Monday, May 16, 2011

More than peas.....

I heard it all the way from the bedroom.

Crying....more like WHINING. The kind of whining that just EATS away at you.
It eats away at you like fingernails on a chalkboard...SLOWLY JUST etching away at your sanity. VERY SLOWLY.

Then there was Daddy. He was trying to "get his point across". A combination of yelling and cleaning. He was standing over the sink and scrubbing away at the dishes as if the plates, forks and cups from dinner were the stubborn part of Shasha.

He was scrubbing it away, as if it was THAT easy...while SPEAKING LOUDLY(yelling).

I walked into the living room to find all the kids but Shasha sitting on the couch.

Calmly. Not a good sign.

Then there was Shasha. She was sitting on the floor with her plate in front of her.
Everything eaten but the green peas.

She was laying on the floor begging. She wanted a salad instead of the peas. Which NORMALLY wouldn't be a problem BUT, she has a PROBLEM.

She NEEDS to be broken. Her spirit. It sucks. But- Its TRUE.

She has a problem with being stubborn. She has a problem with doing things that she doesn't want to do. She is a sinner. She wants to rebel. As did I.

I read in Tedd Tripps book "Shepherding a child's heart" something that really hit home for me.

"Children are not born morally and ethically neutral. The Bible teaches that the heart is "deceitful an desperately wicked" (Jeremiah 17:9) The child's problem is not an information defecit. His problem is that he is a sinner. There are things within the heart of the sweetest little baby that,allowed to blossom and grow to fruitation, will bring about eventual destruction. "


Maybe this is something that you only learn after having a few children and actually WITNESSING some of those things "blossom". It is true. It is in the NATURE of a child to test and try. To rebel and fight against what is easy, good, and RIGHT.

Trust me.

Some of them will fight with every cell of their being ...JUST to do what THEY want to do. Again. That part of parenting-SUCKS. It is a part that you never can prepare for. Noone ever says, "Your child will one day fight everything you say...JUST BECAUSE....It. is. in. them. From the beginning."

And even if someone DID say would NEVER believe them. EVER. is hard to believe that there is ANYTHING in that sweet, smushy, fresh child that be ANYTHING but HEAVENLY. But there is is there. And you can start to see it early. Some are more easily TRAINED OUT than others.

Shasha is one of the ones that is not easily "trained".
And Shasha left to "bloom" ...could end up in "eventual destruction."
She fights with her WHOLE SELF. She draws it up inside herself and she will stick it out.

Which is what I was afraid of when I saw her on the floor, fighting. Almost ...Just for the fight of it.

I bent down and said in a calm voice, "Shasha....Why are you fighting this. just eat the peas. If you WILL NOT have dessert. Everyone else will have dessert, but you WILL NOT. Why fight it when all you have to do is eat 1 bite of peas?"

" I don't WANT to Mom. Why can't I just have a salad?" she said in a WHINY voice. annoying. Side effect of having a 8 year old girl.

"Shashamane ...there are going to be times in your life when you HAVE to make a decision. You will have to pick the best of 2 options. Maybe 2 options you DON'T LIKE. And you will not have a will be FORCED by LIFE into taking the better of the 2 BAD options. RIGHT NOW is one of those times. You can eat the BITE of peas that you HATE, then GET your dessert. OR- You can NOT eat the peas...and NOT GET your dessert. Take the opportunity to pull it UP inside yourself. Make the RIGHT choice."

She was still I gave her 5 min.

In 5 minutes I was going to take the plate. Then the decision would be over.

Then I walked away.

4 minutes later I came back and said, "Are you going to make the RIGHT choice or the WRONG choice? It is up to you."

She took the bite of peas. Half willingly she took the bite.

I was thrilled. To me...It was a victory. She made a choice. and it was the RIGHT choice in THAT situation.

She was disgusted and mad. But she made the right decision. And she got dessert with the rest of them.
SCORE for Sweet Shasha in the fight for her SELF.

All the while I look on KNOWING she will be all right.

Because sometimes...
It isn't really about the PEAS.

It is about so much MORE.

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15


Shelley said...

WHOOOO HOOOOO!!!! You go Mom!!! Gosh...that whole thing sounded just like life with LILI!!! She will flat out YELL to me, "I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO!!!!!" ...and it's all about the choice. May God grant us both the calm to be able to handle these little ladies as they fight to figure it all out!!!! I keep telling my self that God made Lili just the way she is for His is our job to help to train that little girl to gain control of it so that she can use it for HIS purposes...left out of her control, she is nothing but a wild stallion...but in her control, and more importantly, in HIS control...she will move mountains!!!
Thanks for posting that story...good to know others are in the same trenches!!!

Anonymous said...

give peas a chance

truly but yelling and such intense anger is as well a choice similar to the peas

for understand extremely for sure
"not being told what to do"

giving choices... for it seems the energy of forcing to make done... is what is reflected

and for no one soul has a god given will to do other
what god purpose intention

there exist no problem , for if one has problem , are the problem

we have much to learn from these amazin souls
so closer to god and rightous path
then sometimes aware of....

pull thy self out of quicksand with quickness

honoring relation with god with choice..
for reaping what sewn
gives space for learning
homeschool happens every breathe second,
every step...

devotion starts with calm , quiet , grace