The Test….again.

 

It NEVER fails.

Never.

You see, Shasha is a strong-willed child.

Strong-willed meaning…she can STAND STRONG with the best of them.  She has an amazing ability to NOT GIVE IN.  Ever.  She is like a wild horse that at times…

needs

to

be

broken.

She is hard headed and amazingly loving at the same time.  She just has a hard time changing her attitude mid-emotion.  She does not do well with things NOT GOING HER WAY.  It isn’t necessarily that she ALWAYS wants her way…its just that when she comes up against a hardship ….she can’t hang.

She will complain and grovel.  a lot.

She has a tendency to have a hard time learning her lessons.  So hard that sometimes I just want to shake her and say, “LOOK…learn your lessons the 1st time!!!  It will make life soooo much easier.”

As you can imagine…she USUALLY DOES NOT listen.

So it happens again and again….she gets the “short stick”.

Again and again….and again.

For instance…This summer we started a new chore system.  mainly because Shasha wanted to do it differently.(till then we used rotating chore charts).  She thought it would work better for her a “different way”.

So I started a NEW SYSTEM where I wrote all the chores on poker chips and put them in a tin can, and gave all the kids their own can.

I mean seriously….it couldn’t be MORE fair right?  They pick their OWN chores.  If they pick one they don’t like, they can’t complain to ME. Ha…brilliant, right? I figured at this point…it was out of my hands. I was really getting the hang of this parenting thing…LOL. NOT.

So…the 1st morning came and the kids picked their chores 1 at a time.  Everyone smiled…except Shasha.

She picked EVERY CHORE she was bent on avoiding:

feed chickens

feed guinea pigs

water for chickens

water for guinea pigs

feed dogs

Every chore she HATES.

Every chore she was avoiding.

Every single one.

Needless to say, she was not pleased with this new arrangement.

She was PISSED.  This had not worked the way she had intended.. at.all.

She looked at me waiting.  Waiting for me to jump in and save her.  Waiting for me to come to her rescue.

I looked at her and KNEW in that moment.

It was out of MY HANDS.  God was in control of this one.

I explained to her that the chores were not the issue. 

Her attitude was the issue.  The fact that she didn’t willing accept what was given to her without complaining was the problem.

It was THE TEST.

I told her that in life God will put you to many tests.   When he sees a problem inside us he is determined to fix it.  He is a master at his craft and he will saturate our lives with the direct problems we need to face.

Every time.

I was proven right when..for the next 3 days she pulled the SAME STINKIN’ CHORES.

Crazy cool.

He will put us to a test…UNTIL we pass.

AMAZING.

On redemption and nail polish.

Who knew that painting nails could be such a CLEVER way for GOD to help  us grow?

Not me….

But this is the thing…

Shasha  is a bit obsessed.

Like 50 nail polishes, all the right fingernail file tools, the fingernail polish remover that you swish your finger in and Viola!!…polish removed!!!

She even lets me know DAYS ahead of time when she is going to run out of remover.

Her obsession has even earned a big part of her board on Pinterest!!

This is a 9 year old girl who grows out her nails so that she can TRY all the cool polish ideas she sees. LOL

All that is wonderful and creative and fun…..

But what has really struck me lately is that it has really turned into a lesson in…

REDEMPTION.

You see….ths child is not blessed with a particularly high self esteem.  We have spent many hours talking about how everyone is GREAT at..

their

own

thing.

We are all different and CAN NOT all be great at drawing or awesome at painting(which she is).  Sometimes we have ppy for our brother or sister because THEY have a talent…then move on.

We have to find something that helps us FEEL CONFIDENT and that we enjoy doing….and then practice at it.

Sometimes we just have to find our niche.

A couple of weeks ago I found Shasha in the schoolroom on Pinterest.  She had found a tutorial on marbelized nails and had taught herself how to do it.

So cool.

Over the next couple of weeks I watched her paint and REPAINT her nails so many times that soon it hit me…

This is her thing…

that thing that can build confidence and also teach her about PERSISTENCE and NOT GIVING UP.

