Maybe.

Changes…

I used to think of myself as easily adaptable.

I was always ready for a change.

Always ready to “up and change”…

But…..

having children CHANGED that.

I have gotten to a point in life where I am the “change police”.

Always on the lookout for upcoming changes.

WARY of what that means for us ….

When is puberty?

Will they act like nasty teens?

When will we need to have “THE talk”???

What will we do when they…um…like girls/boys??? Eeekkkk.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

You see what I mean…in the last few years- I have started to rethink my attitude on change.

I want everything to

STAY

THE

SAME.

I feel like we are in “the sweet spot”…I will say it:

I

am

scared

for

them

to

GROW

up.

I don’t want to be without them….

THEY are ME.

They DEFINE me….and I wouldn’t trade it for the world…

But…them growing up…I FEAR IT.

Or at least I have …..

until one of them changes

FOR

THE

BETTER

when growing up.

THAT I CAN HANDLE.

Which is exactly what has been happening around here.

Lets just say we have 1 VERY STUBBORN,HARD-HEADED d …daughter who…until NOW, was VERY resistant to being , lets say, GIVING.

She has always had a tendency to be a little self-centered and live in “Shasha-world”.  She IS NOT always the first to jump up and help. And she is pretty determined to have things HER WAY.

She is my BABY…don’t get me wrong…

I love her with ALL MY HEART..

But her personality is STRONG…it takes WORK to get thru to her.

Until NOW.

Now…she is  changing.

Growing up I guess.

The other day we had to go buy her a new leotard  for ballet.

Let’s just say …it was EXPENSIVE.

Like $40 expensive….and she KNEW the minute she heard the price, she gave me a LOOK.

A look I had NEVER seen before on her….a look that said she was EMPATHETHIC.

She knew that $40 was a big sacrifice for us as a family….she KNEW and she was THANKFUL.

We got in the car and she said, “Thank you MOM. I know it was expensive.”

And

she

MEANT

IT.

I could see it in her eyes….

she had GROWN.

And then when we got home I found her in my room………..

FOLDING LAUNDRY.

Not being FORCED to fold laundry….

JUST

FOLDING

LAUNDRY.

On her OWN.

I am not going to LIE….I almost CRIED.

Maybe this is all happening at just the right speed after all…..

MAYBE.

Slowly Sharpened.

“LIFE is a sharpening stone for GOD.”

I say that

all

the

time

to

people.

It is true.

No matter what the situation.

FOR ME: it ALWAYS helps to remember that GOD uses our LIVES and the circumstances in it for the GOOD of us.

In other words…God knows EXACTLY which proverbial

“button to push”,

and knows the depths of my soul to the point that he KNOWS the traits I need to work on ….so sometimes He even  shows them to me thru my children.

Maybe it is patience I need to work on….so he makes my children SUPER IMPATIENT….so that I have to TEACH them patience.

or

Maybe he puts someone DIRECTLY in my life that “rubs me the wrong way”….just so I have to learn to practice LOVE.

 

These are lessons that I TRY and teach my kids….

because I KNOW from experience, 

THE

SOONER

THEY

LEARN

THIS…

THE

BETTER.

The sooner that we learn that is  life is not just a RANDOM set of circumstances and issues…

the better.

The sooner we SEE that LIFE is a CONSTANT FLOW of lessons and  PERSONALIZED situations….the better.

I believe OUR LIVES are specifically made for each of us by GOD to SHARPEN our souls,

to SLOWLY, over time,

make us

WHO

WE

ARE

MEANT

TO

BE.

Loved.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7

^{…………………………………………………………………….}

^Love.

^{Valentines Day.}

^Candy.

^Flowers.

^Cards.

