible.)

He has a heart of gold and wins you over almost instantly.

It is amazing...
People and animals GRAVITATE towards him.

He just CONNECTS with people...effortlessly.

Seriously....Amazing and WEIRD ....
all at the same time.

I knew I loved him, as soon as we really talked.

I knew.

It just happens like that sometimes.

Which is WHY....
when the 2nd stray dog showed up 3 days ago...
I knew it was Jay.

They are just drawn here.

Dogs.
People.
Birds.
Kids.

Its a vibe.....
and now....
The dog wont leave.

A kid even came and took it to his house today after school.
He was back in 90 min...flat.
And CRYING for us to let him in the gate.

When I asked him what the dog was doing back Jay said with a smile, "I dont know. He likes us. We're calling him - LOST."

Sweet, compassionate, CRAZY man....
Gotta love him.


O

Like sand in an hourglass.....

I just watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button".
I watched the whole time thinking..."How SAD".
How hard would it be to have to "meet someone in the middle" of life?
How hard would it be to have to watch the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE walk away?
How UNIMAGINABLE would it be to have to watch everyone you love get old and pass?
In life I guess there are always times when we "just need a minute" away.
There is always that moment as a mother when you want some "ALONE" time.
There is always THAT moment when you want your kids out of YOUR bed.
This movie was such a reminder that time slips thru our fingers like sand.
Tommorow is NEVER promised and sometimes we DONT get a second chance.
As I sit hear and listen to the silence of my home, with everyone tucked away in their beds, I cant help but think of sometime in the future when my life wont be LIKE THIS.
As I sit hear with my sleeping children, my loving husband and a FULL DAY of school and fun ahead of me tommorow....I cant help but let the tears run down my face.
A mix of joy and sadness.
A confusion of happiness and pain.
I cry at the thought of a quiet home where my children no longer sleep, because they have THEIR OWN families..
I cant help but reflect on how MY parents must feel as they watch US grow.
To be honest ...I am scared.
It scares me to get to this point in my life.
I am sooo happy, sometimes I look around and think, "This is the BEST time of my life."
I know that with every day that passes, we watch our children grow.
With every day that passes we watch our parents and family age.
Its a HEAVY reminder that LIFE IS SHORT.
Its a reminder that we are SO FAR from being in control....
God is in control.
Life is a heavy load....But we have to carry it.
Life is sooo short...we have to LIVE it.
So..as I walk thru my home and look upon each of my children and husband tonight, I am going to watch each of them until I have painted a permanent picture in my mind.
I want to remember EVERY DETAIL of tonight.
I want to remember THIS LIFE...just how it is.

Birthday Blessings.....

I would have NEVER dreamed that my life would turn out like THIS.
12 years ago..I met the LOVE OF MY LIFE!
He was the first man to hold a mirror up in front of my face so that I could see who I REALLY was.
He was also the only man to COVER UP the mirrors in our house when all I could focus on was how UNhappy I was with the OUTSIDE.
He loves me for me and THAT was the best gift I was ever given.
I remember a time in my life when I was faced with a decision.
I had come to a fork in the road.
On one side was the life I was living...a life that was all about how things made me FEEL.
On the other side was a road that lead to a BRAND NEW LIFE, a life in which I did things because they were the RIGHT THING to do.
He loved me THRU the changes.
This is when I learned..."On the other side of my GREATEST FEAR, was my GREATEST LIFE."
I am blessed with a man that is beautiful on the outside AND the inside.
He is a wonderful husband, Father, provider, lover, friend, and brother.
I love this man MORE today than yesterday, and LESS today than tommorow.
Happy Birthday baby!!!!!
Love ...Your Family

My AMAZING, CLEVER, GHETTO Husband!!!

We eat alot of sprouts....
AND~ I 've been wanting a sprouting tray for a while.
I wanted to teach the kids THE HOW TO'S of sprouting.

Well on Saturday we went to the EARTH DAY festival in St. Augustine.
Our friend Kelly is "The Sprout King".
He had a booth at the festival and is ALWAYS trying to educate people about sprouts.

So we checked out the seeds, jars, and the JAR HOLDERS.
We bought some seeds nad Kelly gave us some screens , told us how to grow them and we were off..
4 (NON Organic LOL) Cotton Candies later we were headed home and next thing I know Jay was outside BUILDING me a JAR HOLDER for my new sprout garden!!!

I LOVE HIM!!!
I am so LUCKY....He can build ANYTHING!!!
He went outside and "Whipped Up" NOT 1 ...BUT 3 sprout holders.
Hes SO AWESOME that he not only thought about ME, but he thought about our friends that would also LOVE a sprout holder.
What a man! What a PROVIDER!
I have NO IDEA what I did to deserve this but, GIVE THANKS!!!!!

PS...THIS was my dinner tonight! Spinach , eggs,zucchini, and salsa.
And with THIS presentation!
GOD LOVE HIM!!!!

He's Home....Ahhhhh.

Jay got home from 4 days in North Carolina w/ Scholars Word.
Its funny that after 9 years that I still find myself waiting at the door for him.
Just waiting on the smell of him.
Were soooo Happy he's home safely.