She would come in and say, “Mom!!! I messed them u again.  I can’t do it.   Ill never be able to do it right!”

Which is a perfect time to teach her about those things you can only learn thru experience.

Sometimes…Only thru trying something many times and failing…do you learn the right way to do something so that the end result is JUST.WHAT. YOU. WANTED.

Redemption…..in many colors.

Brave.

Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." --from Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

We walked up to the counter and Shasha was  handed a slip to fill out for The Dance Company auditions.

She was told to fill it out herself which she was completely unprepared for.  The sweet girl looked up at me like she forgot  HOW to spell her name when she put her pen down.  She was so nervous.

She said she wasn’t.

She was.

I always try to burn those moments into my memory..

the important ones. 

The moments that I can see WHO THEY ARE.

It is like a little magical glance into the future.

Today it was the moment that she walked away from me in the studio.  She didn’t even remember to hug and kiss me…

which

says

a lot.

As she nervously walked away she looked back at me she had a fear in her eyes.  I could see it.

But..she didn’t stop and let the fear overcome her.

SHE

KEPT

WALKING.

She walked in that room and went nose to nose with all the fear that manifested in front of her.

She stood her ground and did her best.

Which makes me beyond proud….

As far as I am concerned….no matter the outcome, she won the gold medal in my heart.

It gave me a glimpse of the courage and strength she has inside of her.

No matter what happens with this audition…the future is bright for this little star.

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. -- e.e. Cummings.

Quotes taken from THIS BLOG written by amazing real life friend Heather…. LOVE LOVE LOVED this post about courage.

Greener Grass....

My kids are some of my best teachers.

Thru them I learn sooo much about myself. It always seems to me that God has given me these children to help me GROW..just as much as I am here to help THEM grow.

It is always amazing to be GIVEN the words that I need when I am teaching THEM somrething.
Amazing because ...most of the time the words just FALL out of my mouth.
Most of the time I HEAR myself say things to them..just as I hear them MYSELF.

Today the girls were arguing all morning. They were arguing over the typical things.
Shasha dosen't want to play with Sheba.
Sheba wants Shasha to LISTEN to her.
Shash wants Sheba to stop following her.
"Leave me alone!!! I need SPACE!"
Typical of sisters.

Then today...when Sheba went to the store with Jay for a few hours- Shasha learned a lesson.

She came to me and said, "Mom...there is nothing to DO when Sheba is not here."

I looked at her and smiled.
It was music to my ears. It made me smile INSIDE.
.
I looked at her and said, "Well Shasha, this should be a lesson for you. Try and remember THAT when she is here and you are annoyed with her. Remember that in life sometimes things look or seem like they would be better another way. But in reality..Life is LIFE. What you are given is what you should be THANKFUL for."

She looked at me and smiled.
But in that moment I was also the student.
Those words were not mine. Those words were given to me.
They came from the Father.
He was talking TO ME..and THRU me- at the same time.
Because-
We are all children ....
Children of God.

Some of us are "older" than others.
Some of us are "smarter" than others.

But all of us... are Children of God in constant need of instruction and molding.

No matter how "old" or "smart" we are.

That SMELL..........

I will never understand pop culture.
As a child of "middle america" I have been trained to PAY ATTENTION.
I had become accustomed to the "smoke and mirrors" of what society expects from a young girl.
I had always felt a tinge of disgust fester...but didn't know where that really came from.
But-It was there.
I wasn't sure WHY, but-
I knew that I didn't "fit" the mold .
What I didnt REALIZE was that....NOONE DOES!!! EVER!

So as a parent I have TRIED to sheild my children(especially girls) from the FALSE IDEAS that seem to unknowingly get PLANTED in a young girls mind.
I said I have tried.
I have tried to get them to REALIZE that they are beautiful.
No matter how curly their hair is.
No matter how hairy their legs are.
No matter what size their waist is.

They
are
beautiful.
This is not a lie.


But, other peoples opinions and society have a funny way of "creeping in".
Like smoke from a wildfire...sometimes you can't SEE it..but it is there.
You can SMELL IT.
And sometimes you can just get so USED to the smell that you DON'T smell it anymore.

