Friday, April 25, 2014

On the inside....

I found her in the living room silently crying.
Her tears were evidence that what she thought she would be "fine" with...she wasn't.
You see...sometimes things are easier to wrap your mind around when they are far away.
Sometimes......we convince ourselves of things that we know aren't true.
Its easy to do that...
In this situation..that is exactly what we did...
This is what happened:
Every year our dance team performs at Disneyworld.
They become "honorary cast members" for the day.
It is an amazing experience that they all cherish.
They get to perform on the stage one day and they get to visit one of the parks on another day.
So so cool.
Early on in the year we were told what the dates for our performance were.
it was  AFTER our passes expired.
Panic started to set in.
We were not going to be able to afford it without those beloved Disney passes.
So my mind...somewhere between the dance studio and the house I had worked up a very good argument..sorta.
I decided that I would toss the idea up there about NOT going with the team to the parks but just driving up on the day of the performance to Orlando, performing, and then simply driving home.
Sounds good right?
I had all my reasons:
*so expensive
*weve been to WDW a bunch of times
*the boys would die if we went without them
*it was easter weekend would be crowded.
I mean...
 I had it all worked out.  It was going to be fine. She was going to be fine.  I was going to be fine.
HA! What a dummy I am. LOL!
We sat around the dinner table that night and I plead my case.
I explains all my reasons and she said YES!  I didn't get an "excited" yes...but it was a "yes".
OK...In my mind (HA!) all was well in my little home.
About 4 months came and went with little mention of the Disney trip...then:
THAT  morning came and everything seemed fine.
The birds were chirping, roosters were crowing, and again...all was well.....
Until I found her curled up on the couch with her ipod looking at instagram.
UGH. Instagram.
Her whole team was posting pics of themselves all cute and ...AT ANIMAL KINGDOM.
I jumping in the air, matching shirts,  so excited, super
And she was heartbroken.
And ...
I wanted to take it back.  I wanted to change my mind.
I sat next to her and apologized.
I was truly sorry.
Not because she didn't get to go to Disney.
We go to Disney.
But I was sorry because I had underestimated the importance of the TEAM part.
In making that choice for us in this situation....I had put her on the outside.
I had alienated her from her team.
It broke my heart that I, as the mom, had done that.
I should have known that making the choices I have made for my life have already put her ...on the outside of a lot of situations.
My choice In this was made because I failed to see the importance...
not the importance of DISNEY...but of walking thru the park hand in hand with your bestie.
not  the importance of roller coasters..but of running to look at the pictures of yourselves after the roller coaster.
THAT is where the importance is.
Its  being part of a GOOD TEAM that has turned into family.
Its feeling like you are on the INSIDE of something special.
Its in the memories that you take home with you.
Its  the feelings that you cant put a price tag on.


Anonymous said...

You are a great Mom and TRUST ME! there are times these things just happen....or when you are "led" to make a decision you may never know that had she gone she could have broken her leg jumping... while making cute pics! Mother's guilt! UGH :( Shasha is lucky to have a mother who is so sensitive and contemplative about her childrens feeling. Love, Mimi

Anonymous said...

As a "mom", I can understand how both sides feel. Sometimes we don't have money and make sacrifices that affect our kids and us more than we realize. Nobody knows the future. We all do the best we can in the moment. I am glad to read your blogs. Glad your back. And truthfully all kids feel they are on the " outside". Even as an adult I have felt that way. We live in suburbia in the American dream, and I have just woken up to reality that I no longer want to compete with the "Jones's" or be like everyone else. Keep being you! I just got into Dave Ramsey, check out his website or YouTube. Keep posting!!!!! It's nice to know other mom's have these ordeals. Take care! Jennifer