Sunday, May 29, 2011

Torn....and mended.


"We're on our way, We're on our way, Were on our own journey......."

Those are the lyrics to one of I-Vibes(my husbands reggae band) songs on the new CD.

An it PERFECTLY describes what is going on in our lives right now.

The I-Vibes summer tour is here!

The "Lighthouse Veggie Bus" arrived on Friday to the Rasta homestead.

It is great GREEN option that we are really excited about.

The guys are headed from St. Augustine up the East Coast and back.

It will be an experience of a lifetime I am sure...
16 days of driving. on. a . bus. with. 7. guys. and. NO. SHOWER.

Ewwwwwwwww. LOL.

Just time to think and be PRESENT...and do something that most only DREAM of.

An OPPORTUNITY of a lifetime.

An here we are.

At. Home.

It is a bitter sweet feeling for me.

I am always TORN about the touring.

On one hand I WANT Jay to have the sweet experience.

I want him to look back on his life an feel like he had a SUPPORTIVE family that was behind him...THE WHOLE WAY.

No matter what.

I want to give him the "gift" of that experience.

I really believe is not an easy thing to do.

It makes me really search inside myself. It requires me to sift thru hidden get to the bottom of WHY I have certain feelings.

At times I feel angry....because I am left here.

At times I feel jealous....because I love to travel.

At times I feel aggravated...because I have to play "single-parent" for weeks and keep up with the homestead without him.


I also KNOW that God puts these things DIRECTLY in my path....
because I will either stumble or conquer.
He sticks me RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of situations that I NEED to be faced with...
because I am stubborn and refuse to learn things easily.
He KNOWS me, and the scary dark places in my heart....and knows I am rebelious.
He knows the lessons I desperately need to learn...because he MADE ME.

He knows that I need to conquer my anger, fix my jealous heart, and be more grateful for the "aggravation".

And I am LEARNING to be grateful for ALL that.

I am focusing on counting own the days till my love returns.

Giving thanks for the lessons that will be learned.