Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Stepping back in….a bit.



My life has been a series of twists and turns.

I grew up with a typical upper middle class American upbringing.

And had tons of typical middle class American teenage fun… too much actually.

Solo much “fun” that when I came face to face with myself  at 21….I didn’t recognize WHO I WAS.

I had seen the inside of too many smoky rooms.

Been on the wrong side of too many decisions.

Had to sit and think to remember too many nights.

Lived too much for any girl.











I had the time of my life and then that life had no more time.

I was confronted by God….and had no choice but to change.


From outside to within…..everything about me changed.

I decided that my life basically needed to be devoted ONLY to my faith.

I had no more time for anything but TRUTH.

Because I had been lying.

I decided that everything in my life had to have a purpose….if it wasn’t completely TRUE and honest….I was not participating.


That was at 21. 

I spent most of the next year traveling in Costa Rica.  I loved it.  I was in love and was being true to myself and God.

But…my views were wound pretty tight.  Air tight actually.

Then we started having kids and held strong to our beliefs.  They never have had Santa come visit them, never gotten money from the “tooth fairy”, never gotten an Easter basket, and never participated in Halloween.

I know…..


Believe me…..they are not upset.

It has been their life.

They are used to it.

They never HAD IT….so they know NO DIFFERENCE.

I have spent the last 13 years teaching them what I know as TRUTH about holidays and the reasons behind them.


I realize that MOST PEOPLE celebrate these holidays with fun and love in their hearts.

But MY JOURNEY took me the long way around.  I felt like everything but TRUTH had to be stripped away from my life….

which left no room for fat men flying EVERYWHERE delivering presents in 1 night.

It left no room for cute bunnies who lay eggs or fairies delivering money.

It just didn’t….

So my children never experienced that.

They experienced things like Rastafari’s Birthday, and learning about the solstices, candy sales after Halloween, and the truth BEHIND the holidays.



Then over the past few years….

something started to happen.

I started to realize that they pretty much KNEW all the things that I wanted to teach them about the holidays.

I KNEW that they were not fooled and that they would not run and REVEAL the holiday secrets to any babies…i.e...Santa.

So….slowly we have started to add some of the holiday “stuff” back into our lives.

The last few years we have had dinner for Christmas with family


the kids have gotten Christmas gifts from Grandparents

they have gotten cards on all holidays from loving family….

But never have we had a “Christmas morning” experience.

Then we decided that we were comfortable with the whole thing…we were going to Texas for Christmas with my family.



Like…..they are STILL asking me if we are REALLY coming! LOL

And we are….I am finally comfortable with that.

I feel like the kids can handle it.  They know that their faith is different…and Christ probably wasn’t born in December.

And he DEFINITELY didn’t have a bunch of STUFF.

So…its cool now.

We can move on…

weird right?

Halloween was something that they never experienced either….BUT.. they have seen the “Truth about  Halloween”special on the History Channel every year they can remember.


After feeling my life unwind and loosen a bit….

Thursday night-

We are going trick-or-treating.

We are stepping out of our “Comfy Zone”…

We are stepping BACK IN …a little.

We are testing the waters.

I feel so brave and rebellious.

Just like the old days….


Angi Aughe said...

I find what you are doing brave. For you it must be scary but know you have many friends (known and unknown) standing by you. While I myself have always celebrated the holidays with my children they each know the true meaning if each one. While we do the whole gifts and decorating and foods and candy and such. They know family us the most important part. It's being together and loving and respecting each other that matters most. Good luck on your first year of holidays as a family. Enjoy and don't let anything or anyone break your spirit.

Jenifer Spain said...

oh momma! we don't "celebrate" holidays either xoxoxox