Saturday, April 30, 2011



I have a memory from when I was about 9 years old.

I was in PE and one of the BOYS in class told me that my legs were HAIRY.

They were.

I knew they were...but had never REALIZED that OTHERS KNEW they were.

It was traumatic because I felt judged and deminished.

I felt like I wasn't SUPPOSED to have hair on my legs.

It felt like I wasn't quite ADDING UP to all those "pretty women" I had seen on TV and in magazines.

You know the ones with the flawless skin and tiny waists.

It was a reality that would HAUNT me for years.

It set a "tone" for my life...for many years.

A MOMENT in time that shaped my life.


The other day I told Shasha to go get dressed, we were headed to FIELD DAY for our co-op.

Keep in mind...It was 95 degrees- In the shade!!!!

She came back dressed in red shirt, blue jean shorts, and a pair of red leggings.

"Shasha...It is going to be HOT!!! Don't you want to take the leggings off??"

She looked at me with a look only a MOTHER KNOWS.

A look that says, "I'm hiding SOMETHING."

"No, Ill keep them on." she said.

"But is HOT!!! Why don't you want to take your tights off?"

She again tried to hide behind her eyes...."Becauuussseeee.........I just DON'T"

I KNEW there was something wrong...I KNEW she was holding something in.

I just wanted her to LET IT OUT....TELL ME what was wrong.

"Shasha -I can TELL that something is bothering you.You can tell me anything.I love you more than anything in the world. Don't ever be scared. I love you."

I felt a CONNECTION to my parents at that moment...I was feeling what they felt, I knew how they had felt when they had said those SAME WORDS to me. It was echoing....thru time.

Then she said something to me that


"My legs are so UGLY!!!"

My heart stopped.
I was not ready.

It hasn't been long enough...
She is still a BABY.
Only 8 1/2 years old.

I fought back the tears and said, "Shasha!!! They are not! You have very pretty legs. They are legs made especially FOR YOU. You are EXACTLY the way that GOD intended for you to be. Beautiful."

She looked at me and said doubtfully, "No they aren't! They have scabs all over them."

I quickly responded with, "Shashamane, when we get to the field day today...look at your friends legs. They are all scarred up and scabby. Look at MY LEGS!!! They are the same way. That is the way they were intended to be. We aren't girls who stay OUT of the DIRT! We are girls who can get DIRTY...and still wear cute clothes doing it. God made you exactly the way you are. You are PERFECT. There will be times in life when the WORLD will make you feel like a FAILURE. But you are SPECIAL. and matter WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE."

She smiled.

We laughed and talked some more....we shared a moment.


It was such a sad day for me.

A day when I realized that no matter what I do to PROTECT her....the outside world WILL have an impact on her.

Society WILL make her doubt herself.

She will sometimes feel LESS THAN ENOUGH.

All of our daughters will.

They will feel the pressure of the world ...just like we did.

It is inevitable.

It made me realize that I am in a WAR.

Not an OBVIOUS war.
Not a war fought with guns and ammunition.
Not a war where you will see BLOOD.

It is a quiet, slow, creeping WAR.
A war of the MIND.
It is a war that is fought between a girl and the world she lives in.

It is a war that has to be fought with ENCOURAGEMENT, KIND WORDS, and LOVE.

It has to be fought by ALWAYS letting her BE matter what that means.

No matter what the WORLD thinks....she SHOULD be.

It is a battle...a battle for their self- confidence.

That day made me realize that I am on the FRONT LINES of this WAR...


3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

ALMOST Daily Bread......

He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth; And wine that maketh glad the heart of man, and oil to make his face to shine, and bread which strengtheneth man's heart.




I am THAT Mom.

You know the one who annoys you with BREAD RECIPES...


But I dont care....

If you have been here before you know that I have ATTEMPTED to make bread LOTS of times but NEVER could quite get it "right".

It has been something that I WANTED to be able to do but never could.

Last week- I came upon a great little blog called "Cooking With Littles"

It has a GREAT Recipe for 6 loaves of handmade bread

I half the recipe because of SPACE issues in the freezer.

But everyone LOVES this bread.

It is great for sandwiches,
with pasta.

TRY it!!!
You wont be sorry. <3

Tuesday, April 26, 2011



I give thanks daily for life.

I try and appreciate it for what it is.

I try to keep things in PERSPECTIVE.

Sometimes it is easier than others.

And sometimes....

It is EASY.

this morning...

THIS SONG put it all in perspective.

Perfect words.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Slow Burn....

tree roots Pictures, Images and Photos

Here we are again....

