Thursday, January 17, 2013

15 blocks of jealousy….

bus

 

About every 3 blocks the school bus would stop and I would see  sleepy eyed parents waving goodbye to the kids with a half-smile.

We were DIRECTLY behind the bus on A1A….

all

the

way

down

the

beach.

We had to stop at each and every stop on the way to take Jay to work.

What seemed like an eternity was probably more like 15 blocks.

With every stop I was becoming more and more GREEN.

15 torturous blocks of watching parents send kids to school…only to go home and do GOD-knows what.

Whatever they wanted….5-6 hours to themselves.

Ugh.

I imagine they lay in the sun reading 50 shades of Grey

or

they have dinner with their beasties…EVERY. DAY.

or

they relax, get all the laundry done and watch “Days of Our Lives”, which coincidentally…is like NONE of the days of their lives.

I am not going to lie….

I

was

JEALOUS,

Jelly,

Green faced,

Envious. 

All at one time.

The day before was REALLY hard for me in school. 

Sometimes it runs smoothly, and sometimes it all turns to shit.

Being COMPLETELY responsible for the outcome of my 4 kids education is a DAUNTING TASK. 

Like…”make me doubt myself, and bring me to my knees” daunting.

It is a huge responsibility that I don’t take lightly.

There are times that I read all the blogs on the internet and forget that they are all not 1 PERSON.  They are all different people doing small tasks everyday.  But it is easy to forget that and feel like a failure when you don’t complete a “pin” everyday.

It is easy to get down on yourself and think….

CAN

I

DO

THIS????

I mean…can I REALLY educate these kids?

REALLY?

You see…the devil seeps in as doubt.

He can come in thru a crack and permeate a space.

Quickly.

He is always conspiring  to steal our joy and rob us of what we KNOW to be TRUE.

He is slick like that.

But he is no match for the Almighty.

God KNOWS truth and intent.

He knows that because my intentions are good….I WILL SUCCEED.

He knows that my drive will conquer my jealousy.

He knows that in my heart….I am doing exactly what I should be doing for my family.

He knows because ….

He put all those traits in me.

He grew my strength and made me - just. for. this. life.

Perfectly woven and ripened….

to be doing exactly what I am doing right now.

Even after 15 blocks of jealousy.

6 comments:

dad said...

love you

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Anonymous said...

mom said...
love you too!