Friday, August 10, 2012

A deafening silence…….

 

It is no secret that I have been struggling lately.

I have to admit…I was pretty good at being the Mother of young kids.  I felt like I had myself in a pretty  good system.

Feed.

Change.

Bathe.

Play.

Repeat.

I had it down.

Easy Peasy.

Then…

it. happened.

They started to grow up.  They started to grown into who they ARE.

I feel like I have come upon this part of parenting relatively quickly…in slow motion.

I am unprepared and NOT READY.

Let’s just say that I am LESS THAN ENTHUSED about the prospect of these little chicks of mine someday “flying the coop”.

It has been a HARD TRANSITION for me lately.

I have figured out as I walk this road that I am utterly unprepared and prefer to live in denial.

This is not happening.

This is not happening.

This is not happening.

But it is.

I have proof.

My once talkative first born Zeek has been DEAFENINGLY SILENT these days.  A silence that is only LOUD to me.  So loud that I cant take it.  It makes me want to crawl into his mind and just sit for a while.  I want to see WHAT HE IS THINKING.

He is almost 12….”they” tell me it is “normal”.

What I am realizing about Zeek at THIS AGE is that he really is starting to grow into himself.  He is more like an adult. Weird. 

He gets annoyed at the same things that we do.  Like when Malachi and Sheba  someone is just making “unnecessary noise” and being annoying kids.

Or

He can just ride in the car and NOT TALK.  In a strange teenage silence.  He can just think and enjoy the ride.

All of which I find myself fighting.

I find myself unsure HOW TO DEAL.

I want him to have time to himself but I don’t want him to pull away.  It is a strange dance we do.  A push and pull.

I have done everything to try and MAKE him talk.

When he was mad one time, I MIGHT have crawled in his bed and refused to leave until he rolled over and talked to me.

I’m just saying…I MIGHT HAVE.

No biggie….Until Jay found me and all but tore me from the top bunk of Zeeks bed.  I THINK he said something about how this wasn’t “the way” to go about it, how this wasn’t going to work with a 11 year old boy…yada yada.  All I heard was silence.

It

was

deafening.

I wanted my talkative little boy back.   The one couldn’t help me mow the grass or get something from the top shelf for me.

I wanted him.

Sweet thing that would talk my ear off.

I was bound and determined to make it happen.

I would crack his code.

I would find his “IN”.

It was my mission.

Then it happened….

I saw my chance.

He was alone and silent…of course.

He was immersed in LEGOS.  He is kind of obsessed actually.

oh my 015

I found him like this….where we sat for about 45 min.

I asked him about what he was building.

He told me all about each piece and what it did and how to make what I was building “better”.

 

oh my 017

(That is my square building above)  LOL..

You can see that I was way more interested in the fact that he was talking….than what I was building.

He built and built and talked and talked.

I sat and listened.

And loved every single minute of it.

It is a true blessing to get to know him and his sweet, endearing soul.

 

oh my 019

3 comments:

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Dad said...

good girl

Anonymous said...

I'm 16 and I think that's normal don't worry