THAT is what I am fighting.

I dont want to become so IMMUNE to the "smoke" that it seems NORMAL.
I don't want to start thinking that UNACCEPTABLE things are ACCEPTABLE...just because it is EASY.
I don't want things to SLIP IN because I am not ON POINT.

11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age. Titus 2:11



So..I stay on gaurd.
Waiting for those "teachable moments".
Always HOPEING to have some WISE WORDS to help mold their minds.

An sometimes....I have NOTHING.

That is what happened the other night when SHASHA and I saw a PREVIEW for THIS(while watching a COOKING SHOW!!!!



Thank GOODNESS that on the preview it didn't actually SHOW him "dancing"..it just showed him TALKING-which WAS ENOUGH.

I was STUNNED...and before I could change the channel Shasha was saying:
"Mom, why would someone dance on a POLE? So weird. Why wouldn't you just dance on the floor? That is weird. Why would a GUY do that? That IS A GUY right Mom? Why would he dance on a POLE?"

Trust me..it didn't take the first SENTENCE to let me know my GUARD ha been let down, and the weirdness of our POP CULTURE has seeped in.

She was so SHOCKED.
Sweet girl.
So innocent. It made me really think about how strange it is that in our "culture"...THAT is acceptable TV for "family night".
It is seen as NORMAL.
I mean really???
How BLIND do you have to be to see that a silver guy POLE DANCING on a TALENT SHOW at 8pm on NBC is CRAZY???????????

Seriously?

I was so BLINDED by what I ha just been asked that I had NO ANSWER.

No wise words for her to "live by"...
No TRUTHS revealed.

On the Inside:
Just SHOCK.
The irony of what Shasha had just asked me was beyond words....for me.
All I could think was....
"Life is a BEAUTIFUL journey.
THANK GOD I made it to THIS SPOT.
THANK GOD for ALL lessons learned."

On the outside:
I laughed.
I laughed and laughed.
I couldn't help it.

And then Shasha looked at me with a PUZZLED look an said, "Why are you laughing Mom? What is so funny?"

I looked at her still laughing and said, "Because THAT is weird Shasha. Why would you dance on a pole? THAT is dumb."

As I sat there an we finished watching the show we were watching I thought...

"Thank you GOD for giving me CLEAR VISION and the ability to SMELL the smoke even when OTHERS can't SEE it."

Give thanks to God for giving me THIS life.
I am ETERNALLY grateful.

More than peas.....

I heard it all the way from the bedroom.

Crying....more like WHINING. The kind of whining that just EATS away at you.
It eats away at you like fingernails on a chalkboard...SLOWLY JUST etching away at your sanity. VERY SLOWLY.

Then there was Daddy. He was trying to "get his point across". A combination of yelling and cleaning. He was standing over the sink and scrubbing away at the dishes as if the plates, forks and cups from dinner were the stubborn part of Shasha.

He was scrubbing it away, as if it was THAT easy...while SPEAKING LOUDLY(yelling).

I walked into the living room to find all the kids but Shasha sitting on the couch.

Calmly. Not a good sign.

Then there was Shasha. She was sitting on the floor with her plate in front of her.
Everything eaten but the green peas.

She was laying on the floor begging. She wanted a salad instead of the peas. Which NORMALLY wouldn't be a problem BUT, she has a PROBLEM.

She NEEDS to be broken. Her spirit. It sucks. But- Its TRUE.

She has a problem with being stubborn. She has a problem with doing things that she doesn't want to do. She is a sinner. She wants to rebel. As did I.

I read in Tedd Tripps book "Shepherding a child's heart" something that really hit home for me.

"Children are not born morally and ethically neutral. The Bible teaches that the heart is "deceitful an desperately wicked" (Jeremiah 17:9) The child's problem is not an information defecit. His problem is that he is a sinner. There are things within the heart of the sweetest little baby that,allowed to blossom and grow to fruitation, will bring about eventual destruction. "

Whoa.....amazing.

Maybe this is something that you only learn after having a few children and actually WITNESSING some of those things "blossom". It is true. It is in the NATURE of a child to test and try. To rebel and fight against what is easy, good, and RIGHT.

