Friday, July 8, 2011
Jay an I met in 1998....an have been together pretty much since then.
That is 13 years...which by todays standards IS forever.
Sometimes it feels like yesterday...sometimes- it feels like an ETERNITY.
People ask me ALL THE TIME, "What is the secret to staying married SOOO long?".
My answer is ALWAYS ..."Letting things GO. Forgiveness."
And that is the HONEST TRUTH.
In a marriage you have to learn to DANCE TOGETHER.
In each relationship there is a certain way that 2 people "move" or compromise with each other. You either learn to dance TOGETHER...
you step on each others toes CONSTANTLY.
Jason and I learned a long time ago that we were MEANT to do THIS dance.
To us...there is no other reason that God would have blessed us with 4 beautiful children and THIS life, if we were supposed to step on each others toes all the time.
And let's face it...
1. NEITHER of us is going ANYWHERE.
2. We are too CRAZY for anyone else. COLLECTIVELY.
3. I don't even have a BAG big enough to leave. LOL
Sometimes...it is ME who is needs to LET THINGS go.
There are times when it is HIM who is put to the test.
Either way.....We have an uncanny ability to scream, yell, or fight...then we
And most of the time - we laugh about it later.
Which is EXACTLY what happened the other day when I was headed to a dental appointment for a tooth EXTRACTION!!! YIKES!
I had been to this office once before....1 week before.
But I have a terrible memory....which was not HELPED by what seemed like THOUSANDS of backroads.
My appointment was at 11.
It was 10:54...I called Jay at home and am sad to say our conversation went something like THIS:
"Jay...WHERE Am I?? I can't figure it out. I have no idea where I am. WHERE AM I????" I said in a paniced voice.
"I don't KNOW Jana. YOU are the one in the CAR."
Which of course was NOT RATIONAL to me. He KNOWS me. He knows how anxious I am about this freakin' tooth appointment.
"JASON!!!!! Just tell me where the dentist office is. JUST TELL ME."
Again, He said in a calm voice, as if THAT would calm me down, "Jana...YOU are the only one who has BEEN THERE. I have NOT. I have NO IDEA."
But...In my mind, He KNEW because I had told him where I had GONE- 1 week before, alone.
"Jason...You KNOW where I am TRYING to get. YOU KNOW. Was it THIS street???? (pause) JASON...WAS IT THIS STREET I AM ON RIGHT NOW?????" I said in a voice that sounded to me like Cruella D. Ville. LOL
An again, annoyingly calmly, he said, "Jana, I have NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!!!!"
Then I turned the corner and there it was.
I had found it.
I have no idea how....but I was there.
So...I said, "Nevermind." and hung up the phone on him.
I know...I should get an award for "Wife of the Year".
I can hear my sister right now saying, "That is TERRIBLE Jana. Terrible." LOL.
At the time...I felt no guilt.
The ONLY feeling I had was FEAR. FEAR of the dentist.
And in the end all they did was x-ray the tooth and have me make another appointment.
"Sweet...all that for nothing.", I thought to myself as I walked out the door.
Then I remembered...
BEFORE the appointment.
I couldn't help but LAUGH on the way home....ALL the way home to be exact.
And the BEST PART was that I KNEW that when I walked in the door....I wouldn't HAVE
to say I am sorry.
I didn't NEED to because HE KNEW I was sorry.
He KNEW that I was stressed...It wasn't ABOUT HIM.
It was ABOUT me.
I KNEW that he DIDN'T NEED it.
And that was an AMAZING feeling.
KNOWING that we have learned OUR DANCE that well.
Knowing that I was ALREADY forgiven...
Before I even HUNG UP ON HIM.
I smiled as I pulled in the driveway and I laughed as I walked thru the door.
I walked up to him an said, "I'm sorry. I was just stressed."
He looked at me an smiled and said, "I know. I know YOU."
An we both laughed.
We hugged and moved onto the next CRAZY thing happening at THAT moment.
We didn't dwell.
We don't HOLD ONTO IT.
We let it go........
We forgive each other.
THAT is the secret...