Brave.

Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." --from Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

We walked up to the counter and Shasha was  handed a slip to fill out for The Dance Company auditions.

She was told to fill it out herself which she was completely unprepared for.  The sweet girl looked up at me like she forgot  HOW to spell her name when she put her pen down.  She was so nervous.

She said she wasn’t.

She was.

I always try to burn those moments into my memory..

the important ones. 

The moments that I can see WHO THEY ARE.

It is like a little magical glance into the future.

Today it was the moment that she walked away from me in the studio.  She didn’t even remember to hug and kiss me…

which

says

a lot.

As she nervously walked away she looked back at me she had a fear in her eyes.  I could see it.

But..she didn’t stop and let the fear overcome her.

SHE

KEPT

WALKING.

She walked in that room and went nose to nose with all the fear that manifested in front of her.

She stood her ground and did her best.

Which makes me beyond proud….

As far as I am concerned….no matter the outcome, she won the gold medal in my heart.

It gave me a glimpse of the courage and strength she has inside of her.

No matter what happens with this audition…the future is bright for this little star.

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. -- e.e. Cummings.

Quotes taken from THIS BLOG written by amazing real life friend Heather…. LOVE LOVE LOVED this post about courage.

On the inside….

Its been 9 years since we’ve celebrated Halloween.

In those 9 years…I haven’t really THOUGHT about it too much.

We basically have just SHUT OURSELVES out of it.

We turn off the lights and seclude ourselves inside..

leaving all that is “Halloween” on the outside.

It is a choice we have made after learning the TRUE meaning of halloween and the roots that are behind it.

It is a “controversial” choice…I know.

Believe me….If I had 1 piece of candy for every time someone said “Aww…you don't let your kids dress up???” or “Awwww….that is sad..No candy???”….I would have TONS of candy.

Please…don’t feel sorry for them-they are in no way DEPRIVED of candy…

AND- they have a TON of dress up clothes.

It’s not sad…at all.

BUT…

this year….things are different.

I work…in a bar.

And

I have to work ALL weekend on Halloween weekend.

Friday

Saturday

Sunday(AND I have to DRESS UP!!!!  Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!)

Which means…..

I am “OUT THERE” on Halloween.

For the first time in YEARS…I am out there.

And let me tell you……….It is CRAZY.

I mean seriously…I see ALOT of things at Tradewinds.

ALOT of CRAZY THINGS.

But

Halloween…make take the cake.

CRAZY.

But…

As I have thought about this more and more …

I think that God has put this in my life as a lesson.

as usual….

If you haven’t figured it out yet I am BROKEN and yucky on the inside sometimes….I need work.

Lots.

This forces me to FACE my battle HEAD ON.

It forces me to take a HARD look at myself and realize that sometimes the lesson is to LOOSEN UP.

To recognize these things for what they are….

To just let it go  and

DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

Sometimes it is just that simple…..

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Psalm 107
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies. For he has gathered the exiles from many lands, from east and west, from north and south.

Some wandered in the wilderness, lost and homeless. Hungry and thirsty, they nearly died.
“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he rescued them from their distress. He led them straight to safety, to a city where they could live. Let them praise the Lord for his great love
and for the wonderful things he has done for them. For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness and deepest gloom, imprisoned in iron chains of misery. They rebelled against the words of God, scorning the counsel of the Most High. That is why he broke them with hard labor; they fell, and no one was there to help them. “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their chains.

Let them praise the Lord for his great love and for the wonderful things he has done for them.
For he broke down their prison gates of bronze; he cut apart their bars of iron. Some were fools; they rebelled and suffered for their sins. They couldn’t stand the thought of food, and they were knocking on death’s door. “Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.

He sent out his word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death.
Let them praise the Lord for his great love and for the wonderful things he has done for them.
Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving and sing joyfully about his glorious acts.

The godly will see these things and be glad, while the wicked are struck silent. Those who are wise will take all this to heart; they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord.

Slipping away……..

Maybe its because Zeek is the oldest.

Maybe its because he doesn't get to very often

BUT…

He LOVES to go spend the night with family or friends.

ANY chance he gets.

He GOES.

Last weekend he spent the night with his cousin and we met them at the beach the next day for a few hours,

THEN

he had a play date planned with a friend, so we took him over there after the beach.

I knew he was EXCITED…he had BEEN talking about it the entire week.

And I love for him to go other places and hang with friends.

I really do.

And he is an AMAZING KID…so people are ALWAYS telling me how nice and polite he is when he is there.

But we ALWAYS miss him.

ALWAYS.

Its like a piece of the puzzle is missing when he is gone.

SERIOUSLY…

Its like a big HUGE puzzle piece is missing.

So…..

As the rest of us sat on the couch and watched “Wipeout” I decided it was time to call…he had been gone for 36.5 hours that he had been “away”  and we NEEDED him. 

LOL

But-I called Mellisa and she invited him to stay the night…..Oh no!!!

