For the last few years I have been Jay’s sounding board.
You see…He likes to TALK.
Don’t get too excited. He is far from a roses and “sweet nothings” kind of guy.
DOING is his love language….not flowers or cards.
When I say, “he likes to talk", I mean LITERALLY.
Specifically he likes to talk about PLANS and DREAMS for the house and the property.
He likes to walk around the yard and discuss…in detail, what he wants to do HERE…or THERE.
Don’t get me wrong….I LOVE to listen.
No- really…I do.
But this man of mine….he dreams BIG.
His ideas unfold into LONG WALKS…sometimes its basically just LAPS around the acre we have.
And I can appreciate that. I LOVE that about him.
It’s just HARD for me. I guess I think more on the “step-by-step, moment-by moment” level. It’s really hard for me to SEE it. Maybe because essentially I am flawed in some ways. It always seems like '”a lot” to me to “see”.
It seems HEAVY. Just the” idea” of the plans makes me tired.
Maybe it is…
the dishes in the sink.
the laundry pile on the floor.
the dust in the living room.
the front porch that needs to be swept.
the spelling words that need to be planed.
the seeds that need to get in the dirt.
the schoolroom that needs to be cleaned.
the rabbit cage that needs to be fixed.
Maybe it’s the EDUCATING OF 4 KIDS????
I don’t know…
It has always just been an inner struggle for me to walk around the yard and plan the BIG things.
There is always a PULL to get back to the “daily” stuff that needs to be done. It just makes me feel overwhelmed.
So…I have always TRIED to walk with him…to listen to him.
I want him to feel HEARD. Because in the end….
He makes shit HAPPEN.
He gets it done.
I guess I just compartmentalize it as …”not my department”.
I know….so “independent” of me. But…that is easier for me. Lighter.
So The other day….I noticed something that was like MUSIC to my tired ears.
I heard Jay and ZEEK walking around the house….talking about their PLANS and DREAMS for the bathroom they had just GUTTED.
The sinks would be here.
The “new to us” garden tub would be here.
The toilet was moving to over here.
And pretty sure I heard something about making the toilet closet look like a old wooden outhouse. (Swoon!!!!)
It was so LIBERATING.
It felt so AWESOME that Zeek had taken some of my weight.
He had made my walk lighter….without even knowing it.
Maybe this whole “growing up” thing has a silver lining to it…