^{All of those things were a PART of my day today.}

^{All of those things were SPECIAL today.}

^{You see….we don’t really celebrate Halloween- no candy there.}

^and

^{We don’t celebrate Easter with baskets and candy or eggs….I know- We are LOADS of fun… LOL}

^{So when a day that is}

^ALL

^ABOUT

^LOVE

^{comes around….you better believe-}

^{I am ALL in.}

^{I try and make up for all the missed sugar high filled days on FEBRUARY 14th.}

^{Genius…I know.}

^{I stay up all night prepping for the big day.}

^{I make tissue paper pom poms…}

I fill baskets with candy and make a homemade valentine for ALL my Loves…

It was a day filled with LOVE and memories.

A day when I get to reflect on

WHAT

MY

LIFE

HAS

BECOME.

Who would have thought that a girl who barely LOVED herself, would be blessed enough to learn to let OTHERS love HER?

Who would have thought that when I let GOD in my life 14 years ago….I would be accepting a LIFETIME of

family,

love,

commitment,

laughter,

and

UNDENIABLE HAPPINESS.

Who would have thought that by accepting the LOVE of GOD …I would learn about

acceptance

and

forgiveness.

 

I have learned that no matter what mistakes we make in life,

no matter what bad choices and decisions we make….

we are all WORTHY of redemption and LOVE..

We are all WORTHY of a 2nd chance.

Because …..

in the end….

Even-

BROKEN then

HEALED

girls deserve a life filled with FLOWERS.

He IS love.

Sometimes it is the smallest things in life that make you MELT.

Something that takes you by surprise….or not.

Yesterday we were coming out of a local shopping center when Zeek saw a homeless man sitting on the side of the road…..

without even skipping a beat

he pulled out his wallet and gave the man his

LAST

FOUR

QUARTERS.

Without a FLINCH …his first reaction showed

WHO

HE

IS…

at the core of his being.

And at the core of his being…

HE

IS

LOVE.

.

 

THIS mission…..

“ This mission is not just a two-year stretch. This is the time when you cultivate the seeds of godhood so that you can help other people on their way toward exaltation. How small are we who think of the mission as just being a stretch of time, some physical things to do, a little studying to do, some praying. This is the most purposeful thing, perhaps, you have ever done in your life and possibly the most purposeful thing that some of you will ever do. It's up to you to let this be the prelude to your life, to let it be the beginning of a great and glorious life." ...Spencer Kimball

There are times in my life when I have been “envious ” of  missionaries. 

Envious of the adventure that comes with packing all your things and making an Exodus.

Envious of the lessons that will be learned and the adventures that will be had….while making a difference.

Envious of the third world “struggle”…

because there is something to be said for the “struggle” an American-girl feels in a third world country.  Sort of like sandpaper for your SOUL.  You come out on the other side a little “SHINIER” …a little more POLISHED. Eyes wide open, so to say.

I am THANKFUL that I  have had that experience in my life, but- in the past- as I read about Katie in Africa or  what  Heartline is doing in Haiti…I couldn’t help but LONG to do something.

Until I realized that …..NOW:

Our lives ARE  the mission.

GOD called us HOME to fulfill our mission.

It has been about 41/2 years since we returned from Costa Rica.

And NOW:

I am comfortably  “nestled into” my life in the United States.

Yet….there are times when I have felt like “We aren’t doing ENOUGH.”

And then the other day it HIT ME…

As I watched my husband at the zoo the other day with a little boy who DESPERATELY NEEDS a Father-figure IN HIS LIFE right now…it saw it- He was on a MISSION.

When the little boy trusted Jay enough to ride on his shoulders all day….Jay fulfilled PART of his mission.

And then I saw my oldest son Zeek  following in his Fathers footsteps and I knew that we were right where we were meant to be.

On

a

Mission

trip.

You see …

I have figured out that some people are CALLED  far to other countries to help…

They pack all their thing…

Trust God ..and Go.

And we LOVE them for that…we love the WORK they are doing.

I am blessed enough to know people (Heather Hendrick) in REAL LIFE who are AMAZING like that.

They go AMAZING places and do AMAZING things…..

And for the first time in my life I am not “envious”.

Because I now realize..

We are  ON. OUR. MISSION.