Friday, May 11, 2012

Stunned.

He was stone faced when I walked into the room.

His eyes glassed over with what he hoped were invisible tears…

He was taking out his frustration on his keyboards.

“3 little birds” had never sounded so HARSH.

I sat down in the cold chair next to him….seemed fitting.

He didn’t even notice…or so he wanted me to THINK.

“Zeek, you HAVE to talk to me. Even when you are mad. You can’t shut down and NOT TALK.  I will always be here for you.  No matter what you feel or SAY.”  I said in a desperate tone.

It was new for both of us.

He was growing….changing.

His “feelings” were bubbling.

He finally turned to me and said in a CRY-TALK sort of way, “WHY would I TALK, when NOONE will LISTEN???”

I sat stunned.  How is this happening??? 

I guess NAIVELY in my MIND I just figured we had “more of a connection” than that.   LOL .I figured that the children I have would cling to me forever.  I just KNEW that I would always “be cool” to them. Don’t judge….I am the MAYOR of “Denial Town.”

I carried them…I birthed them…I teach them…I watch them grow…

And then I LET THEM GO????

I was planning on something a little more “live with me forever” stylee.

And then …..

they started to seep personalities of their own.

they started to have their own thoughts and opinions.

they started to speak or NOT SPEAK their minds.

And I couldn’t ignore the

OBVIOUS

GLARING

TRUTH any more….

My life is about to change.

My kids may not ALWAYS be my best friends…..but I pray they know I am ALWAYS there for them.

My kids will not ALWAYS do what I tell them to…. but I pray that they will know the big stuff when it counts.

My kids will not divulge to me EVERY little secret….but I pray they come to me with the ones buried deep in their souls.

My kids might not always TALK to me…..but I pray they know that I will always LISTEN.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am right there with you! "Train up a child in the way he should go and we he is old he will not depart from it" ~ It's the time in between I pray they understand that we are here for them~ all the way! love you guys! love your heart Jana!

Anonymous said...

cryste cole

Nancy Prevatt said...

You got me. This one made me cry...

dad said...

smile