A holiday.


For our is a delicate walk.

From where we once were to where we are has been a LONG JOURNEY.

It has taken a good DECADE to become comfortable in WHO WE ARE and WHAT THAT means.

It has been a SLOW BURN of sorts.

A slow DE-PROGRAMMING of American thoughts and traditions that were EMBEDDED in our brains from childhood.

A ritualistic UN-WASHING of our brains.....

A life in the MAKING....

We have made the choice as a family to NOT follow the crowd.


I bet. LOL.

We have chosen to be VERY TRADITIONAL in the holiday department...not traitional in the "AMERICAN traditions" kind of way, more like in the ANCIENT WAY.

We have decided for ourselves to go STRAIGHT to the ROOT.

We have made a choice to forgo all the "flowery and comfortable" parts of holidays and family traditions.

Not because we don't want to be WITH our family or share in family traditions, but because,for us- we want to go --------->


TRUST would be MUCH easier for us to just "go with the flow".
It would be MUCH easier NOT having an awkward moment with the grocery store checkout lady when she asks the kids, "What did the Easter Bunny bring you?"

TRUST ME...those moments take some getting used to.

It is a narrow line we walk.

We want to honor Christ....and remember who he TRULY is.

But we DON'T WANT to surrender ourselves either.

We want to be MINDFUL of the things we teach and tell our kids.

But we DON'T want to ALIENATE ourselves or our family and friends...

So here we sit....walking that line.

Always trying to find our way in THIS world.

Drawing our strength from our ROOTS.

Bending as not to BREAK.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Truth be told......


THAT WORD can mean sooo many different things.

Some are SUPER structured and go by a STRICT SCHEDULE.

Some UN-School, with NO SCHEDULE- AT ALL.

Some go by different TEACHING "methods" like Charlotte Mason or Motesorri.

I read homeschool blogs, and articles all the time that describe their homeschool METHODS or INTENTIONS.

Some put ALL their faith in a CERTAIN KIND of homeschooling.

Don't get me wrong...INTENTIONS are GREAT.

But, a new homeschool Mom can really do a NUMBER on herself setting up "INTENTIONS", or PLANNING to go with a CERTAIN METHOD....and EXPECTING things to "go as planned".

Because...THE DO NOT.

SOMETIMES...they go SORT-OF like you planned.

Kind of.

But NEVER exactly....

The art of MOLDING these little souls HARDLY lends itself to CONCRETE planning.

Trust me...a day in THIS life RARELY goes as planned...EVER.

Some have such a CANDY-COATED idea of what a homeschooling day looks like.

I know in some of your minds you THINK you KNOW what a "typical" homeschool day LOOKS LIKE.

I'm sure in that COMFORTABLE place in some peoples minds...they see my children all QUIETLY sitting, waiting their turn, being patient, and WANTING to have school and learn.

And is like that.


Then there is the OTHER DAYS.

The ones where they DON't raise their hands, they talk back, they complain, and they are LESS THEN EAGER to learn.

Those are the REAL DAYS....

those are the days when you have to " not to break".

Those are the days when you just GET BY doing what HAS to be done and allowing LIFE to teach them the rest.

I mean really....I have GREAT INTENTIONS.

But the TRUTH is...
Sometimes- there is NOT ENOUGH time in the day.
Sometimes- there is NOT ENOUGH PATIENCE in my body.
Sometimes- there is TOO MUCH to do.
And Sometimes- there are MORE IMPORTANT things than ABC's and 123's.

THAT is the reality of it.
THAT is the TRUTH.

I have learned (after 5 years of homeschooling) that a INTENTIONS are GREAT.

But..I won't beat myself up over the "hard days" because----
at the end of the long as I close my eyes feeling like my kids are a LITTLE more SPIRITUALLY and EMOTIONALLy ready for the world-

I have done my job.

In REALITY- the workbook pages can wait.

We are WRITING our own HISTORY.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

LIFE happens.......

Sometimes I cannot keep up...

Sometimes I have to pick and choose....

Sometimes I have to prioritize...........

We started out the week on track.

As of right now...we are scheduled to finish school by about mid-June.


Right now...things are getting CRAZY BUSY.

Things that happened this week:

Doctors appts.

School...and make- up from last week.

Library..oragami workshop



Jay had his first gig on the PIRATE SHIP

Wed night Jays Summer Tour 2011 started with a PUNKY REGGAE PARTY!!!


his little brothers punk band stayed at our house for a night

and we took a "field trip" to the beach!!!


as you can see...

we are CRAZY BUSY.