Trust me.

Some of them will fight with every cell of their being ...JUST to do what THEY want to do. Again. That part of parenting-SUCKS. It is a part that you never can prepare for. Noone ever says, "Your child will one day fight everything you say...JUST BECAUSE....It. is. in. them. From the beginning."

And even if someone DID say that...you would NEVER believe them. EVER.

Because...it is hard to believe that there is ANYTHING in that sweet, smushy, fresh child that be ANYTHING but HEAVENLY. But there is

But...it is there. And you can start to see it early. Some are more easily TRAINED OUT than others.

Shasha is one of the ones that is not easily "trained".
And Shasha left to "bloom" ...could end up in "eventual destruction."
She fights with her WHOLE SELF. She draws it up inside herself and she will stick it out.

Which is what I was afraid of when I saw her on the floor, fighting. Almost ...Just for the fight of it.

I bent down and said in a calm voice, "Shasha....Why are you fighting this. just eat the peas. If you dont...you WILL NOT have dessert. Everyone else will have dessert, but you WILL NOT. Why fight it when all you have to do is eat 1 bite of peas?"

" I don't WANT to Mom. Why can't I just have a salad?" she said in a WHINY voice. Again...so annoying. Side effect of having a 8 year old girl.

"Shashamane ...there are going to be times in your life when you HAVE to make a decision. You will have to pick the best of 2 options. Maybe 2 options you DON'T LIKE. And you will not have a choice....you will be FORCED by LIFE into taking the better of the 2 BAD options. RIGHT NOW is one of those times. You can eat the BITE of peas that you HATE, then GET your dessert. OR- You can NOT eat the peas...and NOT GET your dessert. Take the opportunity to pull it UP inside yourself. Make the RIGHT choice."

She was still crying...so I gave her 5 min.

In 5 minutes I was going to take the plate. Then the decision would be over.

Then I walked away.

4 minutes later I came back and said, "Are you going to make the RIGHT choice or the WRONG choice? It is up to you."

She took the bite of peas. Half willingly she took the bite.

I was thrilled. To me...It was a victory. She made a choice. and it was the RIGHT choice in THAT situation.

She was disgusted and mad. But she made the right decision. And she got dessert with the rest of them.
SCORE for Sweet Shasha in the fight for her SELF.

All the while I look on KNOWING she will be all right.

Because sometimes...
It isn't really about the PEAS.

It is about so much MORE.

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

Already????

I have a memory from when I was about 9 years old.

I was in PE and one of the BOYS in class told me that my legs were HAIRY.

They were.

I knew they were...but had never REALIZED that OTHERS KNEW they were.

It was traumatic because I felt judged and deminished.

I felt like I wasn't SUPPOSED to have hair on my legs.

It felt like I wasn't quite ADDING UP to all those "pretty women" I had seen on TV and in magazines.

You know the ones with the flawless skin and tiny waists.

It was a reality that would HAUNT me for years.

It set a "tone" for my life...for many years.

A MOMENT in time that shaped my life.

Soooooooooooooo............

The other day I told Shasha to go get dressed, we were headed to FIELD DAY for our co-op.

Keep in mind...It was 95 degrees- In the shade!!!!

She came back dressed in red shirt, blue jean shorts, and a pair of red leggings.

"Shasha...It is going to be HOT!!! Don't you want to take the leggings off??"

She looked at me with a look only a MOTHER KNOWS.

A look that says, "I'm hiding SOMETHING."

"No, Ill keep them on." she said.

"But Shasha...it is HOT!!! Why don't you want to take your tights off?"

She again tried to hide behind her eyes...."Becauuussseeee.........I just DON'T"

I KNEW there was something wrong...I KNEW she was holding something in.

I just wanted her to LET IT OUT....TELL ME what was wrong.

"Shasha -I can TELL that something is bothering you.You can tell me anything.I love you more than anything in the world. Don't ever be scared. I love you."

I felt a CONNECTION to my parents at that moment...I was feeling what they felt, I knew how they had felt when they had said those SAME WORDS to me. It was echoing....thru time.

