After 10 days of “holding down the fort” when Jay was on tour- I have 1 thing to say:
THAT is entirely too much work for 1 person.
5 guinea pigs
a WHOLE homestead to take care of.
NO THANK YOU!!!
Give me my hard-working husband and best friend please.
Every time he goes away I start out telling myself the same things.
The exact same tape rolls in my head…every time.
“You can do this. This is a test that you have come up against. You can take care of it all. You are strong. This will make you a stronger woman.’
Then…about day 3, somewhere between cleaning out the chicken coop and taking out LOADS of trash- this is the tape that TAUNTS me:
“Screw this. I don’t need to freakin’ learn a lesson. I DO appreciate my life. I KNOW how good I have it. Screw women’s lib. I need my HUSBAND!!!!”
And then for the remaining 7 days all I do is get more and more “down”.
In his absence I feel alone.
I know that isn’t a popular thing to say, but …
I know I have my kids, and I LOVE them with every breathe of my being.
I love being with them…mostly.
But..let’s be real….there are 4 of them.
And 4 is a lot. I don’t believe that God designed us to do the work it takes to raise 4 kids alone.
Besides the fact that it is too much work….
I am not myself without him.
I am part of him and he is part of me.
Life is different….less vibrant, when he is gone.
I know this before he is leaves…but it is soooo PRONOUNCED after he leaves.
Not a popular view in a world where being co-dependent is frowned upon.
I don’t care. It scares me to the core every time.
I am not gonna lie. It makes me love him more intensely, more whole heartedly…just MORE.
It makes me thankful that I am married to my best friend and soul mate.
The road to where we are today…was long.
But we are strong together and 1/2 as strong apart.
No getting around it.
1/2 as strong.