We are staying true to US and fitting it all in....YEAH RIGHT.

Pretty much HALF of that was SPONTANIOUS!!!


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Up for the challenge?????

All kids are different.

They all learn differently.

Some "just get it" the first time.

Some ...."don't".

Some are SELF-LED.

Some AREN'T.

Some are EAGER to finish their work for the day...

Some...DON'T REALLY CARE about finishing....AT ALL.

Every child is so different and different things motivate them.

I have lerarned to WATCH and LEARN.

To be observant of my childrens different personalities.

Some are easier than OTHERS...believe me.

And what they say about BOYS being SLOWER at BOOKWORK and learning is TRUE.

But I have found that they are only SLOWER in SOME THINGS.

Zeek has had a harder time at reading, but whizzes thru math.

Now Malachi....he is 7 and in 1st grade.


He has a hard time sitting still...well, he has a hard time SITTING at all!!!

He has a hard time keeping his concentration....on ANYTHING.

My daily mantra during school has become..."He is ONLY 7. He is ONLY 7. He is ONLY 7."

But I KNOW that if we LISTENED to "them" and he was in public school....he would be tagged ADHD.

But- In my opinion....most 7 year old boys are "ADHD"...



I have learned a few tricks on this journey that I thought I would share.

First....I give him copywork/spelling words he WANTS to write.


It is funny how the word "them" can be "too long to copy"(insert WHINING).

But, the word "spiderman" gets NO COMPLAINTS!!!!


I have also learned that he likes to be challenged.

Like with a TIMER.

We use a small "hourglass" that we got at the it iis probably a "minuteglass"....and CHALLENGE him.

It is AWESOME how quickly he "gets with the program" when he feels like it is a challenge or race.

He has no PROBLEM finishing any of his work when he feels interested AND challenged.

What a concept???

After getting him to actually DO his work QUICKLY with minimal complaints....I feel like a WARRIOR.

One who just crossed used my JEDI-MIND TRICKS to LURE him into the LEARNING GAME.

and WON!!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Sneak Peek.......


There is a STORY to go with this picture...More on this later.


Who is the teacher?


Today in school...I told Sheba to write her ABC'S on a dry erase board.

Just busy work really...she was being "difficult" and she is in Pre-K so it was something easy for her to DO.

After about 5 min she called me over....

I said, "Sheba there is no "N" between Y and Z."

She said, "Yes there is Mom.(Then she SANG) A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y "N" Z."

I couldn't help but LAUGH!!!!


What a cute, sweet girl....She STILL doesn't believe me.

and really...

Who can argue with THAT???

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The "Finder"......


All of my kids have "quirks".

SOME more than OTHERS.

But our youngest sweet princess...has a GIFT.

She has an AMAZING memory.

I mean like.....PHOTOGENIC MEMORY.

She NEVER forgets.

I can say, "Sheba...have you seen that blue rubber band I had last week???"

Her answer is ALWAYS..."Hold on Mom." Then she runs off and comes back with it.

"Where did you find it, Sheba???"

"Behind the dresser under my dolls clothes."


She is my little finder.


Thank goodness.....because I need it.

The only thing is(and she doesn't KNOW THIS PART yet)...
At THIS rate she will never be able to leave home.

She is stuck here with me ...FOREVER.

I can just see it, "Sheba, have you seen my TEETH?"

"Hold on Mom.....I know JUST where they are."


I can dream right????

Sunday, April 10, 2011

No Guarantees.....but 1!!!

Raising kids is THE HARDEST JOB I have ever had.

An TRUST ME...I have had some JOBS.

The hardest thing about raising kids for me is the uncertainty of it all.

There are NO GUARANTEES...only TIME will tell.

I hear stories about other kids.

Tales of TOTAL disrespect...
To be honest - It TERRIFIES me...
Because- THERE are no GUARANTEES.

It IS NOT a GIVEN that just because I TEACH my children ABOUT God...They will KNOW him.
They have to make the journey INTO God themselves.
THEY have to WANT IT.

I am a believer that we are GIVEN these little souls by GOD....and NOT FOR FREE.
We are ORDAINED by God as parents to these kids.
We are EXPECTED to return them BETTER than they were given to us.


We are CALLED raise our children in "fear and admonition of the Lord."

THAT is our PRIMARY calling....

I want to look one day on my children and say, "Wow!!! They are AMAZING people!"


That takes a LIFETIME of INVESTING in them.

Learning about them...which in turn teaches you about YOURSELF.
Trust me...

It takes training them FOREVER.