Then she said something to me that

SHOOK
MY
WORLD.

"My legs are so UGLY!!!"

My heart stopped.
I was not ready.

It hasn't been long enough...
She is still a BABY.
Only 8 1/2 years old.
I AM NOT READY.....

I fought back the tears and said, "Shasha!!! They are not! You have very pretty legs. They are legs made especially FOR YOU. You are EXACTLY the way that GOD intended for you to be. Beautiful."

She looked at me and said doubtfully, "No they aren't! They have scabs all over them."

I quickly responded with, "Shashamane, when we get to the field day today...look at your friends legs. They are all scarred up and scabby. Look at MY LEGS!!! They are the same way. That is the way they were intended to be. We aren't girls who stay OUT of the DIRT! We are girls who can get DIRTY...and still wear cute clothes doing it. God made you exactly the way you are. You are PERFECT. There will be times in life when the WORLD will make you feel like a FAILURE. But you are SPECIAL. and BEAUTIFUL....no matter WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE."

She smiled.

We laughed and talked some more....we shared a moment.

BUT-

It was such a sad day for me.

A day when I realized that no matter what I do to PROTECT her....the outside world WILL have an impact on her.

Society WILL make her doubt herself.

She will sometimes feel LESS THAN ENOUGH.

All of our daughters will.

They will feel the pressure of the world ...just like we did.

It is inevitable.

It made me realize that I am in a WAR.

Not an OBVIOUS war.
Not a war fought with guns and ammunition.
Not a war where you will see BLOOD.

It is a quiet, slow, creeping WAR.
A war of the MIND.
It is a war that is fought between a girl and the world she lives in.

It is a war that has to be fought with ENCOURAGEMENT, KIND WORDS, and LOVE.
DAILY.

It has to be fought by ALWAYS letting her BE HER...no matter what that means.

No matter what the WORLD thinks....she SHOULD be.

It is a battle...a battle for their self- confidence.

That day made me realize that I am on the FRONT LINES of this WAR...

ALREADY.

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Secret CEREAL School......LOL

Reuce.
Reuse.
Recycle.

It is something we take seriously..
We TRY to find different uses for ALL things.

Soooo......
When I saw THIS over at Almost Unschoolers ...
I was STOKED!!!

And since we have TONS of cereal boxes that we are sending to Haiti...I thought we could spare a few.
LOL

So...here was my spin on it...

More like a "make up your own silly sentences" game.

Fun, Recycled, and SECRET SCHOOL combined!!!
Perfect!!!

A “little” Photo Addiction……..

Shashamane has been taking pics like crazy lately.

She has an AMAZING EYE for nature shots.

I think we just have found a TALENT….

        

ART…..in lots of ways.

Some days…….

Man.

Some days just don’t work out like you plan them.

ESPECIALLY as a homeschooling mom.

I woke up today and was ready to get going.

BUT…while I had my coffee and checked my email, Zeek started on his DINOSAUR DRAWINGS.

I checked him out a book at the library about DRAWING dinosaurs.

He LOVED it.

He loved it so much that he started on them BRIGHT and EARLY this AM….

Throwing off my WHOLE school day.

I mean….What KIND of mother stops her son from drawing THESE?

TOTALLY FREEHANDED!!!!!!!!!!

He just LOOKED at the pictures in the book and DREW THEM!!!!!

So …..

We had a BACKWARDS school day.

From ART to READING.

Instead of READING to ART.

And all the while Zeek was drawing these pics…..

Shasha was sooooo upset.

She’s not as ….how can I say it?

DRAWING SAVVY as Zeek.

So while our resident ARTIST sat at the table and whipped out dinosaur after dinosaur…..

I sat with Shasha and explained that ART comes in lots of different forms.

She may not be a SKETCH ARTIST…But shes an artist…of SOME KIND.

We watched videos on Frida Kahlo

And we talked about Picasso and Dali…..

After all THAT- I showed her how to draw some things that were easy for HER to draw….FLOWERS.

By the end of the morning I asked her THIS question…

“ Now, Do you think your an artist?”

She smiled BIG.

and said

YES!