LOL

After that… THIS was my conversation with Zeek:

M:”Hey Bud, are you having fun"?”

Z: “Yes Maam!!!!!! “(It  was 9pm and they had JUST gotten out of the ocean! <3)

M: “Well…are you ready to come home????  Dad will come get you.”

Z: “Um…No-I think Ill stay.”

M: “Are you sure?  Dad will come get you!!”

Z: “No Mom…Ill stay!”

So- I hung up the phone still 1 piece short of the puzzle.

I hung up the phone and said to Jay, “He wants to stay.”

Jay said, “Its ok.  He's getting BIG!”

But as I sat there I couldn’t help but REFLECT on what was happening.

He is slipping away…….

I’m desperately trying to HOLD HIM.

But he’s slowly growing up.

I realize that there is nothing I can do…..

He is doing what he is supposed to do.

And I guess by trying to slow it…… so am I.

BRAVE…..

 

Sheba got her ears pierced last night!!!

YEAH!!!

This is a TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT because….

we have TRIED to get them pierced 5 TIMES before!!!!!

This is generally what has happened…

Sheba SAYS she wants to get her ears pierced.

SO…

We LOAD UP in the car and TRY and race there before she LOSES her GUTS .

THEN…

We get there and she decides she doesn't want to.

Which is always fine…just a TAD frustrating.

BUT…

yesterday she said she wanted to AGAIN.

SO…

We did what we ALWAYS do when a child “gets BRAVE”..

WE GO.

RIGHT THEN.

But THIS TIME…

something was different.

She wasn’t scared  AT ALL!!!!

She was determined.

She walked right up there, picked out her earrings and DID IT!!!!

Shashamane and I were soooooo proud!!!

Our BABY BEAR was BRAVE!!!!!

Pulling at the "THREAD"....

Last night we were steam cleaning the carpet and there was a show on the TV in our bedroom.
It was about midnight.
I was trying to stay off the carpet and let it dry so I sat down.
It was called "Obsessed".
It was the story of 2 people who have SOME SORT of SEVERE OCD.
NOT the "normal person" OCD...but CRAZY OCD.
I mean there was a man who had to do SO MANY rituals before he left the house- I took him over an hour to get ready!!!!
AND he made his wife REPEAT things BACK to him!!!!
Kissing the dog EXACTLY 12 times before he left the house???
Only to have to go back and KISS HIM ANOTHER 12 TIMES?????
And all because he THOUGHT that if he DIDN'T do these "rituals" thaen something BAD would happen.
Then there was the girl who couldnt eat ANYTHING because of the fear of MOLD from it sitting out! CRAZY!!!
AND she PICKED AT HER FACE till it had scars all over it.
Because the bathroom mirror was the only place that "time slipped away".
The whole time watching this show I sat DUMBFOUNDED.
To me there seems to be a common THREAD here....
ABSENCE of FAITH!
Faith takes the place of fear.
Faith helps you understand that there is more to life than what you SEE in the bathroom mirror.
Faith lets you trust in God, not fearing the "unknown".
It make me soooo THANKFUL that I have FAITH in my life.
Faith that makes it easier to live without FEAR.
Thank God for saving me from a life VOID of FAITH!!
Give Thanks and Praises..........

SERIOUSLY????

1 Blessed is he who has regard for the weak;
the LORD delivers him in times of trouble.
2 The LORD will protect him and preserve his life;
he will bless him in the land
and not surrender him to the desire of his foes.
3 The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed
and restore him from his bed of illness.
Psalm 41:1-3

I have said it before an I will say it again.
Shashamane is a HYPOCHONDRIAC.
Today she manage to FREAK out about a FEW things.
At one point she was eating peanuts (w/ the shell).
LATER she came to me an KEPT asking, "Mom, is it ok if you eat the shells?"
"No Shasha...Don't eat the shells."
Well, little did I know, THAT would freak her out more.
For the next THIS is what I heard....
"Is it OK if you eat the shells?"
"Mom, what if you DO eat the shells?"
"Is it really bad MOM?"
"What will HAPPEN, Mom?"
After she said "Mom, what if you eat just 1 shell?"...I KNEW IT!
She ha eaten a shell and was FREAKING OUT!!!!!
I said, "Shashamane, If you eat 1 shell your are fine. Please don't eat ALOT of the shells...it will make you sick."


THEN....
I was going to take our dog Maya for a skate-run.
This is where I ride my skateboard and I have Maya on a lease and she pulls me...FUN!
Well all the kids wanted to watch, so I told them to stay on the side of the street in the grass.
While we were walking over there Shasha said, "Mom, What if you get hurt?"
SERIOUSLY???????
"Shasha ...I wont get hurt."
"But what if you FALL????"
"Then Ill get back up."...RIGHT????

Sometimes I wonder why it is that God gave me SOME children that have NO FEAR and 1 that FEARS EVERYTHING????