1/2 as strong….

We’ll….

After 10 days of “holding down the fort” when Jay was on tour- I have 1 thing to say:

THAT is entirely  too much work for 1 person.

4 kids

3 dogs

3 cats

5 guinea pigs

7 chickens

3 fish

and

a WHOLE homestead to take care of.

NO THANK YOU!!!

Give me my hard-working husband and best friend please.

Every time he goes away I start out telling myself the same things.

The exact same tape rolls in my head…every time.

“You can do this.  This is a test that you have come up against.  You can take care of it all.  You are strong.  This will make you a stronger woman.’

Then…about day 3, somewhere between cleaning out the chicken coop and taking out LOADS of trash- this is the tape that TAUNTS me:

“Screw this. I don’t need to freakin’ learn a lesson.  I DO appreciate my life.  I KNOW how good I have it.  Screw women’s lib.  I need my HUSBAND!!!!”

LOL.

And then for the remaining 7 days all I do is get more and more “down”.

In his absence I feel alone.

I know that isn’t a popular thing to say, but …

it

is

true.

I know I have my kids, and I LOVE them with every breathe of my being.

I love being with them…mostly.

But..let’s be real….there are 4 of them.

4

And 4 is a lot.  I don’t believe that God designed us to do the work it takes to raise 4 kids alone.

No way.

Never.

Besides the fact that it is too much work….

I am not myself without him.

I am part of him and he is part of me.

Life is different….less vibrant, when he is gone.

I know this before he is leaves…but it is soooo PRONOUNCED after he leaves.

Not a popular view in a world where being co-dependent is frowned upon.

I don’t care.  It scares me to the core every time.

I am not gonna lie.  It makes me love him more intensely, more whole heartedly…just MORE.

It makes me thankful that I am married to my best friend and soul mate.

The road to where we are today…was long.

But we are strong together and 1/2 as strong apart.

No getting around it.

1/2 as strong.