Teaching them things like how to tie their shoes
How to be kind to one another and LOVE.

It is all the same.
It takes a KNOWLEDGE of something BIGGER then me.
Something STRONGER than me.
Something MORE LOVING than me.

In MY eyes....You CAN'T do it without GOD.
It takes his teachings.
And an INWARD EYE on yourself.
It takes a STUDENT.
Someone who is EVER CHANGING.
Someone who is WILLING to be wrong.
It is a LONG, WINDING road,
where we choose our battles,
fight the good fight,
and BEND as not to BREAK.

But parenting without God...
THAT HAS a guarantee...

Look around.

I bet you'll see.

Saturday, April 9, 2011


Outside my window today I saw a peculiar sight...

I looked out there and saw a gleaming light.

It was some of my children....laughing joyfully.

What a sweet, sweet sight it was for me to see.



Thursday, April 7, 2011



Somewhere in the world today....
a child walks MILES to a well for water- with NO SHOES.

Somewhere in the world today....
a child missed school today, because he had NO SHOES.

Somewhere in the world today....
a child needed MEDICAL ATTENTION, because he has NO SHOES.

All of my children have TONS of shoes.
MORE shoes than they even KNOW they have.
And they have LESS than most kids...TRUST ME.

So when I hear about the "One Day Without Shoes" Campaige put on by TOMS shoes
I knew this would be something that we would "dig".

It was a pledge to go ONE DAY without honor of those who have NO SHOES .

A day to make us all a little more aware of what it would be like to HAVE LESS.

And in our nifty little town...there was even a "One Day Without Shoes" Walk held.

So...we all rolled up our .....PANTS and headed downtown.

Sans shoes.

We walked as THEY have to everyday.

We walked thru puddles and over THEY do everyday.












They may not be MY children ...but they are all HIS children....

Monday, April 4, 2011

Life experience.....

Life has a funny way of CHANGING YOU.

WHO you THINK you are an WHAT you THINK you want....changes.

When I first met Jay in 1998...I was 21 years old.

I was FAR from WISE, and DID not know WHO I all.

BUT--Lord help the person who tried to TELL ME that!!!!

I had no idea WHO the TRUE me was.

As I look back...I'm not sure you CAN know who you are at that point.

At 21 ...I didn't have enough LIFE experience. ....AT ALL!

Life experience comes only thru TIME spent IN YOUR LIFE.

Saturated by the ups and downs....fully emersed in the everyday.

You gain life experience by making best friends and losing crappy friends...and again- only time can tell you that.

You gain life experience by LOSING someone you LOVE....from DEATH or just from LIFE.

You gain life experience from TRULY LOVING a child.....

I had no idea...and thought I did.

I am not saying that I knew NOTHING...but- I am saying that I did not have enough COLLECTIVE experiences to accurately shape my world.

Up until then I thought that the things I had seen were the WHOLE TOTAL of what life COULD BE.

( I am LITERALLY laughing right now. )

But...I knew 1 thing.
I knew that I was on my way...
I knew that the life and man I had "stumbled" onto was something special.

I KNEW that I was in LOVE with my growing life and knew that GOD had put me exactly where I was suppose to be...
I knew that If I just concentrated on my ROOTS...the fruit would grow.

It has been a LONG ROAD from THERE to HERE....

But yesterday... I sat on a stool in the sunlight, smelling the ocean, watching Jays AMAZING band play some really GREAT music..all while Zeek stood in front of the band PROUDLY waving the Rasta flag. TONS of other kids splashed in the pool and laughter filled the air....


THIS is what was possible.

I finally HAVE IT.

I had no idea....

And wouldn't change the JOURNEY for anything.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

RAIN Break...........Waaaaa!

For the last week we have been on Spring Break.

(THAT is why I took a break on the blog....sometimes it is alot of SELF-INDUCED stress.)

We actually had 2 spring breaks this year.

Grandparents came in town an we had 1.

All our friends in public school had their week an we HAD to take that week too, because as we "all know" homeschooled kids NEED socialization. (hahahaha)

THAT is my excuse anyway.

I PLANNED on a bunch of FUN STUFF to do....
it rained.

and we WAITED...
and WAITED...

It STOPPED raining on Friday!!!!

JUST in time for ONE LAST beach/park day.

Woo Hoo!!!

It was a WASH of a spring break....
and to be honest...
I am READY an renewed to get back to school...
an am OVER the CABIN FEVER that the kids have had.


I am OVER the CRAZY feeling I get from NOT HAVING SCHOOL.


An the SUMMER countown begins....YEAH!!!